HanGeng felt the tears spill down as soon as he reached the safety and cover of the car. He curled up into a little ball in the back seat, trying to repress the feelings as though his heart was being ripped apart slowly. It hurt.

He didn’t care about anything else. Just let him be with HeeChul. Let HeeChul be his alone. Now his love was breaking him.

Wiping away the tears that blurred his vision, he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. He drove to the place he called home. HeeChul’s apartment. Maybe it would be best if he just left now.

Erase himself from HeeChul’s memory. Maybe if HanGeng knew he had moved on… or moved back, depending on how you looked at it, since KiBum was someone from his past, he would be able to as well.

HanGeng sighed. He couldn’t. He knew, out of all the things he could do, forgetting HeeChul was not one of them. He locked the apartment door behind him and walked over to the bed HeeChul had slept in yesterday… alone.

His eyes fell to where KiBum’s had been before, on the dresser. The keychain KiBum had left was still there. HanGeng picked it up, spinning the little globe between his index and his thumb. Under the keychain were the pictures. HanGeng dropped the keychain and picked them up, looking at them one by one, carefully, savouring the memory that came with each.

The first one, them at the mall. HanGeng with his smoothie that HeeChul had paid for. HeeChul’s eyes were slightly red, and HanGeng remembered well that the diva had been crying just before the picture was taken.

Didn’t HeeChul remember how much he had hurt over the same Kim KiBum he had agreed to go out with? How many tears he had shed because of him?

He put the photo to the back, taking in the second one. He hadn’t even been aware of when HeeChul had taken this one. It was him, in this very kitchen, making the kimchi soup for HeeChul. It was when HeeChul had told him about the infamous Kim KiBum and Choi SiWon, who HanGeng was growing to like now.

The third and fourth pictures were based on the same events. Working together with YeSung, RyeoWook, SungMin and KyuHyun to decorate the auditorium for the school concert. One of HanGeng holding HeeChul as he hung a star. The other of all of them together, holding boxes of decorations.

The fifth one was of HanGeng and HeeChul standing outside the movie theatre, arms around each other, smiling. They looked happy. They looked like they belonged together, or maybe that was just HanGeng’s biased opinion.

 The sixth one was HanGeng performing on stage at the concert. It was photo shopped in with a picture of HeeChul watching in the crowd. That had been the day they had gotten together. How long ago had that been? A week? Two for the most?

The other three was the last activity they had done together. Their camping trip. One showed the last dying embers of their fire. Another contained HanGeng as he wrote of their experience. The last was HeeChul outside the ten, posed with the woods as his background.

They needed only one more activity to complete their journal. That would be the picnic as HeeChul had so firmly suggested. HanGeng could only hope he would find the strength to be strong and not break down in front of HeeChul. He didn’t want his pity.

He decided to go shopping. The book he was using to write the accounts of all their activities was not the one he planned to hand up. He still cared about the project, even if HeeChul did not.

As he walked down the streets of Seoul, he stopped into various stores, looking for a book suitable for both a project and a journal. They should complete the journal over this weekend. Picking up a leather bound notebook with parchment pages, he ran his hands over the cover. It would work.

“I’d like this one, please,” HanGeng requested at the counter, handing the cashier the money. She bowed, a gesture he returned and then left. Looking at the darkening sky, he realized really how quickly time passed sometimes. Then he realized he was lost.

“Ugh,” he exclaimed as he realized his only option was to call HeeChul. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts when another name made him stop. Choi SiWon. He could call him instead.

“Hello?” SiWon answered.

“I’m lost…” HanGeng said.

“Um, do you have any landmarks or something I can find you by?” SiWon asked.

“I’m standing in front of a store. There’s a… club next to it. ‘Hot and Wild’ club,” he read off the neon sign. He heard muffled laughter and then SiWon said, “I’m coming to get you.”

HanGeng waited, kicking random stones as night fell. Soon, an Audi pulled up in front of him and the window rolled down.

“Get in,” SiWon invited. HanGeng opened to door and sat on the rich leather seats, running his hands over the material. It still had that new car scent.

“Is this yours?” HanGeng asked, amazed. SiWon nodded, speeding up a little.

“Where are we headed?” he asked as they cruised down the highway.

“To HeeChul’s apartment,” HanGeng told him, and then recalled the address. SiWon nodded again before switching lanes and turning into a side road smoothly.

“I talked to my dad,” SiWon began.

“About?” HanGeng asked.

“The college thing. Getting you in. he says he’ll see what he can do,” SiWon informed him.

“Really?” HanGeng asked, turning to look at SiWon's face.

“Really.” The car stopped a few minutes later as HanGeng tried to digest this new news. This was so… amazing.

“Si I’ll probably get back to you in a month or so,” SiWon said, leaning across and opening his door. He gestured to outside, “We’re here.”

HanGeng got out, thanking him endlessly. He would have probably wondered around Seoul until morning if not for SiWon.

“See you Monday,” HanGeng called as the Audi sped off into the night.

“I see I’m not the only one with a new boyfriend,” a voice coated with jealousy said from behind him. He didn’t even need to turn to know who it was. He would know that voice anywhere.

“HeeChul.”

So today was terrible. Never believed in Black Friday before last year but this just proves me wrong...

(8) when my heart hurts, i only laugh louder... to hold back tears (8)

I hate people... not y'all. Let me stop being y now.. :/

PLEASE COMMENT <3 I love you all~