Yuri POV:

Flashback:

“Yuri-yah, stop acting like this.” Sooyoung whined. The girls were gathered in our room in the middle of the night after another nightmare episode. I know that they’re all tired but I couldn’t stop myself from getting nightmares.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it.” I cried. They all hugged me to sympathize on how helpless I am. We all loosened ourselves from the hug as they sat on my bed.

“Yuri, I know you’re worried about Yoona, we are too but we’re much worried about you. Live a life. Yoona will not be happy when she sees you like this.” Taeyeon reasoned.

I looked down and played with my hands. I know that they’re just concern about me and it hurts that i’m bringing them into this. I looked at them and smiled weakly.

“I’ll try to be better for all of you. I’m sorry for bringing you all into this. I’m selfish. I’m sorry” I mumbled.

“Aish, Yuri-ah, don’t you ever think that you’re selfish. We’re just scared for you. Please be happy again. It’s not like you, honey.” Sunny replied.

“Stop worrying about Yoona. She knows what she’s doing.” Hyoyeon reasoned.

Is this what they call that Yoona knows what she’s doing? By hurting me?! By distancing herself from all of us while i’m here dying to know how she is?!  She told Taecyeon oppa she loved me but where is she? Why does she’s hurting me like this? Does she know how much i want to find her and smack her head for doing this to me?! I tried to be mad at her but I can’t and I won’t.

“Yul, Yoona will be home once she’s ready. Just hang in there, okay? Smile.” Sooyoung cheered at me. I can’t help but smiled weakly back at her.

“Yeah, be the KkabYul again!” Tiffany exclaimed.

“And she will bully you again, Fany unnie.” Seohyun giggled as Tiffany pouted.

“Yah! Bully my Fany again and i will kick your , literally!” Jessica threatened.

We all laughed at Sica’s joke as if nothing had happened. I can be happy again. I’ll try for them. Just for them.

*End of Flashback*

“YURI-YAH!”

I jolted when I heard Taeyeon yelled my name.

“What?” I asked. They all laughed at me as Taeyeon continued to glare at me.

“Are you listening to manager oppa?! You’ve been daydreaming since we started the meeting.” Taeyeon scolded as she puts her hands on her hips. Our kid leader is very cute even when she’s mad.

“ZombieYul” I heard Sooyoung whispered towards Hyoyeon.

I earned that nickname after that incident. I tried to live just like what they told me but i know everything is forced. I talked to them when they talk to me, I laugh when something is funny; I do what they told me to. I never do anything on my will because i don’t have strength to do them anymore. They just let me be that way; at least I’m trying to live again despite of Yoona leaving me along with my heart.

 Manager oppa laughed at us, so i take that he’s not mad at me for not listening. I stick my tongue out towards Taeyeon just to . We continued our merong battle until manager oppa cleared his throat.

“As i was saying earlier, the management a.k.a Sunny’s uncle, Mr. Lee” manager oppa smiled at Sunny while the girl smiled shyly at him, she’s always shy whenever they mentioned that she’s the owner’s niece.

“He decided to hold a back to back concert with a new artists so that we could introduce them and this would be their debut.” He explained to us.

All of us were surprised to know that we’re going to perform with new artist. It’s good to see new maknaes who endured the gruelling trainings.

“So are you ready to meet them?” Manager oppa grinned.

We all nodded as manager oppa called the new group. We were all clapping and cheering when we saw the girls. There were five of them; i don’t know where to look because all of them were so cute and young. Just then i jumped when i heard Jessica shouted,

“KRYSTAL?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

One of the girls smiled at Jessica and said, “hey sis! Long time no see. Miss me?”

We gasped when we found out that Jessica’s sister is a part of the new girl group. We only saw Jessica’s sister through photos and we never thought that she grew up to be a beautiful girl. We are also aware that Jessica is still hiding her relationship with Tiffany from her family. She’s scared that they’ll hate her for it. When she noticed that she sat too close to Fany, she immediately let go of Fany’s hand and sat up straight to distance herself from her girlfriend. I can see that Fany saddened by her girlfriend’s reaction. I have a feeling that something bad will happen now that Jessica’s sister is here.

“I thought you’re studying back in LA?!” Jessica shouted at her sister.

“I did. I got bored so I went to the audition just for fun but then, i got in. Don’t you want me here, sis?” Krystal pouted.

Jessica sighed. We know that since Krystal is here, Jessica and Tiffany must hide their relationship and be more cautious. “I miss you too, you brat!” Jessica said.

“Awww” Krystal giggled. She then, looked up at Tiffany and gasped. “Oh my God! Tiffany!”

Tiffany looked at her confused and smiled awkwardly. “H-hi.” Just then Krystal run up to her and hugged her.

“Oh my god! Tiffany! My friends back in the US were a fan of yours; i keep bragging at them that you’re Sica unnie’s best friend. They wouldn’t believe me. Heck, they wouldn’t believe that my sister is a member of SNSD! I tried to show them some photos but they only said that all Koreans are just alike and all that blah blah blah. Can I take a photo with you? I need to show them that i’m telling the truth!” she babbled as she took her phone out of her pocket and took a picture with a confused Tiffany. It’s fun to watch while Jessica is sulking in the corner.

Manager oppa cleared his throat again turned to us. “Ok, as i was saying earlier, these young girls are going to have their debut on your back to back concert. They will be called, f(x) who also called, function girls. I would like you to meet, Victoria, their leader, Sulli, Luna, Krystal, whose Jessica’s sister and Amber.”

We greeted them back as manager oppa proceed on the meeting for the concert. I let my mind wandered as manager oppa discussed to us the details of the concert. I kept on asking myself where and what is Yoona doing right now. Will she be able to come back just in time for the concert? I don’t know if I could face her again.  My heart is so numb from all the hurt she caused me. She’s the reason why i’m like this.

I am always asking myself, do i deserve to be like this?

  I stopped looking at my phone for calls and text from her because i get too upset whenever i see there are no messages from her. I just kept my phone locked inside my drawer.

As i my thoughts were wandering, I heard manager oppa said, “Yuri, i want you to do a performance. You’re going to be paired up with Amber for your solo.”

Weh?

“But manager oppa, i don’t think i can.” I reasoned.

“I trust you, Yuri. I need you to take you mind off some things. This would be a great start.” Manager oppa said as he looked at me, knowingly. I don’t have to ask him because I know he knows my situation on Yoona.

I looked at the Amber girl that manager oppa pointed out. All I can say that she looks like a guy. She could pass as a guy. She probably felt my stare towards her so she looked up to me and smiled shyly. I smiled back at her and looked back at manager oppa.

“Since Amber here, is the rapper of their group, i want her to do the rap part of the song you’re going to do.  So, i want you to build a great partnership with her for your performance. Is that clear, Yuri?” manager oppa asked.

I nodded at him as he handed me and Amber the copy of the song we’re going to do. I was surprised to see that we’re going to do an English song. Oh my God!

“Manager oppa, we’re doing an English song?! What if I messed up? My English is not that good!” I whined.

“You’ll do great, that’s why Amber is here to help you. Amber is very fluent in English rather than Korean. Just help each other.” He smiled.

He gave the rest of us our assigned performances and we broke into groups. I remained in my seat trying to read the lyrics in front of me.

“Annyeong, Yuri unnie.” A voice said.

I looked up to the owner of the voice and saw Amber, bowing in front of me.

“Annyeong, Amber.” I mumbled.

She straightened herself and sat on an empty chair in front of me. She took out her ipod from her pocket and offers her earphones to me.

“Here, you better listen to the song so that you could understand it better.” She smiled at me.

I looked at her, puzzled as i grabbed the earphone from her hands.

She chuckled at me and said, “It’s my favourite song that’s why it’s on my ipod. I’m just trying to do what manager oppa said. He said to build chemistry, remember?”

I smiled shyly at her, completely embarrassed from what i treated her, earlier.

“I’m sorry. I’m just confused that’s all.” I muttered.

Now, it’s her turn to look at me, questioningly.

“It’s just that it’s my first time to have a solo. I’m not mad at manager oppa or something like that, don’t get me wrong. But it’s just that i’m used to have some other members with me, a solo like with Yoo—‘’

I almost utter her name but i stopped myself. It even hurts just to think of her, let alone speak of her name. I felt Amber sensed my hesitance in uttering her name, so she just nodded at me.

“Manager oppa told me about that.” Amber muttered.

We felt silent for a while, letting the song play on our ears.

“I’m really lucky that manager oppa trusted me to be paired with you, Yuri unnie. I’m a fan of yours since your debut and i can see that you’re a cool girl.” Amber blushed.

I smiled shyly at the younger girl because I never thought that somebody would appreciate me from the beginning.

“I hope I could exceed from your expectations about me.” I teased at her.

“Of course, unnie! We’ll do great!” she giggled.

We spent all our day getting to know each other and I couldn’t be happier to meet a friend like Amber. It’s easy for me to get along with her because we could talk our ears off. We have a lot of things in common. We like weird stuffs, we both love sports and we agree on almost everything. We even carried our conversation to a local diner beside manager oppa’s office while we left the others to carry on with their own obligations. It’s as if I’m getting alive again.

I have learned a lot from Amber. She’s not fluent in Korean that is why she’s always around with her group members who would always help her. That is also why we laugh all the time because we couldn’t understand each other.

“Unnie, you know, you are my first Korean friend aside from my group mates.” Amber sighed after laughing so hard.

“Aaww, thank you. You are my first Taiwanese-American friend.” I mocked her.

We laughed again loudly that will probably shook the whole diner. We don’t give a damn even if someone noticed us.

“You always love to laugh. No wonder guys, heck, even girls are head over heels for you.” Amber pointed out.

I went silent and looked down after that comment. I looked out the window, trying to think about something else, other than that complicated love story that i had. Maybe Amber sensed the meaning behind my silenced so she cleared .

“I’m sorry for bringing that up, unnie” she probably thought that it’s her fault.

I shook my head and said, “No, don’t be. I just remembered something but it’s all in the past now.”

She just looked at me and sighed. Uuggh..I completely ruined the moment.

“So, how about you, Amber? Any admirers or something?” I asked, smiling just to lighten up the mood.

Amber looked up at me and blushed, “Unnie.”

I took her blush as a sign that she’s shy. “Ooohh, so it’s true. Amber is in love.” I teased.

“Unnie! Stop teasing me!” Amber whined as her face grew redder. I giggled at squirming Amber. I finally have someone to tease every now and then.

“Ok, fine. I’ll stop.” I smiled at her which she exhaled.  We both felt to a comfortable silence. I finished drinking my soya milk as Amber cleared .

“Unnie, I read a magazine article about you where you posed as a guy.” She started.

I put down my glass and wiped my mouth from the milk foam. I nodded at her to continue.

“You said that if ever that you fell in love with a girl, you would choose a girl with a cute forehead. It’s Yoona-sshi isn’t it?” Amber asked.

I was surprised to hear what Amber said. I tried to argue back at her but no words coming out of my mouth.

Amber laughed at me and said, “You don’t have to answer that one, unnie. It’s obvious. Any fan would think that whom you’re talking about is Yoona. But don’t worry; your secret is safe with me.”

“Am I really that obvious?” I whined.

Amber laughed at me and said, “Not really but we all know how much you admire Yoona unnie. I am quite surprised that she’s hasn’t realized it too.”

Well, she did but instead, she left me hanging and confused. I thought bitterly.

“So, Amber, since you uuhhmm, dress like a g-guy, a-are you...”I stammered. I don’t know how to tell t to her without hurting her feelings.

She just smiled at me said, “Well, back in the US, I don’t have any problems wearing men’s clothes that is why i’m surprised i get a lot of that kind of questions when i get here.”

“So...are you?” I asked again, totally curious.

“Let’s just say, both. It doesn’t matter for me if it’s a guy or a girl. What matters for me is if i love the person.” She replied. “So Yuri unnie, how about you?” she asked.

“I thought you already know the answer.” I whispered.

“So aren’t you mad that she left without saying anything?”

“Honestly?” I asked.  “I am mad at her for doing this to me. I felt like I’m already dead while I’m living. Taecyeon oppa told me that she loves me but i don’t believe him. If she loves me, she’s supposed to be here or at least she let me know where she is.” I said as tears came down from my eyes.

 After draining myself from crying, I couldn’t believe that i still got tears to cry. I thought i was tired from crying for her, but i guess this is what i’ll do until she came back.

“Do you still love her? Are you still willing to wait for her?” she whispered.

“Do i seem to have a choice?” I asked her back. “Of course, i will. Even if it hurts, I will always wait for her.”

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TBC

A/N: PLEASE COMMENT :)