Shadow Moses

by: soroue

Genre: Romance/Angst

Main Character(s): Luhan/Kai/OC 

Contains: Straight

Chapter(s): One (Completed)

Summary:   There is never a perfect relationship because nothing lasts forever.

Title ★★★★★ 

The title does caught my attention because it really makes me think one thing: "What is the meaning behind it?" Yes, it is original (no one in aff has it except you) and it doesn't even give you a clue to what the story is about. So, my question is: what does it mean? I read the story. I know Moses is a biblical character and his hebrew name means "savior" or "drawn out of the water". So, do you mean like there's a "savior" between the "shadows" like Kai, who loves her so much and even though he at first doesn't have the courage to confess, he in end does and wants to make her happy. Is that what you were trying to say with the title? If it was like that then, that was very meaningful and genius!

Plot ★★★½★

I have no words for this plot. It really took me by surprised, the ending. Like, it was heart break, then mending and then heart break again? I have so many emotions mixed here that I don't know where to start, but the real part I want to talk about, I'll leave it when I talk about the flow of the story. The characters were well developed, except for one. Dasom stuck true to herself, she was a "friendly, weak and very delicate" girl who could be easily broken and in that part the ending wasn't that surprising once you acknowledge that part. Luhan stuck to his playboy self though I would've though of him putting a bit of a fight against the arrange marriage, you know...unless, he did wanted to go back to Dasom after all he did and apparently he did since I saw he send her a letter(?) Then, there's Kai...I must say that his character was the one that dissapointed me the most...like wtf happened at the end? I would never thought of him reacting that way since he did promised not to hurt her and his reactions was really OUT.OF.CHARACTER. I know you had to do this in order to sort of end the story like you did, but if you wanted to end it with a suicide then I would've finished it like this: Dasom and Kai stick 'til the end, though they know they will be separated. They promised to meer each other before the wedding to escape together. The wedding day arrives and Kai is late due to whatever circustances, Dasom being the weak naive girl she is, takes it as a bad sign (like she thinks he doesn't want her anymore) so she goes back to her house to get ready. She is has her make-up ready and her veil. Her mom and friends leave her alone for a bit so they can ook for her dress. She takes her oportunity and hangs herself. Kai desperately runs to her parents' house, fights to get inside and see Dasom and when he gets to her room, he finds her lifeless body hanging. That would've being a better ending or something along the way and Kai's characterization wouldn't have being in total jeopardy.

Grammar ★★★★★

For an author that english isn't her first language, your grammar wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. You only had a few mistakes and typos that can be easily edited. So, I'll point them out:

  Originality ★★★★★

I don't think I have read a story like this before that involves suicide with hanging herself/himself. Yes, I have read my fair amount of suicide fics but none like this, so yeah. Good job! Also, I'd like to point out what you did at the end about advicing people not to commit suicide, to not cut their wrists and not to hurt themselves was really admirable of your part. That was a nice gesture! ^^