Cracked Open
Hi, I'm Your Fiancée
Krystal
I walked over to my bed and sat down, "Do you.." it felt super awkward to ask, "Do you .. know his name?"
Umma leaned against the door to my front room and thought for a second, "Choi? I think his last name was?"
"Choi? But I thought they were Japanese?"
"Ani, they're part of a Japanese company but they're Korean." she sighed and shook her head, "Soojung-ah, stop asking questions. Umma doesn't know all the details"
I felt slightly relieved, At least I know I'll be able to communicate with him... wait, what am I saying? I don't want this at all. I shouldn't be asking about this boy. I shouldn't be in this situation right now.
Suddenly my gloomy mindset had cracked and all that was left was anger.
"Well of course you wouldn't know. You don't care about anything other than what affects you directly! As long as you can jet off to Paris or Berlin whenever you want, you don't care. " I spit out
Her soft voice became authoritative, "That's not true. I do care."
"Liar! If you cared you would have done something to keep me from going to school in the states! You would have asked appa and harabeoji to rethink Kikwang's marriage! And you definitely wouldn't be okay with shipping me off to Japan, never to be heard of again!" I clenched my hands, my eyes were welling up in my anger.
Umma knew it was true, and I could tell. She couldn't look at me any more. But before I could say another word, the sound of the doorbell rand through the house. Immediately my mother disappeared from my room and made her way downstairs to the front door.
"Annyeonghaseyo, Eo-eomma-nim" I could hear Hyosung's voice hesitating to call her eomma. The conversation carried up to my room.
"Neh, how are you? Please come in! Do you want something to eat?" She sounded unphased. Acting like everything is fine is her specialty, after all.
"No, no I'm fine. I just had a snack... Is Krystal here?"
"Yes, she's just upstairs"
Realizing that she'd be in my room any second, I quickly wipe my tears away and pick up a book in attempts to look natural.
"Soojung-ie?" Hyosung poked her head through the door.
"oh.. uhmm, hi" I manage to squeak out.
Stupid, stupid stupid!! Why can't I seem to act normally the moment I need to the most?
Already acknowledging my feeble attempt at my cover up, I look up at her.
"Omo! You're eyes are red. What happened?" Hyo sung sat infront of me on the bed but looked behind herself to the door of my room. "And why do you have suitcases? Are you going somewhere?"
She must have come right after school because she was still in uniform, except for her blazer which she probably took off at some point before.
"I-it's nothing" I try to brush it off and change the subject, "How's Kikwang? I heard he did well taking care of things at the ranch."
This time it was her turn to avert her gaze, "Y-yeah, he's -- okay."
I raise my eyebrow and urge her to spill the beans, successfully getting her to forget about my situation.
"...He's not speaking to me. And I don't know why. He's just not himself" She says defeatedly, "But the worst thing is, it makes me realize that I'm not even sure if I knew him in the first place."
"Eh?"
"I mean I know him and by living together I can say were close to some degree, but I don't know much about him. Like what's his favourite colour, or where he loves to go."
I thought this over for a bit, not speaking?
That doesn't sound like the oppa I know. He wouldn't do that... unless maybe something was really bothering him? No, it can't be it, because I know what he's like when he's upset... Then... that means it would have to be something really serious. Like a ... a decision! Yes, that sounds right! But it'd have to be one hell of a choice to make. Like ....
Suddenly I understand oppa's actions. But right now, I'm in no position to choose sides. This time, it isn't something I can help Hyosung with. It's not really anything she can control herself.
This is Kikwang's choice to make.
If he chooses one side, then he'll risk being disowned from the family for disobeying. But if he chooses to stay he'll lose something really important to him. The only thing is, I don't know where he stands, if he want to choose one or the other.
That must be it! He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what side he's on or what he wants!
Hyosung's eyes search for some kind of answer on my face. I wish so badly that I could tell her. But it's not my place to say.
"He might be under alot of pressure right now" I offer, "I don't know what eslse it could be."
She nods, because she figures that maybe no one might have an answer to this.
Suddenly we hear banging on the door. We both turn our heads towards the sound. Someone's knocking on the door. Umma's footsteps scurry towards the door.
"Oh!-- Abeoji. You should have told me you were coming I would have prepared some --"
My grandfather's furious voice cuts her off, "WHERE IS HE?!"
"Ne?"
"My son! Where is he?"
"It's almost four, he must be on the way home right now" She says nervously, "Can I ask why?" Umma's trys to be careful and trigger anymore of grandpa's anger.
"WHY!!?, Why!? He agreed to marry off my grand daughter to a stranger!! THAT'S WHY!" His terrifying voice travelled all the way into my room.
There was no way Hyosung misheard it. Her face turned to me in shock.
"Is that what was bothering you?" She whispered. "Is that why your things are packed?"
I took a deep breath, it was the first time these words would leave my mouth. "Ye, I'm getting married."
Hyosung
Pale rays of sun creep through my window causing me to wake up. Well, that and the giant knot in my stomach. I look over to my left where Kikwang is sprawled out on the other side of the bed. Cheh, and he says I sleep abandonedly. The digital clock on my bedside table says 6:45. I sigh, yep. 6:45 AM. I mentally curse Kikwang, its his fault i have this uneasy feeling in my stomach. Stupid Kikwang and his stupid girly PMS mood swings. How is it he can sleep soundly? I drag myself out of bed. If I can't comfort myself with sleep, then food is always the next best thing. I head to bathroom to take a shower and look decent and then make my way to the kitchen.
I grumpily pull out pancake mix, a frying pan and a bowl. Sadly, the clanging of the mixing batter and the sizzling pan have managed to make today the loudest it's ever been these past couple of days. Kikwang must have decided to take up being a mime because it's getting ridiculous around here. I flip a pancake over aggressively. Just thinking about this kid makes my blood boil. I place the pancake on the pile on my plate, walk over to the couch and flip the television on to a random channel. At this point I don't even know what I'm watching, I'm just glaring at the flat screen angrily and stuffing mounds of syrupy goodness into my mouth.
"Guess your figure isn't important to you" Kikwang says as he passes by to get to the kitchen. Evidently he only opens his mouth to let out taunting words.
I shove another fork full into my mouth in response. Because of the knot in my stomach, I haven't been able to eat properly. But today I decided Kikwang could take away my sleep, but not my food.
"Oh, so you found your voice have you?" I say venomously.
Actually alot more venomously than I intended, but I felt so overcome by emotion that I guess it slipped out.
"Or is it that you didn't even want to acknowledge my presence?"
His eyes widen in surprise, he was clearly taken off guard.
The words crack the calm exterior I've been trying to keep all this time.
"You know what bugs me?" I ask, apparently I'm on a roll because now I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth, "People who make you feel happy. When your with them you feel like you mean the world to them, and they mean the world to you. But when they suddenly shut you out, it's like all the time you spent together was nothing. Like it never existed. And then you realize that they were just playing with you."
My voice starts to waver and I can feel tears b at my eyes, "And when you realize that, it hurts. It hurts alot. Because it was real to me."
YAY New updates!
Hmm.. I wonder how Kikwang will react to this...
BTW: Ny new apply fic is up, if you're interested the link's here
And no, it's not the fic I was talking about before in my blog post,
that one's for a fic in the works that i'll start posting up here after I finish this one :D
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~ Nana-love
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