~[a few days later]

 

Kyungsoo's out of the hospital now. Yay! /insert Amber happy dance here./ Hopefully he can get his stitches out by next week. From what he told me, the cut is scabbing and slowly closing up. He won't show me, since it's on his chest and he's very shy. Chanyeol has been hanging with us more and our plan is coming together. 

 

Next Saturday, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon and I will go to the same music room at school for Junmyeon's daily vocal lesson. Kyungsoo wanted to meet up after his lesson with Junmyeon forsomething. I wonder what it is.

 

~

 

I arrived at the time Kyungsoo told me and walked into an empty room except for a piano and my two best friends sitting at it. I smiled a walked up to them. Kyungsoo handed me a paper. 

 

‘Junmyeon finally nailed the song he's been learning. He wanted you to be the first to hear him sing it besides me. He's really nervous so he might have his eyes closed at times. Please sit beside me on the bench.’

 

I looked up and noticed the spot beside Kyungsoo that Junmyeon was in was empty. I sat down without another word. Then Kyungsoo started to play the beginning to a song that sounded familiar. 

 

Junmyeon started to sing. 

 

(Only Tears (Acoustic Ver.) by Kim Sunggyu)

 

I love you. I’m sorry

But i can’t do this anymore

I don’t even have the right to get close to you

Don’t love me

 

I feel it become harder to swallow as I felt moved.

 

I don’t have the ease of being able to give you my heart

I live every day beyond my strength

Each day is too much so i cry

 

Oh, i.. I don’t have anything i can give you

(but i’m) missing you

I can’t even give you loving words

But i’m missing you

I can’t even boldly wish for you to be mine

But i’m missing you

So i push you away

Because i’m a guy who has nothing but his own heart

 

He had his eyes closed but his voice seemed to show how emotionally attached he was to the song.

 

I’m holding back, even though it hurts

Even tears are a luxury for me

I don’t even have the right to look at you

Don’t look at me

 

I know that my heart is wherever you are

Close enough our breaths can touch

Always in that same place

 

Kyungsoo's piano playing was making me want to cry more. It was so beautiful.

 

Oh, i… i don’t have anything i can give you

(but i’m) missing you

I can’t even give you loving words

But i’m missing you

I can’t even boldly wish for you to be mine

But i’m missing you

So i push you away

 

I was honored to be one the first to hear Junmyeon sing a song he worked hard to perfect.

 

More than anyone else in this world

I love you, so i hold back

 

Oh i… i can’t hold your hand

But i’m missing you

I’m worried i might just have my tears to hold

So i’m missing you

I can’t tell you to stay with me

But i’m missing you

So it’s too much, but in the end

It’s because i’m a man who has nothing but his own heart

 

As Junmyeon finished his last vocal note and Kyungsoo played the last notes on the piano, I let my tears fall. The song is one of my favorite ones before coming here to Korea. I've been a fan of Infinite and always admired the group's leader's voice. Even though Junmyeon didn't have the same voice, it still could bring me to tears. The lyrics so emotional, and the piano accompaniment made it special. Junmyeon had done such a good job. I felt so proud to being one of the first to hear it performed by him.

 

I felt someone hug me, I didn't know which one of two but I could guess it was Junmyeon. “Don't cry Amber.”

 

I bit down on my lip to hold back a sob and pulled away, “I'm fine. It's just... That was beautiful Junmyeon.” I laughed a little. “Did you know that's one of my favorite songs?”

 

Junmyeon smiled, “Yeah. It's kind of one of the reasons I wanted to learn it. But Sunggyu hyung hits some high notes I couldn't quite reach yet. But thanks to Kyungsoo's help, I did it.”

 

I laughed and wiped at my tears, “What hasn't my Mom told your Aunt already?”

 

Junmyeon laughed too. “I think she's said everything about you.”

 

I turned to Kyungsoo and gave him a smile and he smiled back, but I saw it fall when I turned back around. 

 

~

 

Junmyeon walked the other way as Kyungsoo and I went where we normally went and I looked and saw him frowning. I was afraid I did something wrong or made him upset. Was it because of me crying?

 

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

 

I saw him shake his head and then he snapped his head up from his gaze on the ground. He grabbed my hand and started dragging me forward. He was running fast and I was having a bit of difficultly keeping up until he abruptly stopped. 

 

“Kyungsoo! What the heck?” I said to him and then I saw it. A shadow, very tall shadow, very familiar shadow. I walked out from the hiding spot we were in and confirmed my suspicions. I walked up to the derpy idiot and smacked his arm. “DON'T SCARE PEOPLE LIKE THAT!”

 

He rubbed his arm, “Ow! Sorry. I forgot I scare people by being me.”

 

I pulled Kyungsoo up and he went up to the idiot and smacked the same arm I did.

 

Mr. Idiot winced again, “Ow. Again.”

 

“You deserve it, Zitao.” I said and smiled.

 

He stuck his tongue out at me, “Just wondering what you guys are doing out so late?” He asked.

 

“We going home right now after Junmyeon's lesson. What are you doing out?” I asked.

 

“Junmyeon? That short third year kid?” I shot him a glare and he held up his hands in defense. “Sorry, sorry.”

 

“Answer my question.” I was not in the mood for jokes.

 

“I'm picking up my cousin at the library. His Mom thought it would be better for me to walk him home instead of him coming alone. Guess she forgot how I have to get there, alone.” He rolled his eyes. “Now if you will excuse me. See you guys tomorrow.” He walked around us and kept on going the same way we were.

 

Zitao wasn't really our friend or our enemy. He just a guy we knew. He didn't really get along with most kids but somehow he got along with us, though I had to punch him so he could realize that. Kyungsoo sometimes helps him with writing. The kid was actually really cool, he can be an sometimes though. It was rare to see him smile but the first time he did is when I joked about the teachers hair during a group project, I was really surprised and stared at him like he was an alien or something. Zitao was a mysterious creature but not so mysterious. 

 

Did that even make sense?

 

~[two days later]

 

We've been a bit busy these past days with exams and Junmyeon's part preparations and third year's graduation and stuff. I haven't really seen much of Chanyeol ever since we left the hospital with Kyungsoo. I met other third year students though, a couple actually. I think their names are Kim Kibum and Lee Jinki. I could be wrong though.

 

“Amber!” I looked up and saw Kibum waving at me from across the street and I waved back. 

 

He ran over when he saw no cars and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, it felt a little weird. “Why the long face?”

 

I looked up at him confused, “What do you mean?”

 

“Well you have this kind of distant look in your eyes. It's almost like you aren't here. Did something happen?”

 

I thought carefully of what I was going to say. I didn't know if to talk to someone of something so private to someone I just met a few days ago. It didn't seem right. “I'm not sure I would want to talk about it right now.”

 

“I understand. Remember I'm always here though.” Key squeezed my shoulder and I smiled a little.

 

I've been thinking of the night when I heard Junmyeon sing and the look on Kyungsoo's face when I turned away from him. He rarely smiled like before and I keep thinking something happened that day. We still write to each other but he's always frowning. Whenever I ask him about it he changes the subject. I'm not giving up like that though. 

 

~{Kyungsoo's POV}

 

The day after tomorrow is Junmyeon's party. I'm debating about actually going. Things between hyung have gotten a bit awkward especially to me, he doesn't notice anything. My mind keeps going back to that night he sang to Amber.

 

I remember when he came in two months earlier with lyrics to the song and asked if I could help him and I had agreed. I didn't know why he was determined to perfect the song until he told me that he wanted to sing it to someone special, I knew he was talking about Amber.

 

“It's one of her favorite songs. I'm not confessing yet but I just want her to be the first to hear besides you.” He had said to me.

 

I had frozen as soon as he mentioned about confessing. ‘You like Amber?’ I wrote to him and he simply nodded. I didn't know if to feel betrayed or start crying. I should've known he liked her though, it was obvious since the first I saw how he looked at her. When I would hang out with him the weeks before she came to Korea he told me of all the games they'd play as kids, the promises they made to each other, basically everything he remembered about her. The same day she came to our school he texted me that he saw her but had to go to class so he couldn't talk to her much.

 

‘To: Kyungsoo

From: Junmyeon hyung :)

Aigoo, aigoo! Amber is so pretty! I finally saw my best friend! She's grown up!’

 

He was really excited. And the looks he gave her, she was really oblivious to his feelings for her. And to mine too.

 

When they talk with each other I always get jealous since I can't talk to her. I was getting help from a speech specialist every weekend and I was progressing, according to my teacher. I've been trying humming along to my favorite songs and it works, I can hum! 

 

I wanted to already be talking by Junmyeon's birthday but I guess it didn't happen on time. He once told me that the day he could hear me sing would be the best gift ever. Amber wanted to hear my singing since Junmyeon would tell her of what my parents would tell him. 

 

Amber and Junmyeon seem like they would've already been married if they weren't young still. She's always smiling at him and joking around with him and the chemistry between them is strong. Junmyeon had a way of bringing out this side of her that not many could bring out. Even though it may hurt me a little, I really am hoping that if hyung confesses that she will accept him. Nothing more matters to me than my friends happiness.