After Monday, we didn’t see each other much accept for in class and we stayed friendly.  I had to catch up on a lot of homework so I didn’t really have time for our fake dates.  If that is what I could call them… I don’t know really what they are now.  But we sort of stayed a little distant.  I had a few more sleepless nights but it wasn’t so bad.  Not as bad as before.  Hyesun introduced me officially to Minho on Saturday and he seemed very nice.  He was sweet and kind to her and he seemed like he was capable to protect her.  She invited Zelo and I to double date with her on the next Saturday to go to an amusement park.  I agreed and told Zelo.  He seemed pretty glad about it.  On the Monday a week from my birthday I was in class listening to our teacher when Zelo passed me a note.

Hey, how are you?

I’m good, and you?

Good thanks.  You seem tired lately, are you sleeping well?

Um yeah I’m doing fine.  It’s no big deal.

You know what fine stands for Haneul?  Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional…

Sounds about right…

Yeah yeah whatever. :) just mind your own business nosy :P

Ok…

I crumpled up the paper and threw it away on my way out of class.  He didn’t need to know about my personal life just yet.  That’s what I was going to tell myself.  The rest of that week, my dreams got worse and I lost more sleep.  It finally was Saturday and I met the group at the entrance to the Amusement park and smiled. 

“Ok guys, we can go on whatever you want, just not any rides that go upside down.  Those I will not be going on”

“We will see…” Minho said and Hyesun giggled.

We entered the park and started having fun on the rides.  At one point, Hyesun became a little less bubbly.  I could see her eyes become wary and her face was worried.  She got closer to me as we were walking then stopped.  The group stopped and became confused looking at Hyesun. 

“Zelo, Minho, I need some girl time with Haneul, can you give us a minute please?”

“Mmm sure” they replied and walked off a little ways looking away from us.  Hyesun urgently looked at me and grabbed my shoulders. 

“Hwang Haneul.  I need you to look at me right now and don’t look away.  Just trust me, do not look away.  Please.”

I started becoming confused and looked around but she snapped at me to look at her so I did.

“Just look at me only and don’t look away at all, focus on me.  Even if I move, keep focusing on me and nothing else.”

“Umm…ok…”

I responded.

She called Minho over and whispered something in his ear.  I’m not sure what he did after that because I was looking at Hyesun still but my eyes strayed when Zelo walked over to us as well.  On their way back to Hyesun, my eyes caught something.

No…

I can’t…

It’s not possible…

My brain was like a broken toy, running itself in circles not getting anywhere.

I widened my eyes looking at Hyesun with a primal fear.  My breathing started coming in short gasps and my knuckles turned white when I clenched my fists.  I squeezed my eyes shut and kept breathing hard, trying to calm myself. 

“Haneul, just hang on, we are going home now.”

I merely nodded and felt Hyesun guide me through the crowd.

“Haneul…” I heard Zelo

“Not now.  Leave her alone now Zelo”

“but… i-“

“Leave her alone man.” Came Minho’s deep voice.

My eyes squeezed tighter together and I took one big explosive breath opening my eyes again.  My weak voice came quietly

“It’s ok… I’m fine guys.  Really, we don’t have to leave”

I was a really good liar.

“You sure? I-“

“Guys I’m really fine, just stop worrying.  I really want some cotton candy, can we go get some?”

“Ok…” they all said and looked at me worriedly.  I rolled my eyes in a false show of annoyance.

A few minutes later we were eating sweet soft clouds of cotton candy.  I smiled, a little genuine smile of satisfaction.  Hyesun kept worrying about me and staying close to me protectively.  I eventually got fed up and pulled her aside. 

“Go”

“No Haneul, I am staying with you”

“I’m fine, just go be with Minho”

“You are definitely not ok.  I know you better and he can deal with it.”

I sighed

“I’m not ok, you’re right, but I’m a big girl and I can deal with it.”

“Haneul….”

I could only think of one other thing that would get her to go with Minho.

“Well… I actually want some alone time with Zelo…”

I said looking down acting embarrassed, shuffling my feet.

“Do you actually like him?”

She responded with searching eyes.

“Um… sort of.  We aren’t at each other’s throats anymore, and I need to talk to him too.”

She kept looking at me searching my face.

“Ok fine.  I will leave you guys alone for a half an hour, but after that I will be by your side again.”

Knowing that was the best I could do, I nodded

“Just actually have some fun with Minho too please.”

She smiled softly at this

“Ok”

I sighed relieved that I would be away from her prying eyes for a little bit.  Because she was right, I really wasn’t ok.  Because I was desperately trying to keep from crying right now.

I AM SO SORRY GUYS!!! I have been uploading such crappy, short chapters recently TTnTT  please forgive me?  If you guys are patient with me, it will get better soon, I promise!! Thank you for being such amazing readers!! CHU~~