“Aiiissshh, Hyo, can you turn up the AC, i’m getting hot with all of this tension.” Sooyoung said as she fanned herself.
“Are we there yet? I want to get out, pronto!” Taeyeon yelled.
“I don’t know ask my fellow choding” Hyoyeon said as she kept her eye on the road.
“Yoong, are we there yet?!” Impatient Sica said as she kicked Yoona’s seat.
I looked at Yoona whose been seating at the passenger seat beside Hyoyeon. She kept her eyes on the road then to her phone before replying Sica. “We’re almost there.”
“You kept on saying that for hours now! I want to get out of here, now!” Sica yelled.
“Jessie.” Tiffany mumbled as she slept on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Sica stopped her whining and looked out the window. She knew that she’s nothing against Tiffany.
I looked at Yoona through the rear view mirror and i was surprised that she’s looking back at me. We kept an eye contact but she immediately looked away. If she can do this game, then, so do I. I turned my way towards the window and all I can see are trees.
I sighed.
We’re supposed to have a happy vacation after our countless performances and concerts over few months. But I guess this now that Yoona and I are not okay.
Right now, we are 7 people apart. She’s with Hyo- who’s been driving in the front seat. Sooyoung, Tiffany and Jessica were in the middle seat while i’m with Taeyeon, Sunny and Seohyun at the back seat. I intended to sit beside Seo because I think that the maknae would be the last one to kill me right now. I’m safe.
“Yah! YoonYul! Can you please stop with the drama and made up already!” Sunny exclaimed.
“You two rarely fight but now that you’re in a relationship, you fight like this.” Hyoyeon added.
“We’re supposed to have a fun vacation. But right now, everything !” Sooyoung turned and glared at me.
“Just lower your pride and say you’re sorry. This fight is going nowhere.” Taeyeon said, trying to be reasonable.
“Yuwree, we’re not saying this just because you two are spoiling the vacation. We’re saying this because we’re sisters. Your problem is our problem.” Tiffany said then turn to Yoona, “Yoong, you are also to be blamed on this, not just Yuri. This thing between you two can be easily fixed by talking things through.”
I sighed and decided to keep quiet. I don’t want to ruin the vacation even though it’s already ruined.
“Unnie, want some goguma?” Seohyun offered me her sweet potatoes. I smiled sadly at her and grab the sweet potato she handed me. I looked at Yoona once again but she’s looking through the window, thinking deeply.
“Maybe we should cancel this. Everybody is in sour mood already.” Sunny mumbled.
Everybody sat up straight and gasp on what Sunny said. Hyoyeon stopped the car which made us halted on our seats at the sudden break.
“This is the only vacation we have!”
“No! We already made plans!”
“We’re not going anywhere!”
“Do you know how long i have to sit on my , driving?! Hell no!”
“We are not going to get back at the dorm!”
“Unnie, calm down.”
They all said at once and it made me cover up my ears from the protests.
“Aaaisshh! It’s just a suggestion! Sheesh!” Sunny defended.
Yoona and I looked at each other. Yoona looked down and said, “I’m sorry that you have to put through this but please we cannot cancel now, I promise that Yuri and I will talk about it.”
Yoona looked at me, asking for confirmation. I nodded at her and said, “Y-yeah. We’ll do something about this.”
Hyo continued driving until we reached our destination. Everyone got out of the car and stretched from the 5 hour drive. We arrived at the house beside the beach. It’s a beautiful white house with a picket fence. I smiled at the thought of how American this house is. I’m waiting for the housewife welcoming us with a huge hair, wearing apron, holding a fresh bake Apple pie.
Wow, so stereotype.
“So pretty!” Taeyeon yelled
“OMO! Beach! I’ve been waiting to flaunt my hot body!” Sooyoung smiled to herself.
“Yah! Nobody wants to see it!” Sunny yelled at Sooyoung.
“You’re just jealous that I got loonnggg legs and hot body!” Sooyoung teased Sunny.
Jessica and Tiffany helped Seohyun took out the bags from the car. I went to help them but I halted my steps when someone tapped my shoulder. I looked back and saw Yoona.
“C-can we talk?” she mumbled, avoiding looking at me.
We walked few meters far away from the girls and sat on the rock beside a tree. Yoona leaned on the tree, keeping her eyes on the girls. She smiled when she saw Sooyoung and Hyoyeon snatched Sunny’s hat and made her jump just to get it. Taeyeon saw it and slapped Soo and Hyo which made Sunny laugh at them.
I cleared my throat and started, “So...are you ready to talk?”
She looked at me and immediately looked down. “Yes.”
We went quiet for a while when Yoona started, “L-let’s end this.”
I gasped from what she said and looked at her with huge eyes.
“W-what?! Are you breaking up with me?” I immediately panicked.
"Wait! that's not what I meant! I would never do that even though we—“ Yoona panicked too. “No, i would never do it. I could never do it.” She whispered as if she's convincing herself.
I relaxed. “T-then what is it?”
“I want to end this what we’re doing right now. This fight that we have.”
"Oh. Okay." That's all I can reply. We went silent for a while until i started again. “I know what i did is wrong b-but i said i was sorry didn’t I? What do you want me to do?” I said desperately. I don’t know what to do anymore. I think i did all i can to prove that I was sorry but for her it’s not enough.
“I’m getting tired of this game, Yoong. If you don’t realize it, it’s your fault, too. You should do your effort, too.” I continued.
She scoffed, “How can it be my fault?! You’re the one to blame here! Why do you have to twist the situation back to me?!”
I expect that this would happen that is why i refuse to talk to her because everything would lead into this again.
“Because IT IS your fault, too, YOONA! We're in a relationship. You're also part of the blame” I raised my voice. As much as I hate picking fights with her, i couldn’t help it. This is getting too much for us.
“FINE! JUST TO END THIS, OK I ADMIT IT’S MY FAULT, TOO! THERE. HAPPY?!” she sarcastically yelled back at me.
“Aaaiisshh! YOU ARE SO FRUSTRATING!” Yoona complained and started to walk away. I immediately held her hand to stop her from walking away.
“I...we promised them we’ll talk.” I mumbled.
She looked at me for a long time and sighed. “Okay.”
“Yoona.”
“We can’t do this here.
“What do you want us to do?”
“We’ll act like we’re okay.”
“What?!” I asked, confused.
“Don’t you see? Everytime we’re going to talk, we’ll end up fighting? We have to show them we’re okay.” Yoona reasoned. "We can't spoil this vacation."
I thought for a while. We would have to let this pass for now just for the girls. “H-how..?”
“We’re both actresses, we can do it.” She said coldly.
I looked at her for a long time. What are we doing? Why are we ending up like this? Where are the Yoona and Yuri that once we are?
“Yoong...” i whispered.
"Yul, we'll talk soon but not now, okay?" Yoona pleaded.
The moment i heard those words, my reply got stuck in my tongue. We’re both tired of this game. I couldn’t say it. I’m too selfish. I’m too selfish to let her go.
I nodded at her.
*
Flashback:
To: BabyYul
From: Yoonghoney
Good luck with your rehearsals today. Don’t be too hard on yourself! <33
To: HubbyYoong
From: WifeyYul
I will! J take it easy on your shoot today! Hwaiting! XD
To: BabyYul
From: Yoonghoney
Just want you to know... Saranghae J
To: HubbyYoong
From: WifeyYul
Okay.
To: BabyYul
From: Yoonghoney
Hwae?! That’s it?
To: HubbyYoong
From: WifeyYul
What do you want me to say?
To: BabyYul
From: Yoonghoney
IDK...like ‘I love you, too’?
To: HubbyYoong
From: WifeyYul
Kekeke...i’m just kidding! You know I love you too! Mwwaah!
To: BabyYul
From: Yoonghoney
Pheew! You got me there babe. Don’t do that. Ever! >.<
To: HubbyYoong
From: WifeyYul
Sorry L i’ll kiss you. Mwwah! Mwwah! Mwaah! I love my Im Yoona <333
To: BabyYul
From: Yoonghoney
I love you too, Kwon Yuri J A huge kiss for you! Mwaah mwaah mwaah mwaah mwaah! <3333
*
Few hours later...
“Yo! Yul!”
I turned around and saw Seungri oppa walking towards me.
“Oppa, what is it?” I asked.
Our rehearsals are already over and i’m fixing my things before going home.
“Well, since our rehearsals are over, i’m meeting my fellow members for dinner, do you want to come?” he smiled at me.
Seungri and I have been friends for a very long time because we were classmates back then. So working with him is a bit easier compare with other male artists.
“Oppa, i would love to but i can’t, maybe next time?” I smiled shyly at him.
“Aiisshh, this is the only time we are going to spend time together. C’mon! What’s keeping you? A boyfriend, perhaps?” he teased.
I'm itching to tell him about my girlfriend. But i’m not going to blurt that out.
“Well, i need to get back at the dorm. I got schedules tomorrow.”
“ Oh c'mon. It’s just dinner. I know you’re hungry.”
Just then, my stomach growled.
“See, your tummy answered it for you.” Seungri oppa laughed.
I laughed with him and nodded, “All right, i just need to make a call then we’ll go.”
“Sure.”
I walked few feet away from Seungri oppa to make a quick call with manager oppa. After a brief phone call, i dialled Yoona’s number. I waited for a few minutes after my call went into voicemail so, i made a text to her instead.
To: HubbyYoong
From: WifeyYul
Yoong, Seungri oppa invited me to have dinner with his friends, i’ll be home soon. Love you J
“Yul, you ready to go?” Seungri oppa called me. I nodded at him as I put back my phone in my bag and we walked to the restaurant.
While walking, Seungri oppa and I reminisced all our memories back when we were in school. We laughed as we re-tell the silly stories that we had. We remembered all the mischief of Seungri oppa and how i have to make up excuses just to get him out of trouble. Despite his naughtiness, he’s my good friend. It’s quite sad that we missed so much about each other.
We reached the restaurant and saw a familiar figure waiting outside the restaurant. Seungri oppa waved at him and shouted, “Taeyang!”
My heart skipped a beat when i heard that name. Me and the girls admire Taeyang oppa because he’s a great performer. Though, we met him briefly a few times during events, we never get to be with him personally.
As i was about to fetch my phone in my bag to text Sooyoung, I heard Seungri saying goodbye to Taeyang oppa. I looked up at him with a questioning look.
“I..I thought were having dinner, oppa?” I asked.
“Yeah, i’m having dinner somewhere but you...” he said as he pushed me towards Taeyang oppa whom held me from falling and embarrassing myself. “...are going to have dinner with him.”
“What?! What are you talking about?” I panicked.
“I’m setting you up with Taeyang. Every girl loves Taeyang, since i am just being a good friend, i’m just looking out for both of you. Don’t worry, he’s a good guy and if he did something wrong, you know where to find me and I'll beat him!” Seungri oppa said as he put his arms around Taeyang oppa.
“No...I’m not looking for a date!” I turned towards Taeyang oppa. “No offense but really, i don’t know about this.”
I’m on the edge of blurting out that i already have a girlfriend and i don’t need a man because all I want is Yoona. Only Yoona.
“Give it a shot, Yul. There’s no harm in having a friendly date with my friend here.” Seungri oppa pushed Taeyang oppa towards me. “I gotta go, bye!” Then he ran away from us before we could catch him.
“Oppa! come back! Oppa!” I shouted at him. “Aiisshh! I’m going to kill him!” I cursed as i watched him ran away.
I looked back at Taeyeng oppa who’s been confused about what is happening. I find it cute, actually.
“I guess we have to do this next time. I’m sorry for this Yuri-sshi. Seungri is such a jerk.” Taeyang oppa bowed and started to walk away.
I felt bad for Taeyang oppa. I don’t want him to think that i’m rude. Maybe it’s not bad that to have at least one dinner with him.
I would have to explain this to Yoona.
“Oppa!” I called him. He stopped for a while and turned towards me. Guilt came rushing into me when i saw his dejected face.
“You know what? Let’s just continue this. A dinner will not hurt us, right?” I smiled at him to ease this embarrassing situation.
We walked, well, sort of glide towards me and smile his -dropping smile. He almost got me there.
Almost.
“Really? Great! Thank you, Yuri-sshi!”
He went inside the restaurant and led me inside. Good thing there are no people inside but we requested to the secluded part of the restaurant just to make sure.
“So, i really want to apologize for what Seungri did. He’s such a choding.” Taeyang oppa smiled at me as the waiter got the menu after we made our order.
Speaking of choding...
I immediately grabbed my phone from my bag to see any texts from Yoona.
Sadly, there are none.
I am contemplating if i’m going to tell her what happened tonight with Seungri oppa. I don’t want her to think that i’m lying to her. I already told her that i’m going to have a dinner with Seungri oppa but texting her that i’m having a “blind date” with Taeyang oppa might set her to the fire.
I love Yoona and her jealousy but there are times that she’s over the line. She gets jealous to person I talked to. She also tends to be very possessive of me that i’m always having a hard time conversing with any guy...or girl because i don’t want her to think that i’m flirting with them.
Maybe I’ll tell her this when i get home. I don’t want to ruin her focus during her shoot.
I returned my phone back in my bag and smiled at Taeyang oppa.
“I should be the one to apologize for my behaviour earlier. It’s not like i don’t want to have this ‘date’ with you but it’s just that Seungri oppa is such a jokester. He should’ve told it to me sooner so that i didn’t panic.” I smiled shyly.
“No, it’s okay. I understand.”
We went in uncomfortable silence and looked at the surroundings. The restaurant is very intimate, like it’s designed for lovers who want to go for a date.
Great, what another way to remind me that i feel like cheating on my girlfriend.
“Yuri-sshi.” He called me.
“Ne?” I looked back at him and i saw that he started to scratch the back of his head, a sign that he’s nervous.
“You know, i would like to take this opportunity to tell you this.”
“What is it?”
He grabbed my hand that is resting on the table which made my heart skipped a beat.
I think I know what it is.
"I know a lot of people have told you this." Taeyang oppa started. "I like you, Yuri-ssi."
I was about to protest but he continued, "When Seungri oppa told me that you're friends with him, I immediately asked him if he could introduced me to you. I'm glad he did."
I’m not going to be a hypocrite about this. A part of me felt happy when he said that. I respected him as an artist and a sunbae.
Who wouldn’t be happy if the guy you admire tells you this? I’m sure if Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and the rest of the girls will be jealous of me right now. But I have Yoona now. My admiration towards him is not the same as what I have with Yoona.
Yoona. There’s only one for me and it’s Yoona.
I let go of his hands and smiled shyly at him. Should i tell him about my relationship with Yoona?
He probably noticed my hesitance so he panicked.
“Is there something wrong? Oh my God, i’m sorry i didn’t know. Of course you’re already taken...” He started to babble.
Hwae?! Does he already know about me and Yoona?
“Hwae?!” I asked
Taeyang oppa stopped with his ramblings and looked at me.
“y-you’re taken right? I mean i’m not against it or something but i guess he’s just lucky...”he start to babble again.
Oh, so he thought i was with a guy.
“I’m not with any guy.” I blurted out and he immediately shut up.
“Oh? So you mean you’re single?” he asked with full of hope in his voice.
“No, i mean yeah, i’m not with any guy but...”i started.
I don’t know if i can do this but he must know this. Taeyang oppa seems a nice guy.
“...I already have a girlfriend.”I continued.
His smile faded and looked at me for a very long time.
“You’re kidding right?” he deadpanned.
I moved my head to a “no” and smiled shyly at him.
“Oh.” That’s all he said and whispered, “What a lucky girl, whoever she is.”
I snort from what he said and i felt he knew that i heard him so he asked,
“I hope you don’t mind me asking but who’s the lucky girl?”
“Yoona.” Her name was enough to make my heart skip.
I felt guilt creeping up on me once again.
“Really? Yoona-sshi? I never thought...well, uuhmm,..”he stammered.
He noticed my amused face and he chuckled embarrassingly.
“I’m sorry it’s just that you two are such beautiful girls. Don’t get me wrong or anything.”
“Oppa i get it, don’t worry. We can’t choose who we’ll love, right? I believe Yoona is the one for me.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“I’m sorry that we’re not going to work out but i appreciate your admiration. The girls will be jealous once they heard that i had dinner with you.” I smiled at him.
“Thanks for joining me for this dinner.”
“No problem, oppa. We could be friends right?”
“Sure.” He smiled his signature smile once again.
**
After few weeks...
“Aaahhh, this is the life. No busy schedules, just chillin’ with my girls, hanging out and stuff.” Sooyoung said in her own English way.
We all laugh especially Tiffany who’s very fluent in English. It’s Sunday and no schedule for all of us.
“Yah! Stop being ghetto, it’s not cool on you.” Tiffany said with a pout.
“What?! This is how i roll.” Sooyoung said as she posed with ‘peace’ sign.
"Whatever. Just turn on the TV or something.", Jessica said, completely jealous with Sooyoung and Tiffany. She only wants Tiffany’s attention on her.
Whipped.
Soo the TV and switched channels to look for our favourite show. As Soo continued to switched channels, Hyo yelled,
“Yo! Stop switching channels! I saw Taeyang oppa" Hyoyeon exclaimed.
My heart suddenly skipped a beat when i heard his name. I felt guilt creeping up on me once again after i decided not to tell Yoona what happened that night. She didn't ask since we're both tired from our schedules. She didn't also brought that up; I didn't since there's not much to tell anyway.
After that dinner, we just talk all the way home. We didn't have each other's number so we didn't get to talk after that.
The girls went all quiet when they saw Taeyang oppa and Seungri oppa on the variety show, Strong Heart.
What is this suddenly feeling that have? My heart is beating a hundred times per second?
I looked at Yoona whose been smiling as she watched the show like the rest of the girls. She felt my stare on her so she looked back at me and leaned her head on my shoulder.
“You looked like you’ve seen a ghost, babe.” She said.
“A-aniyo. It’s just you ...took my breath away” I tried to play it cool.
“Aiissshh, shut up, you’re so cheesy.” Taeyeon commented on us.
We all kept quiet as we enjoyed the show.
“So, Taeyang-sshi, we heard from certain someone that you went out with an idol.” Seung-gi asked Taeyang oppa.
"Oohhh, who do you think is the lucky idol?" Hyoyeon wondered.
Dugeun...Dugeun.
Maybe it’s not me, there are lots of girls here in our industry.
I saw Taeyang oppa looking warily at Seungri oppa who looked so smug all the time.
I’m gonna smash the smug all over that face when i see him.
“Aniyo! It’s not a date, per se. It’s just that...” he nervously laughed and looked at Seungri oppa once again.
“What?! Tell them! I want to hear it,too!” Seungri oppa teased his friend which gathered cheers from the audience.
“Yah! WE WANT TO HEAR THE STORY TOO!” Sooyoung screamed on TV followed by the rest of the girls even Tiffany. I looked at Yoona who’s so amused with our friends and their obsession with Taeyang.
“I can see that you’re not fangirling like them. I thought you like him?” she teased me.
“I like you more.” I said immediately which she replied with a giggle.
Man, i felt like i am really cheating on her.
“Ok, ok, i’ll tell the story.” Taeyang oppa started.
This is not good.
“It happened when i was busy with this album and my friends asked me where did i get inspiration in my songs because i spend too much time inside either house or the recording studio, so they told me to mingle to the outside world, like date and stuff. I realized, well, it’s not bad, so i give it a try.”
He looked at Seungri oppa before continuing, “Seungri, being the great person he thought he is, tried to set me up on a ‘blind date’. He told me, ‘i have this friend and she’s an amazing person, maybe we could introduce her to you?’, so i agreed with him and met up with him and his friend.”
“Woaah, so who is this girl?” Kang Ho Dong oppa asked.
“She’s umm...she’s...” Taeyang oppa laughed nervously.
“Yah! What is taking him so long to answer the question?!” Sunny said. She getting frustrated just like everybody else.
“Aaiisshh, we’re waiting Taeyang!” Seungri taunted his friend.
The audience laughed at Seungri oppa who as excited as everybody else.
“That girl is...”
Dugeun..Dugeun...
“That girl turned out to be SNSD Yuri.”
“WWWHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT???!!!” Everybody yelled.
The show is already forgotten and the girls started to flock around me, flooding me with questions.
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, YUL?! YOU WENT OUT WITH HIM? WITHOUT EVEN ASKING FOR MY PERSMISSION?!” Hyoyeon yelled.
“YOU ARE SUCH A LIFE RUINER, YUL!” Sunny whined.
“I ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT OUR WEDDING PLANS AND OUR FUTURE TOGETHER BUT YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY?!” Sooyoung screamed as she paced back and forth..
“YOU ARE SUCH A BAD GIRL, YUL!” Tiffany glared at me.
“YOU ALREADY GOT YOONA BUT YOU WENT OUT WITH TAEYANG?! YOU’RE SUCH A PLAYER YUL!” Jessica yelled at me.
Speaking of Yoona, where did she go?
“Yoona unnie went to your room, unnie.” Seohyun said calmly.
I ran towards our room to leave screaming-slash-whining girls and when i opened the door, i saw Yoona sitting on our joined beds.
“Yoong?”
I walked up to her when she didn’t answer. I sat on the bed in front of her.
“I...”
“I hate you.” She said simply.
Those three words made my heart skipped a beat. Not in a good way.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you. It’s just dinner, it’s not what you think. Seungri oppa set me up in that blind date. He left me with Taeyang oppa. I ‘m just being nice so i agreed to go out with him.” I reasoned out as i reached out her hands but she swatted it away.
“You should’ve told me about it instead of hearing it from somebody else.”
“I’m sorry, i was about to tell you but it slipped out of my mind. You know what there's no need to be jealous. We're not talking after that night."
“I am jealous all right because i have the right to be. I am your girlfriend, Yul. I have the right to know.” She stood up abruptly and walked to the opposite side of the room.
“I’m sorry. Can we please forget it? This fight is nonsense.” I whined and started to walk towards her but she put up a hand to stop me from walking towards her.
“No. This is not nonsense. Why do you want to drop this issue? Tell me, Kwon Yuri, is there something i need to know?” she glared at me.
“Why are you looking at me like i did something wrong?!”
“Because you DID something wrong, tell me, what else do i need to know?”
I looked at her warily and whispered, “Taeyang oppa confessed that he liked me.”
Yoona scoffed and whispered, “unbelievable.” She looked at me straightly and said, “Of course he did. I bet you like that he said that that is why you decided to hide it from me. Tell me, are you secretly with him now?” she cried.
I panicked when i saw tears on her eyes. How could she think that i have a relationship with Taeyang oppa, Does she have any trust in me?
“Aniyo! I told him that we’re together after he confessed. Please believe me, Yoong! How can you accused me like that?!” i started to tear up as well.
“How can i believe you when you keep these things from me? Is there anything i need to hear? Tell me, Yul so i could cry it all out.”
I don’t want to go on in a relationship with her where her doubts are turning into jealousy. Why are we like this everytime she gets jealous?
“Tell me, Yoong, don't you trust me? Why are you so jealous? Aren't you supposed to be proud of me because people likes me but I don't entertain their intentions because I already got you."
She sighed as her tears kept on pouring.
“To be honest? I’m scared that one day, someone might take you away from me. You got that captivating personality that everybody loves that’s why i’m scared. Since the day that we’re together, i could only count the times that i felt that you really do love me. I know we decided to keep it a secret but you never saw me falter in showing what i feel for you. Then, this happened; can you blame me for being like this? I love you so much, Yul.”
How could she feel that i do not love her like the way she did? To be honest, this is the first time that i ever felt this way. I never been in love before and i don’t know how can i show that person how important she is to me. I know we have different ways of showing how much we love each other but Yoona is my life. When she left, i prove how much i couldn’t live without her and i don’t want to experience that again.
I love Yoona. That’s all i know.
“Yul, just be honest with me, what are you feeling for me right now?” she asked.
“This is not about Taeyang oppa, is it? I guess this is about what we really feel towards each other...” I said as i tried to wipe my tears but they kept on coming. “I’m sorry if you felt that way but you have no clue how much i love you. We have our own way of showing it but i love you.”
“Why can’t i feel it?”
“Maybe it’s because you’re too preoccupied doubting on me.” I looked down. I hated that she feels that way towards me, it felt like i haven’t done good enough for her.
“You let your jealousy lead you...”i said but she cut me off.
“How could you think that i’m a jealous freak?!” she started to raise her voice.
“No—“
“Save it, Yuri. Thank you for being honest with me. Now, i know why are you like this, it’s because i’m a jealous freak, overly-possessive-jealous-freak. Am i suffocating you, huh, Yul?!”
“How can you think that way?!"
“Just answer the damn question, Yul! Am i suffocating you?!”
I couldn’t help myself because i’m getting frustrated at this petty fight that we have.
“YES! YOU ARE SUFFOCATING ME! YOU ARE JEALOUS ALL THE TIME! I NEVER GOT TO BE FRIENDS WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU’RE SO POSSESSIVE AND I’M GETTING SICK OF IT!”
I immediately regret those words that i said. I never meant those words to come out but she sets me on fire and now we’re both burning. A moment of tears now turned into moment of screaming and shouting. Yoona and I never fought like this before but i guess this is the time to test each other.
Yoona and i went quiet to look at each other then she turned around to leave. I guess a part of me is still want to let all my frustrations out.
“Where are you going?! You’re running away?! Go ahead, leave! You did it once, i bet you have no problem in doing that again!” i yelled.
She didn’t stop and continued leaving me crying with a wounded heart.
End of Flashback
*
“Yo! YoonYul! Let’s go!” Taeyeon called us.
We looked at each other and she said coldly, “C’mon, let’s get the camera rolling.”
We held hands and made our way to our friends.
“Woah, i guess someone already made up.” Sooyoung teased us.
“Yah! you think we’re dumb?! We know you more than the back of our hands! If you think you could fool us then think again.” Taeyeon said as she glared at us.
“Not cool, dude. Not cool.” Hyoyeon said disappointedly.
“Please whatever it is that you have, fix it. Not for the sake of the group but for yourselves. We know that you’re both having a hard time here. We’re one, do you know that?” Sunny explained.
“Yeah, and whatever decision it is that you decided, we’ll accept it. At the end of the day, we’re still sisters and we’re here to support each other.” Tiffany smiled sadly.
I felt like they were thinking that my relationship with Yoona is going nowhere. I looked back at her and saw that she kept her eyes on the ground but she kept her grip on my hand tightly as if she doesn’t want to let go. She probably felt that i’m looking at her so she look back at me and released my hand.
“Please give us more time. We’ll work things out.” I whispered. I wanted us to work again. I really do. I couldn’t imagine my life without my Yoona.
“Don’t just say it, Kwon Yuri. Do it.” Taeyeon sighed and walked away.
I know how frustrating it is for the girls but i need more time to think about this. I want Yoona to believe that we’re still worth fighting for.
We all went to the house that we’re going to stay at during our vacation. After Taeyeon knocked the door, i was surprised to see Maggie unnie welcomed us.
“Oh, hi! You’re early!” she beamed at us. “Hyori baby! They’re here!” she called back inside the house. Just then, footsteps and shrieks were heard as it got nearer.
“OMONA! You’re finally here! I’m so excited! Oh my god! They’re all here! 1...2...3...4...5...6....7...8..8...where is 9? Oh there she is! Wow! They are so beautiful like angels! I wish i could have 9 daughters like you...” Hyori unnie kept on rambling as she jumped up and down but her wife held her down and smiled shyly at us.
“I’m sorry its just that my wife is a huge fan of yours and when Yoona promised her that you’ll visit us, she couldn’t contain herself, she renovate our house like this.”
So, this is why this is the design of their house. Hyori unnie hugged us one by one and introduced herself as if we don’t know her. When she went to me, her eyes went wide and hugged me as if we’re old friends.
“Finally i got to see you! Oh my God! I only heard stories about you from Maggie and Yoona but i couldn’t help myself. I googled you and it turned me into a very huge fan of yours! I read that you like to work out and you got a really great abs. Can i see it? I promise i wouldn’t make Yoona jealous, let me just take a peak! Please please please!” Hyori unnie pleaded as she reached for my shirt and lift it up. I panicked and looked at Maggie unnie whose been amused and i turned to look at Yoona whose glaring at me.
She's jealous again.
“Babe, stop torturing Yuri. Let’s get them inside, i bet they’re tired from their trip.” Maggie unnie said as she pulled Hyori away from me.
“But babe, i just want to see her abs! SONE loves her abs.” Hyori whined.
“You’ll see it soon when they change into their bikinis.”
Hyori unnie shrieked and clapped her hands.
“Oh yeah! That would be fun!”
“should i be worried about it?” Maggie unnie asked me.
I was taken aback by her question. Sure, I like Hyori unnie but i don’t see her that way.
“No worries, unnie. I understand that Hyori unnie is just a fan of Yuri.” Yoona said as she put an arm around me.
Does this mean that we’re okay now?
“I know.” Maggie unnie smiled at us. “I just want to make fun of Yuri. I miss talking to her.”
She walked towards her wife as Hyori unnie helped the girls with their luggage. I heard Hyori unnie say to her wife, “Isn’t it fun, babe? It’s like we’re a huge family! We got 9 beautiful daughters...” her voice drowned out as they went inside.
I continued to watch the girls who followed Hyori unnie and Maggie unnie inside the house and as i was about to start to walk inside, i felt someone held my hand. I looked up and saw Yoona.
“Yul.”
“Yoong.”
“I've been thinking a lot lately and I want us to try working things out.” She whispered.
I looked at her and our joined hands.
“Yeah, let’s try.” I said.
With that promise,Yoona and i walked to the house, hand in hand.
*
Days go by as we stayed with Maggie unnie and Hyori unnies’ house and all i could say that its awkward. Its like me and Yoona tried so hard to avoid having arguments by acting so polite with each other as if we don’t know each other.
Incident #1
The two unnies and the girls decided to eat lunch by the beach. Since most of the girls here are couples they decided to share food with their partners.
I think they just did it to avoid washing too much dishes.
I heard Yoona whining at Sooyoung.
“C’mon Soo unnie, you have tons of food. Let me share it with you!”
“As much as i would love it, my fellow shikshin, I already got mouths to feed. Hyo and Seobaby.”
“But Seobaby is already with Hyori unnie! She’s always with the maknae as if she’s her real daughter!”
“Well, everybody loves the maknae. If that’s the case then i’m going to eat Seobaby’s share.” Sooyoung said as she started to wolf down on her plate. “Why don’t you share with Yuri? You’re YoonYul. You’re supposed to share.”
When i heard my name, i looked down at my food with tons of food on it. I guess old habits never die. Whenever i’m on a buffet, i automatically grab everything i see, thinking that i’ll be sharing it with Yoona.
How can i eat all of this now?
“Yul?” a voice behind me said.
I looked up and saw Yoona looking down at the sand. I heard her stomach growled so loud and i almost laughed.
What a shikshin.
“I...uh...do you want to share my food? I bet you’re hungry.” I said as i offer her my food.
She immediately grabbed it and started eating. I just watched her eat because it always fascinates me how she could eat so much and didn’t gain any weight.
She probably felt my stare at her so she suddenly stopped eating and looked at me.
“OMO! I’m sorry. I...” She said embarrassingly and gave the plate back to me.
“No! I mean...just eat. Its for you, you’re hungry.” I gave the plate back to her.
“I know but its yours, you’re the one who got all of this.”
“I know but you should eat it.”
We kept on pushing the plate towards the other.
“Yah! Kwon Yuri! You haven’t eat anything! EAT!” she ordered.
I know how Yoona gets when she’s trying to get me eat. I love to eat but i’m not an eater like her and Sooyoung.
Just then, she started feeding me and i was too surprised to oppose her.
I slowly chew the food she fed me while looking at her, puzzled.
“T-thanks.” I mumbled shyly.
“You know, you should eat. I know you work hard to lessen those calories but have you seen those comments on the internet? They were shocked to see you so skinny.” Yoona said with a worried tone.
Since Yoona and I have this problem, i drowned myself with work and working out. It takes my mind out of the problem that i have so i kept on going until my muscles get tired.
I also saw how people were shocked with how skinny i got and that is why i stopped reading the internet just because it’s upsetting me.
“Stop reading those, Yoong.” I mumbled.
“I know but it worries me. YOU worried me.” She said firmly.
Why did she care suddenly? After she said that she hates me? Why? Does this mean we still have a chance?
“I choose this so, no need to be worried about me.” I whispered.
“Can you blame me?” she asked.
We left those words hanging and went silent.
Another day at the beach and all of us are enjoying hanging out, soaking in the sun. I walked towards them as i wiped my body with a towel after going on a swim. I saw Seohyun and Hyori unnie talking happily by the lounge chairs with Jessica and Tiffany while Taeyeon and Sunnywere happily building sand castles by the shore. As i got nearer, i saw Sooyoung, Hyo and Yoona playing volleyball.
“Yo Yul!”
I turned towards Hyoyeon and smiled at her.
“Are you done swimming?” Sooyoung asked
I nodded at them shyly and continued wiping myself.
“Good cause you’re going to join us in volleyball!” Hyoyeon yelled.
“Hwae?!”
“Yeah! As you can see, everybody is too busy doing their own thing while there are only three of us here. Volleyball is not volleyball without you.” Sooyoung reasoned as she put her skinny arms around me.
I looked at them as they tried to put their best pout on me except Yoona whose trying to distract herself with playing ball.
“C’mon,Yul. I know you want to.” Sooyoung whispered in my ears.
“Yah! You’re creepy!” I pushed Sooyoung away.
“Please Yul join us! I miss our HyoYoung-YoonYul tag team! I thought we’re homies!” Hyoyeon put her best aegyo face again.
I guess a little game wouldn’t hurt, right? We promise we will try again.
I sighed and nodded at the girls.
“Fine, just stop the aegyo. It’s not cute.” I walked away from them and moved towards the doe-eyed beauty whose eyes sparkled when she saw me walked towards her.
I smiled shyly at her and offered my hand to give me the ball.
She gave it to me and mumbled, “I’m glad you could join us.”
“Those two won’t take no for an answer.” I smiled at her and started to toss the ball.
We played volleyball as the others were watching and cheering us. Its a little bit distracting hearing them cheer at us.
“Yah! YoonYul!”
“Beat the shikshin and the choding!”
“Yah! shout for us, too! Where are our fans?!” Sooyoung yelled.
We all laughed at her remark and continued to play by playfully smashing the ball every time it gets to us. Well, maybe its not my lucky day today because as i was trying to block Hyoyeon’s serve,i blocked it in a wrong hand position so my arm hits the ball painfully and it got me falling into the ground.
“Yul!” Yoona shouted and rushed towards me.
She grabbed my injured arm carefully and examined it.
“Where does it hurt?! Tell me. Where?” She panicked. As she continued touching the tender part and i flinched when she laid her fingers there.
I tried not to cry in pain because i don’t want to act weak in front of Yoona even though she seen me a couple of times like this.
Not now.
Why did i suddenly thought that we’re not going to work out after we promised to each other that we’re going to try to work it out?
Where does this all coming from?
“Yul? Are you okay? I’m sorry, i didn’t realized that i smashed that hard.” Hyoyeon apologized.
“Save your sorry for later, unnie! Can’t you see what you’ve done!” Yoona yelled at her unnie.
“Yoong!" I yelled at Yoona for saying that to Hyo. "it’s okay Hyo, this is nothing, i’ll just sleep it through okay?” I smiled at Hyo and to everyone around me. I started to stand up to walk away but Yoona stopped me.
“Hey, where are you going? We should do something about your injury.” Yoona said.
“Don’t worry, Yoong. I’ll just drink some pain reliever medicine and sleep.” I smiled meekly and walked away.
*
Why did i do that?
Why am I suddenly pushing Yoona away instead of trying with her?
Am i that coward?
I thought we're gonna try again? But why am I like this?
I guess I am scared.
I already died when she left me. I died more when she done it again. Now, that she’s trying to get back, i’m not going to risk again and get hurt in the end.
“She’s looking for you, you know.” A voice said. I looked up and saw Maggie unnie smiling at me.
She sat up on the roof beside me and looked at the stars. After I left the group, I drank some pain reliever and sleep it through. When i woke up, everybody are gone except for Yoona who's sleeping beside me. I left her to sleep and I walked up to the roof.
“I never thought that sitting on this roof is possible but i guess you and the girls bring out the childishness in us.” Maggie unnie said.
“You know, Yul, i can see she’s trying really hard to reach out to you but why are you pushing her away? I thought you both want to work out again?” she asked.
I was surprised that she knew about me and Yoona but i guess she heard it from Yoona.
“I’m scared, unnie.” I whispered.
“Of what? You get hurt again? When you get back together, she might hurt you again, you might her again and will turn to this again?”
Maggie unnie can read minds.
“You know Yul, love is not like what you see in dramas. Its not always butterflies and happy moments. Sometimes, you have to face challenges to see if you are capable of loving someone. This is not the only time that this will happen. You'll go through a lot of fights, a lot of disappointments but at the end of the day, if you really love her, you'll always comeback and you're willing to go through hell with her."
“But, i don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to end up getting hurt all the time. When Yoona told me that she doubted my feelings towards her, i realized maybe i’m not capable of loving someone because she couldn’t feel how much i love her.” I looked up at the stars to prevent the tears from falling but i guess tears are not in the mood for listening.
“Prove to her, Yul. Prove to her that she has nothing to worry about because you love her.”
She held my hands and asked, “You still love her, Yul? Tell me. Do you still love Yoona?
I looked at Maggie unnie with her eyes so big, like a curious kid, searching for an answer.
“I love her so much that if she decided to break up with me, i'll accept it.”
I stood up and leave Maggie unnie under the stars.
“YUL!”
I wiped my tears and turned towards the person who called me. I was surprised to see Yoona standing there.
The girl I love.
Why am I doing this again? Why am I willing to let her go when we both are trying to save this?
Why is it easy for me?
I am saving both of us from the hurt, from the pain. I am doing this because I love her. I don’t want her to be sad anymore.
Do I love Yoona?
With all my heart. I love her but i don’t want us to get hurt if it doesn’t work out. I’m putting her into much hurt if i keep on avoiding her just because i’m scared of getting hurt.
“Yoong...” I mumbled but my tears are moments away from falling.
“Maggie unnie told me that you ran away...w-why?” she asked.
I looked away from her and said, “I just need to get away from things.”
I felt her sat beside me and we went silent for awhile, just listening to the waves of the sea.
How am i going to tell this to her?
How am I going to let go the person that i really love?
I sighed a deep breath and said “Yoong?”
“Ne?”
“Are you really doubting if i really love you?” I mumbled. “D-do you really think this is working out?”
I need to be strong for this. I need to do this.
“Hwae? W-what do you mean?” I can sense fear in her voice. Maybe she already knows where this is going.
I need her to know this so we could save us from this hurt.
“Us. I feel like it’s not working out.” I mumbled and turned to her. I gasped when i saw tears pouring from her beautiful doe eyes. "We're trying, right? But it's not working like it used to. When you said that you're not feeling my sincerity towards you, it hurts me. I feel like I'm not trying hard enough for you to feel it."
“No. It’s not true. We’ve got to try harder, Yul. We’ve got to.” She cried.
“I’m sorry. That i hurt you. I’m sorry that i didn’t love you enough. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel my love.” I whispered and I sighed.
This is it.
“I’m letting you go.” I said as i couldn’t stop my tears from falling. In an instant i regret saying those words when i saw her clutching my hands.
“Yuri please! Please tell me isn’t real! We’re going to try please don’t give up. I know i said it but it's just out of frustration. I'm sorry for thinking that way. I know you love me and I'm sorry for having high expectations on you. I never thought that this is your first time loving someone that you don't have a clue on how to express it.”
I turned away from her as she grips my hand.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Yoong. I disappoint you. Now, I'm scared. I don’t want to experience the same hurt every time you leave me.”
“That is why we’re trying again. I'm selfish that I'm still keeping you. It's because I love you, Yul!" she took back my hand to hers.
“I don't want us to fight anymore, Yoong. It'll affect the members. So, if we're going to continue this, if you're going to doubt me everytime and i'll accuse you of being possessive all the time, let's just let go of each other.” I pleaded.
Instead of letting go, she holds on to me by hugging me.
“No! Please let me do anything but this! I hate waking up everyday without you. I hate seeing you so close but so far from touching you. I’ve been hell these past few months that is why i’m willing to try again. Please don’t give up, we can make this through, Yul! Please!”
She said my name over and over again on my ears as she hugged me. Knowing Yoona all these years, one of the things that i love and hate about her is her stubbornness.
“Yoong, please let me go. I don’t want to disappoint you more.” I pleaded.
“I am also to blame! I am jealous and possessive! But look at me! I’m trying for us because i know this is worth fighting for! Please fight, Yul. Please fight for us.” She cried.
“Yoong, listen to m-.” I pulled away from her and looked straight into her beautiful doe eyes.
Seeing her cry hurts me.
I did that to her. I hate seeing her like this knowing I did this to her.
“Marry me!” she immediately blurted out before i say anything.
I gasped when i heard those words from her.
Marry her?! Does she know what she’s talking about?!
“W-what?! Marry you? Do you know what you’re saying,Yoong?” I scoffed at her.
“Yes. I know what i’m asking you. Marry me so that i could prove that i will never leave you again. Tie me up so i wouldn’t let go, Yul.”
I scoffed at her again. If getting back to her is not the answer for us, so as marriage. Yet, she asks me so easily as if its the only answer left for us.
“Yoong...” I sighed.
“No, Yul. I guess its time for you to listen to me.” She demanded. I was surprised that she talked like this to me. Even though we’re together, she’s never demanding. She always listens to what i have to say because she learned from her dad that men shouldn’t raise a voice on a girl. He should treat her with so much respect and adoration.
That is how a gentleman my Yoongie is.
“I am trying so hard for us to work. I thought about a lot of things lately. Since we were like this, i realize a life without a person you love. Its like living while your dying, Yul. When I ask you for us to work again, I mean it. I want us to be together again. I know i made mistakes, i hurt you, and you hurt me but its part of our relationship. This is how we are learning about each other.”
As much as i wanted to wipe those tears on her eyes, I can’t.
“I am going to spend my life proving to you that I’m sorry for leaving you again and again. That is why I’m asking you to marry me.” She sighed through her cries.
I looked down guiltily. I know that marriage is so important to Yoona. Her parents went on their separate ways when she was born so she doesn’t have an idea how a complete family or even a marriage life works. She only relies on the books she read, the movie she watched or the stories from one of our members’ parents.
I can see in her eyes that she longed to have a complete family of her own someday. She even told me that once she got married, she’ll never do what her mother did to them. She’ll make sure that her child will grow in a family full of love. She promised herself that she’ll marry the person she really loved and she’ll do anything to make them work because she thought that once she felt true love from that person, she’ll stay forever.
“Yul...” she mumbled.
I was took out from my thoughts and looked back at her. I don't know if marriage is the answer to our problem.
“Is it too much for you? Asking you to marry me?" Yoona looked down dejectedly. "You're really determined to break up with me?"
“Yoong...” I tried to reason out but it's not coming out.
This is what you want, right Yuri? You want her to let go. But why are you still here?
“Aniyo. I'm sorry to overwhelm you with marraige." Yoona tried to smile as her tears kept pouring. "If you really want to break up with me, it's fine. We’re still part of SNSD, we’re still going to be great friends like before. It may take us a while but we’re going to get there.” She said.
“Don’t worry, Yul. I still love you like always. I’ll be here for you no matter what. I love you. Always” she said as if she's convincing herself. She stood up and started to walk away.
I watched her walked again, for the last time and i couldn’t help but bawl.
I should’ve shouted I love her that is why i’m doing this but instead i let those words stuck in my throat. I replayed the words that Yoona said earlier, ‘Please fight, Yul. Please fight for us’.
Why am I not fighting?
Why am I pushing her away? I love her. I supposed to prove that I really love her and no other person could love her like I do.
Why am I feeling like this? I’m supposed to be happy that we’re finally free from each other but instead we’re hurting like this.
This is not what i’m expecting to happened.
This is not supposed to happen.
I love her.
I shouldn’t hurt the person that I love.
Yoona.
I stood up and ran to her.
“Yoona!”
“Yoona!”
I called her as I ran and i was happy that she turned around despite the tears on her eyes.
“Yul—“ I silenced her with my lips. I kissed her to show how sorry I am for my stupidity, how sorry I am for hurting her, How sorry i am for giving up so easily, how sorry I am for not proving how much I love her.
We pulled away from each other to catch our breaths and I leaned my forehead on hers as my hands wiped the tears on her eyes.
“Babo...I’m such a babo.” I whispered. I pulled away and put my arms around her waist.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled.
She smiled through her tears and pulled me again for a kiss. I responded back by pulling her to me tighter as her arms wrapped around me. We kissed as if we’re each other’s oasis from the long drought. I moaned as she my lips, as if asking permission to enter. I let her tongue danced with mine, as if they’re dancing to a sweet, sensual song. I let my hands wander to places i missed the most, her hair, her neck, her waist, i’m scared that this is all a dream and any moment, i’m going to wake up.
I groaned as she pulled away and opened my eyes. I smiled as i saw her lips were already swollen from my assault.
“I thought i could never kiss you like that again.” She said.
I lifted her chin to look at her beautiful doe eyes. “I’m sorry if I made you think that way. I’m sorry for everything, Yoong. I’m stupid and selfish and—“
She silenced me with a finger on my lips. “Sshh...its all in the past now. There’s nothing we could do but to move on. There will be more fights in the future and let us learn from this mistake, arasso?” she smiled.
I nodded at her and hugged her tight.
“I’ll fight for us every time, Yoong.” I mumbled on her neck.
“Me too.” She whispered.
We pulled away from our hug and started to walk with our hands clasped together.
“So your marriage proposal...?” I trailed off as i eyed Hyori unnie and Maggie unnie’s house.
“Yes?” she teased.
I looked anywhere but her to avoid the embarrassment in my tone.
“Is it still...you know...on? are you really going to marry m-me?” I choked at the last words because i don’t know how to say it and i don’t know if i’m ready for it.
One of the things that i really love other than Yoona, my members and my family is weddings. I love the idea of putting up the perfect wedding. I even drew some of my ideas when i was a child. It may be silly but the idea of being in a wonderful place at the wonderful time with the person you love and sealing a promise that you’ve got to prove for forever is very idealistic for me.
One thing’s for sure is if i’m going to get married, I want it to be Yoona.
Only Yoona.
Yoona put her skinny arms around me and kissed my forehead.
“I am never sure in my life until i decided to marry you.”
“Aisshh, stop it.” I blushed at the smooth talker.
“Yul?”
“Hhmm..?”
“I’m sorry i don’t have a ring.”
I looked at my shy fiance and smiled at her.
“Ring or not, i’m still going to marry you, so it up.” I .
“Jinja?”
“Yes, but be sure to buy me one, okay?”
“Hwae?”
“Of course! I need to boast them that i’m going to marry to Korea’s Ideal girl.” I smiled as i kissed her lips.
She rolled her eyes and said, “Fine, but buy me one too so i could boast to those oppas that i’m going to marry Korea’s daughter-in-law and Korea’s iest girl”
“Aisshh, choding!” i slapped her arms playfully.
“I’ll be a seobang soon!” she teased.
I rolled my eyes at her and giggled, “here we go again.”
“But you love me.” She said as she hugged me
“You got that right.” I giggled as she kissed me again.
-TBC-
****
Hello~! I hope you still remember this story lol. Upon reading this, i decided to re-write it. lol. I might take it down to re-write the story :)
Comments