-Taemin Pov-

I sat in the gardens waiting for Boa to arrive, today was the day I’d be asking Boa to help me. I couldn’t help but to feel jittery, not able to stay still…I was nervous but at the same time excited of how things will turn out. With Boa’s help…Byul would definitely be close with me again.

‘Taemin Oppa~!’ a surgery coated voice called my name, which sent shivers and goose bums to grow on my arms, in a bad way.

‘Crap, it must be a fan girl!’ my mind alerted

In panic I jumped up from my seat and faced the order of the voice, with my feet ready to set off running. But facing with the owner of the voice, I calmed down.

‘Boa-ah.’ I said her name and smiled

Boa smiled and chuckled ‘did I scare you? Sorry.’ She said before taking a seat on the bench I was sitting on ‘so how has Oppa been? I haven’t seen you for the last few days and it got me worried.’

I took a seat beside her ‘I was going to talk to you about that.’ I admitted

Boa nodded ‘well I’m all ears and I’ll help with all of your problems.’ She said smiling

I smiled wider hearing those words.

‘Things aren’t going well with me and Byul’ I started

Secretly I glanced at Boa to see her reaction, and for barely a second I saw a flash of joy and happiness in her expression, before it was replaced with a worried one.

‘She’s not bothered by what had happened…is she?’ Boa questioned worryingly

I stared at Boa for few seconds…why didn’t it seem like she was sincere about this? But I shook that thought away, Boa is my girlfriend and I shouldn’t be questioning about her sincerely.

I shook my head ‘no not entirely the whole thing, but I’m sure a small part of it is.’ I said ‘but that’s not the main problem’

Just to think of it…I could already felt my weakening and the sadness, hurt and loneness filling my body, mind and heart.

I took in a small breath to calm myself down ‘ She ended everything.’ I said looking down at the ground.

-Boa Pov-

‘She ended everything.’ Taemin said

With every will power I had, I held in the delightful and joyous squealing that was going to come out of my mouth.

‘Finally. Finally that B**** had given up.’ I thought filled with happiness.

Though there was still the feeling of annoyance and irritation by how depressed and mopping Taemin looked.

‘Boa-ah I need help…I want Byul to be my friend again’ Taemin said sounding needy, which fueled my anger more but I hid it well.

‘Taemin Oppa, I’m going to tell you honestly and truthfully, that in a girl’s perspective...when she wants to end it. It means you shouldn’t bother her anymore.’ I stated forwardly.

Hearing what I had said, Taemin’s shoulders deflated further down and his expression showed more sadness. I fake out an expression of sympathy and rubbed his back.

‘I know it’s going to be hard for you to accept it, because Byul is one of your close friend.’ I said comforting him, but inside I really wished he would just forget about that B**** ‘give her time for herself and yourself as well.’

Taemin’s face-hardened and I could see irritation written over his face. ‘Everyone has been telling me that. And I’ve been giving her time but, the only thing that it does is making Byul becoming more distance.’ He said sternly.

I kept myself from groaning and cussing at him.

‘Then maybe…she really means what she’d said.’ I stated ‘ maybe she really doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore Oppa…’

Taemin tensed up and the irritation was replaced with an upset expression. Looking down at the ground sadly as if his mother had abandoned him, his eyes got teary.

‘You have got to be kidding me…his really going to cry over some B**** not wanting to be his friend?!’ I thought filled with anger and hate.

‘B-But I don’t want to…’ Taemin uttered, looking completely helpless.

‘But you have to respect her wishes.’ I said almost snapping at him, but gritted my teeth and forced out a comforting smile ‘maybe you should try to forget her, like how she it trying to forget you.’

Hurt was evident in his eyes, however he knew what I said had a point…so with hesitation he nodded.

I mentally smirked ‘Finally.’ I thought happily

‘B-but how?’ Taemin asked like a dumb child

‘I’ll help you Oppa.’ I said sweetly ‘I’ll help to make you forget her and make you happy again’

Taemin stared at me for a few seconds before nodding again with a smile.

Finally. Finally Taemin is all mine.

I smiled widely at him ‘I love you Oppa.’ I told him and hugged him.

-Taemin Pov-

‘I know it’s going to be hard for you to accept it, because Byul is one of your close friend.’ Boa said ‘give her time for herself and yourself as well.’

Hearing that saying, to ’give her time’ frustrated me. All I’ve been told and doing WAS giving Byul time, but had that made anything better? NO! Has she talked or much less look at me anymore without a reason? NO! If anything…she was…

 ‘Everyone has been telling me that. And I’ve been giving her time but, the only thing that it does is making Byul becoming more distance.’ I said bitterly.

 ‘Then maybe…she really means what she’d said.’ Boa suddenly stated ‘ maybe she really doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore Oppa…’

I tensed up, all feelings of frustration washed away and was replaced with a dejected, miserable and much far worst feelings…from just hearing those words that Boa had said. I didn’t want to believe in those words, I wanted to believe that Byul still had cared and loved me.

 ‘B-But I don’t want to…’ I uttered helplessly.

‘But you have to respect her wishes.’ She said with a comforting smile ‘maybe you should try to forget her, like how she it trying to forget you.’

‘Forgetting Byul…but I don’t to.’ I thought sadly

I would have expected Boa to have a better idea, an idea that would actually help Byul and me…but it seems like that wasn’t going to happen.

‘Chunji…and the others all had said the same thing…move on and forget about Byul. Maybe I should do as they had advised….’ I thought, hurt.

With hesitation I nodded weakly. ‘B-but how?’ i asked

‘I’ll help you Oppa.’ Boa said sweetly ‘I’ll help to make you forget her and make you happy again’

I stared at Boa. ‘Yeah, I have her…I have her to make me happy.’ I told myself mentally

But why did I feel more hurt?

Without thinking I nodding again with a sad smile.

- Week Later -

I didn’t know what to think or how to feel anything more. If anything I felt as if I was being fake. Fake with all the smiles, laughs and looking as if I’m doing okay… when I was really breaking and dying inside.

A week with Boa…everyday, every minute…every second, Boa had always being by my side, taking me everywhere with her and her friends, involving me in their conversations…yet… I never felt more and more lonely and empty.

My thoughts were always filled and thinking of Byul… ‘How is she?’, ‘what is she doing?’, ‘was she thinking of me like I was of her?’, ‘did she miss me, like I am missing her right now?’, ‘is she happy now without me when I’m dying without her?’.

And the more that I am seeing her smiling, laughing and enjoying herself without me, it only made my suffering burn and hurt more…but seeing her smiles and laughs is what keeps me going each day, each second…without losing my mind and only time that I am sincere and genuinely smiling.

‘Taemin Oppa!’ a voice called me, breaking my thoughts.

I greeted owner of the voice with a forced smile ‘hmm?’ I responded

Boa pouted ‘Oppa you spaced out again.’ She whined

I let out a fake chuckle ‘Sorry’ I said ‘what were you saying?’

Boa let out a sigh and shook her head ‘maybe we should hang in the city.’ She suggested with a smile ‘we can get ice cream.’

‘yeah, sure…’ I said nodding.

She let out a happy high-pitched squeal, which caused me to flinch, but she didn’t notice.

‘Byul doesn’t squeal annoyingly when going out somewhere…’ my mind told me

Boa tagged onto my arm and dragged me to follow her. ‘Let’s go’ she beamed

-Ice-cream Shop-

‘Hello! Good evening, what would you like?’ the server asked smiling

Boa smiled ‘I’ll get whatever you get Taemin Oppa.’ She said

I stared at the many different ice creams but only two came in mind…

‘Two bubblegum and mint please.’ I ordered

The serve got our ice creams and I paid for them, while Boa chose a table for the both of us.

‘thank you, Taemin Oppa!’ Boa said happily before eating her ice cream.

I smiled and gave her a small nod, telling her it was okay. We both sat eating ice cream with no conversation being exchanged, not that I minded…because my mind was once again filled with Byul.

‘Byul really liked the ice creams here’ I thought while eating ‘bubblegum and Mint.’

For some reason…eating from Byul ice creams…they always seem to taste better them mine own, mine being only ordinary tasting when Byul’s tasted heavenly and better. Why’s that when we both got the same thing? I never knew the answer. But I do know, is that Byul is the reason for it’s sweeter and addicting taste.

‘Taemin Oppa…’ cut away from my thoughts from Boa’s voice.

‘hmm?’ I responded looking at her

‘I can’t finish mine, can you help me?’ she asked looking at me cutely.

Is she trying to be cute or trying to irritate me? For all I know I was feeling uncomfortable and slightly disgusted from her actions.

‘Byul never acted cute and doesn’t need to…because she, herself is adorable.’ My mind told me.

‘sure’ I said with a nod and finished my ice cream and got hers.

I scooped some of her ice cream and ate it…only to frown to myself.

Disgusting.

It was purely and utterly Disgusting. Was it possible for ice cream to have tasted like this? I forced myself to at least swallow the awful thing down and pushed Boa’s ice cream cup away, not wanting to finish it.

‘I’m full.’ I lied

Boa nod and smiled ‘let’s go somewhere else then’ she said getting up ‘Let’s go to the park’

Before I could reject, she once again clung to my arm and dragged me once again. While walking Boa’s hand that held on to my arm, trailed down to my hand as she held them in hers…and I felt uncomfortable.

‘Byul’s hands are nice, soft and warm to hold.’ My mind told me.

Reaching the park, we sat on the green glass field. Boa laid her head on my shoulder, unconsciously my body jerked away, causing Boa to almost hit the ground but she regained her balance.

‘Oppa!’ Boa whined with a pout ‘what was that for?’

I let out a fake smile and dry chuckle ‘haha sorry, I was just caught off guard.’ I lied.

Allowing Boa to get that close to me…for a reason, it felt like I was betraying Byul. Why is that? But even though my min was thinking that, my body distanced itself from Boa about a meter away.

‘Oppa, are you sure your alright?’ Boa asked me, looking concern…but her eyes says differently.

‘Byul eyes are always sincere to her emotions.’ My mind told me

I nod ‘I’m fine.’ I replied

Boa pouted ‘I don’t believe you. Oppa doesn’t look like his enjoying his time with me.’ She said

‘That’s because I’m not. I want to be with Byul right now.’ My mind said without hesitation or any thoughts.

I wanted to be with Byul right now…why am I so desperate?

‘I’m just still feeling down about Byul…’ I admitted

Barely audible I heard a small grunt of disgust from Boa, before she forced a fake smile at me.

‘It takes time Oppa.’ She said ‘you’ll forget her.’

‘But I don’t want to forget her.’ The words flew out of my mouth without thinking.

But it didn’t bother me…because it was true.

There was a short silent

‘Oppa…do you like her…more then a friend?’ She questioned

Did I like Byul?

I shook my head ‘No.’ I said

Boa let out a relieved sigh and smiled brightly ‘thank goodness’ she sighed ‘I wouldn’t be able to let you go and be heart broken, if said you liked her Oppa.’

‘Byul had let go and let me be with who ever I wished to be with.’ My mind told me ‘and it’s because she wanted me to be happy.’

‘I love you, Taemin Oppa.’ Boa suddenly said leaning close to my face.

Boa said she loves me…I would use to feel happy…use to…but now I didn’t.

Boa face slowly closed the distance with us.

She was going to kiss me. I would use to wish and dream of this…but I didn’t now.

It felt wrong.

My hands held on to her shoulders and lightly pushed her away, earning a surprised look from Boa, but that was soon replaced with a pout. The face, which I use to find cute,…could only be disgusting to me now.

‘Boa…let’s break up.’ I said straightforwardly.

Those words came out of my mouth wasn’t from my mind or me…but my from heart.

Boa mouth dropped open, staring at me with wide eyes in shock ‘W-WHAT?!’ she exclaimed

I felt no emotion, no sadness, no pain, not hurt…I felt nothing.

‘Let’s break up.’ I said again

‘B-But…w-why?’ Boa stuttered, tears already falling form her eyes

 ‘It isn’t right…’ I answered ‘it doesn’t feel right.’

A new emotion appeared on Boa’s face…one that I never saw or knew she had before…she was mad.

‘It’s because of that B**** isn’t it? IT BECAUSE OF BYUL ISN’T IT?!’ Boa shouted in rage

I would use to be shocked and speechless if such word came out of Boa’s mouth but now those words only made my blood boil, because it was directed to Byul.

I frowned ‘Don’t call Byul a B****.’ I said sternly

No one. I will not allow anyone to call Byul such names or say something bad about her.

With anger in her eyes as well as hatred…that wasn’t for me, but seemed to be for Byul, Boa glared hard at me. ‘You said you didn’t like her!’ she said bitterly

I nod ‘I don’t.’ I said

Because…

‘I love her.’

Speechless, shocked and unmoving was Boa.

Reason for my behaviors…reasons for my feelings…reason for my loneliness…

The answer is Byul.

Finally settled and sorted my feelings, I shoot up from my place. ‘Sorry Boa.’ I apologized ‘but it’s only her now. Always and had been.’

I turned and left her. I left Boa. Never did I turned back, nor did I feel bad, sad, hurt or anything anymore for her…because it really was only…only Byul. I walked back to the academy.

Recalling all of my thoughts and feelings from the beginning that Byul had came into my life…it was only her form the very beginning.

Only her that had been able to read my thoughts and feelings.

-Flashback-

' Your feeling guilty because I helped you with your assignment yet you gave it away, you feel guiltier because I had to share my assignment with you...' She said but then paused ' But the guiltiest is the fact you don't know what you can do to repay me back.'

I was surprised of course, I knew she knows me well but I never knew it was to the extent that she knew the reason behind my feelings. All I could do was nod and looked down at the ground.

'Firstly. Don't feel guilty because you did what you felt was right,  you gave it to Boa because you wanted to help her...even though you’re an idiot for doing that...but it's worst to not help out a person in need especially if it's someone special to you' she said.

I looked away from the ground and looked at her... why was she so understanding?

' Secondly. I shared my assignment with you because your my friend and the fact that I’ve seen and heard how you've been working hard...so I believed that you deserved to have a mark better than a zero' she continued.

Why was she always so kind hearted to someone like me?

'And Lastly. You think that you can't repay me...but really...you've given me more than enough...' she stopped and looked at me in the eye ' you may not realize it but you've already given me everything I’ve needed and wanted...so don't feel guilty anymore because you’re gonna make me feel bad' she said smiling at me.

Why....Why does she always know what to say...to make me feel better?

A smiled came upon me as the guilt was washed away completely, I felt at ease now.

-End Flashback -

Only her that knew what to say to comfort me and made me be me.

-Flashback-

 ‘Tell me. Tell me what are you so damn nervous about. You were really excited before’ Byul said

‘Well…I’m worry that I might mess up, I’m scared that she might not like me back, I ‘m scared that she might not want to be my friend anymore, I’m worried that I can’t say the right thing, I’m so nervous that I think I might embarrass myself in front of her…’ I said before taking a deep breath and continue ‘ I don’t want to look like a loser in front of her, I’m worried she might not accept my feelings, what if she took this as a joke? Or what if my cookies aren’t good enough’

I’ve listed everything that was in my mind and had made me nervous.

Byul nod her head ‘ is that all?’ she questioned

I nod

SMACK!

My eyes widen as my right cheek was stinging with pain…BYUL JUST SLAPPED ME! AND IT HURTS REAL BAD! I held on to my cheek as I looked at her surprised

‘W-Why did you s-slap me!’ I stuttered still in shock

Byul shrugged her shoulders ‘ you don’t feel nervous anymore right’ she stated

That was true…the worries and nervousness were gone now…it was as if she slapped them away…which she really did slap me…I felt better

I nod slowly ‘Neh’ I answered

‘Good. That was the whole point’ Byul stated  ‘Don’t worry too much. No matter how you confess even if you mess up or make a fool out of yourself…as long as your feelings are sincere and wholeheartedly…it can’t go wrong’ she said ‘ if she rejects you…it’s up to you if you continue to like her or not…but the point is…if she rejects you…you still have your Hyungs, Noonas and…me who’ll look out for you’

I was surprised at what she had told me…but at the same time I couldn’t help but to smile…I felt happy and touched by her words…she really knows what to say to make me feel better

-Another Flashback-

It was a silent walk but it was the comfortable kind of silence, but Byul broke it

‘I really mean it…’ she suddenly said

‘Hmm?’ I responded confused by what she meant

‘The song I sang….I really mean it. ‘ she said ‘Don’t give up, let me see your smile, If you really like her don’t give up…but I want you to always smile sincerely’

I was glad that the scarf was covering most of my face now…because I knew I was blushing red hearing her saying this…but it made me happy

‘I won’t leave you on your own , I’ll always be there for you…so please don’t ever feel sad again’ Byul added

My heart was definitely beating really quickly, my whole body felt warm...warm from Byul’s kindness and her comfort. I am grateful and thankful to have someone like Byul with me.

-End Flashback-

Only her stayed by my side and always had supported me.

-Flashback-

I pouted as I continue to mix the cream ‘ Byul, Taeminnie is being serious here, so please give me some advice’ I said

She let out a sigh ‘ well…do you really like her?’ She questioned as she cut the baking paper

I nod ‘ Neh, I do. Really really really like her’ I said smiling

‘Do you really want to be with her?’ she questioned

I Nod again ‘ Neh, I do, really really really want to’ I answered

‘Do you feel Happy around her?’ she questioned, while going to get some trays

I nod ‘Neh, I feel really really really Happy’ I said smiling

‘Then confess to her’ Byul stated as she came back with the trays

‘But what if she doesn’t like me?’ I asked

‘Then it’s your choice whether you would still like her or not’ she said

‘But then it’ll ruin our friendship’ I said

‘If you confess to her it shouldn’t ruin your friendship, if she chooses to also end your friendship…then, she’s just not the one for you’ she said

- End of Class -

 ‘Byul, since Taeminnie is confessing to her, what should Taeminnie get for her’ i asked

‘Something you never got for her before’ she said

I thought real hard. ‘I don’t know what to buy for her’ i said after a while of thinking

‘Why not make her something instead then…making something is more meaningful then i nod ‘ but I don’t know what to make…’ i said sadly  ‘I can’t sew, I can’t draw, I can’t knit…’

‘Basically I’m not creative’ i said pouting ‘And---’

Byul suddenly stuff a cookie in my mouth shutting me up.

She sighed ‘ why not cookies since we learnt it today’ she said

i chewed on the cookies and squealed in delight ‘They’re so yummy!’ i exclaimed happily ‘I’ll just give these cookies to her!’

Byul hit me lightly on the head ‘Yah, that’ll be meaningless then, since I made those Cookies’ she said

I pouted ‘ but I can’t cook’ I said

‘If you really like her, then you’ll give it a shot’ she stated ‘ it’ll mean a lot if you’ve given her something you work hard on’

-End Flashback.-

Only her…could really make me feel happy, secured, and loved.

-Flashback-

 ‘Whatever it is that’s bothering you…you should always let it out...if you can’t tell me, then at least tell someone so you’ll feel better’ she advised me

A small smile came onto my face…Byul was never the type to force an answer out of me…like how my Hyungs would.

‘Does Byul-a-na Milk really want to know?’ I asked her

‘if you're willing to tell me that is’ she said

 ‘I was sulking because…’ I said pausing and looked at Byul ‘Because you didn’t notice me’

 ‘Because I didn’t notice you?’ Byul questioned

I nod ‘you were always with L.Joe. You didn’t even notice me.’ I said ‘You sat next to L.Joe on the bus, you laughed and had fun with L.Joe’

‘Taemin…are you jealous of L.Joe Oppa?’ Byul asked

I looked down at the ground and nod ‘I’m jealous.’ I admitted ‘because it felt like…he was replacing me.’

I didn’t know what was happening but…I felt arms wrapping themselves around my waist before I felt warmth hugging my body…Byul was hugging me. My mind went blank as I couldn’t open my mouth to say anything…all I knew was one thing though…it was wanting to keep that warmth I was feeling. My arms that were by my sides wrapped around Byul and pulled her closer to me, I rested my head on to her shoulder.

‘Aishi…you’re an idiot’ Byul said smiling

I smiled ‘Why is that?’ I asked

‘You the most annoying, clingy, talkative and childish person in my damn Life. My World’s number one really.’ Byul said

I pouted ‘that’s mean’ I whined

‘Yah let me finish’ she scolded me

I chuckled ‘okay continue’ I said

‘Because of that…no one. And I mean no one can ever replace you’ she said ‘not in my world…no in my life’

My heart was pounding rapidly at a very quick speed that I thought it could pass out any moment now…but…but I was happy right now so very damn happy. I hugged Byul tighter making it impossible for even dust to cut in between us. She knows exactly what to say…to always make my heart race so fast, making my chest heat up, making me feel so happy…making me feel…that I was worth more then anything and everything.

-Another Flashback-

 ‘I said ‘you like to hang with me more the L.Joe right?’ and then you said ‘Your still not sick are you?’. That means you like to hang with L.Joe more!’ I said, my frown deepened.

Byul blinked a couple of times before she started to laugh softly and poked me on my forehead.

‘Dummy.’ Byul said smiling at me ‘You really don’t get it do you.’

I was completely confused right now…and reading from my expression, Byul knew I was confused.

‘You’re the one that I love. So it’s obvious that of course I like to hang with you more…so for you to even ask me that question…your really must be sick in the mind or just a plain idiot.’ Byul explained

Surely my face right now must be burning red…from embarrassment. How could I be so damn stupid?! But nevertheless I was really happy…though…I really did feel great embarrassment, so I turned away from her.

-Another Flashback-

I was disappointed

‘Taemin? Why do you look disappointed?’ Byul asked

I chuckled because I was caught ‘I was hoping that it would be our carriage to have stopped at the top…’ i said

‘They say that when the Farris wheel stops, if your carriage is the one that stops at the highest point of the ride and you kiss your partner…you guys will be together forever.’

‘Yah, don’t be so gloomy’ she said smiling ‘Even if our carriage is not at the top…you know very well that I’ll forever be here anyway.’

I stared at her for a while as a sincere smile came on to my face ‘You mean it?’ i questioned ‘Your going to be with Taeminnie forever?’

Byul smiled sincerely and nod ‘I can’t seem to get rid of you anyways…’ she said

Right when those words came out of , I had got up from my seat and wrapped my arms around her pulling her into a tight embrace.

- End Flashback-

It was only her love that I could and would accept.

-Flashback-

 ‘If there’s one thing that I hate about you…’ Byul said trailing off a little ‘It would be you’ve made me fallen for you unconditionally’

 ‘You’re an idiot. You have no physical strength of whatever. You can’t cook. You're annoying. Your nothing but trouble. You practically can’t do anything.’ She continued ‘Yet I find myself always loving and running to you like an idiot when you need me…’

‘Loving you really …’ Byul muttered

‘I’ll do better…’ I unconsciously said

 ‘Your…awake’ Byul uttered not knowing how to react.

I smiled at her ‘why don’t you tell me directly?’ I asked

 ‘You heard everything and you expect me to repeat them? I’m embarrassed enough to think that you were asleep when I was confessing’ Byul said

I pouted ‘Aww c’mon!’ I encouraged

I wanted to hear Byul confess directly to me for some reason. For unknown reasons it made me happy, to just had heard her say those things to me…if she told me directly now…would I pass out from happiness?

'Men aren’t the only one to have pride Taemin…’ Byul said, crossing her arms and avoid looking at me.

 ‘YAH! Don’t move!’ Byul scolded at me and was pushing me back down again

Her hands were on my shoulders trying to get me to lay back down, but then I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her in for a hug. Byul tensed up and stayed still, I knew she was startled by my actions. I use this chance and brought her even closer to me and rested my head on her shoulder and taking in her natural sweet scent that only she possess. Her heart was beating and pounding really loudly and quickly…just like mine were, and it was because of me…I wonder if the reason for my heart pounding was also because of her

‘Byul~ Confess to Taemin again~ Please~’ I sang in a begging tone

She let out a small sigh in defeat as I waited in anticipation

‘Saranghae’ Byul Whispered very softly

Sure enough my face was red from shyness and embarrassment of happiness.

‘W-What? I didn’t hear you’ I lied

‘Saranghae’ Byul said a little louder

‘I still can’t hear anything’ I lied again

‘Saranghae!’ Byul said loudly

A wave of shiver went through my body, I really loved how the word sounded came from her. I tightened my arms around her and hugged her more tightly.

-End Flashback-

But…being the idiot and ungrateful bastard I was…I was too blinded to finally realize these things when it was drifting apart…when it came to an end.

‘Hyungs were right from the very beginning…I was going to regret everything…’ I whispered

But…even If I will be living in this regret…I would want to at least get one bit of this regret off my shoulders…

-Tree House-.

I knocked on the door with little confidence...

‘Please answer. Please let me see you.’ My mind wished and pleaded

Big relieve and feelings of gladness came when the door opened, and I was only more happy…seeing the one person who had answered.

A loving smile came onto my face ‘Annyeong Byul.’ I greeted her

Byul eyes widened slightly, I knew she wasn’t expecting me so she was surprised.

Recovering from her surprised, she gave me a smile ‘Annyeong Taemin-issi.’ She greeted me ‘what brings you here?’

With much difficultly I had gotten use to her addressing me like a stranger, but…deep down, it still did hurt me.

My loving smile never creased ‘Saranghae’ I confessed confidently and lovingly

For the second time she was caught off guard and was speechless…

Taking this opening, I stepped forward and embraced her. Holding her body close to mine.

I miss her so much.

I miss this feeling of her in my arms so much.

‘I really love you, Byul.’ I whispered to her sincerely ‘I’m sorry to have hurt you. I’m sorry to have not accepted your feelings from the beginning.’

Her body that was motionless seconds before started to tremble, gaining back her senses, she pushed me away…but I kept my arms around her waist only moving back a little just to see her face.

And her face expressed her mixed feelings… anxiety, hurt and sadness.

‘Why are you doing this?!’ She snapped angrily and stressed ‘why do you keep toying with me? does playing with my feelings make you happy?!’

I kept myself from crying. I shook my head no.

 ‘Why do you have to be like this, when I want to forget about these feelings?!’ she cried miserable.

It hurt, it hurts when the one you love dearly was looking miserable like this in your arms.

And it was all my fault.

My lips trembled wanting to let out a desperate plead for Byul to understand and take me back…but I won’t do that. I won’t be selfish…because right now in my heart all I wanted was for her to feel loved, like how she had let me.

With that thought and goal, the genuine and loving smile I had stayed strongly and confidently on my face.

‘it’s okay. You don’t have to hurt yourself anymore.’ I said ‘you can forget about me if it make you happy. And I won’t get in your way, but if you let…I want to gain your love again.’

Byul stared up at me with confused eyes, parted slightly not knowing what to say.

‘I wanted to let you know of my feelings.’ I confessed ‘and to let you know…’

‘If you ever need or want something or someone, you can ask me.’

‘If you ever need or want comfort or love, you can use me.’

 ‘I’ll always be there for you. Always. I promise.’

‘Because...’

You have become someone that my world had revolved around.

Even if you no longer love me like the way you use to…As long as there is a small part of you that needs me, as long as I can be by your side…even if your just using me, that’s good enough for me.

I leaned my forehead on Byul’s, smiling and looking into her beautiful shocked eyes. I had to hold back with all of my will to stop myself from having the strong desire of just kissing her just this second. Taking in a deep breath, i continued what I had to say.

‘Because I am in love with you…’ I confess lovingly and whole-heartedly ‘unconditionally and helplessly.’