[L.Joe's POV]

Umma didn’t come into my room to interrupt us for breakfast; it was already noon. I still needed time to calm down. I glanced at my shoulder, looking at ~~~~~’s sleeping position. My eyes were puffy from crying for hours when I read Appa’s letter on my Cyworld. I never want that deleted. ‘I will make you proud.’ I thought confidently. My body felt weak, so I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to either. ~~~~~ hasn’t slept at all since we arrived in Mokpo. I sighed, as my shoulders slumped, making her wake up.

“Ah, mian.” I glanced over.

“Go back to sleep.” She began rubbing her eyes, “It’s alright. Are you okay?” Her eyes were puffy too.

“I’m sorry you had to go through this again.” I looked straight at the wall. I can feel her stare trying to break contact between me and the wall.

“It’s alright, Oppa.” She smiled slightly. As she weakly raised her hands to pull my face to look at hers.

“I want to know if YOU are alright.” She looked at me sternly. I stared into her eyes, hoping to escape reality, just for a second to feel at ease.

“I’m fine.” I mumbled, pulling my face away from her warm hands. I wanted to change the subject because I felt tears coming out.

“~~~~~-ah, why were you so afraid when I grabbed your hand to pull you in the van that time?” I asked. I heard her shuffle uncomfortably.

“I’ve had some bad experiences before I came here.”

“Like what?” I turned to look at her, yearning for her to tell me everything about her. She looked up; her eyes were on the verge of crying. I didn’t want to comfort her just yet. I looked at her solemnly, “Please tell me.” We broke eye contact, “Ever since I found out my ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I’ve been harassed a couple of times. They would pull me into their arms, saying they would make me feel better. I couldn’t take it when they went too far. I was profoundly afraid of men afterwards. I couldn’t hand my heart to anyone after him, nor did I want any man touching me.”

I stared at the back of her head, as she continued, “I know you didn’t mean to, it just happened. But if I told you in detail what those men have done to me, I would never stop shaking again. It was horrendous. All in one month, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I received harsh harassment, and my Umma died in front of my eyes.” I heard her weep. I wanted to touch her, so badly. I’m probably no different than those men, but I know when to stop. I held my arm to prevent me from touching her, “So why did he break up with you?”

She wrapped her arms around her knees as she wept, “He thinks that I thought of him as inferior, because I wasn’t as engaging loving him physically as I was emotionally. So he went off kissing another girl on our second year anniversary.”

“It’s not true that I thought he was inferior, I just thought I wasn’t ready. Was two years really too long for a man to wait? Or was it because I was afraid of him like all those other men?” Her weeps grew louder. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Before I let go of my strength to embrace her, I asked her one more question; a chance for her to choose whether she wants this hidden love of mine or to reject it.

“Then, are you bothered with how I touch you?” She slowly stopped weeping; I waited long, suffering inside to hear her answer. She lifted her head and slowly, but faintly shook her head sideways. I felt relieved. As soon as she did, I swiftly embraced her tightly in my arms. I wanted to receive her love, her