BGM- I Choose You

Kai

Kai felt his heart pounding against his chest, knowing that somehow, Clarissa could hear it. It had taken so much courage to say it: Kai couldn’t help but cover his face with his hands. He wanted to see her reaction, but at the same time, he didn’t. There was such a pregnant silence in the air, and nobody spoke.

If I don’t keep going, I’ll never have the guts to say it again. Kai laughed nervously. “Okay. So, now for the longer version. I’ll just keep going, okay?”

Clarissa only nodded numbly.

“I’ve never done this before. You’re my first date ever, the first girl I wanted to eat sausage with, the first person who’s held my hand and made me feel the way I did. You know. The works.” Kai said, reflecting Clarissa’s words from earlier.

“And I really don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is, I like you.” Kai took in a breath. “How do I know? Because my heart’s beating like crazy right now. Because when I look at you, I imagine what it’s like to try things I’ve never done before.” Kai played with his hands, thinking how to proceed next.

“I hear your story, and I wonder how stupid that guy could have been to ever let go of such an optimistic, funny, loyal, and beautiful woman as you. And maybe right now, it’s a case of me liking you more than you like me, but I’m okay with that.” Kai stared straight ahead, afraid he’d stop if he looked at her.

“It’s the first time I’ve been so unsure about anything, but I’m holding out onto the hope that maybe you feel even just a little of what I do.” Kai ran a hand through his hair. “When you smiled at me, when you blushed at me, when you held my hand, I started hoping. Maybe. Maybe it’s possible.”

“I… I never knew.” Clarissa spoke after a while.

Kai chuckled. “That’s weird, because I’ve been throwing red flags everywhere, trying to tell you I liked you.”

Clarissa looked up at him, genuine surprise coloring her face. “But I thought… I thought you were just humoring a fangirl.”

Kai laughed loudly, shaking his head. “For someone so smart, you can be so clueless sometimes. Have you seen me talk to another fan like this?”

He saw her think about it. “No. But that’s because I don’t follow your every move.”

“Well, I don’t. Hold on. Why are you taking this so well? Here I am, my heart on my sleeves, spilling my guts out to you, but you barely have any reaction. Do you not see me as a man?”

“I…” Clarissa paused. “It just all seems surreal. You’re a star. I’m just me. Why’d you like me? Me? It just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense.”

Kai sighed. “We’re human beings too. We feel, we get hurt, and we fall in love like everyone else. And what’s wrong with liking you?”

“You’re always surrounded by beautiful women wherever you go. And I’m… I’m nothing. I don’t even wear makeup.”

“Are you fishing for compliments right now?” Kai laughed. “I like you. Do you really need a reason? Just like you said, ‘you can’t blame someone for feeling the way they feel.’ This is how I feel."

"I didn't know you were so coherent..." her voice sounded shaky. He looked at her, and through the streetlight, he could make out the beautiful blush spread across her face. He smiled.

Kai rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I've been really thinking about how I should tell you for a while now." He laughed nervously. Might as well tell her all the gory details.

"How--how long?"

Kai knew they weren't talking about the confessing. "Quite a while now. I don't know when exactly it started. Somehow, it just happened. Was it from the beginning? I don't know for sure either."

Clarissa nodded in response, chewing over his sudden confession. Kai felt nervous again. "You don't have to answer right away, you know. I don't expect that. But I just wanted to put it out there."

More silence. Kai was starting to feel awkward. Is his confession just going to hang in the air? He didn't expect her to answer right away, but she didn't have to be so quiet. She's not reacting at all.

Suddenly, she spoke. "Jongin. This is a lot to process in one night. We're suddenly friends again, except you see me as more than a friend."  Kai nodded in understanding.

"You've always been the unreachable star for me, and I haven't even dared think about anything romantic with you. That's why I didn't see this coming. It's asking for too much. I don't know what you see in me, honestly." Kai wanted to argue, but Clarissa held up a finger. "Can I try something instead?"

Kai nodded, unsure of what she meant. At his signal, she reached out her hand and wrapped it around his, intertwining their fingers together. Kai immediately felt himself tingling where she touched him. He admired how perfect the fit was: it felt like their hands were made for each other. He held up his hand, raising hers as well. He turned their hands, examining them closely before setting them down gently on his thigh. He looked at her for a reaction, wondering if she felt the magic he did. She was blushing again, a rosy glow surrounding her.

"I'm not sure about anything right now, Jongin, but I like how our hands fit perfectly together. I like how this feels." She scooted closer to him, setting her head down on his shoulder. He felt his heart rate spike up as her sweet citrus scent washed over him. Nothing was certain, but Kai nodded his head, resting it on top of hers. He liked how this feels, too.

--

Can I get my own Kai too, pls? 

Let me just put it out there. If you're one of my silent readers and you're reading this, and you're not fangirling with me right now, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. LOL I really wanna hear what you have to say. Comments keep me going. So keep 'em comin'. ;)