is it the end?
Friends Forever"bye bye yamada-kun~" i called out to him. he waved briefly and we walked in opposite direction as we exited the school gates.
it has been a month since the 'breakup'. well, it's hilarious to even use this term since we are just best friends. even his first name Ryosuke has become really foreign to me these days. however, I still didnt understand how all this happened, why he said those words. Miku and Suzuka called me dense but they refused to explain to me."you've got to figure out yourself. ask yourself who is he to you."
whatever it is, it's too late to make changes now. he has moved on, things have changed. we barely spoke one-to-one. we only spoke when both our cliques get together in the canteen. even so, we barely spoke.
the last call and message to him are one month ago. even the keys to his cell number has become stiff and rusty.
like he said, it's really painful at first. we both ended up deliberately hiding from each other, but as the days passed, we just see each other as we do to other schoolmates.
I instead have become a hey! say! jump fan, as I've predicted. and my favorite is none other than Yamada Ryosuke. once in a while, he, Chinen or Yuto still give us VIP passes, though it's partly because Chinen wanted Miku to go (and she won't go alone. so Suzuka and I have to accompany her)
18 years of memories are locked up somewhere within us for good.
am i deceiving myself?did I really manage to forget someone i care for 18 years?
Ryosuke, have you totally erased me from your mind too?
"Umika! can you give me a hand~ I need to seal the windows, an earthquake and a typhoon is coming."
"Chotto~" I mumbled my response. I was too stunned to respond in fact. I stared at my computer screen with my trembling hands when I saw a fan report that breaks the news of an unfortunate incident that happened today.
one of the managers said Yamada Ryosuke just minutes ago, fell from a 5 feet height while walking on a rope during his concert rehearsal. I heard it's bad! i think he's still stuck at Johnny's since the typhoon and earthquake is coming
it is posted just minutes ago.
no, Ryosuke, please tell me you're okay. I don't wanna lose you for good! I wanna see you everyday even if it means at a distance.
I dialed his number, but his phone was disengaged. I tried calling Daiki, his phone is disengaged as well. I wanted to ask Miku to help contact Chinen but apparently Chinen is unreachable too. where's the whole of Hey! Say! JUMP!!
I couldn't wait any longer. I dashed out of my house without any hesitation.
"hey Umika! where're you going?!!!!" my mum chased after.
"I'm going to see Ryosuke! I'll be fine!" I shouted in response and she reluctantly let me off.
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Ryosuke POV
"arigatou sensei! take care guys!" I bidded my trainer and my band mates farewell as the company drove me to my front door. in the midst of an incoming disaster, my company had to assure that we're safely home so they sent each of us to our doorsteps.
"oi Yamachan, remember to apply the medicine on the cuts and bruises on your leg." Chinen shouted out from the car window.
"hai! oyasumi" I smiled back and limped a little as i made my way back to my house.
earlier on, while training with Daiki for the balancing rope item for our concert, I fell. it was at least 5 feet, so even though there's a cushion below and I took all precautions, I still sustained some minor cuts and bruises. it's definitely nothing like what the netizens said. I giggled when Daiki showed me the absurb articles about my accident.
"I'm home!" I said as I entered the house. I turned and am locking the door when I heard the emotional calls for me.
"yamada-kun~"
I turned around only to see someone I haven't seen for a while.
"Kawashima-san!" I looked at Umika's mother. she looked back at me with reddened eyes, like as if she just cried. she came forward and grabbed my hands. I looked behind her and saw my parents, Chihiro and Mika staring helplessly at me.
"yamada-kun. did you see my daughter? I can't find her, she didn't bring her phone out! she ran out to look for you but she didnt come back. there's tremors just now, and I'm afraid that she'll be hurt in the typhoon and earthquake!"
"heh? Umika ran out to look for me? but I didn't see her! why is she looking for me?" I asked but it seemed like her mum is too worried to answer me .
"neechan! i think she thought you were hurt from the fall," Mika said.
"you were uncontactable, so I've a feeling she went Johnny's to look for you. those netizens said you are stuck in the building because of the impending typhoon isn't it." Chihiro analysed.
Umika's mum cried harder, my mum had to hold her in her arms.
"I need to go find my daughter!" she cried.
"where are you gonna look for her? it's dangerous out there!" my mum reminded.
"I'll go! I'll find her back, Kawashima-san!" I assured her with a pat.
"Ryo!" my mum protested. my sisters however understood that nothing is gonna stop me.
"neechan, be careful~ keep in contact okay" she said. I nodded and patted her head and smiled. I took my sweater and was about to walk out when Chihiro stopped me. "oi Ryo! wear this to keep you warm. it's gonna be freezing" she wrapped her red knitted scarf over my neck. "take care" and she gave me a gentle hug. "I will, neesan~" I squeezed her gently in my arms and then pulled away.
I took my car and drove towards the direction of Johnny's my hands are trembling, my mind is flustered, the strong rain and empty roads are making me nervous. please be safe, Umika! I won't let anything happen to you! wait for me~
there were few cars on the road, mainly driving home to stay out from the typhoon. a loud beep was sounded beside my car. I unwound my window and realised I was stopped by the traffic police.
"hey, that area is out of bounds at the moment, a tree has fallen and blocked the road. the people there has been evacuated already. so don't drive there. I advise you to turn back and go to the evacuation center to await further news."
"ma'am, my friend is over that side. I need to find her and bring her home. she's alone!"
"impossible. everyone there has been evacuated. why not you try looking for her at the centers. she could be evacuated there already" the police lady said. I guess I have to trust her words, at least I could start searching from there. "chotto matte, aren't you Yamada Ryosuke from Johnny's Entertainment? My daughter is your big fan," the police lady added.
"ah. yeah." I gave an awkward smile since it's really not the time to give an autograph if she wants one. Instead, she offered her help. "follow my car, I'll you to the evacuation center."
"hontoni! arigatou!" i expressed my deepest gratitude. It'll be so much smoother and safer with the authority by my side. "no problem. my daughter would be so proud of me" she giggled. Apparently, her light-hearted joke did ease the tension that is building up around me. The strong winds are picking up, the rain is so heavy, my vision is low. Tremors are increasing in intensity too. Fear built up in me, I'm really worried that Umika has met with a mishap.
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Umika POV
I crouched on the cold floor, surrounded by hundreds of residents from an area away from mine. Everyone is unfamiliar to me. The atmosphere is tense and is making me extremely uncomfortable. Cries filled the air, blood smell lingers. Among the evacuatees are the injured, the residents, families who got separated. There are medics around, not a lot, and they are definitely short-staffed. This area seemed vulnerable to earthquakes and typhoon and sadly, I was appalled by the damage done.
I looked at myself. I was drenched while running to look for Ryosuke. Before I could even reach Johnny's building, I was stuck in this town. I shivered in this devastating scene, shivered because of the cold and the immense fear. Yeah, for once I feel so weak and helpless. The cries are breaking my heart and are contagious. I teared as I prayed for the safety of everyone, including Ryosuke. I really wished he was here right now, with me. I am scared Ryosuke.
Just then I noticed a little girl wailing loudly beside me. She cried for her mum and her dad, even the medics and volunteers here are helpless. I wiped my tears and decided to be strong for her.
"hi. here, sit beside me." I told her gently, in case I scare her. She stopped her tears for a moment and looked at me innocently.
"don't be afraid. I'll protect you, ne." I stretched out my hands for her. She paused and surveilled me for a while, and then finally she called, "oneesan~ mummy and daddy...they haven't come home"
My heart felt warm when she called me oneesan. I figured that her parents are stuck in their work building amid the threats. "Come here" I gave her a hug and pulled her beside me. That's all I could do at this time. "I'm afraid too, but let's just stick by each other, look out for each other, and pray for everyone to be safe, okay?" I smiled to her.
She nodded, and a sense of relief ran through my veins. I'm sure the volunteers felt the relief too. I held her in my arms and gave a brief introduction. "my name is Umika. What's yours?"..."My name is Kumiko"..."Nice to meet you, Kumiko."..."me too, oneesan"
Suddenly the whole building was shaking. It's a strong tremor, and it shaken all our hearts too. I suppressed my fear, but I didn't managed to calm Kumiko down. She cried, and the louder she cried, the more fearful I grew. I hugged her, not to unnerve her, but to comfort me as well. I least I have her with me, that's what I thought. Tears uncontrollably ran like water tap, and I guess I am guilty for cuasing her tension. All we could do is to cuddle beside each other and wait for everything to be over. As time flies, the people in the center just grew more impatient, more frustrated, more depressed, more worried. I thought I'll break any moment when I started to become delusional - i thought I heard someone call me.
Umika! Umika are you here?
The voice continued to call for me. It sounded like Ryosuke. It is comforting to hear his voice in this unsettling circumstances, but it also drove my yearning to see him to a whole new level.
Ryosuke, I need you...why did you have to abandon me... My mind started to fill with these depressing thoughts, but the voice began to fade out. There is a strong urge to shout for him, to call out for him to stay!
"RYOSUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" delusional I am, people stared at me like as though I lost my mind, which isn't that much of a surprise since this center is filled with mind-losing stimulus.
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Ryosuke POV
Umika!!! I looked around for her. There's nearly a hundred of people within the center. It's so cluttered I needed to focus so much to identify individual faces. As I go through the masses of people, I became emtionally affected by the saddened, traumatised residents. Ryosuke, you have to calm down. You need to find her. I said to myself.
if she's here, she's definitely as traumatised as everyone else is. Wait for me, Umika. Please be brave.
My heart sank as it seemed there's no sign of her here. I am not sure to feel relief that she's not in this depressing center, or to fear more that she's not here, meaning I have to search for her like a needle in the haystack.
"gomenasai ma'am. I can't find her here. I don't think she's here."
"i'm sorry to hear that. we can look along the streets then. I'll bring you along" the officer said.
"i hope i'm not imposing on you."
"no worries" she pat my back and placed her arm over my shoulders and walk with me. Somehow she gives off a motherly feel.
RYOSUKEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I paused and turned back. I swore I heard someone called me. "ma'am, did you hear that?"
"hear what?"
"i heard someone call my name" I walked back to the masses and surveilled the people again. My eyes scanned anxiously for the source of the voice. My heart is thumping fast. It almost stopped when I see... I see this familiar figure, crying desperately beside a little girl who is patting her. She is looking down, so I couldn't confirm if she is Umika.
I walked towards her and squat in front of her. She was so traumatised that she didn't notice me in front of her. I called out to her once more, hoping she raises her head, "Umika?"
She kept shaking her head and cried "no nooooo no, stop infiltrating my mind....stop..."
"neechan~" the girl responded instead. I patted her head, she seemed to be scared by the older girl's cries. "Umika oneesan, daijoubu. neechan is here."
I trembled when I heard the little girl utter Umika's name. Definitely her.
"UMIKA... calm down!" she cried harder and refused to look up.
I held her face and sternly told her, "UMIKA. LOOK, LOOK AT ME. I'M RYOSUKE!" Only when I cupped her face that she finally agreed to open her teary eyes. Her tears just rolled non-stop and it pains me to see her in such shakened state.
"am i dreaming? Ryosuke~" I wiped her tears off her face. "No you're not dreaming. I'm here...I promised you, didn't I. I'll always be here when you need me"
"Ryosuke!" she threw her arms over me and I dropped on the ground. I hugged her tightly and gave her all the comfort I could. "it's okay, dear. You are scaring the little girl". As she slowly quietened down, I pulled myself away gently and gave my attention to the little girl.
"hi. what's your name?"
"neechan. I'm Kumiko. I saw you on TV"
"ah..." I giggled and ran my fingers on her silky soft hair. "It'll be okay. Neechan will stay with the 2 of you okay. Everything will be fine." I said to the 2 mentally exhausted girls. I sat myself between the 2 of them and pulled them tightly beside me. I removed my scarf and wrapped all of us together as one. We cuddled together, hoping to pass some of my warmth to them.
"Umika, you are drenched..." I realised she's shivering as she leaned on my shoulder, while Kumiko laid on my lap, sound asleep. I took out my sweater and wrapped her up, and gently rubbed her arms to pass her some heat.
She just hugged me tightly, as though i'll leave any moment.
"don't we look like a happy family with Kumiko here?" my intention was to lighten the mood. She looked at me and gave a light smile before finally relaxing her limbs and fell asleep on my shoulder. I let go all of my concerns and the love for her that I have suppressed for the past one month. I sighed under the enclosed space filled with yearning and worries.
Umika....
do you have any idea how difficult it is to make myself less conscious about you.?
do you know how difficult it is to tell myself that you are only my friend...and anything more than that will cause me to lose you.
why don't you take care of yourself....why do have to worry me so much....
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