"Alright, practice ends here. there's a few days of break before the next practice. see you next practice" a veteran dancing instructor said to the members of JUMP and the group replied with enthusiasm, except one who didn't seem himself the entire day. It has been at least 2 days since Ryosuke saw Umika at the gathering and nothing much happened thereafter. No one spoke about her, and he managed to suppress his curiosity pretty much. However, his curiousity is magnified from his distraction and lethargia which his best buddies took it to heart. He excluded himself from the conversations among the group, took his clothes and headed to the shower room solemnly.

"Wait up, Ryosuke!" Chinen ran up and grabbed him by his arms. He ignored Ryosuke's reaction and protest and one-sidedly dragged him away from where he was heading.

"Where are we going?!" Ryosuke exclaimed with annoyance.

"somewhere that has the answers you wanted" Chinen said while focusing on his direction. He pushed open the door to the emptied studio they were practicing earlier, and there's only one other person left in the room.

"Daichan?" Ryosuke uttered in confusion.

"Chinen asked me to stay behind. so whats up?" Daiki motioned towards the 2 and said with equal confusion.

"Ryosuke, ask Daichan whatever that's in your mind. If you don't get it out of your mind, you'll never concentrate on what you have to do," Chinen exclaimed, partly in irritation and partly with concern. "others may not have noticed it but you have been out of mind lately. I'm gonna leave the 2 of you here. I beg you to please clear your doubts or you won't stop thinking about it." Chinen stomped out of the room, and neither Ryosuke or Daiki have ever seen the petite boy in such anger before. Ryosuke pressed the nape of his neck with the impending headache from his best buddy's reaction and slumped onto the ground helplessly.

Daiki sat beside the frowning Ryosuke, hoping to alleviate some of his troubles, "he's just very concern about you. you haven't been telling him much since the accident, and so he hasn't stopped worrying about you. You are really an important friend to him" 

"I know. but he has his own worries too, I really don't wanna be a burdensome friend to him"

"I believe he never saw you as a burden. at least from the way I and the rest see it, he would rather you tell him every bit of your troubles cause he really wants to help. Chinen is a very sincere and genuine person, and you have always been there when he needs companion, so naturally he relies on you a lot too. It's a relationship that the rest of us are jealous of."

Ryosuke smiled subtly, acknowledging the feelings of his best friend and felt troubled at the same time by how he has disappointed his best friend's goodwill over and over again, keeping secrets from him and refusing his help. Putting himself in the shoes of Chinen, he would have done the same for the other, and would feel equally disheartened when the other constantly refused his help.

"Chinen did read you accurately isn't it? you did have questions for me... it's about Umika isn't it" Ryosuke looked at Daiki with surprise at how he proached the topic so directly that he was unsure how to react to it. Then he thought he should get it out of his mind once and for all, especially his best friend has already paved the way for him to clear his doubts.

Following a light nodding, he finally break the silence and asked "how's she?"

"she said she is well..."

"soka..." Ryosuke felt an unexplained disappointment at the answer. he felt it was really bad of him to hope she has suffered as much as he did, he felt his smile of relieve was largely insincere. Then he regretted being so selfish when Daiki continued with a twist of his words.

"I don't think she is as well as she said. I know perfectly what I am saying when I make such claims. I'm sure if you have asked her the same question, you would have seen through her lies rightaway since the 2 of you have always been able to read each other quite well. I saw her eyes were wet when I probed her, there were unspoken sorrows, I'm pretty sure I didn't see wrong. She is trying hard to put a false front."

Ryosuke's brows deepened more, troubled by the revelation from Daiki. His worries grew exponentially, even though he told himself it was none of his business. He began to think maybe she had it worst than he did. It wasn't hard to expect since she had to leave the comfort of her home to a faraway country where there's only her parents to rely on, and she abandoned all her friends and memories behind. Though at a time, he thought at least she wouldnt be reminded of the past carved upon every object, every corner that contained memories of them. But it must have been exceptionally lonely, cause he wouldnt be able to imagine a life without Chinen, hs7 and JUMP. He buried his face within his palms in great distress, with his knees tugged against his chest in recluse.

"but I think for now, we don't have to worry. She promised me that she will let me know when she needs help."

Without hesitation, Ryosuke lifted his head and stared at Daiki with confidence "she won't. she never lets anyone know her troubles. I remembered the other time when she did badly for a test, she was so afraid her father's reaction but she kept her fear to herself. She stayed out the entire night, in the cold, and she only called me when she was mentally exhausted. She's really not someone who lets others worry for her, so she rather lie her way through and suffer herself...what are we going to do?"

"Probably not we, but I. Ryosuke, don't get yourself uptight over this issue. I'll handle it. You focus on moving on. If you brood over this, you'll end up hurting yourself and Haruna too."

"so you're saying Umika is none of my business anymore. She is my best friend..." Ryosuke voiced in frustration. He stood up and stomped towards the door, while Daiki looked at him from the back with perplexion.

"you have forgotten, the two of you are no longer habouring the relationship like before. To put it crudely, the day the 2 of you decide to exit from each other's lives, you 2 are no longer friends. You can't even face her properly, how could you be able to sustain the friendship. You have chosen to let it go, so don't be a ficklemind and a busybody, Ryosuke!"

He refused to admit, he ignored the reminder from Daiki and dashed out with anger and sadness all mashed into a complex ball of emotions rolling within him. He enclosed himself in the shower room cubicle and squat down in desperation with tears running in a mess.. He muffled his cries with his bare hands cupped over his mouth and the harsh words vividly ran in his mind, piercing through his heart like arrows "the day the 2 of you decide to exit from each other's lives, you 2 are no longer friends. You can't even face her properly, how could you be able to sustain the friendship. You have chosen to let it go, so don't be a ficklemind and a busybody, Ryosuke!"

His phone rang in the most untimely manner, and he would have chosen to ignore it if it wasn't someone he wouldn't hide from and wouldn't fear to show his vulnerable side to.

"niichan~" the voice from the other end of the call cheerfully spoke.

"yes?" Ryosuke spoke the bare minimum while he tries to clear his throat and stopped his tears. He brushed the fallen tears and awaited for her response.

"are you busy niichan?"

"no, I just finished my schedule for the day."

"do you wanna meet up now? I'm at Akihabara."

Frankly, he was glad Misaki asked him out. He needed a confidant and perhaps even a shoulder to cry on. He agreed immediately and took a quick shower before dashing out to meet his sister whom he hasn't got the time to meet for quite a while. He ignored every other calls from Chinen and Yuto, even Yabu and focused only on meeting his sister who was his best recluse at this time.

*****

"niichan, here" Misaki called as soon as she saw her brother paced into the restaurant. His aura was difficult to miss, and his outfit that charmed the people whose eyes were fixated upon him. His v-shaped white t-shirt with a biker jacket and a pair of jeans that flaunt his perfect figure for a guy, up-ed his charms.

"Niichan, I miss you so much!" she threw her arms over him and hugged him so tightly he was almost suffocating.

"oi Baka. you are strangling me" he whined, but she didnt care. she just had to get a piece of her brother as a form of punishment for his non-contact for almost 2 whole weeks.

"what cologne are you using? it surely smells nice. no wonder your fans are saying you smell good"

"man's cologne" he teased with his answer.

"duh. anyway, Niichan, lets not lunch here. there's a park nearby facing the lake, I heard my friends say it's really peaceful there. we can have an impromptu picnic date." she didnt bother what Ryosuke's opinion was so she just clinged onto his arms and took off with the takeaways she has gotten before he even arrived here.

"you've it all planned out as always."

"it's not the first day you know your sister, ne!" she proudly proclaimed, and he shrugged though he found it quite an attractive part of his younger sister. As they took a slow walk to the park, they past a red light district with plenty of promiscuous butler cafe. he initially walked behind her but when he saw those lustful guys whistling at his sister and tried to lure her in, his brotherly instinct came out prominently. He rushed to her side and took her hand like a protective brother. She was caught by surprise cause it has been a while they held hands. she reminisced those younger days where they did that often. the moment the butlers saw, they backed off and she sniggered. 

"what's so funny. you better not fool around with these guys or I'll make sure I'll whack you before I tell okasan and otousan"

She giggled then leaned on her brother's shoulder like a clingy girlfriend. "yes, Niichan"

"do you have a boyfriend now?"

"hmm I thought you gonna introduce me one. Yuto?" she laughed cheekily.

"ha. very funny. I do not want you to date a celebrity if I can help it."

"well, there're good men like you in the entertainment world."

"rare but I'm not saying Yuto is not. anyway I'm not playing a matchmaker but if you are gonna date one, be sure to let me see first okay" Ryosuke wrapped his arm over his sister. He didnt realise that these little lighthearted conversations with his sister has already taken his mind off the problems that pounded his head. The mesmerizing scenery that greeted them in front further lighten his mood. They laid down the mat and sat facing the lake where the swans swam graciously. Savouring the pastries from her basket of food, Ryosuke could finally get a breather from the complexity of situation in the earlier part of the day.

"are you feeling better, niichan?" her question came abruptly and he realised that she read him more than he could hide. He sighed then replied with a subtle nod. 

"I was quite shocked when okasan said you and Haruna-chan are together"

"we're still trying out to be exact. do you think it's too rash?" Ryosuke asked his sister with an open-mind.

"I don't think it's a question about rashness.. rather, I think from your depressed mood lately, I can tell that you haven't got over Umika-chan. Frankly, I think you were alot happier when the 2 of you were hanging out, either as friends or lovers. what do you think?"

Ryosuke thought deeply and felt more at ease to reveal his true inner feelings to his sister, given there's no reason to hide from her blood-related kin. Without reservations, he said whatever that came to his mind and it was the first time after the incident has he remained true to himself. "no other girl has given me the same feeling as when I am with her. The feeling that I could be myself, the feeling of freedom to say what I want and do what I want without concern. We always know when the other person is feeling upset or need a shoulder to cry on; there's rarely a need to explain ourselves whenever we didn't feel like interacting with the world. We do bicker at times, but we always make a point to reconcile harmoniously because we know the other didn't mean it.These feelings for someone, I thought I could recreate it overtime with another person, but it turned out that such feelings are unique and cannot be transferred. That day when I saw her, I realised I have lost that feeling and it will never be recovered forever."

"niichan, feelings cant be lost. It is inside you and her."

"you really think so...?"

"the very fact that you feel the ache now it's because these feelings are conflicting with your heart and mind, and it wants to come back."

"Misaki, can I tell you something?"

"yes, you know I'll always be listening, niichan."

"Daichan told me today that she might be hiding things from us. about her sudden return to the country, Daichan suspects that she is facing some issues. when I heard that, I felt my heart almost torn apart cause I am not in the position to do anything for her now. What Mirai and Daichan said are true, I can't look back anymore. What's past has past. We have both decided to move on, and there'll be other people to worry for her, and it's just not me. But I can't help it. I just kept thinking about her."

"Niichan, it's not true about how you can't do anything for her. You can. In fact, you can do everything you want for her. it's true that what has past is best left alone,  but it is not true to pretend that what happened in the past has not happened. The truth is, the two of you have went through so much. It is impossible to forget as though none of it took place. That's heartless. Do what you want niichan. Don't live in regrets."

"what do you mean regrets? do you know something I don't?"

"thats why I called you out today. I think Dai-chan isn't wrong to say there's something odd about Umika-chan. I bumped into her near our house about 2 days ago.."

"chotto... 2 days ago? that's the day I met her at the gathering and she said she has something on so she left early.what's she doing near our house?"

"she said she was running some errands. but I think she was roaming around our area because she misses you, but that's beside my point. I saw her limping and she was carrying a change of clothes which looked like Kimono and clog shoes. It's probably the reason why she was limping."

"kimono during a non-festive season? late night? it doesn't make sense"

"i think so too. then she dropped a receipt from a pawnshop, it's worth 50,000 yen. She was so paranoid that she took back the receipt from my hands urgently. you know what, it's just my guess niichan...but i think she's having some financial problems, and she probably sold her valuable stuff and is working part time at some late-night places. I googled and I found this particular cafe that fits the bill. the waitresses have to don in kimono and serve male customers, like a maid cafe but a little more wild."

"are you telling me she's working there?!"

"chill, it's just my guess. I tried to call Mr and Mrs Kawashima but they are not contactable. anyway, I don't there's any harm to check out the place if she is there. Here is the address..." Misaki handed him the address of the promiscuous sounding cafe. He scanned it deeply with it held tightly in his hand as if controlling his bursting anger. He tightened his jaw and fist, hoping that his sister's conjecture is not true.

*****

"you better stay close to me..." Ryosuke wrenched her arms tightly as she hustled beside him.

"itai... can you be alittle more gentle. you are the one who asked me to come with you," Misaki grumbled as she tolerated her brother's uncouth actions towards her. She had to drap herself with guy clothes which Ryosuke handed to her, baggy pants, a oversized tee to hide her protuding chest and a leather jacket to further hide her feminine features.

"those guys probably think we are gays..." Misaki giggled as she remained close beside him while they make their way into the interiors of the cafe that Misaki felt disgusting. The guys are all seranading the waitresses who are as she researched, donned in traditional kimonos, protraying a submissive and powerless woman. She saw how some waitresses were unwilling to serve the guys and got beaten as though they were slaves. That scared her, but luckily her brother held onto her, shielding her with his protective arms clinged around her shoulders. She looked at him and saw how focused he was to search for her presence and how he is praying he will never find her here.

"Misaki.. you need to keep a look out for me. If anyone sees through my disguise and put me on front cover of magazine, I'm so gonna get it from Johnny-san."

"I know, I'm trying. These guys are really gross. Are all guys liddat?"

"I hope I can tell you a white lie. so just don't ask" Ryosuke whispered beside her ears and she gave a nasty stare as she knew the answer to her intrusive question.

"don't ever come here, you understand. not without me around, at least" Ryosuke warned. 

"I won't come again, even if you beg me. It's just unbelivably disgusting."

"Here" Ryosuke clinged to her neck and robed her towards the direction he was interested. There at a corner, was a more isolated seat which can oversee the whole cafe.

Immediately when they sat down, a petite girl came over and served Ryosuke with her soft hands clinged onto his. "Master, what would you like." With a mask covering his face, his flushing face was hidden without fear and he could properly observe her face under the dim light. It was however, Misaki who acted strongly.

"I don't want you to serve us... get us your newest staff" Misaki pushed the girl's hands away and the latter solemnly retreated with embarrassment.

"you don't have to be so harsh to her right? she's just doing her job"

"well, I just do not like the way she's looking at you. Niichan, can you please focus."

"okay okay.... let's see who she brings here," Ryosuke took out his phone and catch up on some of his missed messages from the members while waiting for the replacement waitresses.

"Master... sorry to keep you waiting..." a soft voice interrupted his thoughts but before he could lift his head up, he heard Misaki's gasp. She was hitting his lap profusely that made him nervous. He cautiously lifted his head while making sure he doesn't alarm the waitress. He couldn't be wrong with her voice, and he was prepared for the worst. Although her head was lowered, their eyes met, and even with his mask on, she could also recognise him.

"U-Umika?!" he exclaimed. She attempted to make a run for it but he grabbed her arm before she could do so.

"You got the wrong person" she said then violently shook his arm away and pushed her way through the crowded cafe.

"WAIT!!!" Ryosuke took his sister's hands and gave chase to Umika. Once out of the suffocating cafe, he instructed his sister to go home first while he get to Umika. 

"Be safe, niichan" she said with worries.

"I'll be fine. text me when you are home" he said urgently then dashed off in the direction he last saw Umika ran.

He ran and ran, through alleys, streets and it wasn't hard to catch up to her cause her clog shoes make it difficult to navigate. He approached the frail girl fiercely when he found her tripped on the ground with her kimono torn from the sides during her fall. It was a pathetic sight to witness her sprawled on her four limbs. She was too embarrass to face him, so she stayed in her position with only his feet evident from her view. It was silence for a while as they both endured a serious confliction within their traumatised hearts. All he heard was her muffled cries and his heart wavered so much he just couldn't stand and do nothing. He bent down to her level and pulled her into his arms for he wanted to shower her with his warmth and convey to her he has always been here for her. She crashed into his shoulders and for a moment she was tempted to rest on him and seek shelter in his warmth. But she did not allow herself to do so. She pushed him hard and they both repelled, falling on their butts.

"it's me Ryosuke." he thought she didn't know so he removed his mask and tried to close in on her again.

"Ryosuke~" for a moment she stared at his face, unsure how to react to be caught in the act. When he tried to touch her again, she gently pushed him away and struggled to stand up.

"you're hurt. let me help you with it." he offered once more, but again she refused both verbally and physically as she backed away.

"I can tend to it myself." she paused then chuckled, "It's quite embarrassing to meet in such circumstances ne."

He was furious at how she could still joke when he is looking at her with such serious expression. He wanted her to take him seriously but she didn't react as he would wish her to. His glare became more stern and his fist wrenched with fuming anger. She ignored it and tried laughing it off "I should go back... I'll catch up with you another day, ne, Ryosuke..." She turned around and walked in the opposite direction, disregarding the fact that Ryosuke hasn't taken his eyes off her even for a second.

"Stop," he said sternly from behind her, but she continued to limp away with her disheveled state. She pretended not to hear and she hoped she could just disappear from his sight, but she realised she cant

" I SAID STOP!" He ran towards her and grabbed her firmly by her arms and sternly faced her, not giving her a chance to distract herself. He demanded full attention from her and he managed to by insisting with his harsh gestures imposed on her that rendered her immobile under the circumstances. Pushed against the wall, he trapped her with his arms and there's just no way she could escape. He sighed with a disapointed tone and his head leaned restlessly closer to her stricken face. "I am telling you to stop. Why are you always trying to act strong? You kept running away from everyone"

"i didn't. why should i run from everyone. you must have some misunderstanding" she replied with a trembling voice as if on the verge of crying.

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP! STOP LYING!" he shouted with his bloodshot eyes, warming with tears. "if you need help, you can just open your mouth to ask. if you need money, i could lend you. if you need me, you could just say."

"I don't know what you are talking about. You are scaring me, Ryosuke."

"I know you called me that day... I know the day you bumped into Misaki, you were actually looking for me... why can't you just admit it."

"NO, NO NO. I WASN'T LOOKING FOR YOU. I DON'T NEED ANYONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT YAMADA RYOSUKE. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, YOUR OWN PEOPLE TO CARE FOR, I HAVE MY OWN LIFE TO LEAD TOO. STOP BEING A BUSYBODY! STOP BOTHERING ME, PLEASE!" she lost her cool and she shouted loudly while giving him a heartless push that left him mentally weak. He knocked onto the opposite side of the wall. She regretted for her reckless reaction was irreversible. She saw him clenched his fist and saw hate in his eyes.

"so thats your heartfelt words, thats what you want. to isolate yourself and deny your feelings. fine, i'm being a busybody as everyone is saying, i shouldn't even care about how you are living your life, cause I am just being a idiot who cares too much." he walked towards her with eyes filled with anger and wrenched her arm which was bruised from the fall and she uttered in agony, "itai...let go off me, it hurts"

"i will... listen carefully, Umika Kawashima. This is how you want it to be, don't forget your words today. If you want a clean break, I'll give you that. It is you who pushed me away today. Just take it as I didn't get the indication from you when you left 2 years ago, treat it as I was dumb not to understand you wanted a clean slate of life without me being even a part of it. Not as friends, but as worst than strangers, as though we never crossed paths. It seemed you can do it. I underestimated you. so I'll do my fair share too. From now on, we are not COMPLETE strangers. even if we bump into each other on the streets, you would be nothing but a random person i would not even look twice. Or perhaps, we should turn the other way if we see each other on the same street. that's what you want, that'll be what i give you. don't even think about coming to me when you need help, cause remember it was you who rejected my offer! don't worry, you will never hear from me again!" He let go off her hands then gritted his teeth and turned the other way.

Weakness fill her, took away her soul as she collapsed on her knees covered with abrasion. She was numb to her injuries as the pain in her broken heart suffocate her. She buried her face in her palms and let out her cries. Passerbys who only saw a lonely girl crying her lungs out, pitied her, but no one lend her a hand. She felt stranded in a world she created herself, one that she shoved away the person she needed most.

In the other corner of the alley, hidden from public eyes, a man leaned against the wall with his arm pressed against his mouth to silence his heartbreaking cries which never seemed to stop. He couldn't understand why a girl like her can be so heartless, and how he could be so harsh. He don't know if he will ever regret what he said tonight, but he knew it has opened the new scar that barely healed.