“Why’d you make them leave?” I ask Alex when I finally get myself together. He sighs and walks over to sit in a chair. “Because there are some things we need to talk about. “Like what?” I ask him. Alex just shrugs, looking at me as if I’m the one he has to listen to. “I’m sure you have a lot you want to say to me. It’s probably best to get it off of your chest now so you can lessen that load you’re carrying.” He suggest.

He was right. I did have a lot I wanted to say to him…starting from when he left. “Joon I know you aren’t exactly fond of me, but...”

 “Of course I’m fond of you. I love you, you’re my brother.” I interrupt him.

Alex looks completely shocked to hear that. “I don’t want to be fond of you…you left us. Here. With him.” I add. “And you got too close to Rachel. But no matter how much I try, I can’t bring myself to hating you. I just can’t do it. And when I thought you were in danger….I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself unless I told you the truth.” I admit.

“Joon…that day…I didn’t want to leave you guys-“

“Yeah, but you did.”

“I HAD to. My mother came and paid off her debt…Chief said I caused him too much trouble anyway, I never did what he wanted me to. I begged her to pay off your mother’s debt as well…she refused. I told her you guys were my brothers…I was going to come back for you guys…”

“But you didn’t.” I interrupt.

Alex looks annoyed. “I DID. And he threatened to kill you if I kept pursuing you guys.”

“And you believed that? You think he’d kill one of his own children?” I ask him.

“He’s done it before…I was afraid he’d do it again.” Alex informs me. I was confused. “What do you mean he’s done it before?” I ask him. Alex hesitates, but gives in.

“Chief had another son…Jaehyun. HE was the oldest. And Chief killed him. Right in front of me.” He admits. I’m completely shocked. Chief had ANOTHER son, and I never even knew about it. I wanted to ask more questions, but I didn’t know how sensitive Alex was about the topic.

“He was my full brother…we had the same mother as well.”

“H-hyung…I’m sorry. I-I didn’t…”

“It’s alright….I just…I just didn’t want to lose you guys too. When I heard Jisoo ran away I moved to Busan for a while hoping I’d find him first…but, he wasn’t exactly happy to see me. A-and when I saw you again you felt the same way. I don’t know what I expected but…”

“I didn’t know…if you’d told us back then…”

“You wouldn’t be here today.” Alex concludes. And he was right. If Chief kept something like this from us, there was definitely a reason for it. If he found out that we knew, who knows what he would’ve done to us? Then I realize that I’ve been trying to hate him and shun him for so long, and he didn’t even deserve it.

“Were you guys close?” I ask him. “You and your older brother?” Alex smiles and looks down.

“Not as close as we are, you, Jisoo and I…but yeah, I looked up to him a lot.”

I wanted to know more….I’ve never seen this side of Alex. I didn’t know he had a secret this deep and dark. So dark that he didn’t even want us to know about it.

“H-how…how did he die?”  I ask him.

“He didn’t just die. Chief killed him.” He corrected. He takes a moment. “It was stupid. He was supposed to be next in line…for the…you know, ruling the drug empire and all. He didn’t want it. He was 18 at the time and he wanted to enjoy his life, not ruin it following in his father’s footsteps.”

“He tried to do the same thing to Jisoo…” I add. Alex just nods. “But I don’t think he would’ve killed Jisoo….his mother is the only woman Chief ever loved. That’s why he kept such a tight chain on the boy. He didn’t want to let him loose because he reminded him of his mother.” Alex adds.

“Is that why you were so…hard on him when he was young? Because of our other brother?”

“No…I just…I didn’t want the same thing to happen to Jisoo. Everything Chief did to Jisoo he did to Jaehyun first. I just wanted Jisoo to have a chance at life…so I made him do what Chief said…” Alex clarifies.

“Anyway…in one of the transactions with a rivaling family, my brother made a mistake. A deadly mistake…and when chief got news of it….he got rid of his problem.” Alex concludes putting it simply. I wanted to know what mistake was so unforgivable that it resulted in death...but I don't bother asking.

“But…how-“

“He got shot in the face.” Alex says. “Right in front of me.” I was speechless. Chief shot his first-born son…in the face??! Because he made a mistake?? “Alex I…” I pause. There was nothing I could say. He’s been through a lot more than I can even imagine, and all I’ve done was blame him for everything and shun him. I could tell it was too much for him to recall, so I decided to stop pressing.

“He killed his own son…”

“And he’ll do it again. None of us mean anything  to him. We’re just trophies, souvenirs of all the different woman he slept with. He can’t get away with it anymore…I won’t let him.”

“But Alex…this isn’t about revenge…it’s about getting your son back. That’s our goal.” I remind him.

He seems to think this idea is funny. “You think that’s all? You think he’ll just hand him over to me gratefully, without a problem? I have to kill him. It’s the only way. He’ll keep coming for us.” He says through gritted teeth.

“And then what? Alex, it’s not only Chief you have to worry about. He has an entire empire behind him! You turn on him and they ALL become your enemies, son or not.” I tell him. “We have to be smart about this.”

“And what about when they come after Rachel? What will you do then? Are you still going to preach peace when they take her from you?”

I was shocked….how the tables have turned. Alex is usually the one to talk reason, Jisoo is usually the one preaching peace and I’m the one usually aiming for the neck. This is what Chief did to us. We were all turned inside out, we weren’t ourselves. Alex with the rash decisions and murderous intentions, Jisoo suddenly becoming a bad-, and me snapping uncontrollably. These weren’t our characters. I find myself agreeing with Alex. He was right. Chief would keep coming for us. H won’t stop until we stop him. If we have to deal with the allies and rest of the empire….that’s just something we’d have to risk. For ourselves, for our families and for our happiness.

“We have to kill him.” I conclude.

I stand outside of the door Jisoo said Rachel should be in and exhale. How was I going to apologize? I’ve been extremely hard on her for a while…and  I don’t know why. I understand that she just wants to help me and be there for me….but it’s difficult and a little annoying when she puts herself in harm’s way like she has. I felt relieved to have cleared the air with Alex…now I needed to make things right with her, like he said. I put my hand on the door knob and twist it, pushing it open quietly, just in case she was already asleep.

She wasn’t.

 She was digging around in the large bag she brought with her for something. I close the door behind me quietly and lock it. I didn’t want any disturbances. When she hears the door lock, she turns around. “Joon…” she says. I smile at her weakly, but I don’t say anything. I wasn’t sure how I should start. Do I just say sorry?? Rachel looks worried. “Is everything alright?” she asks. I nod. “I-I just…I came to apologize. I was pretty hard on you back there.” I tell her. She takes her bag and places it on the desk nearby. “No…no it’s alright. You’re going through a lot right now…I get it.” She says. “No…no you don’t get it…” I say, walking over to her. “We’re all going through a lot right now…I shouldn’t have treated the way I have been.” I tell her. Rachel just looks at me with her huge eyes. “Well…I mean, I already knew you didn’t mean to-“

“You should stop making excuses for me.” I tell her, cupping her face with my hands. Rachel sighs, taking my hands away from her face. “Joon…you broke up with me…remember?” she reminds me, before taking a seat on the bed in the room. “I did. But do you know why?” I ask her.

“Well you just said you needed time…”

“Which I did.” I agreed.

“And I gave you that.”

“And how did you spend that time?” I ask her. “What do you mean?” she asks confused. “You spent all that time with Alex.”

“Oh please! Don’t make that into something it’s not! Joon I…”

“I’m not saying it means anything…” I assure her. I already knew she wouldn’t do something like that, my feelings towards Alex during those moments weren’t positive so…I saw in a way I shouldn’t have.

“Rachel…I broke up with you to avoid all of this.” I tell her. She looks super confused. “Well aren’t you succeeding….” She mumbles.

“I came back to Busan for a stupid reason. I wanted to find my mother, and since Chief is the only connection I have to her, that’s who I went to.” I admit. Rachel looks shocked. “I didn’t only want to find my mother, I was looking for Jisoo’s mother as well. Chief said she’s dead. I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t coming here to plot evil with him or whatever you thought. I wanted to find them and bring down his empire from the inside out.”

“Joon…really I didn’t know…”

“I know you didn’t, or you wouldn’t have made these ridiculous assumptions.”

Rachel looks a little hurt, that wasn’t my intention. “Look…I know you were just concerned…but it’s best to ask and NEVER assume. I learned that today with Alex. Things happen as they’re supposed to happen. What we usually think is going on, is actually just a scratch on the surface.” I tell her.

“Well you didn’t exactly want to sit down and have a conversation with me…”

“And you didn’t want to listen.” I tell her, which shuts her up.

“I’m sorry…from causing all of this. I wasn’t even aware of it when I was doing it! I thought since you hated Alex that you’d turn him in in a heartbeat…”

“I don’t HATE Alex…I’ve never hated him. I just…I blamed him for a lot of things. It was convenient at the time.”

“How do you feel now?” she asks.

“About what?”

“About Alex dummy.”

I sigh. “He’s my brother.” I tell her.

“You still have too much pride.” She scoffs. “It’s okay to say you love him. Or that you missed him and that you’re sorry.”

“Yeah it’s okay to say those things to HIM, not to you.” I tell her.

“Well what’s wrong with saying those things to me?” she asks, sounding slightly offended.

“I have something else to say to you.”

Rachel looks uncomfortable. “From now on I want you to trust me. I don’t want to play guessing games with you anymore.” I tell her. “Ummm…alright. I uh…mmmm…” she stutters, getting up from her spot next to me on the bed. Here she goes again. She always gets like this whenever we talk about our relationship. I watch her walk over to the desk her bag rested on top of and go back to rummaging through her bag. What was she even looking for?

“Rachel you need to listen to me.” I tell her. “I am listening.” She says, not turning around. I just continue watching her flip through hidden layers and pockets of the bag. Who knew a bag could have so many compartments? She s the largest compartment for like the 3^rd time and exhales, pushing her hair out of her face. Her hair was straight. How could I have not noticed? Now that I was actually taking time to examine her, a lot about her has changed. Her hair was usually extremely curly, but now it’s bone straight, I wanted to ask her if she had gotten a magic straight perm, but I find myself examining the rest of her body, and before I knew it, I had forgotten all about her hair. She had on a grey, long sleeved shirt with three buttons near the top, every button closed except the top button, which only showed the skin below her collarbone. She wore simple dark colored jeans and white tennis shoes. Her clothes were simple, but somehow she still looked….y.

I try to shake the thoughts creeping into my mind away. Maybe I was only lusting because I’ve been away from her for so long. Maybe I was just desperate. Whatever the feelings were, they weren’t going away. I continue tracing the outline of her body with my eyes. I didn’t even remember what I was talking about before. I feel my entire body warm up and when I can’t control myself anymore, I get up. I didn’t know what I was doing, but my body seemed to know what it wanted.

Cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe cring cringe cringe cringe cringe  T.T