TOP had been waiting patiently in Eun Hye's apartment for the security representative to show up.  In fact, it was noon, and he definetly thought he would have been long gone by now.  However, since he had time to do whatever he pleased, he looked around and found out several things.  

First, there were a lot of delicious frozen treats in Eun Hye's freezer.  Top wasn't sure if this was a blessing or a curse, because he took part in a substantial amount of the freezer's contents.  The guilt set in, and then he had daymares about his future being spent in a gym.  Needless to say, he left the kitchen with haste.  

Second, while looking at Eun Hye's DVR, he noticed that there were quite a few of romantic comedies.  Top thought "Is this a sign that she is open to falling in love? Or, a sign that she has some unattainable preconceived notion of what romance is supposed to be like.  Knowing Eun Hye, and her affection for Jo In Sung and Cha Seung Won, it's probably both."

Then, Top realized how awkward a position he would be in once the security representative arrived.  How was he going to make this look like a man's apartment...  "Everything pink has to be moved to the closet.  And the pictures, there were way too many pictures.  Pictures of Eun Hye and her family would clearly be a dead give away. I just don't understand the lack of black, blue, and metal in this apartment... You would be amazed what women can do with beige and white..." 

After rearranging the kitchen and the living room, Top went back to Eun Hye's bedroom.  There were quite a few self-help books.  Those were obviously the first to go.  Next, the sketchs books were off to the closet.  It was really starting to get quite full in there.  Finally, there were the notebooks left on Eun Hye's nightstand.  They were quite tempting.  

Top sat down on the side of Eun Hye's bed and started at them, wavering on whether to open or not to open.  "Wouldn't it just be better for me to not know. I don't want to know.  She also will not trust me if she finds out.  What am I saying, I am the one thinking about installing a camera in her home without her knowledge.  But, still... You shouldn't do.  You are only installing cameras to protect her, if she finds out it might go over okay.  Reading the contents of the notebooks probably won't."

Top decided not to tempt himself.  He got up. Grabbed the pile of notebooks.  There was very little space left in the closet. So he decided to put them on the shelf.  He left the closet and shut the door.  He heard something hit the door and then thud to the ground.  Wanting to ensure that everything was okay, he attempted to reenter the closet.  However, the closet would not fully open.  So he continued to push and pull the door until he realized that a notebook had gotten caught underneath.

And there, lying on the ground, underneath the door, the notebook had decided to reveal itself.

I didn't realize that breaking up would be this hard. I miss him so much already.  But we're just too far apart.

I've tried and tried to be the best girlfriend for him.  To listen to his problems.  To give him time to himself.  To give him time to relax.  To please him.  To keep myself up so that he can show me off to his friends.  To give him time to hang out with the boys.  To run to his side whenever he needs me.  To be there when he is afraid that others will see him cry.   To let him take out his anger on me when he can't express his frustration with anyone else for fear of hurting his reputation.  To constantly hide in the shadows at his events.  To let him know that he will never be alone.

How long did it take me to realize that I was no longer my own person.  I mean I am there, with him, as much as I can be, but he does not do the same for me.  I have let my life slowly slide to the backburner for his dream.  At the same time, he just sits and watches me give up my life for him.  I think in a weird way it comforts him to have someone who is truly devoted to his dreams.  I think he would be happiest if I just stopped my career completely, married him, and raised his children. 

Honestly, he hasn't done anything wrong.  He is just him, and he told me this is how he was in the beginnning.  I just didn't believe him. Or better yet, I didn't want to believe.  There is nothing wrong with a man wanting a wife that lives her life around her husband and makes it her own. It's just that I didn't know that was not what I wanted. Or better yet, not what I wanted right now. 

For the first time in a while, I said no.  I texted him and told him that I could not drop everything to run to his side.  I did not want to spend the days locked up in a house/apartment/hotel out of fear of someone seeing me.   Being in the shadows isn't fun. I want to be outside, embracing life in the light.  

Later that day, he told me to meet him at his house.  I told him I wasn't coming.  He said ok.  That was a week ago.  I know we are both stubborn, but I am starting to realize that he does not want to change, nor does he see the need to.  He will just wait for me to come back to him whether it be days, months, or years.  

He may be right.  I may return to him after I get whatever this is out of my system.  On the other hand, I may find myself while I begin my adventure and never return.  I am afraid that I will never find someone that I connect with anyone as much as him.  He may find someone else, and I may never have a husband or children.  

I guess that choice is up to me. And for now, I choose to leave.

Top heard the doorbell ring.  He snapped the book closed, and walked toward the door with furrowed brows.