A/N: this fic is going to be Yuri's POV :)

Yuri's POV:

It’s been weeks since manager oppa’s announcement. It’s been weeks since the news broke that Yoona and Taecyon oppa are dating. It’s been weeks since they were busy planning “going out” and acting so in love. It’s been weeks since we all got busy with our individual projects because Yoona and Taecyon’s so-called relationship also help our group to accept and focus on different projects and we all hardly see anyone anymore.

I miss the girls. I miss our time together. I miss Yoona.

I slumped on my yoga mat after doing few positions. Everything is so confusing and hard right now and i thought that doing yoga will make me clear my mind but instead everything flooded through my head.

I let out a huge sigh.

Why am i feeling like this?

Why am i all sad instead of being happy that we are getting what we are all praying for?

Why am I sad for Yoona?

I know she can act all in love with the guy because that’s what her characters from the drama require her to do. But right now, there are no cameras rolling, just people’s criticism either against or love for her. I can’t help but feel worried. I’m her best friend. 

What if she falls really in love with him? Like for real? What if he hurts her so bad that Yoona couldn’t do things anymore? I will kill that guy in a heartbeat.

I would never let anyone hurt Yoona.

I paused and sat up. Wait a minute? Why I am suddenly wanted to kill that jerk? Of course she’s important to me. I would do the same thing if that happened to any of the girls. I care for them more than my own life.

Suddenly, my heart beats so fast. Why suddenly my brain flooded with Yoona? She is definitely different among the girls. I would jump the bridge if she told me to. I would shot myself in the head if she asked me to. Hold on; am I f-falling for her?

I slowly pushed back some of my stray hair that got out from my ponytail. How can i say that? How can i prove that despite the fact that i haven’t felt this kind of feeling before? I frustrated sat up and laughed humorlessly.

“What am i thinking? I just care for Yoona, that’s all.” I said and started to gather my things to get home.

As i walked slowly towards home, thoughts from earlier came into my mind again.

Love. How can i prove that I’m in love? I don’t have any real concept about it.

Sure, i witness it through my parents but since i rarely see them anymore and i’m too young  to remember memories with them, i learned love through the movies that me and the girls watched. Every one of us longed to have a perfect love like those love stories because that’s the only reality we could ever grasp.

Being one of the most famous girl groups is surely a privilege. You could have anything and everything in the palm of your hands. But i have to tell you that that’s not the case. Yes, we can be gorgeous and all, girls want to be us, guys want to be with us, but that’s not the way what it seems.

Since i join SM Entertainment at a very young age, I grew surrounded by girls like me, naive, vulnerable and curious. We locked up to become a perfect girl that the society would accept. We are trained to be everybody’s epitome of beauty and talent. As one of the boys, since i’m close with my brother, why am i doing this? Why do i have to be ‘that’ girl? I don’t know.

All i want at that time is to follow my dream, to showcase my talent. Besides, i fell in love with the family i’m going to have with those 8 girls. Since then, i accept the fact that this is my destiny; i don’t have any regrets because i am where i want to be. Every decision has a price to pay. Since we are always together, it’s very hard for us to be with a guy. Sure, we can get any guy we want but we couldn’t do that. It’s not like we are not allowed to date per se, we can but the circumstances wouldn’t allow us. We are always busy; we’re supposed to be the image of an ideal girl. All nine of us accept the fact that we couldn’t date anymore and decided to be with each other for the rest of our lives. A perfect way to spend the rest of my life, if you ask me.

I suddenly stopped in front of our home. Everything is surrounded by darkness, an indication that all of them were either home asleep or still busy from their projects. I looked up at our 2 storey house. It’s simple with no hint that a famous girl group is living inside. All throughout my life, i’m surrounded by girls, we share the same affection among each other since we couldn’t be with someone who cannot understand the way that we does.

Suddenly, Yoona’s face came into my mind. True, we’re all affectionate, like siblings but my relationship with Yoona is quite different. We could do everything together. We could finish each other’s sentences and we could tell each other’s feelings without uttering a single word. She’s the first person i came to think of every time we’re all busy. She’s the first person i turn into whenever i’m sad, happy, excited, scared, embarrased, mad among other things. She’s the first person i miss the most like right now.

Could I..?

I sighed for a millionth time now, too exhausted from all of this. I unlock the door and made my way quietly inside the dark house. I definitely miss the girls and their loud greetings, welcoming me home. I made my way inside our room, not bothering to turn on the lights. I dropped my bag lazily by the door and jump on my stomach towards the bed. I sighed in relief feeling the softness of my pillows.

“Yuri unnie, is that you?”, a soft voice asked.  I can recognize that voice anywhere, a voice that belong to a person i miss the most. She’s here. My heart starts to pound so loud, embarrassed that she might hear it through the quiet night.

“W-what? Yoona? What are you doing here? I thought you’re out with Taecyon oppa?” I asked harshly upon mentioning the name of the douche bag. I sat up on my bed, hugging my pillow to put some barrier between us as she sat on the edge of my bed. I clutch to my pillow with all my heart as if my life depending on it. I need this at least to put a line between her and me. I’m still trying to think about the situation i’m in. I’m still confused with my feelings.

“We did go out, unnie” she smiled shyly. “But we didn’t anticipate the crowd of photographers outside the restaurant. I know that one of manager oppa’s people or JYP called them but they’re too many. I got scared so we went out at the back door of the restaurant and went home.”

I looked at her as she tells her story. I felt bad for her that she has to go through that kind of stuff. I understand how chaotic it is. I wish i could be there for her to comfort her. I want to hug all those traumatic things away, but instead, i choose to hang on to my pillow.

Yoona looked up at me as if she’s expecting me to do something but she immediately looked down, disappointed. Maybe she thought i’m going to hug her like i used to but i can’t. I’m scared that i might do something i might regret.

I cleared my throat. “So, are you happy with Taecyon oppa? I heard that he really do like you.” I whispered while playing with a loose thread from my pillow.

She looked up to me with her doe eyes and said, “y-yeah, he’s a nice guy. But i don’t know Yuri unnie. I know that this is all for the show but a part of me is telling that this is somehow real. I’m confused, unnie.”

“You l-like him?” I stuttered.

“I don’t know. He holds my hand even there’s no photographer’s around. He makes me smile despite the chaos around us. I don’t know what to do!” she collapses on my bed.

“Well, to be honest with you, I don’t know what to say. We’re not used to this stuff, Yoona.” I said, truthfully. It’s true. I don’t know what to say. Hearing that Yoona is having doubts about her feelings to Taecyon might be real or not makes me want to punch something.  She probably feels disappointed knowing that her best friend could even help her.

“I’m sorry, Yoona but you know that we grew up with no experience about guys and i don’t know what to tell you. I only know these things based from what i read and watched. But one thing i can tell you is that, you should follow your heart. Whatever it is that you’re feeling about Taecyon, listen to your heart.” I said knowing that these words wounded me.

She sighed and smiled to me, “Thanks, Yuri unnie. I’m really glad you’re here. I really miss you a lot and i’m sad that we couldn’t do things together anymore.”

My heart pounds so fast again, as if it came from coma. “Y-yeah, i miss this too.” I whispered.

She got up from my bed and went to her side, “Good night, unnie! Don’t work out to hard, you might get fatigued.”

“Ok, night.” I smiled as she started to doze off.

I sighed heavily, still confused.

But one thing is for sure, it hurts so much that she likes him. 

TBC.

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