"yawn~" Ryosuke stretched his limbs after almost an entire day enclosed in the recording room, trying hard to finish the lyric for a song he's writing for the group's new album. The ground is filled with crushed papers while the table is filled with stationaries and sheets of music scattered all over. He gulped down yet another bottle of vitamin drink, in order to replenish his energy without having to eat any solid food since it is clearly over his dinner time. He missed his 5pm dinner, and adhering to him after 6 diet plans, he just cannot afford to eat. He pressed on his temples, reminding himself to focus as he has barely finished half the song. If it wasn't because Hikaru, Daiki and Yabu who were working on their composition as well in separate studios, dropped by his studio, he wouldn't have noticed that it's almost 10pm.

"Ryosuke!" the trio exclaimed in unison to attract his attention since they found him so engross in his work that he didn't even notice they entered.

"ah... Gomenasai minna... you guys are going off now?" he asked, noticing they were all packed up.

"yeah, it's getting late. pack up and lets go together" Daiki walked nearer and helped him pack up voluntarily

"Daijobu, Dai-chan. I wanna work on it a little more. you guys go ahead" ironically, his expression clearly reflects that his body is already near exhaustion. His face complexion was dry and his eye bags were showing, even his lips lost its suppleness and colour.

"Ryo, just rest and come back tomorrow. you'll collapse if you continue non-stop" Yabu being the unofficial leader of the pack couldn't ignore this young one over straining himself everytime a new album is underway. 

"yes exactly! lets go back together" Daiki and Hikaru both grabbed him from either side of his arms, but only be shrugged away gently.

"I'm really okay, minna. I'll be done soon... I wanna finish it when my inspiration is here" Ryosuke laughed it off while trying to usher them outside the studio. the rest sighed as they knew his habit all too well, he always overwork when his inspiration comes. they should have known he won't leave no matter what they say. even if they did succeed getting him out, he'll probably sneak back after.

"I'm really okay," he smiled brightly as he saw the three older ones giving him a worried stare.

"Alright, just take care. frankly you are putting in so much effort, I can't wait for the end product so ganbatte!" Yabu said on behalf of the other two. 

"yeah, ganbatte Ryosuke! you definitely have to stay alert since you still have filming next week," Daiki pat his shoulder while reminding.

"oh, I think the producer will be calling you for recording these few days for the completed songs. I think you'll do awesome, as always!" Hikaru added and ruffled Ryosuke's hair.

"arigatou Hikaru-kun! bye bye minna!"

After they left, he returned to the studio feeling even heavier on his shoulders after realising the tons of work he still had on his hand. this made him even more determine to finish this song soonest. He took a stretch of him limbs and then slumped back on his seat, immersing himself back on his half-completed lyric. He twirled him pen, rubbing the other end against the nape of his neck when he was stuck. he stared at the paper blankly, hallucinating that the words in front of him are moving away from him. He rubbed his eyes and soon, he laid his head on the table in frustration.

"ahhh where's my inspiration now! Yamada Ryosuke, stop digressing, start thinking!" he scolded himself. minutes turn hours, night turn day, in a blink of an eye, a new day is beginning. Ryosuke felt worst than before, already sprawled on the ground in a half-dead condition. His eyes are barely opened, with his chin leaning on the ground where the in completed lyric sheet lies.

He knew his body is giving way after pushing it over the limits for 2 consecutive days, still he's pressurized by the lack of time. He brushed away the cold sweat on his forehead and removed his biker jacket as he began to feel flushed. not only did he forget that there was school, he has been so hungry he couldn't even remember that he hasn't had his breakfast. He just couldn't find the right opportunity to take a break from his work, and felt guilty if he did since his other members have already finished their composition.

*****
Umika strolled past the school canteen towards her classroom when she saw Yuto and Chinen at the side of her eyes, munching their breakfast away at a corner seat of the canteen. She hesitated then decided to chat with them a little.

"hi guys!" Umika greeted.

"ohayou, Umika!" Chinen and Yuto cheered in unison. Before she even spoke, the two of them initiated the conversation.

"where's Ryosuke? we thought you guys will be meeting up in school since the past 2 days were hell for all of us," Yuto asked.

"exactly, even within us, we didn't even get the chance to meet. I haven't seen Ryosuke in days" Chinen exclaimed.

"I see, it's the time of the year where all of you are busy with individual projects and song recordings" Umika could understand their schedules pretty well given that she has been Ryosuke's friend for such long periods. 

"yeah. we have to record separately... I wonder if everyone is done with recordings though" Chinen asked Yuto.

"if I'm not wrong, Hikaru, Yabu, Dai-chan were recording yesterday. I think Ryosuke was in the studio, completing his lyric. did you manage to contact Ryosuke?" Yuto turned to face Umika. She felt slightly ashamed that she didn't know what Ryosuke was doing, or where he was, since she has always been less inquisitive towards his job. she didn't want to appear like an avid fangirl, or become too intrusive in his matters like a nanny, so she refrained from interfering with his life.

"I didn't though. He told me he'll be busy and said he'll meet me in school so I didn't contact him"

"I see. but I haven't seen him yet though.... let me give him a call now. you don't mind, do you, Umika?"

"ah no... go ahead. I'll be here" She took a seat with them while Chinen dialed Ryosuke's cellphone. Umika felt heartened to see that Chinen has memorized his number so well.

"Moshi Moshi Ryosuke!" Chinen said with a bright tone, but his expression quickly sank when he received the respond.

"ah.. Chinen..."

"what, have you just woke up or something? ... "

"er... not really..."

"heh? anyway are you on your way to school? you're gonna be late if you're still at home?"

"oh man! I don't think I'm coming to school. Chinen, could you help me tell sensei? for today and tomorrow."

"are you sick?"

/yamada-kun, you're still here? you camped here, did you?/ a third voice echoed through the phone. it rang a bell, Chinen know the voice anywhere. He is even more sure where Ryosuke is when the latter replies.

/hai sensei, do you need the space? I can vacate it if you need/

/Daijoubu yamada-kun. just checking since I saw the lights on. the studio is free for you to use however long you need. but don't overwork okay?/

/hai, arigatou sensei!/

"Gomenasai Chinen, I got interrupted."

"Ryosuke, how long have you been in the studio?! you didn't go home yesterday?"

Ryosuke chuckled, "turned out so. I'll count on you for school, ne, Chinen! see you!" 

the phone disengaged thereafter without warning, before Chinen could complete his sentence, "nandayo... Baka Ryosuke"

"what is it? he didn't go home yesterday?" Umika was concerned since she knew none if that.

"yes, unfortunately. I guessed he's immersed in writing his lyric and also settle his recordings. you know him right, whenever his inspiration comes, he never stops until he has finished. I'm not surprised he didn't sleep at all by the sound of his tone" Chinen added.

"I would go to the studio and meet him if I had the time... are you going to meet him, Chi?" Yuto asked.

"no, I have filming after school. but guess we needn't worry, he'll take care of himself, as always." Chinen said while facing Umika, making sure she isn't too worried because of what they said.

"I hope so," Umika already felt the uneasiness. She was totally listless throughout her lessons, browsing through her phone, hovering her finger over the sent button where she has already drafted a message...

"Hey Ryosuke, 
I hope you're feeling okay. don't over stress yourself (^_^). you know I'm here if you need me. Call me when you're free
Missing your voice (*v*)"

She slapped her forehead as she remembered her personal goal 'don't be a nuisance'. she opened her message inbox and saw his last message to her.

"Dear (^_^)!
I'm so busy today, rushing from one schedule to another. I really tried to find time alone so I can drop you a call. I miss your voice, even though we just met yesterday. I'll call you back when I can. Don't miss me too much :p"

That's days ago. Not a single call from him. She pondered whether he has been eating well, though she knew he can't have been sleeping well since he probably did not sleep yesterday as Chinen predicted. They both knew him too well. Her heart is unsettled. She can't rest until she sees him, so she decided to take a risk. Sneak into Johnny's.

****

She did not tell a single person, not even any of Jump members, nor her very own friends. She got a staff pass from Ryosuke's mother, so technically only his mother knew her plans. She didn't find a reason to oppose since she couldn't reach her own son as well. It comes with a term of course, that Umika has to bring in her bento for her son. Then, Umika added something extra for him. His favourite gyoza. She wore a cap, tied up her hair and disguised as a staff.

Her heart was thumping fast whenever she bumped into someone round the corner, regardless whether the person was a staff or a celebrity. The latter made her heart race as well, since they looked so cool live, especially when she chanced upon Matsumoto Jun from Arashi just at about a corner turn. She is definitely hoping not to meet Jump cause any of them would recongnise her from far and see through her disguise. The staff are also not to be taken likely since if they decide to ask her an insider question, she would not fail terribly since she was never a Johnny's fan to begin with. A fan would fare much better than she did, well unless they asked her about Ryosuke, her childhood friend turned boyfriend.

She sneaked past, corridor after corridor, levels after levels, dreading why the building is so huge and complicated that she couldn't even tell where the studios are. Then just when she got really frustrated with her poor sense of direction, on the verge of phoning his mother for directions, she saw a sign that says "Recording Studio". She was so excited that she almost jumped. With her exploding happiness, she dashed across the corridor towards the direction indicated.

There were 2 corridors of studios, they were so huge that her jaw almost dropped. They were a few of the many which were labelled occupied, she couldn't tell which one of them was the right one. The only window that showed the interior was at located high up at the door, she had to tiptoe in order to determine which one is Ryosuke in.

"ahhh not this....not that either" her feet were aching by the time she reached the last few doors. Just when she was about to reach out to the last door, a voice called out to her.

"Hey! what do you think you are doing?" a angry staff stomped up to her.

By then, Umika realised that she has been so immersed in searching for the right room that she forgotten about her identity. It would have looked awfully suspicious for a staff to have to tiptoe to peek into a room since they would most likely know which is the one they needed to go to. "I.. I have forgotten which room I had to go..."

"seriously? Let me look at your staff pass!" he snatched the card from her trembling hand and analysed.

"where did you steal this from?!"

"I didn't steal it..."

"clearly from what you have been doing, you are clearly not a staff here. Many fans have duplicated fake cards and entered the building, so I could tell at a glance if you were a fan. Come with me right now to the security office!" He gripped her arms tightly and pulled her towards the other end. She put up a tough struggle, hence it eventually disturbed the nearest room where she was almost peeking into.

"what's going on?" a disheveled guy dressed in a jean and a white tee-shirt with a benie on his head, stepped out from within, and eyed at the scene. His eyes widdened when he saw the ones involved in the nuisance.

"Umika?"

"R-Ryosuke~" she uttered, embarrassed by the chaos caused.

Noticing that Ryosuke and Umika knew each other, the angered staff release his grip. Ryosuke walked towards them and tried comprehending the whole situation.

"Yamada-kun... This lady is not authorised here. Her staff pass is..."

"ah, her staff pass is from my mother. She's here to pass me something. I forgot to let you know Yamaguchi-san. Gomenasai"

"I see. I should be apologising instead, I was so impolite to your friend."

"it's okay...It's my fault for acting suspicious and not finding out which room it was beforehand" Umika bowed, and together with th staff, profusely apologised to each other.

"then I shall get going first," the staff exclaimed and returned a smile to Ryosuke.

"arigatou Yamaguchi-san" Ryosuke responded with a smile. Then Umika trailed behind him back into the studio, with her head lowered as much as her embarrassment. She knew he had turned to face her, but she just couldn't face him at the state she is in. An awkward silence stretched. She is unsure what to do since she has never once intruded into his worklife, and this would be the first of such occurence. A bad one to begin with.

"nandayo, Umika. you could have just texted me or something. No matter how busy I am, I could still pick a call. This misunderstanding is really quite absurd" Ryosuke raised his voice alittle, seemingly scolding a fangirl who intruded into his privacy. Though disheartened, she knew she was in the wrong so she never rebut, instead just stood silently. When she's looking down, she saw the mess on the floor and knew he didn't have a good time himself. That explains his harsh tone.

"gomenasai."

"I'm not blaming you but just saying that you could have just voiced out. You could have gotten into trouble because of this"

"gomenasai"

Hearing only that one word, he sighed and faced his back against her so he could give her a little space to breathe and recover from the incident. He cleaned up the mess while trying to think of what he should do with her, but she made a daring move.

"Umika?" she threw her weight while he was squatting down, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugged his back tightly to her chest. She buried her head on the crook of his neck, sniffing his fadding, yet manly body scent. In the past, he would think she's playing rough with him like always, but today, he felt all fuzzy expecially in the midst of a stressful period. But perhaps he hasn't eaten for long, his limbs are so weak that he could barely piggyback her while squatting down, so he eventually sat on the ground with her arms still firmly tugged around his neck. He tilted his head towards her and kissed her ears while still facing front. He let her be for a while, and let himself immerse in her sweet embrace, then slowly release her arms from his neck and faced her.

He cupped her face and caressed her reddened cheeks, "gomenasai, I didn't mean to raise my voice at you. Frankly, this was a really refreshing surprise cause for almost 20 years of knowing each other, you never came to my workplace, not including concerts of course. Then, I'm really curious what brings you here all of a sudden?"

"...erm...I brought bento from your mother..." she was blushing at this moment cause she felt like a wife bringing lunch to her husband, so she decided to bring out his mother as an excuse instead. Then she tried hiding the extra box of gyoza behind her back.

"what's that?" he quickly snatched it from her hands before she could react. She avoided his eyes as she was just too shy to face him directly.

"ah... this is from you, ne..." he could immediately tell from the look of how perfect the gyoza were wrapped. He always knew Umika was good at this. What he didn't expect is the blush on her face. After they started dating, he felt she has become a lot more reserved around him, a lot more feminine, though it's not exactly a bad thing. He thought everytime she acted this way, he found himself falling for her charms even more.

"arigatou..." he did not only utter those words. He just couldn't help but decide to a little more. He leaned closer without her notice, and sneaked a kiss right upon her lips.

"heh.. Ryosuke~ people will be looking..." she flushed so badly that she just wanna dig a whole in the ground and bury her whole head inside.

"who. there's no one but me. and there's no security camera here. It's a top secret studio after all." he returned to his seat and started stuffing his mouth with the table of food.

*cough *cough. He choked.

"ah, eat slowly. I'm not gonna fight with you for it. You look like you haven't been eating for ages," she took the seat beside him and widdened her eyes as she saw the speed he is swallowing the food.

"that's the point. I'm so famished"

"oh my gosh. so you have been skipping all your meals. Can't you take care of yourself."

She watched him and realised his speed is slowing down a lot, until he completely put down his chopsticks when his food is only half finished.

"aren't you famish? there's still so much food"

He pressed the nape of his neck as though his muscles are aching and responded lethargically, "I don't quite have the appetite. I'll probably find my appetite after I finish writing this lyric. It's gonna relieve me so much off my load" 

Umika unexpectedly pressed her hand over his forehead, testing his temperature with her palm, the very moment she sensed that there's something wrong with him. She was astonished as soon as she felt the heat burning up the point of contact.

"Ryosuke! You are having fever!"

He pulled back slightly and laughed it off instead, "I think it's just because I didn't sleep well yesterday"

"you didn't even sleep yesterday. I heard your conversation with Chinen. You need to rest before you collapse."

"but i can't. I have to finish this or else I won't find back that feeling," Ryosuke ignored and shrugged her away, while resuming to penning down his thoughts on the song. It made her helpless, but she can't just leave him in this condition.

"why not you take a quick nap. That'll only do you good. In this rate, even if you stare at the paper, nothing is gonna come out. even a 30 minute power nap is good," she stuck herself beside him, and she didn't even mind becoming a nuisance until he takes care of his own health. She thought he is gonna continue arguing with her, but surprisingly he actually listened.

"I think I should. Between you and me, I think my body is gonna crash soon. I've been staring at this for almost 2 hours and I only added 1 line," he said with tears b in his eyes, as if on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"hey hey... it's okay. take it easy on yourself. I think you are just putting too much stress on yourself. You have to relax, cause stress will only hinder your thought process. Just take a nap and see how it goes"

 "no one is able to help me since I have written it in a way that even Chinen thought it is profound. This kind of imagery, I have to complete it since I started it. Sometimes, I think I shouldn't have thought too deeply that I get caught in a mess now."

"don't doubt yourself, Ryosuke. You will do fine as always. Relax. You are a person who over push yourself, but once you surpass it, you would have reached a new level of maturity and growth...so ganbatte!" She brushed the silent tears trapped in the sides of his eyes and caressed his bangs, then left a kiss on his forehead.

"arigatou Umika," he smiled and proceeded to lean on the small sofa in a corner. She pulled his biker jacket over his body, then she stood up and walked towards the door. Noticing that she's about to leave, he found himself can't bear to see her go so he sprung up from his sofa.

"where are you going?"

"home?" she looked at him with surprise since she least expected his reaction.

"Can't you stay a while more? I mean since you're here already, just accompany me a bit longer" he begged like a puppy asking his owner not to leave him alone.

She thought, hesitated, cause she don't know if her presence will distract him, but his expression made it difficult to turn down his request

"If you really want, i am okay with it... but that's if you sure you won't get into trouble because of this. It's the company's ground after all"

"don't worry about it. It's not like Johnny doesn't know about our relationship. It's pretty safe here since fans can't have access here and besides, this room is out of bounds to even staff, unless with my permission. I set a password to the door so no one else can enter except with my permission...I don't like others coming in when I am trying to compose," he explained, then pulled her to the sofa. Right after he have her sit properly, he laid his head on her lap and shut his eyes.

"hey Ryosuke... isn't this inappropriate here. It's still public" she tried to wake him up but he just continued to keep his eyes shut and adjust himself comfortably with his head facing her tummy and his arms crossed. He responded anyway, "it'll be fine and I don't care as long as you are here. I have too much to worry about already. I just want you here cause at least with you, i can breathe a little better". She never dreamt that Ryosuke, her best friend in her life, the dream guy of many fangirls, would utter such romantic words to her. She was blushing so bad, luckily he has already fell asleep (almost instantly).

She played with his hair, brushing it with her fingers; traced her fingers on his face, realising his skin has grown a lot more dry and a few pimples are beginning to show, and that he looked so much more frail since the last time she saw him days ago. Even his lips has lost the suppleness when she traced her fingers over the pink outline. She recalled the moment he kissed her earlier, and it is no wonder it felt different today, certainly not as addictive as other days. Her arms moved around his back and cradle him closer like a baby. Soon, she found that she couldn't take her eyes off him.

******

Honestly, she didn't realise that she herself fell asleep while gazing like a retard at her boyfriend. The last she remembered was carassing his chubby cheeks, but when she pry opened her eyes, she saw herself lying so comfortably on the same sofa, occupying the whole cushion with a familiar biker jacket covering her warmly. She wondered where he was so she rubbed her eyes and sat up. She looked around and spotted him and on the desk with a focused look. She must say that he looked really captivating like this, illuminated by the orange light. "no wonder so many girls go crazy over him..." she mumbled to herself. She was hoping he didn't hear her utterance cause she definitely would not want to have him going cocky around her.

But soon she captured his attention.

"ah you woke up."

"gomene, I should be the one accompanying you, instead I dozed off"

"nothing to apologise about. Thanks to you, my inspiration came back and I'm almost done!"

"really?!" she stood up and almost wanted to take a look at his lyric when she remembered he didn't like to show anyone Jump's pre-released songs, even if it's to his family. "I almost forgot" she murmured when she held back. She heard him chuckle.

"I'm not showing you the whole thing, but I want to tell you what the story is about. You helped me a lot anyway, so that's a strong enough reason to reveal it to you, and only you"

She immediately propped herself beside him excitedly before he decides to withdraw his offer. He giggled when she looked so impatiently waiting for him to reveal, then of course he needed to create the right mood before he do so since she's the first person who knows of his completed masterpiece. He shared his small seat with her, so they were closely cuddled together with his arms around her waist. Their face were in such close proximity that she found herself failing over his sweet minty breathe.

"the song is titled candle. It's a painful love song where the boy endured and killed his own feeling and sincerely wished for the girl's happiness. In short, the boy wished for the happiness of his already married ex-girlfriend"

Umika was stunned by how heartbreaking the story behind the lyric was, and couldn't believe the goofy guy she knew all this while is so sophisicated in his thoughts. Then she felt her heart cringed unknowingly, like as if she could imagine herself in this scenario...

"hey Umika... return to earth and don't zone out on me" he waved his hand in front of her and called back her soul.

"ah gomen, I'm just thinking this story is really sad...and not too impossible"

"not too impossible, you mean that such stories do happen in reality? i think so too, that's why I thought it'll be really good for a ballad"

"true, but what I am referring to is us."

Ryosuke responded with a silence. He was taken aback by Umika's imagination that he never once considered.

"if you were the guy, and I am getting married to someone else, would you really wholeheartedly give me your blessings?" she asked as if really serious with whatever she said.

"so you are saying if we didn't make it together in the end, and that you just completely forget about me and went on with your life as if I never existed?" there was an undertone of frustration and intolerance.

"Isn't that exactly what the girl in the story is doing? it seemed to me that only the guy is holding back to all those memories they forged"

"my lyric is from the point of view of the guy, so I am not sure what is going through the girl's mine. so are you saying you will really forget me if I was the guy?"

"let's not dwell into this more, alright?" she halted as soon as she sensed his frustration rising.

"You started it, so you've got to answer me first."

"I really don't feel like imagining it"

"then why did you bring this up?"

She began to tear up, but his continuous probing only made it hard to avoid. So she finally broke the tension

"cause it's difficult to imagine what will happen to the 2 of us in the future. because you are a celebrity, relationships aren't supposed to be smooth-sailing. I expect that so this song could very much describe us. But I wasn't thinking in the shoes of the girl, instead I was thinking of myself as the guy in the song. Cause if it was you getting married with some megastar in the end, I think I won't be so gracious to give you my blessings. I would probably have so much flashbacks of all those memories we forge since young, become obsess with reliving every detail of it that I eventually go into seclusion to avoid all hallucinations that you're still by my side. It's impossible that I will ever forget you... you're just so important to me... it's gonna take my life if I have to congratulate you on your marriage life with me not being part of it"

Before she could continue, she found herself stiffened and very much unable to speak a word more. was fully occupied with his lips forcefully pressed against hers. He grip her gently by her neck and secured her lips over his. He was taking her breathe away, so much so that she thought her heart is gonna stop after thumping so agressively. He most skillfully manevered around her lips, occasionally tilting his head so that their heads would not end up aching from freezing in one position too long. Their hands naturally found a spot on each other's back and caressed it to raise the passion meter.

When they finally pulled back, Ryosuke sincerely conveyed, "If I am the guy, I would probably feel like you did as well. But if you are really happy at that point, and you really ask for my blessings, then I will do it for you even if my heart will probably tear apart in the end. Whatever it is, I understand your worries, but that is exactly what kept us from distancing each other so painfully the other time. I am willing to take the risk, so I am gonna walk through this with you hand in hand all the way. I've known you for my whole life, and losing you is not gonna be in my dictionary. I can't possibly imagine if I hadn't know you... I love you, forever, Umika."

She glanced into his eyes, and he did as well, and their hearts and minds met. They smiled. Finally they realised the beauty of the lyric he wrote, those unspoken words that the 2 leads would try so hard to bury in their heart, the kind of emotional struggles that both the guy and the girl will go through that cannot be explained fully due to limitations in linguistic terms.