I sit silently as TaeGu drives the car. I could tell a lot was running through his mind, he was angry, he was hurt, you could almost see every emotion on his face. Worry lines had formed on his forehead as he drove faster than the speed limit allowed. I wanted to tell him to slow down, or calm down or something! But I knew it wouldn’t reach him. His son was in danger and all he could probably think about now is saving him. Though I wasn’t a mother myself, I did know that a parent’s love for their child is a bond that could never be broken. It made me think of my own parents. I’m sure they wouldn’t be proud of me, of who I am…or who I’ve become. These thoughts sadden me because I never once thought about my parents through all of this. Initially it was all about paying off their debt, though they begged me not to and assured me that they’d get the money back. I didn’t like seeing my parents struggle, it angered me and made my life difficult. I could never experience what other high school kids could. I didn’t want to invite my friends over because I was embarrassed. I became embarrassed of my parents. When I thought enough was enough and I didn’t want to live this lifestyle anymore I went to confront the man they owed money to myself. I wanted to tell him off and tell him that destroying our lives was a paid debt in itself…but he was convincing, and I was stupid. He told me he could forget my parent’s debt if I did some work for him for a while. I didn’t think it’d be years… but I didn’t think anything, I just accepted. I never told my parents until I stopped coming home. They pretty much figured it out themselves by then, and that’s when the begging kicked in...and my dad’s shunning. I thought I was helping them but I was really doing it for myself, something I’ve been ashamed for since I started.

{Flashback}

I walk through the kitchen door and kick off my shoes. I take a deep breath and look around the kitchen. Still small. Still hideous. Still annoying. Just being back in this little shack of a home angered me. Just then my mom comes running into the kitchen, arms outstretched ready to pull me into a hug.

“Aigooo, where have you been?? We’ve been worried sick about you! Have you eaten? I have some soup on the stove if you-”

“I’m not hungry.” I tell her blankly. She pulls away from the hug and examines me.

“Well…alright honey.” She says. “But…where have you been? You’ve been gone for a week! We thought…“

“I told you guys not to come looking for me. I’m not a kid anymore.” I say. She smiles weakly and rubs my arms.

“You’re right.” She says softly. “You’re not a kid anymore. But can’t you still come home more often? I mean…you’ve only just finished high school…“

“I’ll come home when I can.” I tell her, pulling away from her grasp and walking past her to fall on the couch. I close my eyes hoping to find some peace for a few seconds. “She should be applying for Universities! Not running wild through the streets!” a loud voice shouts. I turn around to see my father and immediately stand up.

“A-a-appa..”

“What are you doing here? You’re a free woman now aren’t you? You’re living life running wild out there, why come back?” he asks sternly. I shake my head.

“I-it’s not like that…”

“Oh? Then tell me what it’s like. The only chance you have in this world you can only get with an education! And you’re out here doing nothing! Do you want to end up like us?”

“That’s the least of my wants. I want to be the opposite of you guys, but I don’t want to leave you guys hanging either. You think I’m out there living a good life? You think I can easily be the daughter you’re proud of given these conditions? Thanks to YOUR debt, life is kind of hard on me if you haven’t noticed.”

“This crazy girl…..what do you mean these conditions? We’ve given you the best we….!”

“And your best isn’t enough! It's never been enough.You’ll always have this debt over your heads! And you won’t do anything to lessen it!” My father looks at me in utter shock while my mother just stands there worriedly. She opens to speak. “Honey…we’re trying…”

“And I can see that. I know you’re trying, and while you guys continue to try, I’ll be out finding ways to pay it off myself.” I conclude, picking up my purse from the couch.

“This crazy girl! How do you think you’ll do that? Don’t you dare even think about doing unspeakable things! We didn’t raise a e!” my dad shouts.

“Yeah? Well what did you raise? A saint? An A+ student? Or is that what you wish you raised? Well guess what? You didn’t, and you’ll have to live with it!” I snap back. Of course I didn’t want to become a e! But if that’s what it took to live debt-free…

My mother rushes over to me and holds onto my arms. “Honey, don’t do this, okay? Your father and I can pay off the debt. It may not be as soon as you may like, but we can do it. I plan to get a job to-to help your father…just come back home, okay?” she begs. I roll my eyes. “What will you get a job doing? What can you do? You guys are getting older! You can’t do much anymore!” I exclaim. “I can easily get a job cleaning houses! There are a lot of big houses down in Seoul…I’m sure they need housekeepers for…”

“No, mom you’re not getting it!” I shout, yanking my arms free. “How will you get to Seoul with no car? Take the bus early every single morning? And when you hurt yourself cleaning? Then what? How will you pay your hospital bills? I’m trying to help you guys!”

“Honey…”

“Then  go! You think you’re helping us but you aren’t! You want to help us? Stay home! Get into a decent University and get a good job! Make money the honorable way and then you’ll be helping us! Whatever you’re planning to do I can just feel how dishonorable it is! But it’s your life and you’re an adult! Go do what you want!”

“Yeobo…..” My mother whines now holding onto him, begging him to be more sincere. I could see tears welling in her eyes but, I didn’t care.

“That’s exactly what I plan to do. I don’t know if you’ve payed attention to my high school record but my grades aren’t exactly college worthy, no one would accept me, this is the only option, and I plan to take advantage of it.” My dad takes a few threatening steps towards me. “You ungrateful child. Don’t you ever come back here.” He concludes through gritted teeth, causing my mom to wail and beg endlessly. My father wasn’t moved by my mother’s concerns. He just glared at me as I turn to slip back into my shoes.

“Fine. Don’t come looking for me either.” I conclude before walking out the door. “DON’T YOU EVER COME BACK HERE!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!!!” I could hear him shout a while away from the house. The mixture of his shouting and my mother’s cries was overwhelming, but I didn’t turn around, I didn’t look back once. I just continued on my way as tears welled up in my eyes.

{Flashback end}

 I haven’t seen my parents since then…and I wondered how they were doing. I wanted to apologize for everything, to tell them that I haven’t forgotten what they’ve taught me, and how I miss them and how I’m not embarrassed of them…and that I love them. How I’ve become isn’t how I was raised… it’s not how I would like my children to grow up, and it’s heartbreaking to think that it took the kidnapping of someone else’s child to remind me.