Let's restart introductions.

I'm a girl. I'm lonely, lost, confused, and in love with someone that I wish that I wasn't. But mainly lost and confused. Things couldn't get any worse for me. Cold, heartless. That was what I was supposed to be, what I was meant to be. What was happening to me?

My father is an alcoholic, doesn't go to work and is abusive. It isn't his fault though, becasue he doesn't know what he does to me when the alocohol takes over. My family life isn't exactly the family life that anyone would want. My father doesn't have a job but was old enough to retire and have money left over to keep the house and some food in the pantry. My brother also sent money every month since he was in college with a job. That meant that I was the only one to watch my back when our father was drunk.

Then there was the reason that my father was an alcoholic. My mother left us and him when my brother and I were younger. She didn't say goodbye or anything, just left without a word to us or her husband. Even now when I was seventeen I didn't have the answer to her actions.

None of us ever heard from her again.

I can only imagine what life would be like if my family was perfect. What it would be like to have a mothe and a father that wasn't an alcoholic. I could only think of how things would be different if my mother hadn't left my father so many years ago.

But things will never change. You can't go back to the past and change things. Everything happened for a reason but I didn't have a reason to why this happened to my family. Why my family was torn apart, why I don't know my mother.

Then there was the issue of love.

I didn't want to be in love but for some reason, I couldn't help it. You can't control who or when you fall in love. I guess this time it was my turn to be in love with someone that I wish that I wasn't. He was arrogant, uncaring, cocky, and I loved everything about him. It feels like I was going crazy. Every time he touched me or made eye contact with me my heart would flutter. No matter how much I didn't want to care for him, how much I didn't want to be feeling the things that I was feeling, it was unaviodable. For some reason I was drawn to him like a magnet and I wanted to be the only girl in the world that he cared about. But on the other hand, I didn't want anything to do with him. I hated him and yet I loved him at the same time. I hate myself for falling for him. I hate it that girls are crawling all over him all the time and I hated the fact that I cared. What was I going to do with myself?

Bang Yongguk was his name.

My thoughts go blank everytime I see him. I wanted him to pay attention to me, to say something that actually meant something. I wanted him to stop being his arrogant self and be something more.

But I knew that that would never happen. He was Bang Yongguk after all and with him, came his problems. He has an abusive step-mother and his father seemed to think that she was more important than his own son. They would fight often and he would come out with plent of bruises and other wounds to show for it. The thing is that he didn't defend himself from his step-mother, just let her beat him while not even blinking an eye about it.

 I don't know what happened to his real mother. His life was just as bad as mine was. He walked around like nothing was wrong when there was plenty that was going on. He was like I was, covering things up so nobody would feel pity on me. That was the one thing that neither one of us could stand, someone feeling sorry for us.

I sighed as I walked down the street, ready to get going with a new day.