Yuri POV:

“Wow! I’m so excited! We got to work together again!” Sooyoung shouted as we’re entering the studio.

I’m nervous being back here again with the girls. It’s been a while since our last recording and I’m glad that manager oppa did this for us. All of us were gathered in the studio where manager oppa is talking with the technical directors.

“Annyeong, girls!” manager oppa greeted.

“Annyeong oppa!” we chorused.

“I’m glad that I get to see my girls again, so are you all excited?” Manager oppa grins.

“Yes!” We chorused.

“I’m so glad that the composer of the song did this because I know this one has a great potential for your new album.” Manager oppa said. “This song is a ballad. It’s about hurting and regretting for loving someone. I love its message and I know you could do justice singing this song.”

“Of course!” Taeyeon said, proudly.

Manager oppa chuckled and said, “great! Now, do you want to meet the composer?”

“Yeah!” Sunny screamed.

“Kwon Yuri, come here” Manager oppa smiled.

My ears were ringing from the entire gasp and screaming of the girls. It’s really obvious that they were shocked to know that I composed a song. Even I was surprised that manager oppa liked my composition.

Flashback:

I press the ivories of the piano desperately finding the tune that got stock in my head these past few days.

”I’m still at the same place

I’m weary from wandering by your side.
Even today, as I was wandering
Day has passed again and again.
Now I’m here, You know.

You know that my heart is hurting
Watching you smile makes my heart ache more”

I sang along the melody. Every word, every tune helped me poured out the hurt that I have when I heard how Yoona uttered the words, “oppa”, even though she didn’t utter Taecyeon’s name, I know he’s the one that she’s  dreaming of.

“It’s my mistake for not making you love me more
It’s my mistake for loving you more than you love me
It’s my mistake for not making you love me as much as I wanted you to.”
 

“ComposerYul. Nice.” Manager oppa said, amused. I was surprised to see manager oppa standing by the door, grinning at me.

“Manager oppa, I thought I was the only one here.” I said.

“One of the technicians told me that you are here and I wondered what could you be doing here, late at night? I need my girls to be safe.”

“I’m sorry, oppa. I didn’t mean to worry you.” I said,shyly.

“Don’t be, they told me you’re here because you want to play the piano. I know you miss doing it.” Manager oppa smiled, warmly. “I’ve been listening here for a while, all I can say that it’s very good.”

“Thank you, oppa.” I felt so shy that manager oppa got to hear this. Manager walked up to me and leaned by the edge of the piano.

He sighed heavily and said, “Love can make you feel different things. Happy, sad, giddy and of course, hurt.” He looked at me intently and continued talking. “You know, if you think that loving someone is a mistake, I have to say that you cut it out because if not, that some old saying that, “Love is worth sacrificing for” is useless. You need to get hurt to prove that what you feel is real especially with your situation with Yoona.”

What?! How did he....? Am I that obvious that people around me knew it?!

He just laughed at my shocked expression and said, “I told you, Yul, I know all of you like a back of my hand. You and Yoona are quite different with Fany and Sica. Those two were expressive with their feelings, maybe it’s because they both came from the US so they are more open. Unlike you and Yoona, you two were protective of each other but you’re both holding back but once you’re together, nobody matters but the two of you.”

“But oppa, you’re wrong. Yoona doesn’t feel the same way.” I whispered.

“Have you tried asking her?”

“No.”

“Then you should. Maybe she hasn’t realized it yet.”

“I’m scared, manager oppa. I’m scared that she’ll go away.” My heart is already aching, thinking about it.

“Love is worth sacrificing for.” He smiled. “I got an idea!”

I finished singing the song in front of the girls. Some of them were wiping their tears, some were amused but none of them mattered because all I’m looking at from time to time is Yoona. She seemed to be in deep thought because she kept her head down the entire time. Once the girls clapped and cheered for me, she looked up at me with so much sadness in her eyes but she hide it with a small smile.

“So what is your inspiration for doing that song?” Taeyeon asked, curiously. I want to scream “Yoona” but I can’t, something’s holding me back. I blurted out the first thing that came into my mind.

“A drama that i watched.”

“What?!  That’s the lamest inspiration I ever heard.” Sunny whined.

“I...It is!” I defended.

After bantering with the girls for forcing me to tell the inspiration for the song, we proceed on recording. A few hours of voice exhaustion, we all went on our separate ways to spare our free time. Sica and Fany went on a date;  Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Seohyun went to eat; Taeyeon, Sunny and maybe they tagged Yoona along  and went shopping. I went to the balcony to breathe after hearing the song over and over again. It made a constant reminder of how coward I have been with Yoona. I just let her slipped away. I exhaled loudly and turn to go to the vendo machine. As I was contemplating on what snack to get, I heard someone called my name.

“Yuri unnie.”

I turned and surprised to see a beautiful girl in front of me.

“Yoona. What are you doing here? I thought you’re with Taengoo and Sunny?” I asked.

“I don’t feel like going on a shopping today. Besides, you have no one else with you so, i stayed behind.” She walked towards me and stopped in front of the vendo machine beside me.

She tsked. “Ah, Yuri unnie, junk foods are not healthy for you. If you eat those, you’ll spend extra time at the gym. You know I hate that.”

I giggled at her “No” expression. It never failed to make me laugh because it’s so adorable yet she kept doing it whenever I’m around. “Can I have just one bag? I promised it will be my last.” I pouted at her.

She did that “No” expression again that caused another giggle from me. “As if you’ll stop eating those. You really need me to remind you about this all the time. Because of that, you’re not going to rid me out of your life forever!”   

‘Im Yoona, as if I could rid you out of my life that easily. I am that selfish for keeping you in my life even though you love someone else’ I mentally said to myself.

We kept quiet for a while after i got my junk food. I offered the bag of chips to Yoona which she gladly accepted and then we eat silently by the balcony. I glanced at Yoona, I noticed that she’s too preoccupied, she must’ve been thinking really hard about something. I hummed to myself just to think of what else to say just to have a conversation with Yoona. Since that realization that I had about Yoona, I can’t help but to feel uncomfortable around her. Whenever she came up to me to hang out with me, I’ll just push her away by making excuses. I can’t be with her because every time I see her, my feelings for her were getting stronger and I can’t take more pain.

As my mind starts to wander to some place, my body went rigid as a body pressed into mine. I was surprised to see that Yoona’s body was pressed on my back.

“Yuri unnie. I’m sorry.” She whispered.

I gasped. “W-why? Y-you haven’t done anything.”

She loosened her embrace and turned me to face her. Her face showed a lot of sadness. “I failed to protect you because i couldn’t be there for you when you needed someone to help you.”

I looked at her, puzzled. “I...d-don’t understand.”

She sighed, “That song you composed. It showed how hurt you have been. I imagine how sad you must’ve been at that time. I’m sorry because I couldn’t be there to make you smile. I promised to myself that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt my Yuri unnie. Buy I failed, unnie. I failed to protect you from hurting.”

Her tone is making me hurt more. I blame myself again for letting her see this part of me. I don’t want Yoona to blame herself. It’s my fault because i love her too much and there’s nothing i can do to stop it.

“But whoever that person is, I pity him. He doesn’t realize how amazing you are. Being loved by you is a privilege. It’s sad that he didn’t realize that and yet he just hurt you.” She said broodingly.  ‘No, being loved by you is a privilege, Yoona. ‘I thought.

Yoona looked up to me with full of determination and said, “Unnie, let me make it up to you. I promised to myself that I’ll never let you feel this way again. I’ll protect you and I’ll be with you for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t let them hurt my Yuri unnie.”

I couldn’t help but feel hopeful hearing those words. My heart and my brain were fighting with one another. My brain is telling me that Yoona is just doing her duty as my best friend but my heart is telling me to be happy because Yoona is going to be with me for the rest of my life.

I suddenly hugged Yoona. Despite that she’s the reason why I’m hurting right now; she’s the reason why I’m being selfish. I’ll keep her for the rest of my life even if the consequence is me, getting hurt in the end. I can live with that. I’ll sacrifice even my happiness if the outcome of it is a very happy Yoona.

TBC

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