Request: When Sehun founds out you have low self esteem and secretly cut yourself. 

(A/N: Normally I wouldn’t do scenarios containing self harm or anything like that, but I’ve kept it very very vague since I had something in mind.)

[Warning: As previous stated, contains mentions of self harm. May trigger the outta you. Read with caution.]

You weren’t thin. 

You weren’t pretty. 

You weren’t popular or rich or talented. 

You didn’t have silky long hair or flawless milky skin. 

You had nothing. You were nothing. 

You clenched your fists as tightly as possible, feeling your nails carve half moons into your palms. Pain radiated through your hand, up into your wrists and forearms where you held your fists to tightly. Wetness touched the tips of your fingers, crimson pooled around your nails, signifying you had broke the skin. 

You felt realise. 

You wanted gone of the pain that thundered through your chest. That swallowed you up every single day. The pain of knowing you were nothing.

This was the only way to do so. 

This was the only distraction from the pain. 

A fist thumped on the door of the cubicle you were in, making you jump at the sound. You squeezed your eyes shut, tears burning in the corners, trying to ignore the sound. 

It was probably the girls from your class, come to taunt you again. To remind you of what you were and what you weren’t. You weren’t one of them, you were a nothing. 

“Are you dead? You’ve been in there for 15 minutes already” a voice called over the noise of thumping of the door. The voice wasn’t female at all, infact, you knew this voice. 

You swallowed, recognising the males voice as your best friend, Oh Sehun. 

This was the girls bathroom. Just what the hell was Sehun doing in here?

You quickly pulled yourself up off the floor of the cubicle, leaving a smear of blood on the wall as you hoisted yourself up. You grabbed wads of tissue, collecting the blood off of your nails and palms, trying to ignore the thumping that continued on the cubicle door. 

“If you dont open this door i’ll-” Sehun began to threaten before you cut him off. 

“Alright, give me a second!!” you barked back, using your sleeve to rub your eyes vigorously, collecting the few tears that had managed to escape. You discarded off the tissues into the toilet and flushed, finally opening the cubicle door and pushing past Sehun. 

You couldn’t let Sehun see you like this. You couldn’t allow him to think of you like that. 

He was the only one who gave you a second out of his day. The flickered light in your black hole of a life. 

You were friends, at least you thats what Sehun had said you were. You were sure he only put up with you since your parents had forced the pair of you two together as kids.

You were nothing more than a burden on him.

You quickly walked over to the sinks in the bathroom, turning on the facet, letting the water wash away the reminder of the blood from your palm. The half moons in your palm burned from the too hot water, causing you to hiss internally. 

Sehun was talking at your back, sputtering stuff about he had been waiting for you at the school gate for the past 10 minutes, before a girl from your class had told him you were in the girls bathroom. From the tone in his voice, they had said more than that, though he saved you that part. 

You knew they said things about you to Sehun, you had been there more than enough times when they had. Like you did, they wondered why he even put up with you, saying you were nothing more than an annoying shadow to him. You couldn’t help but agree. 

“Yah, i’m talking to you!” you flinched, feeling his hand on on your shoulder pulling you back, your hands instinctively coming to cover your face in defence  Sehun had never had hurt you, but you couldn’t help it. It was a natural reaction.

Sehun froze, retracting his hand from your shoulder then grabbing your wrists. 

Your palms. He had seen them.   

“Who did this to you?!” he shouted over and over. You did nothing but squeeze your eyes shut, trying to block out his voice. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want Sehun to worry over you. He wasn’t supposed to worry over you. You didn’t want to be a burden on him. 

“I did” you spoke in a low voice, only a pitch louder than a whisper, keeping your eyes still closed. You tried to pull your wrists from his grasp, which only made him hold on tighter. 

“Why would you do this to yourself?” he voice was different this time, hurt and concern filling his voice. It made you feel sick. You didn’t want this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You tried to pull your wrists from his grasp again, his grip only tightening in the process, failing once more.

“Answer me!” he continued in a shout.

You finally snapped.

“Because I did! Alright? It helps me forget who I am. What I’m not. That I’m nothing!! It has nothing to do with you, Oh Sehun!” you shouted, your entire body trembling as your voice came out. Wetness fell down your cheeks, tears that burning in your eyes finally falling. You chest rose and fell erratically, your heart thumping in your chest. 

You were as shocked as Sehun from your reaction, whom looked down at you with a somber expression, his eyebrows scrunched together almost in a straight line. You tried to yank your wrists from his grasp like a caged animal being restrained. You wanted nothing more to run and hide until he went away. 

THUD.

You felt your back come into contact with the space between the sink counter and the bathroom room. Sehun had cornered you, his body trapping you against the wall and counter. 

“Don’t say those things about yourself. Dont you dare! This —” Sehun lifted one of your palms to his mouth, his tongue running over the half moons that were carved into it, “— you are better than this! You are better than all of this. Dont you dare think otherwise!” Sehun finally stopped.

Sehun was shaking. You were shaking. You spotted wetness in the corner of his eyes. He was crying. You were crying.

The pair of you were a complete mess. 

It had taken you a few seconds to process that Sehun, in the mist of it all, had your wounds. You almost gagged. “Sehun, that’s disgusting, you’ll catch a disease!” you said in a half laugh-sob, trying to pull your wrists from his. 

Surprise surprise, he didn’t release you, instead brought his mouth to your palm again. You quickly pulled your wrist away from his mouth before he had the chance to  your wound again. 

Sehun or not, that was disgusting.