Broken Hearts, Jealousy.
Dreams, They Come True?
I tried calling back each and everytime I'd hear the machine. I'd redial and redial as I cried my eyes out.
I started panicking and shaking, my fingers trembled as I dialed Seunghyuns number
He picked up almost immediately, before he could say anything, I cried over the phone, whimpering and trying to explain about what Jiyong had said to me.
"What?!?" he said unable to believe it
"I'm afraid h-h-he's going to..." I couldnt finish my sentence as I broke out into sobs.
How was I supposed to help my closest friend, when I didn't even know where he was!
I fell to my knees as I heard Seunghyun shuffling and yelling, telling the guys what I informed him.
I heard their disbelieving voices and nervousness. More shuffling was heard and a click, through my sobs I knew they were coming here
"Genesis, we're coming for you, get ready" He paused "....we have an idea as to where he is" Seunghyun said with a voice that seemed so calm, when in actuality I knew he was just as scared.
Getting off the phone, I quickly ran to my room and threw on anything I found. I didn't care what I wore, this was an emergency.
Exactly when I finished I heard rushed knocks from my door, I ran to it and went outside and entered the car.
This was a rescue.
~Jiyong's POV~
Panting roughly I came to a stop. The one place in Japan that I'd always come to.
My sanctuary.
It was a small closed off park on a high cliff, nobody came here due to how hidden it was
Sweat, or what I thought was my own sweat, ran down my face as I stared off towards the distance. It was still raining really hard..
My expression turned into a serious one, hugging myself tightly I walked over to the edge of the cliff and...sat down.
I let out a huge breath of air and looked over the city, everything looked so peaceful, like the world itself had stopped moving and stood still. The rain, although it made me feel somewhat depressed, had a calming feeling.
At my side I had a black bag.
On my way here I made a small detour and went into a liquor store, I thought I needed it.
Taking the bottle of vodka, I opened it and took a swing.
The liquid burned the back of my throat but I didn't care. I took more chugs, 2 chugs turned into 4 and 4 turned into 8.
I downed almost the whole bottle by myself.
Time was lost as my mind lost itself, I felt everything but nothing at all. My body would sway as the rain hit my body hard, so hard it almost hurt.
My eyes lost any liveliness it had and became dark black abysses of nothing.
I felt hollow, more than ever.
Drinking, in my condition was probably not the best idea
~Seunghyun's POV~
I had sped all the way to the airport and bought everyone tickets to the next flight towards Japan, which fortunately was in the time we got there.
It wouldnt take long till we reached there.
I was extremely content with the fact that I had remembered why Jiyong would chose Japan to hideaway.
I looked out the window as we lifted off, my eyes full of grief.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Has anyone seen Jiyong??" I asked desperately trying to find my best friend
The guys shook their head as well as the other people in the room.
My eyes looked back and forth between them all, as I thought of darting outside to look for him. I ran my fingers nervously through my blonde hair..
Seungri had noticed my uneasiness "Yah, hyung what's wrong?" he asked curiously
I bit my lip and decided to inform their questioning eyes
"Jiyong has been going through a hard time as you all know...but I fear something is wrong..." I trailed
"You know how sensitive he can be..he tells us everything, at least, mostly, because he doesn't want to burden us with his issues..and...sometimes he doesn't think things through and just acts" my voice shook a little with fear
The guys looked at one another with off faces and then looked at me
"Then we'll look for him, together" Daesung said with determination in his voice as their others agreed with nodding heads
I smiled slightly, relieved that I did tell them and nodded. We then ran out among the streets of Japan in search of him.
Minutes and hours passed by as none of us had found any trace of him.
I stopped running, breathing heavily as I placed my hands on my knees
Jiyong where are you??
I looked around noticing I had run off a bit further aways from the town, trees lay in front of my view as I saw something that looked like a cliff a bit off in the distance.
Giving it a try I ran through the trees and found a beautiful yet untouched park.
Trees and bushes flourished the area, a pair of cute little two seat benches lined the pathway and a pond with coy fish lay behind it.
My mouth opened slightly in awe of how beautiful it was.
I took some steps forward and saw a head full of familiar blonde hair
Jiyong!
I jogged up to him and saw him staring off in the distance aimlessly with tears running down his face.
His legs dangled from the edge of the cliff dangerously
I have to get him away from that
"Jiyong.." I called out to him but received no response
I took a moment to look him over, he looked exhausted and weak, he wasn't eating right so he grew a bit thinner. His clothes hung onto his body for dear life and his eyes just seemed to be empty black holes. He had bags under his eyes from sleep deprivation, all those nights I'd hear sobs and things being moved in the living room, it had all been Jiyong.
I've never seen him like this.....
I let out a deeply saddened sigh
"Ji-" I was about to call for him again but was cut off by a weak and fragile voice
"Have you ever thought about not existing?... That maybe if you didn't belong...peoples lives would be better?"
Shocked at his words I said nothing. His eyes looked up at me, still crying, he continued
"Maybe people wouldnt suffer if I was here.....why am I here. I don't even know who I am anymore" his eyes grew sadder and sadder by the end of his sentence. "Why hyung! Could someone tell me?? I don't know what to do anymore! I'm tired....i love what I do, I love our fans but I'm so empty...so damn alone.." he yelled as he cried uncontrollably, he hugged his knees and slightly rocked back and forth.
My eyes searched his but couldnt read what he was thinking, I knelt down and did the only thing I could possibly think of.
I hugged him.
Tightly.
I had to make sure he didn't feel the way he felt, that we did want and need him here.
His body was tense at first but he slumped over and cried
"Jiyong...don't EVER think you are not needed, we're family and if I lost you, my closest hyung, I don't know what I'd do, I'll beat sense into you if I have to!" I said sternly
I pulled him out of the hug and nodded at him
"We brothers stick together and help each other, like family, we are family." I said encouragingly
Jiyong bit his lips slightly and looked down
"I feel so pathetic" he muttered meekly
"Pabo!" I yelled at him which scared him as he jumped, my temper and patience running short
He peeked up at me, confused at my out burst
"Seriously Jiyong, stop. I don't know why you were here, so close to the edge of the cliff if you were trying to kill yourself then you're too stupid!" I yelled at him getting heated and mad
He stared at me and looked away fidgeting slightly
"You cant look at me because its true, truly, then you are pathetic" I spat harshly.
I don't know why I was saying these things but my blood was boiling at the thought of him trying to commit suicide.
My hands turned into fists as I clenched them slightly, I couldnt think clearly, I just had to make sure he understood, I didn't care at how I sounded..
"Do you think Genesis would like the way you're acting?? Shes our best friend who cares, do you know how much you'd be breaking her heart if you died, huh!??" I yelled, trying to get things through his thick skull
Once I said those things something seemed to have clicked in Jiyongs mind
Tears rolled off his cheeks to his lap as he sniffled
"I'm so sorry..." he whispered "I'm so stupid" he then bowed down and pleaded "Please forgive me! Please!"
Surprised at his actions my anger depleted and I placed my hand on his shoulder
"Jiyong...lets just go back" I said tired of todays events, he looked up at me and nodded.
As we walked away from the park I decided to ask him
"Why this place?"
He walked slowly, his eyes looking down at his feet
"Its isolated...and quiet and beautiful. I don't know why but it called to me...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had arrived in Japan and quickly we ordered a cab to take us to the exact location.
Paying the driver I ran out of the car with the others behind me, we ran through the trees, stepping on branches and leaves, not caring about anything else but about Jiyong.
We ran into the clearing of the park, where in front of us we saw Jiyong laying horizontally on the peak of the cliff.
Gasping I went over to him quickly and picked him up and away from the edge.
He slurred some words out of his mouth as he tried to struggle against my hold
"Stop!" I growled out at him and sat him down on the bench.
His eyes drooped slightly and his head swayed.
Observing the sight before my eyes, I shook my head disapprovingly
I opened my mouth about to scold the drunk Jiyong until Genesis pushed past me, I looked at her figure sadly as she payed attention to Jiyong. Looking down, I felt a bit jealous, even in this current situation, taking a step back I separated myself from the others and glanced out into the sky.
Sigh..
~End Seunghyun's POV~
Jiyong...
I ran my fingers through his damp hair, he shook violently and his skin was cold
Frowning I took off my jacket and wrapped him up in it, making sure to give him at least some kind of warmth
"Jiyong...oppa..." my eyes grew slightly watery as I looked at his figure, hunched over with a vibe of sorrow surrounding him.
I placed my hand on his cheek gently, feeling responsible for all of this..
He said he wanted me happy....he said goodbye....
My eyes traveled his face as he looked back at me sadly, his eyes were a bit unfocused and clouded over due to the alcohol he consumed prior to us finding him.
"Gen-Gen! You're herree" he slurred out and touched my face lovingly
He smiled crookedly and swayed here and there
Hes so drunk..
"I thought...I thought you wouldnt come...you don't love me..." his head hung low as he said his words with a heartbroken tone
My heart ached at the sight of Jiyong like this, I had always been there for him, whenever he had a problem...but I don't think I've ever seen him like this.
I placed my hand on his head and his hair coaxingly, this grabbed his attention as he looked back up at me
"Gen-Genn" he muttered and took my hands in his
The other guys didn't dare say a word, scared it might startle Jiyong, especially in his drunken, oblivious state.
"Gen-Gen..do..do you love your oppaa?" he asked, his words coming out in a slurry line
"Of course I do" I said without even thinking about it.
His eyes held some hope as he smiled happily, "really really, you mean it??"
I nodded and smiled at him, he let out a happy drunken giggle and looked at the other guys
"I love my hyungss toooo!" he shouted and stood up but tripped over his own foot
The guys gasped and all went to him and held him up before he hit the ground
I sighed shaking my head as I watched Jiyong giggle uncontrollably as the guys held him up, then I looked at a figure that was a bit further away from everyone.
I stood up and walked over to him
"Seunghyun oppa...hes okay.." I said happily and tugged on his jacket
He nodded his head slightly and glanced at me from the corner of his eye
"I know...." he paused as if he had something else to say but never said it...
"We should bring him back to Korea now" he muttered, his voice sounded distant and my heart ached once again
Whats wrong with him...
I held my hand out to him slightly, wanting his touch, to feel his embrace but he didn't even notice it and walked away, leaving the park.
I felt hurt and put aside...
"Gen-Gen opppaaa loves youu!" Jiyong shouted and stumbled to me grinning widely
I gave out a bit under his body weight but successfully held him up
"Jiyong lets go home okay?" I asked him
Looking directly in my eyes he nodded and rested his forehead against mine
"Gen-Gennn...home to oppa...is wherever you are..." he whispered and smiled once again as he marched me off.
My heart fluttered all the way to the airport and on the airplane...
But yet my heart still hurt...
Seunghyun still was being distant....
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