Chapter 17:You
Cursed Love
Jessica's P.O.V
"Je-Jessi?" A voice cracked as it spoke out. I also noticed that it was hoarse and cracky like it has a sore throat and due to that, it made my eyes jump open and I was sure it was a big as the knob on the door of this room. I quickly turned my head to my left making my neck snap due to the sudden action.
Here I am with an aching neck,throbbing backside sitting on top of a white bed accompanied by the sound of the monotonous beep of the heart monitor that doesn't even belong to me while my eyes were feasting on the white,paled angel that was laying down on the same kind of bed as me but only in the different location as the white light from our room was illuminating her every being making her glow in front of my eyes. The color of the said light was nothing to how white her skin was,it's not even considered as white but rather pale as what I have said earlier. Instead of laying there with movements that were put to a halt as all she can do was to breathe, here she was looking straight at the ceiling with her eyelids fluttering as it tried to adjust to the sudden brightness that was presented in front of her.
Her face suddenly contorted in pain as she tried to move her head and slowly she tilted her head on my direction.That was the only thing she can do,that was the only thing she was doing but it meant a lot to me. Everything seemed to turn quiet or more like muted as I just stared at her eyes that were half lidded while her lips were slightly parted as she was trying to gasp for air. Slowly, she whispered under her breath but it was loud enough for me to hear and understand it.
"Je-Jessi" I then noticed that there was actually an apparatus on and yet it was not aiding her breathing. I slowly took in the image of her grasping, panting for air as she looked at me with those eyes of hers that were clouded,lifeless and yet still looked magnificent to me.Her body looked so skinny,frail and fragile as she looked so light like a feather as the feather itself can almost shatter her and it scared me.I saw how her hands curled to a fist bringing the sheets along with it.She layed there unable to move and yet her eyes danced. It was dancing, the dance of grief and pain. Reality made an impact to me before I yelled on top of my lungs.
"SOMEBODY HELP!" I immediately stood up as I yelled once I opened the door before I quickly made my way to the bedside table and pressing the red button. Soon the door bursted open once again and soon my vision was filled with nothing but pure white.
The adrenaline that was pumping inside of me earlier slowly got drained and I slowly felt my body fall to exhaustion. My vision soon stirred and before I knew it my breathing turned rugged as I tried my best to calm my breathing resulting for me to pant. My chest was tightening and my back was soon stinging. I felt so tired,worried,anxious,pained not for me but for the frail girl that was on the bed.
'You...'
I wasn't a visitor as I was also a patient so they can't take me out of the room. Something was slipping from me as my knees buckled before my eyes slowly roll and it was consciousness that was slipping from me. I have no more energy and I felt so weak and slowly I fell.
"Sica!"
Yuri's P.O.V
My eyebrows were furrowed as I kept on thinking while I was walking.
"Unnie? What's wrong?" I heard before I slowly looked to my side only for me to see such a beautiful angel looking at me with those doe eyes of her and slowly I flashed a smile.
That what I was supposed to do but no, I didn't heard her angelic voice,I didn't saw her angelic face and I didn't saw those eyes of her. They weren't present at all.You know why? Because she left ,not only her but along with...Sunny. It was strange, the way she looked, the way she spoke,the way she moved and soon everything turned strange,very strange and it made my curiousity rose to the top.
'What happened? Who are you?' That's what I want to ask her and yet I felt something stopping me. That's why I was deep in thinking, because of what happened earlier.
*flick*
I closed my eyes as my head tilted backwards a little as I groaned before rubbing my forehead.
"Yah! What was that for?" I asked,annoyed, as I stared at the person in front of me who was shorter than me.
"Why are you staring off into space? You've been silent ever since they left. You're getting creepy." It was Taeyeon as she crossed her arms on top of her chest before her foot slowly thump towards the floor waiting for my reply as she looked into me straight to my own.
Her stare was serious and unnerving too making me shudder in place. Whenever I see her eyes, I can't help but shudder and shiver but it's not like I'm disgusted. Why would I when I'm the same as her? It's just that I always feel scared whenever I look into her eyes. It was like I did something terrible and she caught me but it wasn't like that at all, it was far from that. Behind those beautiful,mysterious,calm and surreal eyes was images,sceneries,emotions that were burned into the back of mind and I'm here to tell you that all of those images,sceneris and emotions were not all rainbows and unicorns. I know that if anyone saw it, they won't believe that it was her even if we put all of the evidence that it was HER, that it was YOU. Slowly, I bowed my head down avoiding her unnerving gaze as I played with my feet that were trapped inside my own shoes.
"Why? aren't you also feeling the same? Aren't you thinking the same Taeng? I know you are Taeng and you can't hide that fact even if you look at me like that." She was taken aback as I slowly lift my head for me to see that this thime she was the one whose head is now being bowed down but it wasn't because she felt scared or discourage but she did that for me to not see her eyes. Her bangs slowly covered her eyes and all I can see were darkness inside those eyes of hers and that was one of the things that were burned on the back of my mind.
"Aren't you also feeling confused? Aren't you puzzled at all?" I continued asking her and slowly I felt something similar to darkness around me but I don't need anyone to tell me what it is or where it came from. It came from Taeng.
"Shut up."
"Why would I? Can't you see that we're too drowned on our past? That were too caught up on what happened to our past that we can't let go? That we can't let THEM go?" I grimaced as I grasp my chest as I can feel it aching while I spoke of those words, those words that were linked to our past.
"Shut up."
"YOU were the one who told us to let go and move on but here you are still thinking the same as when you were with her! Speaking the same as when you were still together. Acting the same as if she was her! Come on Taeng! She's not her whatever you do! Wake up! She's gone whatever you think,whatever you say and whatever you do. She'll never come back Taeng! She's dead!" And I regretted those words immediately before I felt myself curling in the floor as I grasp my stomach while coughing. She was still standing, Taeng was still standing before she slowly look at me with those eyes of hers. Her eyes that turned blank,dark,emotionless,calm and it made me shudder once again. I know that I shouldn't have said that but after seeing what happened from earlier, I can't help but let out what have been stored inside of me.
Slowly she kneeled in front of me with one knee before putting my chin in her fingers as she slowly lifted it up before she clicked her tongue at me. My breathing was getting heavier as the pain in my stomach was really overwhelming.
"Don't forget, it's already 12 in the midnight." She growled at me before picking me by the neck with her right hand making me choke on air as her grip on my neck was like a vice grip before she slowly stood up making my body tag along and slowly I felt my feet elevate from the floor. She said nothing and yet I can feel her pain and anger on her grip on my neck.
"ahh!" I groaned as she suddenly slammed my body into the wall as I can clearly hear and feel the impact as I mewled in pain. I maybe strong but my strength says nothing compare to Taeng's strength. Since I got nothing to grab on, I grabbed at her hand that was latched tightly on my own neck and I slowly felt myself suffocating.
"YOU don't know anything about me. You just share the same experience as me,the same past as me,the same tragic as me BUT you don't know how much pain I felt on that day no not only on that day but every day of the rest of my life since that day. Your pain is nothing compare to mine.Your pain is different to mine. Yours might be bigger or smaller but we don't share the same pain." She whispered harsly against my ear before tightening her grip more making my toes curl in pain as I grasp with both of my hands on her own hand.
"uggh!"
"Can you hear yourself? huh? Kwon Yuri? I told you three to move on and let go but I never told any of you that I would do the same. I told you that because I know that you three won't be able to handle the pain and I respected that but for you to tell me to stop thinking about her, what do you know? You know nothing. Each of us bear unbearable pain and yours is no exception. Do you know how Jessica cry almost every single night since then? Sure you do, you were there all the time along with the rest as she cries to you hugging you, crying on your shirt before she falls to sleep but do you know her pain? Can you share her pain? huh? If only I can then I'll take all of her pain but I can't Yuri and it hurts me even more seeing my sister like that. If I dragged you towards Jessica, will you be able to say the same things you told me to her? Tell her to stop thinking of her,stop speaking to her as if the two of them were the same person and act as if she was her? Can you?" Her grip loosened but it was still firm. My hands gave up trying to get her own hand out of my neck before they slowly fell to my sides. Tears were falling but it wasn't from her but from mine.
"..." That was my answer to everything she said to me. My questions were not that many but her answer was a lot but of course it wasn't the amount that were important but the emotions on those questions and answers.
"You can't right? You can't take away the single happiness she has. You can't stand seeing her cry every single night right? The same thing goes for me Yuri. You don't need to tell me to realize that she's gone and that she's never coming back. I knew that from the start. I don't have control over my thoughts,my memories,my emotions Kwon. If I can, then I could have deleted every single thing about her, I could have thrown away every single thought about her whenever I see Sunny, destroyed every single memory that comes to my mind whenever I was with Sunny, obliterate every emotion inside of my heart whenever I see Sunny smile. If only I can then maybe I wouldn't be in this situation, that WE wouldn't be in this situation. I know that you feel and think the same way Kkab. If only I can but it's not that simple. Life is not that simple. I did woke up but I realized that I'm better off asleep drowning in my dreams as long as I can be with her but no Yuri, I have to wake to this. I don't want to see Jessica's face full of worry for me, I want to see her smile once again. You think so too, right Yuri?" She let go of me as my body slowly slumped down the floor as the pain in my neck suddenly disappeared as I took in every single word that she has said.
'How? How can I be so selfish? I also want to see Sica smile but here I am uttering nothing but pure selfishness, pure emotions without even thinking about others. I had always love seeing Jessica smile but where is it now? It's buried under piles of dirt, inside a coffin along with the body of the girl that she had always love.'
"I thought that maybe if I can hid all of these and smile for Jessica then maybe things will be better but no it didn't. She remained cold,emotionless and quiet. She was traumatized and I can't even help her. I felt so stupid, so worthless, so pathetic but school came and for the first time I saw her smile so happily, so gentle and kind and it only took a permission for it to appear. It only took Tiffany to ask for her permission to enter the school first to make Jessica smile. You know how happy I felt. You know how thankful I was? Then I saw her,looking so broken and fragile. It was the first day of school and yet here they were full of bruises,cuts and blood and the sight of seeing her like that made me see her in an another way. Seeing the sight of Sunny like that made me helped her and care for her just like how I care for her. I felt happy once again. Didn't you felt the same way Yuri when you see her on the hallway looking so weak in front of you? Didn't you felt the same way Yuri when you see Yoong on the hallway looking so weak in front of you? You also felt happy right? Tell me, you did .How? How can you say those words to me when you should have seen yourself. Yuri please, I know it's time for us to let go but Yuri it's also the time for us to be happy." Her voice entered my ears and slowly I drowned in them but I understood every single word. It turned gentle, soft, meek.
"I'm sorry" I mumbled before I felt someone place a soft hand on my head as she slowly patted it as her actions were also gentle unlike earlier where she grabbed me and slammed me harshly against the wall but the pain I felt during that time was nothing compare to the pain I felt in the past and in the words she just spoke to me. She's right. We four all feel pain but none of us can share the same exact pain.
"SOMEBODY HELP!" A scream filled the quiet halls and it made us jump not in shock but in worry. I quickly stood up but all I saw were the changing eyes of Taeng before she immediately disappeared before my very own eyes. I followed suite but all I saw and hear was the sound of heavy breathing and a weak body falling and all of it came from Jessica.
"Sica!"
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Hey guys ^-^ I'm back once again keke Thanks guys for your views and comments and I made new friends through this so I'm very happy ^-^ Thank you for everything and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter, chapter 17 ^^ keke enjoy Misaio out~
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