Clarissa

Clarissa flopped down on her bed, hitting her forehead with her fist. Her mind was running in overdrive, her thoughts slowly becoming a jumble, bumping and colliding, twisting until she forgot where one thought ended and another began.

She turned to her side, trying to think of nothing. Instead, she's faced with 'NERD' in big white embossed letters. Clarissa picked up the hat, sighing as she sat up on her bed. Sleep was going to be impossible tonight.

Kai scrunched his nose at the label—‘Slob.’ “I am NOT.” He pretended to look offended but ended up laughing. “Fine, maybe I am. Just a little.”

Clarissa wanted to laugh at the memory but ended up sounding more like a strangled cat. Guilt washed over her anew at the thought of his willingness to open up to her.

“And this is how you repay him,” she muttered. Clarissa looked at the clock: it’s ten in the evening. Is he still awake? She took out her phone to call him. Apologize, then hang up. That's all you need to do.

She stared at his contact name: Kim Jongin. That's the guy she was with today, the guy who sulked at the thought that he wasn't the favorite, the guy who didn't know how to feed her sausage. And yet she was too preoccupied viewing him as Kai, the star everybody recognized. She didn't even give him a chance. Clarissa wanted to smack herself senseless. Why was she so stupid and stubborn?

She let go of the remains of her pride, deciding that she was making this right before the night is through. With a last sigh, she dialed his number. The phone rang once, twice, three times. I guess he's going to ignore me.

"Hey! This is Jongin!" Clarissa jumped up on her bed.

"Finally, Jong--"

"I'm obviously out right now, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you." There's a beep for her to start talking.

Clarissa ended the call without saying anything, feeling disappointment seep through her veins. "Of course he wouldn't want to talk to me. I wouldn't want to talk to me, either."

She tried again, this time actually talking to the voicemail. But all that she's been planning to say somehow flew out the window the moment she heard his voice tell her to leave a message.

"Um... Jongin. Uh, hi. I'm really sorry about the, uh, things I said. Yeah... if you can... call me later, that would be... nice." She hung up, unsure of what to do next. She walked over to her desk and booted up her laptop.

She half-heartedly scrolled through her email, her eyes always finding their way towards her phone. Is he going to call? He might never call me back at all. What should I do?

She snapped her fingers as an idea popped into her head. It was a stupid idea, but it’s worth a shot. Time to live up to my fangirl label. She started typing furiously, searching for information she knew she’d find.

“Bingo.”

_____________________________________________________________

Why did I think this was a good idea?

Clarissa found herself standing in front of a condominium compound, not knowing what to do next. Did I really expect Kai to just show up in here because I decided to really stalk him? He’s probably sleeping now. She exhaled, sitting down on the cold steps outside Exo’s dorms. Why’d you have to be so impulsive in the first place?

[10:57pm]: Can you go downstairs for a sec?

She set her phone down, forcing herself to calm down. You’ve done all you can, so now you wait. Seconds pass, then minutes. Half an hour goes by, and still, nothing. Clarissa fiddles with her baseball hat, fingers tracing the embroidered letters over and over again. If he doesn’t come out in half an hour, I’ll just have to go home. Clarissa sighed, put the cap back on her head, and thought of what to say.

“I’m really sorry for being a jerk.” Clarissa wrinkled her nose. Way to state the obvious, Reese.

“I’m sorry for acting childish earlier.” Is that a better way to apologize? How about beating around the bush?

She tried again. “How was the rest of your day?” Clarissa slapped her forehead. “Obviously—“

“Obviously, the rest of the day .” She heard a low voice respond.

Clarissa turned her head to see Kai leaning against the compound’s main entrance, hands in his shorts pocket. She immediately stood up, turning the rest of her body so they were facing each other.

They stared at each other wordlessly, Kai remaining by the door, Clarissa standing a few steps below him.

“You told me to come down. Here I am. Now what?” Kai’s face remained expressionless, closed off.

Clarissa pursed her lips, unsure of what to say. “Good question.”

He scoffed, nonetheless waiting for Clarissa to speak.

“About today…" Why is apologizing so hard?

Kai crossed his arms over his chest, cocking his head to the side.

“You didn’t even finish your 순대.” Is that the best you can do?

“No. I didn’t.” Kai wasn’t making this easy.

“Were you okay? I mean, the fangirls were taking tons of pictures and stuff…” Where am I going with this?

“I’m used to it,” Kai shrugged, his face still an unreadable mask.

Okay, Clarissa, better now than never. “Look, Kai.” Clarissa sighed. “I’m really sorry for being so insensitive earlier. I don’t know what came over me.”

Kai’s expression softened for a second before quickly returning to its former stoniness.

“I’m not usually this hormonal, or weird, or horrible, I swear.” Kai’s mouth twitched, as if he wanted to smile. Still, he said nothing.

“It’s just that I saw you turn your back, and I know it’s not your fault or anything, but I just saw you walk away and you didn’t even look back. You just kept walking like you didn’t know me, and I realize I’m being immature, but that just, um.” Clarissa wasn’t planning to blabber, or point out what made her mad, but she realized she didn’t like the closed-off Kai. It felt like she was talking to a wall, impenetrable and emotionless.

“That just what?” Finally, a reaction from him.

“That just…” Clarissa took in a sharp breath. If this is what it takes. “It just reminds me of something.” Clarissa felt her chest tighten.

Kai shifted so his weight was on his feet instead of against the wall. He let his arms fall to his sides.

“I know I’m just a fan to you, and that it was irrational for me to be mad at you for something you couldn’t control,” Clarissa said, steering away from the can of worms she opened.

“You think I’d be mad at you if you were just a fan?” Kai was slowly letting his defenses down.

“Well, I mean, we’re buddies now, I guess. But I was still wrong, so I’m really sorry.”

“Is that all you see when you look at me?” Kai took a step closer to her.

“What?” What does this have to do with anything?

“You say we’re buddies,” Kai explained.

“Look,” Clarissa said, completely dodging the question. “Do you forgive me? Because if you don’t, I can spend my nights sitting on these steps waiting for you until you do. I’m really sincerely sorry, and I promise I will do anything in my power to make you forgive me.”

“Maybe you’ll just have to sit there for a while more.” Clarissa looked up and saw Kai’s eyes flicker with disappointment. Why’s he feeling disappointed when he’s the one refusing my apology?

“Oh.”

“It’s late. Get a cab or something,” Kai said, cuing her to leave.

Clarissa bit back her own disappointment, nodding at him. None of them moved. None of them said anything.

“Aren’t you going back to your dorm?” Clarissa finally broke the silence.

“I’m waiting for you to get a cab.”

“Oh.” Way to go, Reese. You have such a way with words. She took out her phone and called a cab service. Five minutes of silence later, the cab arrived.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Clarissa said, turning away to enter the car. He nodded, betraying no emotion.

Clarissa looked out the window as the driver pulled away, looking through the back as Kai’s figure started getting smaller. He didn’t turn back. He just stood there, hands in his shorts pockets, unmoving and solid.

--

I hope you guys saw the significance of Kai's action. :)

I feel like I ruined this chapter though! T.T

As always, tell me what you guys think, because I love hearing from you wonderful people. Yes, I'm judging you, you silent reader. Hahaha jk. No, but seriously, let me hear your unique voice. I NEED IT. ROAR. >_<

LOL on a side note, OMG look at the coincidence! It's Kai, D.O, and Xiumin! Hahaha