That next week was a bad week.  I lost a lot of sleep because I had those terrible dreams almost every night.  I didn’t eat very well because I was too busy trying to immerse myself in school and other activities.  But most of all, he didn’t talk to me and wouldn’t really let me talk to him.  I wanted so bad to just say sorry and tell him everything, but he wouldn’t let me.  That week was a very bad week.  At lunch on Friday, I finally tried to change it.  Hyesun first gave me the idea.

“Haneul, just go and demand that he talk to you.  He can’t stop you from talking, so at least try… It will be better than if you do nothing, because let me tell you, you are getting bad…”

“But he will just…. Yeah I guess you’re right..” I sighed

“Hwaiting” Hyesun said softly, smiling at me.  I went of into the lunchroom to try and find him.  He was sitting with the group of guys that were at that skate park that first day.  My gut clenched and I froze where I was.  The guys sort of looked at me then smiled predatory smiles.  All of the sudden, he got up and stalked over to me, roughly taking my hand and glaring at the group behind him.  He then grabbed me around the shoulders and waist and buried his face in my hair.

“Pretend like we are kissing” he whispered harshly.  After he came out of our fake kiss, he dragged me behind him and led me out of the room away from the creepy group of guys.  We eventually stopped in a deserted hallway. 

“What the heck are you thinking?!  We have one fight and you go and try to hang out with those dirt bags?” he spat with venom in his voice, releasing my hand and stuffing his in his pockets.  Ouch, that one stung.  A lot.

“No, I just wanted to talk to you…”

“Oh” was all he responded, looking mollified.

“Zelo…”

“What” he said looking sullenly away.

“Zelo I’m sorry… I really don’t like fighting with you, and I want to be friends again.”  More than friends actually, but he didn’t need to know that in this situation. 

“Haneul… you can’t just fix everything with a sorry and big puppy eyes.  I can tell you don’t trust me, so why should I trust you?”

“Zelo I was just… I was just scared, can’t you understand that?”

He in a breath and held it in for a little bit, looking at a point above my head.  When he let it out noisily, he looked back at me.

“Yeah, I guess I can.” He grudgingly admitted.

“But Zelo, I do trust you.  Then it was just too much at once and I just didn’t know what to say or do, and my knee jerk reaction was to hold it all in, and not let anyone in.  I just didn’t know what to do.”

He sort of softened a little bit, then I continued.

“But what I’m trying to say is, I do trust you.  And I am willing to tell you everything, if that will make you trust me again…” a little waver in my voice stopped me.  He looked at me and studied me for a few seconds very carefully, then sighed and walked over to me.  He hugged me to his chest and sighed again. 

“I trust you Haneul, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, I know you trust me.”

I shook my head against his chest and looked up at him.  He looked down at me from his unnatural height. 

“No Zelo, I want to tell you.  I said I would and I’m going to.

“Okay” he relented, letting go of me and standing a little closer than he was before he hugged me.  He was about an arm’s length away.

“I was in 7^th grade and my house wasn’t far from my school, it was just around the corner.  My parents couldn’t come get me so I had to walk alone that day.  I was walking and I passed a nice woman, who smiled at me.” My voice broke and I took a deep breath "Two guys came towards me and were about to grab me b-but... they didn’t.  S-she stopped them from getting me.  She stood in between them and me.  They didn’t like that very much so they got mad.  She told me to run and call the police or tell my parents, so I did… I ran.  I-I left her.” My thoughts turned dark and I stopped for a few seconds and shook my head.  “Anyway, I ran to my house, I ran as fast as I could and I called the police.  They came but they were too late…  I went with them to the corner and she was lying there…  her face was streaked with tears.  She was so bloody and… her-  , it was bruised.” My eyes closed in horror, trying not to remember the scene I was describing and I shuddered.  Zelo took my hand and squeezed it lightly, giving me strength.  I started again “She was dead.” My words were a whisper. “She was dead.. because she saved me… I moved away.  My parents decided that I was too scarred and needed a new start.  They were right.  We moved here, and I didn’t know anyone, but in class, I was content to just sit in the back and not talk to anyone.  I had a lot of free time and that meant a lot of time to think about what happened, so I started taking extra classes and I moved to harder classes with more homework.   Would end up staying up late and hardly getting any sleep so I wouldn’t have to spend so much time with the nightmares.  I was really unhealthy and I blamed myself for everything.  I started cutting.  I was worthless, a coward and I was responsible for that woman.  She was so pretty… She had a fiancé you know?  Yeah I went to see him and say sorry.  He was so sad.  He said he was glad that she saved me but I knew better.  I knew he wished she were still alive and I dead.  It all built up.  I was hurting myself more and getting less sleep and eventually I snapped.  I couldn’t take it anymore and I found my parents pills.  I took all of them, every single one.  It did a lot to my body, but I didn’t die.  I was still alive, in the hospital 3 days later.  I was so screwed up still, but alive.  That’s when Hyesun came to see me.  She was one of my classmates and she wanted to see if I was ok.  I guess she had wanted to talk to me before, but she was too scared to.  She came to visit me almost every day and asked me questions.  About anything, about what I knew, about who I was, everything.  She stayed with me, and eventually I told her what happened, but only in bits.  She stayed the same, letting me talk, listening and not judging.  She told me about all the people at our school, and when I was released and could go to school, she introduced me to some of her friends.  They were nice, but I just didn’t really try to be friends with anyone but her.  She was sort of like my communication with the world.  She was my angel.  She still is…”

“Haneul…”

“I’m better, I am.  I haven’t hurt myself in a year and 98 days.  I haven’t thought about suicide for a long time.  I still have dreams… but they don’t haunt me all the time.  I really am healing… it just takes a while.”

He squeezed my hand again and this time, I squeezed back.

“Can I have a hug?” he asked me.

I smiled a little and put my arms around his waist, squeezing.  I kept squeezing but her didn’t seem to mind, he just squeezed back lightly.  We didn’t say anything, just stood there squeezing each other.  And it was ok.

Im so sorry for not updating sooner guys!!! monday is my last day of school and I am extremely busy.  BUT HERE IT IS.  Sorry it's short, and sorry its so sad and dark and crap.  Sorry!!!! it will get happy soon :D  Love you guys! comment subscribe and show some love!!! MUAH~