Haerin’s POV

Our vacation ended in a twisted knot. In this plane now, I was struggling to keep both my pain and tears from falling out. I simply looked outside, avoiding any eye contacts with anyone. Chanyeol wasn’t by my side. He’s away, across the other seat, looking outside as well. I noticed how his chest bobbled up and down, as if he’s in a big pain. Just like I am, he was dying as well. And it’s all because of me.

Last night was a disaster. After throwing up all the pills I have forcefully intake earlier, I found the knocks on the door began to grow louder. From that, I knew that this will be the last chapter of our happy endings. When I opened it, I found Chanyeol with his intense stares on mine. I shook my head; his face yesterday was beyond than any other time I ever see him getting angry.

Again, I glanced on the other row; he was palming himself, probably weeping even more. The pang in my heart continued guiltier. I flashed back again, how my eyes travelled down from his deadly look to the crumpled fist of his that had my doctor’s justification on my sickness. I was diagnosed with an unknown disease and it was rare to ever seen someone survive from this. The only thing that could keep me alive is going through surgeries after surgeries, and thus forever staying in the hospital.

I held my breath and my hands trembled. This was not how I imagine him to find out about me. I saw my flipped over bag, the contents were all on the bed. I assumed Chanyeol did it to look for whatever that can calm me down—but instead, he found the document. His eyes bailed out, leaving trails of tears and his lips pressed into a firm line. I could see his anger beyond all that.

I remember clearly his words, “WHY DON’T I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?” Never once had I ever hear him raising his voice at anyone, let alone me. He threw the document down, looking at it as it’s the thing he hates in the entire world. Then, his eyes travelled back into mine. “DO YOU THINK I’M THAT STUPID? WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR—A COMPLETE IDIOT?!”

I shivered, his cold words pierced through me, jolting my entire sanity. I was speechless—this is the reason why I’m not into telling him this. He’ll just freak out and gets hurt more than I do. I know him and I don’t want anything like this to happen to him. This is why I’m going on this vacation—as my last present to him for being such a lovable person to me all this time.

“ANSWER ME, HAERIN!” I was startled; his hands grabbed my shoulder tightly. I squirmed under his possession and looked away the whole time. The last thing I want then was the pain that displayed through his eyes. I grew more thick-headed when I started to fight back. “Why are you going through my stuff?”

“THIS IS A MATTER BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, HAERIN! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?”

“Don’t you have any respect for my privacy?!” I shouted back, snatching the document away from his hands. It was crumpled now, definitely not readable anymore. I could totally imagine how hard he crumpled his fist against it, trying not to tear it at any moment. It hurts him just as it hurts me. “You better leave, Chanyeol.” I screeched, pushing him away.

“CHOI HAERIN, YOU’RE DYING AND—” He pulled the strands of his hair in return. He was crying and so did I. I didn’t realize though before he my cheeks, his eyes showing sympathy, pity, like any other people. He wiped the tears away and I found myself on the floor, crying my heart more. The pain was there, mentally and physically. Chanyeol scooted in front of me, lifting up my face. I bit my lips, trying not to show any fear that I’ll be dying soon.

“Get the treatment.” That was the last straw. I stood up, pushing him to the door. I don’t care how the passersby were looking at us. He was still half , and I was drenched from the water I threw at myself to sober up just now. For everyone, we were like the arguing couple on their honeymoon and it was bad. “GO AWAY!”

Anyone else, but Chanyeol could say that about myself. They all could force me to get the treatment but not him. I won’t let him. Knowing that if he will, I’ll give up right away and I’m not that weak. I won’t burden everyone around me with this stupid disease. This will cause pain to everyone, terribly him.

The call from the flight attendants caused me to wake up. I rubbed my eyes, betting that it’ll be much worse than this morning. And here we are now, back in Korea a day early. I begged my life for this return, since it’ll just hurt us more if we keep stay there. Taking my leave, I found Chanyeol already nowhere to be seen. The half day flight means that it’s night now and I doubt that they’ll be any more fans waiting for us—him I mean.

I was weak, even with scarves protecting me from the cold. I looked over at Chanyeol, searching for him everywhere. What do I expect? Of course he’ll leave right away. He hates me now. As I was about to take my luggage, a hand beat me to that. I sighed, looking at Chanyeol’s expressionless face. He dropped the bag down after taking it and put more scarves around me. He scrunched down, taking a coat from his bag and put it on me. I found no strength to fight him back so I just stood there.

He took the leave first, leaving me stunned there. I could still see his red eyes, must be because of me. It ruined his beautiful face too much. I bet I don’t look any better from that. I followed behind quietly to the arrival section. I saw Haejin and Daehyun pouting; hating the fact that we just got back from our personal time but their face fell when they saw the distance between us.

EXO, surprisingly who were there as well, were about to give him a big welcome, stopped when they saw his face. Suho knew it was just wrong for him to end the call just like that yesterday. There must be something wrong, something bad that happened. They all knew, plus the looks both of us were giving now—it didn’t hide anything at all.

Haejin caught up to me and pulled me into a big hug. Without me telling him, I could sense his understandings. He simply hugged me and my hair. I couldn’t help it any longer. My eyes went blurry and tears escaped from them. In the corner of my eyes, I saw how Chanyeol hovered himself to give a hug to Suho, expressing his weeps.

We were both there, yet again so far from each other. I was still sobbing when Daehyun grabbed my luggage from me. It was silence but they must’ve known the reason for this to happen. Haejin patted my back and hummed me some tones—I can’t figure what it is—but it helped me to calm down anyway. After some minutes, he stepped back and pulled my hands. We walked past the boys but I kept my head low. I couldn’t see him in the eyes without feeling any guiltier. It was wrong—everything is. This shouldn’t have happened at all.

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Chanyeol’s POV

The drive back home was silence. I glanced outside—not crying anymore. Perhaps my tears had dried off completely. But my mind was still on hers—how she is doing right now? Did she feel any pain at all? Is she still hurting now?

“Hyung…” Sehun voiced out. I was not looking at him so I couldn’t see what the others did to shut him up. It was quiet again now. I shivered, suddenly realizing that I have nothing to keep me from the cold. Hawaii was bright and sunny but the weather here in Korea caught me badly. Kris handed me his scarf but I pushed it away, shaking my head. This coldness won’t even come close to the pain Haerin is experiencing this past 3 months.

Come to think of it, it’s been 3 months already. How was she handling with the disease all these times—at the same time with me avoiding her? Was she dying bit by bit in Hawaii—when she couldn’t enjoy her favorite drink—when she played the violin on the stage—is her life still ticking off every now and then?

“Yi Xing hyung,” Lay was calm, right on my expectation. I sighed before clearing my throat. “How long will she hold on without the treatment?”

It grew silence, again, as I expected. He sighed too and shuffled in his seat. I turned back to look at him, even when I have no more energy left. I need to see his expression when he says it. I need to see the truth in my eyes and not another lie to cover the bad news. Well?

“Apparently not long,” he answered. I nodded my head, relieved that he’s telling the real stuff. I could see that in his eyes and the bitterness his answer brought me. I huffed back, looking at the night sky. “Are you the only one who knows?”

“No,” he said. “Manager Hyung knew about it too. He was there…when we saw her.”

“How did you find out?”

“You remember how I hurt myself during the practice?” He continued without waiting for my response. “I accidentally bumped into her in the hospital. It was her not her first time there and I could see the fear in her eyes. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—I promised her I won’t.”

I inhaled deeply. So it’s been about 2 months that he found out. I didn’t blame him for not telling me. It’s just right to not break his promise. Even when I found out earlier, there’s nothing I could do for her.

“Hyung,” Tao broke the silence. I looked at them and smiled bitterly. They deserved to know too.

“Haerin’s sick. She’s in big pain and they couldn’t figure out what it is—so, there’s only a slight 5% hope for her to stay alive.” I found myself in the verge of tears again so quickly looked away. “She’s…” My voice hitched as my hands trembled. The sudden flash had me paralyzed; it was her, the pain she showed on her face…and it hurt me just the same.

“My Haerin’s dying.”

Just one more chapter to go~ asdfghjkl-- such mixed feelings >..< I don't want to let this fic go yet~~~lol, jk