Kai

“Hyung, I—“ Kai rummaged through his backpack. “I think I left my phone in the waiting room.”

“What? I told you guys to double check before we went out,” the manager gave him a disapproving look.

“I know. I’m sorry. I really thought I had it with me,” Kai said apologetically.

“I’ll go with him!” Baekhyun suddenly piped up. The rest of the members gave him a knowing look.

The manager gave an exasperated sigh before giving them the go-signal. “Make it quick, alright?”

Kai nodded while Baekhyun had a quick but silent conversation with the others. Everyone knew Kai’s phone was safely in his back pocket. Everyone also knew Kai needed to go back desperately. They wanted him to go, and they were willing to get in trouble for Kai.

It’s been an excruciating three months not just for him but for all eleven others. No amount of jokes or antics could make Jongin go back to the way he was. The Kai people saw on their screens and on fanmeetings, those were purely Kai—the star who always had a smile for everyone. It was his alter ego that held everything in a delicate balance while the Jongin part of him slowly rotted away, dying. The more he put Kai in the forefront, the larger the toll on Jongin became. Only the members saw it, the gauntness in his face, the hollow eyes, the utter desperation he hid so well in front of the camera, the dark recesses of Jongin’s pain, and nobody wanted to see it again.

Baekhyun silently followed him inside the building, not questioning him even as they made a weird turn to the left. They reached a door and Kai hesitated.

“I’ll keep an eye out,” Baekhyun murmured. Kai merely nodded.

The moment he locked eyes with her earlier, all he’d wanted to do was reach out to her. Even as she ran away, his eyes stayed on her, memorizing each corner she turned, which door she entered. It took all of his self-control not to run after her, not to blow the precious cover they put on the relationship. And now, here he was, only a door keeping them apart.

He knew there was still about two hours before work ended for her, but there was no more waiting. Throw aside all logic, all reason, he just wanted to see her, touch her, be with her.

He knocked before entering. “Hello,” he bowed in the general direction of the writers even as his eyes scanned the room for her. There she was, ice pack in hand. What happened to her? His eyes stayed on her, watching her as she slowly trained her slightly swollen eyes to him. He felt his heart tear a little bit more. She’d been crying, too.

“Can I talk to Reese writer-nim for a bit?” He didn’t know who to ask, but he didn’t care either.

“Sure…” There was a slight hesitation. “Take all the time you need. She’s done for today, anyway.”

He watched as a parade of emotions crossed her face—surprise, wonder, fear, hope, and longing. Why are we playing this game when we’re both losing, anyway?

“I’m leaving first,” Clarissa mustered to say before walking towards Kai. He hurt, physically hurt, at the small distance between them.

They went out the door, an eerie calm between the two of them. No words were spoken, no teary reunion. Baekhyun motioned them into an empty room, keeping guard outside.

Kai leaned against the table while Clarissa sat on a chair a distance away.

“How have you been doing?” Clarissa was the first to break the silence. None of them were okay, she knew.

“Remember that day when I told you to come meet me the first time?” Kai, head ducked down, suddenly looked up to meet her eyes.

Clarissa looked like she wanted to cry. “Yes,” she whispered.

“It was the first time we held hands,” he spoke just as quietly.

Clarissa nodded, tears staining her jeans as she tried to hide it from him.

“I think it was the first time I knew that I needed you,” he continued.

Clarissa started sobbing quietly, her shoulders shaking.

“And remember that time when you were trying to find the coffee shop in Myeongdong?” He started playing with his fingers.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“I thought you were the most beautiful then, damp hair and all.” He smiled ruefully. “I was really jealous when you were so excited to see Minseok-hyung and Kyungsoo-hyung.”

Clarissa felt herself laugh.

“I miss you, Clumsy.” The bravado was gone. What was left was a shadow of Jongin, broken and lost. “I know I’m being selfish for wanting to see you again. I know I’m weak for not having moved on. But I miss you. I see you right now, and it only makes me miss you even more.” A tear escaped his eye.

Clarissa instinctively stood up from her chair, palm touching his cheek, wiping the tear with her thumb. He leaned into her hand, feeling a surge of hope inside him. He missed this. No, that wasn’t enough to cover what he felt at that moment—it was as if the tears on his heart were healing on their own.

“I know I’m being selfish, but I want to ask you again, please stay with me. I know it’s going to be a difficult road ahead, but not being with you, it feels like I’m walking with no direction, with no light to see.” He was choking on his emotions; he was choking on the words he wanted to say.

As if her body had a mind of its own, her arms wrapped around his waist, head immediately resting on that comfortable crook on his shoulders, body molding against his in the way that felt so natural and perfect. A sigh escaped her lips at the contact, a sigh that conveyed so much relief, contentment, and tenderness. This was Jongin, not sparkly, not shiny. This was him, all inhibitions down for her.

And this was Clarissa, feeling her fears and her worries fall away at the sight of him. This was her, finally closing the gap between the two of them.

There is no K-pop star. There is no fan. There is only a man, a woman, and a need to be each other’s next breaths, a need to be each other’s anchor, a need to be each other’s.

--

Comment on this chapter, please. OMG you guys are growing quieter. Are you guys deserting me?! Hahaha /paranoid author is paranoid/ OH! I released a new Song Request! Hahaha it's like a no-man's land there right now, so please check it out. ^_^

But on a completely different note, I started rereading my own fic. LOL (I needed to get ideas for this chapter, so don't judge too hard) And you know what I realized? The first few chapters were absolute crap. Like seriously, if I were given a chance, I'd just scrap the whole thing and start over, OMG it's just that bad. I think it's the reason why people don't subscribe... I'm seriously scaring them away from the grossness of the first few chapters. Yikes. But, I felt like the fic started getting relatively decent at the bonus chapter. Haha I was finally getting my act together. (In my defense, though, this was my first fiction, for whatever the statement is worth.) 

So I want this to be fodder for discussion: in what chapter did you become invested in this fanfic? Perhaps 'invested' is too strong a word. What chapter made you guys decide to subscribe? What chapter did you guys like the best? What chapter did you think was just absolutely horrid? This is really something I'm curious about. Haha