Day 15
Marry the Princess, they Said
Day 15.
I still cannot fathom the fact that the Prince likes me in a romantic way.
After his confession yesterday, I at first thought that he liked me as a friend; however, he quickly confirmed that his attraction was indeed romantically. He so very kindly gave me time to contemplate over things, and did not rush me one bit. To the end, even with a servant like me, he is kind and understanding.
In utter stupidity and disrespect, I did not reply. I could not reply. I merely looked at the Prince in shock as he explained his feelings and told me to think over things. I could only look at him stupidly as he displayed the utmost kindness and patience.
On one hand, I should be rejoicing as this is one step closer to "true love". However, I do not know if I feel the same way, so I consult the Royal Sage Dongwan, who I told my symptoms of. And yes, he indeed confirmed everything; it seems as though with all the signs I am showing, I am indeed not sick, but lovesick, as he so aptly put it.
Somehow... I agree. I do agree with the Royal Sage Dongwan for once.
I have never been in love. All my life I had dedicated into serving my King and fighting the Evil Lord Minwoo. I did, though, fall for the Princess, who I vowed to protect forever even from the very first time I saw her; though I do not think it was love at that time as I was very young. That same Princess is now the Prince, willingly giving himself to me as he spilled his innermost feelings for a mere servant like me, who does not deserve even an iota of his love, but someone he has willingly given it to.
The Royal Sage Dongwan explained why I might like the Prince, if not love (yet, he added). He pointed out all the signs that I felt the same- my increased heartbeat, my breath hitching in my throat even at the slightest of his smiles, and the fact that I do nothing to prevent the close interaction with him, sometimes even initiating it.
He is right. Maybe I do indeed like him.
However... I am still not entirely sure about myself.
The idea of even liking someone romantically is a foreign thing to me. I have never felt that sort of attraction towards anyone. I have felt admiration and respect for their Majesties, and I have certainly admired a sizeable amount of women throughout my life, but I did not feel anything even remotely romantic for anyone.
I am utterly confused. I do not wish to offend the Prince; however, I do not want to give him false hope either. Fortunately, he has been understanding of me, and has kept a considerable yet friendly distance from me all day. I longed for the moments where we could just be near each other normally; but alas, that is not going to happen unless I sort out my feelings.
I tell the Prince that I am going out, and though he was surprised he let me go. I walked around and tried to clear my head.
Surprisingly, I found myself missing him. This had been the first time in days that we were not together; we had practically been attached at the hip now. It felt unusual that he was not beside me. Throughout my walk, I often caught myself reaching out for his hand at my side; yet my hands find only thin air. I also found that, as I walked through the streets, every little thing I looked at reminded me of him one way or another.
The Royal Sage Dongwan said this is one of the symptoms. Could it be possible that I, indeed, do like him back?
I passed by a flower shop that, is oddly enough, filled with flowers even though it is the middle of winter. Without thinking, I went in and looked around, the sweet aroma permeating the air. I must say that I am quite knowledgeable on flowers, and if I was tested I could have named every single flower inside that shop. And I also know what they mean; communication between lovers through the use of flowers is very common in my land.
The lady shopkeeper was pleasant and helpful; thankfully, I had thought of bringing the book of words with me as I realized that I still could not communicate in the language of this land. She said something about being used to 'foreigners' frequenting her shop. I looked around at the flowers, going over all their names and meanings in my head, as out of the corner of my eye, I saw them.
Without skipping a beat, I heard myself asking the lady for Purple Lilacs. I knew full well what they meant, though it was as if nothing registered in my mind as I robotically paid for the bouquet and thanked her for her help. I was no longer thinking. I hurried home, my feet going faster and faster as I finally broke into a jog, then a run, and then suddenly, my feet could not carry me fast enough.
I do not know why there was a sense of urgency in my steps at that moment. Perhaps it was because I thought it was too late, that the Prince would eventually take back what he said, and various other things; but I know that that was not the case. And yet, I still could not get there fast enough, as my only goal was to get home and see him; there was a pressing desire, a pressing need for me to be right there, in front of the Prince. For me to hold him in my arms once more.
And when I finally run into the house, panting and gasping as if my lungs would explode at any minute, I see the Prince running frantically to me and ask what was going on. I take one look at him, and I realize everything.
The Royal Sage Dongwan is right. I do like him.
If there was any doubt in my mind earlier, it was cleared right at that moment.
Wordlessly, I pulled the Prince into a tight hug. He was a bit surprised, but soon I felt his arms wrapping around me. I felt safe in his embrace. His presence warmed my body and my heart more effectively than any thick coat or fireplace, and as I closed my eyes and basked in him, I realize that there should have been no question at all.
It is right what I have heard people say. When you fall in love, you just know it. For love is done with the heart, not with the mind.
I like you, too. I whispered, loud enough for only him to hear. He pulled away to look up at me, searching my face and reading my expression almost as if to see if I was joking or not, but I am sure that my face and actions conveyed it all. His look of confusion and apprehension was replaced with the smile I so loved, as he finally noticed the flowers in my hand. I had forgotten all about them, and sheepishly, I hand them to him. He shyly thanked me (which I found utterly adorable) and went to cut their stems and arranged them prettily in a vase to display in the common room.
In my land, Purple Lilacs are only given to one person, once in a lifetime. And the moment our eyes met once more, I am certain that I had given them to the right person.
I vowed at that moment that I will not leave his side, whether he chooses to stay here or not.
For he is my first, my only, and (I am sure) forever love.
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