I was sitting outside on my porch; it had just rained not too long ago. It’s slowly dying down. I looked up at the sky, hoping to find Appa grinning at me. But my search was cut short when I heard the front door open to see ~~~~~ in my clothes. I had to admit, she looked cute when she came out humbly holding the ends of my shirt and trotted towards me to sit down. I resumed to what I was doing because my face began to burn. She curled up into a ball as she looked up into the sky too. ‘Was she thinking what I was thinking?’ I pulled my knee up to support my arm as I looked at the ground, “Is he really up there?” Appa.

~~~~~ looked at me sympathetically; she nodded, “Kind of. You have to greet him before he takes the stairs to Heaven.” She smiled kindly. I nodded as I put my hands in my pocket, balled up into fists.

“I’m never really good with goodbyes.” She gazed at me like I didn’t understand, then gently; she pulled my hand out of my pocket and held them securely into her hands.

“Who said it was goodbye? Why not ‘see you later, Appa?’”

“Later sounds like a long time,” I mumbled. Sweetly, she began tracing the lines on the palm of my hand, as she looked down like she was concentrating on tracing.

“Don’t think you’ll never see him again, L.Joe Oppa.” She whispered mutely, “He’s probably sitting right next to you right now.” Stupid as I was, I turned to my right as if he really was sitting there.

”Think of it as if he’s going on a business trip. You’ll see him when your time comes, but for now he just wants you to enjoy your life. Live your life to the fullest, as the cliché goes.” She nodded knowingly.

“That’s what I’m doing right now.” She looked up. I began to see sparks in her eyes.

“So never think of it as a goodbye,” she said with reassurance, looking down at my palm, retracing once more. I closed my eyes as I slowly tried evening my breath. It felt nice what she was doing to my hand. My shoulders began to slow loosen up, as I opened my eyes up to the sky, then back to my right, looking at the empty seat as if someone WAS there. ‘Isn’t she nice, Appa?’ I asked to myself. I could hear him reply with joy, ‘She’s wonderful, Byunghun-ah.’ 

~~~~~ and I haven’t been sleeping at all the past two days; tomorrow is Appa’s memorial service. My heart once more began to tie into knots. The gang said they’re coming over today to comfort me and to give their respects to Appa. I heard the doorbell ring, and ~~~~~ went to get it, but I pulled her back because I wanted to ask her something.

“Can I cry tomorrow?” I asked. I didn’t know why I asked. I could have if I wanted to. She looked at me curiously, but smiled and nodded.

“Of course, but I’m sure he doesn’t want you to cry the next day.” She pulled her hand away as she walked over to open the door. Her warmth was gone. I nodded. I had to stay strong. I promised I wouldn’t cry anymore. Only if it was necessary, like ~~~~~ once told me; her Umma told her to only cry at three times, when you’re a baby, when you’re giving birth (but I don’t see how this relates to men), and when a loved one has passed away.

The gang came in, trying to cheer us up. ~~~~~ easily smiled as she takes the basket of fruits from them and place it in the kitchen. Everyone went up to me and asked how I was doing. I replied curtly that I was fine. I didn’t want to be mean, but in truth, they don’t understand at all how it felt to have lost a parent. ~~~~~ understands. She’s felt the pain before. I’m still glad though, that the members are trying to raise my spirits up with their smiles and warm embraces.

“Thanks.” I said to everyone. We all gathered into the living room and just talked until it was time for dinner. There wasn’t much room for everyone to sleep in, so half the members had to sleep in the living room while the others would be sleeping in me and Hyung’s room. ~~~~~, sadly, would have to move out of my room to sleep with my Umma in my parent’s bedroom. I frowned slightly, because the warmth in the room disappeared as soon as she left. I really wanted her to stay with me, the night before Appa’s funeral.

[Your POV]

It was seven in the morning; I wasn’t able to sleep at all. I was worried if L.Joe Oppa had gotten any sleep. I walked out of Umma’s room, changed, to check if he was asleep. I quietly opened his door to peek inside. I saw that he was sitting there, his back facing towards me as he was on the laptop, rereading his Appa’s letter to him. I looked over him poignantly, as I whispered, “L.Joe Oppa.” He turned to face me, and saw he was already in tears before the memorial service started. He quickly shut off the laptop, and walked out to face me in the hallway.

“What is it?” He sniffled, and looked at me like everything was normal.

“I told you not to hold it in.” I looked up at him sadly. He smiled faintly, “I’ll cry when we’re at the service.” I looked at him, not knowing what to do. Before I could think of anything he said, “Go wake the others, we have to get there early.” Then he went inside without another word. I looked at his door, as I placed my hand on it. ‘It breaks my heart when you’re like this.’ I walked away to go wake the others.

[L.Joe's POV]

I lay my back against the door as I tried my best to hold everything in. ‘Not yet.’ I quickly got changed and woke up Dongwoo Hyung and Sunggyu Hyung to get dressed. By the time I came out, everyone else was awake getting changed. I walked into the living room to see not only ~~~~~, but Myungsoo Hyung sitting besides her talking quietly. She smiled considerately, as he, from the looks of it, tried to cheer her up.

“~~~~~, smile. Please? I haven’t seen you smile whole-heartedly since last night.” Myungsoo Hyung slightly whined. ~~~~~ smiled, I felt as the entire room brightened when she smiled. I felt a bit better after seeing her smile.

“L Oppa, thanks for