Ryosuke POV

I rang the door bell with anxiety running through my veins. I am unsure how I should face her but the first thing I would do is to pull her in my arms and cuddle her in my embrace. Few days and I am already missing her presence, her voice, her touches, her scent and her smile. what's remained in me was the recurring scene of her agonistic cries which I ignored and the angst scene of the kiss they shared. again, it wasn't because I didn't believe in her, I knew he forced it on her in order to spite me, but my pride made it hard to overlook. but I regretted taking it out on her, and it unraveled only the kind of uncertainty that is breeding beneath the tranquil love we thought we were building. I want to rid this seed of uncertainty, I'm determined to do so, cause I realised I can't absolutely leave her. she's not only my best friend I have decided upon since 15 years ago, she's my soulmate who I could entrust me deepest secrets and share with her anything under the world, and she's the only one I could live with in comfort... if it's her, it'll be okay.

I took a deep breathe as I heard heavy footsteps moved closer to the door, but I never thought the person who will receive me was not her.

"You?!" I exclaimed in a more than surprise tone. I was sure this was her room as I saw her bag lying on the dressing table in the room. I tried to yank my way past him but he held me firmly by the arm, preventing me from edging any closer to the interior of the room.

"Chotto...she's asleep.... can we talk," Reno asked with politeness, hence giving no reason to reject. I gave him an unfriendly stare and agreed reluctantly. Reno is a head taller than me, probably about the height of Yuto but I would have thought there's a whole lot of difference between Yuto and him. this guy is definitely an obnoxious narcissist. facing him on the same table would be something I never foresee coming... 

"I don't know what you want to talk about cause I don't think there's even a topic between us. I'm Umika's boyfriend and it's a hard fact that you can't just jump in like this and deny" I made the first initiative and enforced my point as it is, but he replied in a confident tone that irks me.

"but you didn't do what you preach. it can't be a hard fact when you can't admit it openly. you're only hurting her more. in fact, you are the only one who made her shed such painstaking tears..."

"that's between us to resolve and I do not deny this problem but neither does she and I feel it's coming between us.instead you're the problem...I say once more, I'm his boyfriend, not you!" I raised my voice slightly.

"I can also tell you, I will not give up on her!!!!" he shouted and 'accidentally' knocked over the cups of drinks. 

"HEY! you did that deliberately" the water spilled over the table and dripping right onto my pants. I sprung up on my feet and said in disgust. I thought he would remain ignorant but I was surprised to see him profusely apologizing...

"Gomen Gomen~ I meant to work things out with you amicably, but my bad temper always come in the way. let me make it up to you with another cup of drink," though i still  detest him, i thought he sounded sincere. I shrug it off and asked to be excused while I clean the mess on my pants.

"I'll go to the washroom to clean up... we can try to talk it over again, though I'm not really keen," I gave him a slight distress and raced to the washroom to wash the stains on my pants which cost me quite a sum. 

I returned shortly with a shock that he has ordered the same drink for me. for someone who dislikes me as much as I do for him, he's quite a gentleman in this sense that the general etiquette is displayed.

"here's to make up for my unforgivable act earlier," he offered a toast. again, I have no reasons to decline. I returned his gesture with a forced smile, then drank a huge sip of the wine. 

"Reno-san. I don't want to be rude or anything but I just want to let you know I really love her. you being the first between us to know her, doesn't automatically put you in charge of her... as a matter of fact, I know her longer than you do, 15 years as opposed to your 2 years. I'm determined to overcome the problem between me and her."

"I'm sure I can't stand a chance too. she loves you."

"huh?!" I never expected him to say that...

"I missed the chance. but I'm a person who never accepts defeat and if I can't get her love.... i won't let anyone else get it."

I have no idea what he's saying but my head throbbed heavily as he spoke and it started spinning, soon what I see of him and my surroundings is a double vision view. The nausea feeling engulfed me completely but left me in a confused state as I never thought my alcohol tolerance to be unusually low. no, something is not right... I'm losing my senses in my limbs as well. I cupped my forehead and tried to support my head from collapsing. I could barely concentrate on what he has to say but even so, his every words strike the bottom of my heart. 

"I'll see how the 2 of you handle this, being betrayed by your own loved one, and perhaps she wouldn't even trust you at the end of the day..."

"w-what are you talking about?" I struggled to speak and I sounded weak with the slurring.

"if you're the one who hurts her... then the whole status quo will change, yamada Ryosuke-san. you surely wouldn't understand what I'm saying now, but fret not, by tomorrow morning, you'll understand..."

"w-what...?" my head was too heavy to keep it up and my chin collapsed onto the table, barely able to get my words heard. the last thing I heard before my vision went completely black was..."good night and sweet dreams."

*****
The sun rose and shone glaringly at their bare feet entwined together. the kingsize blanket was twisted and turned and was barely covering the bodies of those beneath, but neither of the parties felt cold under the blasting airconditioning. instead they have seeked warmth in the back embrace of the guy to girl where his arms bosomed her chest, pulling her tight close to his torso, while her hands wrapped cozily on his firm hug. the sweet scent of her silky soft hair brushed against his nose and dulled his senses like a room fragrance. His chin leaned on the crook of her neck. their skins rubbed delicately against each others, radiating a steady flow of heat that runs through their veins like a stimulator which kept their hearts beating excitedly and youthfully as a synchronized one. for this night, there seemed to be no worries. 

her eyes fluttered opened after feeling an unusual tense sensation like butterflies flying in her tummy. it was the intimacy that triggered her nervousness and it was the collision of skins that aroused her. she bit her lips and pressed her one hand against her throbbing head from the after effects of her alcohol and the other hand braced the firm arms wrapped around her chest. She needed nothing else to indicate that she's stripped to her bottoms and she should be feeling afraid but instead, for some reason, the mere presence of her violator was sufficient to calm her nerves. it's ironical cause the very harm was inflicted by him, yet she felt comforted. she couldn't understand why. when she gathered her courage, she loosened herself from his grip and turned her body to face him.

She gasped as she saw the most raw, charming view of her beloved boyfriend. she uncontrollably traced her fingers down from his forehead to his eyes, nose, lips and neck. she blushed terribly when she noticed he was like her, completely . her mind slipped into utter confusion, on the one hand she felt relieved it was at least him but on the other she felt lost... "I have lost my ity?" she thought. a drop of tear rolled down from her eyes and wet his shoulders. that woke him up.

he stretched himself before formally opening his eyes. his eyes widened at the first sight of her, and his hands trembled as he tried to withdraw from his embrace of her, especially when he saw her tears.

"W-what happened? Umika... I swear I didn't mean it... whatever we did" he explained profusely within a slight distance. it was almost instantly Umika broke out in a soft cry which she tried very hard to control. she didn't want to appear so fearful in her situation since Ryosuke was clearly someone she trusted. She covered her eyes with her hands so he wouldn't see.

The guilt ran through his veins, he didn't know what else to do. he hurt her several times since they began as friends, but this is the worst yet. her cries strike the bottom of his heart like a blunt arrow set to kill, and it bled profusely. his heart beats were heavy and so was hers.

"Umika, we have to dress up first then we discussed it calmly..." he cupped her face and said gently. She nodded. both of them quickly grabbed their clothes from the side of the bed and turned away from each other. even after they are down dressing, they were too hesitant to turn back to face each other. 

".... Umika..." Ryosuke walked closer finally and his heart breaks to hear his girl crying silently as if afraid to let his hear. As he tried to face her, she hid deliberately, avoiding his eyes at all cost. Standing just behind her back, he uttered with a heavy heart, "... Umika, I really don't know what to say... I know what happened and I swear this was never my intention. I will not hurt you if I know it... please believe me, Umika...". He saw her limbs trembling, and held her shoulders tightly as she stood crying louder.

"Umika! don't cry, please.. tell me where you're hurting, let me know how you feel...don't keep to yourself" he forced his way in front of her and looked into her eyes, while his own tears rolled down his face like a river stream.

"Gomenasai, Ryosuke... I know I shouldn't be afraid... it's you, you are my boyfriend, and I'm glad it's you and not Reno or others! I know other couples can do it well, but i feel so scared... I'm sorry..I'm useless!."

"no no! Umika, there's no wrong for anyone to be afraid in such situation.your ity is the utmost important, i swore to protect it, but i stained you instead. i understand you are frightened, but trust me, i'm here by your side to face it with you..."

"Ryosuke~" she looked at him with teary eyes, and he returned a smile even if it was difficult at this point. he knew a smile was what she need to at least ease her worries and fear cause it was his way to say "it'll be okay"

"Umika~ I'm sorry.... I'll take full responsibility for this..." Ryosuke pulled himself closer to her and wrapped his arms, such that her head leans on his chest for comfort. He didn't know how he could fulfill his promise but it's the only thing he felt was apt to say. She cried harder, and he patted her head and cradled her in his arms like a baby. he felt immensely helpless and guilty.

Suddenly the door bell rang. his heart hastened as it reminded him of the pending issue that is waiting to erupt. he thought silently as he looked at her crying soul, "if this comes to light, my career will be over...what should I do..? think think think!"

Ryosuke took a breathe and pulled away slightly with his eyes sincerely locked upon hers. "Umika..." he brushed the fallen tears with his bare fingers and said softly with confidence, "...I need you to attend to whoever is at the door..."

she knew exactly what he meant and realised the problem they are faced with. but his firm tone of voice makes the uncertain future feels more dependable with him around. She nodded and trailed off towards the door. Bracing herself, she tip-toed and looked through the peep hole first. the first exposure was enough to make her gasp in astonishment. "how did they know?" she thought, then turned to look at Ryosuke as if to send him telepathic messages. hiding at a corner of the room, impossible to be spotted, Ryosuke looked at her distress face and began to panic as to who was behind the door.

She opened the door and behind it revealed 3 familiar faces. Ryosuke leaped up from his feet and charged towards them with a face full of grievances.

"Minna~" Ryosuke said with a cracking tone and his eyes fixated on his three friends, Yuto, Daiki and Chinen. Umika stood by his side, her fingers wrenched the sides of her clothes nervously.

"Ryosuke, what happened?!!" they said in unison, but before he could answer them, Umika and him had a burning question in their mind.

"h-how did you all know we're here...?" he asked. deep down he had a feeling that they had an idea what's going on.

"you better take a look at this..." Yuto retrieved his phone and showed a disturbing LINE message from...

"from me?! I don't remember sending anything..." Ryosuke impatiently exclaimed before Yuto revealed the key part of the message.

"before we go to that, Ryosuke... look at the content..." Yuto reminded again. Ryosuke caught a glimpse of Daiki's worried glance at Umika, and Chinen's uptight expression was no better.

Ryosuke didn't wait to find out what surprise was in store for him. His eyes widened at a photo that was sent from his own phone, and the photo was enough to send jitters down his spine.

"h-how... I... we..." Ryosuke was too shocked to form a proper sentence, neither could he craft a statement to quench their thirst for answers. The photo stared blatantly at the couple with the intention to spur their memory of this forbidden night where even their intimate exchange was unclear. it was a colored high-definition still photo documenting 2 bodies cuddled tightly together as one.

"I don't know who else got this message from you, I only know in Jump, there's only the three of us. but I cannot imagine if the company knows about this. it's not only about dating anymore, this is more severe than that" Yuto said with a serious tone.

Ryosuke slammed his head against the wall and punched the wall frustratedly.

"Yuto, you're scaring Umika...maybe it's not as grave as we think... before we assess the extent of the situation, lets not jump into conclusions. " Daiki said.

Ryosuke recalled that Umika was still present in this tense atmosphere, but before Ryosuke or any of the guys could consolidate their senses, they were disheartened by the suddenly erupted wailing of Umika. She kneeled on the ground with her hands covering her eyes. "it's my fault... I'm so careless.... I will become a hindrance to your job... I've become a nuisance... I'm only good at giving you problems..." Umika cried, and Daiki propped beside her and cupped her shoulders tightly in an attempt to hold her up but to no avail. he held her closer and comforted her as much as he could "don't worry... Ryosuke will be fine, we'll watch over him..."

"it's my fault.. all my fault... why did I come here! I shouldn't have come, then none of this would have happened!" she continued. her stream of tears clouded her view but she could see Ryosuke's expression filled with a complex mix of guilt, remorse, helplessness and frustration. She knew he was torn between his career and her, both of which are crumpling down on his already loaded shoulders. she could see his hesitation in stepping towards her, but deep down the reason for it, is that he was afraid of losing his job as much as he was afraid of losing her. he's disgusted with himself hence he didn't know how to face her. he could only watch her cry at a distance and feel his own heart reaped apart.

"say something, Ryosuke..." Daiki asked urgently, but all that Ryosuke said was "I'm sorry..."

for a moment, the surroundings were only filled with apologies. then finally with her last sorry, Umika shook Daiki away, lifted herself up and fled the agonizing room, running at her fastest speed with her tears rolling with the wind brushed against her pale face. 

"Umika!" Ryosuke wanted to give chase but Chinen and Yuto pulled him back, while Daiki chased after her. 

"minna~ I need to get to her..." he cried.

"it's better if the two of you calm down separately for now. in your own state of confusion, you are not in the position to comfort her," Chinen finally commented.

"what am I gonna do? Chinen... Yuto..." Ryosuke cried like never before seen. even Chinen was saddened by the bitter cries of his best friend who has always been like a dependable big brother to him. it is in such situations that Chinen felt so useless cause he was never able to help him when he received so much help from Ryosuke. both buddies clutched him by his shoulders and they were glad they were here, cause the next moment, Ryosuke was hit by another round of giddy spells. his body has yet to recover from the previous and had to already suffer one blow after another, leaving his body in extreme exhaustion. his surroundings spun over and over and the heavy throbbing of his head finally gave way.

"Ryosuke!!!" Yuto grabbed hold of the unconscious boy with Chinen shaking his limbs to wake him up. they were worried as they saw how pale and frail he looked and how cold he was. his brows are tightly knitted, conveying the distress he is facing. 

*****
It turned out that Johnny Kitagawa received the message as well. He visited Ryosuke at the hospital where Yuto brought him to, along with Chinen, after he fainted that day. the diagnosis made it more apparent that the night's event was not merely an accident, someone planned for it. once Ryosuke's mind got clearer, he was sure who has spiked his drinks and brought him to Umika's room where the suspect stripped them both to make it appear they engaged in an .

but singling the suspect out and confronting him is no longer the priority, this has jeopardize Ryosuke's career and Johnny's faith in the boy has dwindled exponentially. Johnny was afraid the photo is planned to be sent to more people and the incident will eventually blow out of proportion and hurt his reputation and the group's, hence he kept Ryosuke low profile until he was sure everything is within control. Ryosuke dared not question his boss, neither was he kept in the loop what the company has in plans. the last he remembered Johnny and a few managers said to him "behave yourself for this period. you have to tide through this or you will fall just like some of your sempai."

Johnny also personally told him, with his hands cupping his shoulders and a soft fatherly gaze "kid, you have a bright future, in fact, you are in the midst of shooting into the stars... I've seen you work harder than anyone else and it has all paid off seeing your popularity triumph so many of your peers. don't let this mistake stain your records"

BEST members, except Daiki, have been acting stern to him these days... they barely spoke to him, and finally Yabu broke the silence. "Ryosuke, for the group, I hope you do what's right. you're our center, and you know it comes with responsibility... I don't have to explain more what this implies..."

for the past week, Ryosuke is haunted by all the words spoken to him, the stern gazes that stared into his and most importantly, the sorrows written on Umika's face. he despised himself for running away from problems; he hasn't met her since the last week's eventful encounter. but the reason behind this was still because he didnt know how to face her. shame? lost? most importantly, striking a balance and sourcing a solution that keeps the status quo of his career, love and friendship. he didn't want to lose any of these. until he know how he could save all three, he could only remain isolated.

Ryosuke sat with his back leaning against the wall of the room, with his hand gripped on his kindaichi script, but his mind was not at the lines. His mind is as blank as a clean sheet of paper. Haruna saw through his daze immediately. She sat beside him silently and observed him. the fact he didn't notice her was a clear indication there's something bothering him. Haruna wasn't completely unaware that he was in an underground relationship and was for a period of time jealous of whoever the other party was cause she could clearly see Ryosuke likes her alot. Ryosuke is the most shy hottie she met and she was surprised how he seemed so comfortable on the phone with his girlfriend.

"hey Hajime-chan!" Haruna broke the silence with a joke to liven the spirit. Ryosuke was startled by her surprise call and looked at her with a stun face.

"is it our turn?" Ryosuke appeared as though he was just brought back from mars, Haruna couldn't help but felt even more worried.

"Relax... it's not our turn yet," Haruna answered and she saw him sigh a relief but that doesn't satisfy her curiosity.

"Yamada-kun, you know, I'm not from your group so if there's anything bothering you that you can't tell anyone else, I'm here to listen..." Haruna patted his sunken shoulders. Ryosuke saw the assuring smile on her face and let his guard loose for some reason. 

"Haruna-chan... I think I'm gonna hurt the people I treasure the most... my group and her. I don't know what I can do to minimize their pain and at the same time, I. don't wanna lose any of them. I cannot imagine life without them"

"I'm sure the 2 can coexist right? some of your sempai are attached too, so I don't think it's impossible.the ride will be bumpy but if your perseverance is there, then you'll definitely get what you want."

"I felt this way before that night, but now... I don't even know if the 2 can really coexist.circumstances seem to be forcing me to take a stand.."

before Haruna could ask what happened, he received a call that made his face cringe in fury. She saw his fist clenched tightly and his teeth grinding against each other. he didnt speak a word all up till he disengaged the call. what surprised her was what he said next.

"Haruna-chan, could you accompany me somewhere after this? I'll tell you everything." Ryosuke's eyes were difficult to reject, Haruna nodded sincerely as a sign of support to her friend.

******
Umika's eyes were swollen after days of crying. She held her phone whenever she goes, hoping for a call from Ryosuke but there was only silence. Daiki's words that day however rung in her head repeatedly that served as a reminder to give him space.

Daiki ran down the corridor and caught the lift that almost enclosed Umika within.

"Daichan~ leave me alone...." she cried. But he entered and pulled her into an embrace. he faced the back of the lift, burying his face at the crook of her neck, in case someone else enters during the 16 floors of flight. He then whispered into her ears gently and the effect was like a lullaby, calming her tensed nerves which was likened to a tightened string that was about to snap. "Umika... Ryosuke is a trustable person as long as I know him, and you know it too so I'm sure you're in safe hands. and if you are worrying about him, then I promise you I'll watch over him and make sure nothing happens."

Umika halted her sobbing and asked, "you promise?"

"yes... I've never broken my promise to you before, isn't it... believe me, everything will be fine."

"is everything gonna change from now?" Umika asked and her voice began to crack once more.

"I think both of you need time to heal from this incident. it's a crucial period for Ryosuke before we determine the severity of this issue. I can only advise that you lie low for now. I'll be at your bidding if you need me... for old time sake, I won't leave you in the lurge," Daiki pulled back and firmly secured her by her shoulders and gave her a reassuring smile, though it helped only the bare minimum.

from that day, she has not met up with Ryosuke, neither did she contact him and vice versa. Umika worried her family when she started being too interested in local news, traditional and social media trends such that she can trace any news about that night. fortunately, there was nothing. She was also obsessed with hunting down Reno cause she believes he holds the key to the missing link about what exactly happened that night. she couldn't figure out why Ryosuke was here in her room and neither could she understand why the 2 of them are in such bizarre situation. 

She fiddled with her phone and typed and retyped a message as if couldn't make up her mind....

"Ryosuke...

I miss your voice."

she finally typed out her true feelings at this juncture. it was like she's speaking out loud. She has no intention to have it sent out but her mind spoke louder than her words. perhaps her subconscious mind triumph over other deliberate thoughts, she clicked on the send button absentmindedly, only finding out after a return message got her eyes sparkling. She was yearning for a message from anyone after being on a message drought for the past week... but it was true happiness for her when she saw the name of the sender glaring right at her eyes.

"Umika.

I miss you very much too. let me settle some stuff first and I can meet you in the late afternoon at our usual place... please promise you'll be there."

Umika's heart skipped a beat after realising she wasn't the only one missing the other party. her fingers reacted excitedly...

"I promise. I love you."

almost instantly, a reply came. she pursed her lips and opened the message.

"I love you too."

*****