I looked to my right then to my left before sprinting through the hall. I roughly opened the door that lead to the stairs and hurriedly closed it behind me.

I was panting like crazy as I leaned against the door.

 

I hope he didn't see me...

 

Of course he did, you stupid .

 

It was the end of the class and as I did for almost two weeks, I escaped as quickly as my weak body was able to.

Yes, you read right. It's been already two weeks that I'm trying to make myself invisible in front of Donghae's eyes.

After the whole we're-sleeping-together-in-one-bed topic, I decided to retreat somewhere off his circle to my own safety.

 

Not that I'm scared or anything, of course.

 

The festival went really smoothly as we were both really busy with the café (and I did my best to give him so much work he wouldn't be able to breath) but as we went back to our 'normal' life (as if you could call that ed up thing 'normal'), I found it quite embarassing to face him and suddenly think back of our antecedents. Which are kissing and hugging and sleeping together, by the way.

 

So here I am, walking like a thief in the middle of an empty staircase.

 

Of course, Donghae tried (and was still trying) to talk to me but I was like a ninja. Disappearing and appearing when you least expect it.

 

I'm a freaking ninja even Jackie Chan won't be able to beat.

 

I opened the door of the first floor of the dormitory and tip-toed to the room 117 and went in without even knocking.

Then I let myself slide to the ground and sighed with relief.

 

"Magnae? Is that you? Or are you some psychopath who wants to bully Leeteuk hyung?"

 

I opened my left eye and was surprised to find Kibum hyung sitting on the couch while eating an ice-cream.

 

"Oh hyung! What are you doing here? Trying to get away from our lovely place already?"

 

"You're here as well, Kyu. You don't really have the right to talk. Anyway, Leeteuk hyung invited Hyukjae and me to come and talk for awhile. We wanted advices for an administrative thing."

 

I nodded and thrown my bag next to the door and sat down next to him. I took his ice-cream from his hand and took a huge spoonful of it.

 

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

 

"I'm starving hyung!"

 

"Go take your own ice-cram! Leeteuk hyung, Magnae's being rude to his hyungs!"

 

Leeteuk hyung went in the room with a folder in his right hand and a cake in his left one, followed by Hankyung hyung.

 

"Oh hi Hankyung hyung, Leeteuk leader. How are you?"

 

Hankyung hyung smiled at me while Leeteuk hyung ruffled my hair.

 

"Where's Donghae? He's coming?" Leeteuk hyung asked.

 

"What would I know?" I grumbled. "It's not like we have to be together all the time!"

 

Hankyung hyung raised an eyebrow. "You two fought?"

 

I glared at him and then gained a slap at the back of my head from Eunhyuk.

 

"What are you doing, you Monkey?!"

 

"It's hyung, brat. We're all hyungs here. So be nice. And now tell us what's the freaking problem with Donghae. It's been two weeks now that he's always sad and then angry and then depressed. And you, you're always disappearing when he's trying to talk to you and then he's all furious and because you're not here, he's furious at me. And I'm pretty sure I did nothing!" He explained angrily and obviously frustrated.

 

I blinked at him. "You actually have authority, Monkey. But that's so not working on me because I did see you watching in your room last month and- ..."

 

"YOU LITTLE- ..."

 

I hid behind Leeteuk hyung as Kibum hyung held Eunhyuk back from trying to strangle me. "I might take you to court if you don't stop right now, Lee Hyukjae!" I menaced. "Leeteuk leader, give me the phone and call the police!"

 

"Stop it, Magnae. Hyukjae too, sit down." Leeteuk hyung tried to calm us down.

 

Eunhyuk turned his back at me and pouted.

 

"So... What's the problem with Donghae?" Hankyung hyung casually asked as he turned the TV on. "Oh, it's Super Junior!"

 

"There's no problem with Donghae." I replied as I watched the boyband dance on their newest hit. "They're good."

 

"I know. Don't you think they kind of look like someone we know? And yes, there is a problem or else you'll be out of here playing whatever you guys play when you're acting as usual." Leeteuk hyung replied black.

 

"Yeah, but I don't know who... And no, there are no problems!" I insisted.

 

"Oh really? Then maybe I should call him?"

 

"WHAT?! NO, you can't hyung!" I instantly panicked.

 

"Then tell us or we'll make you pay all the pranks and rudes comments you gave us for all this time. And believe me, you did anough to stay here for at least a week."

 

"I'm in." Eunhyuk exclaimed. "You're so screwed, Cho Kyuhyun."

 

I glared at them and crossed my arms against my chest.

 

"This is so not fair! I did nothing! Why are you all ganging up on me?!"

 

Hankyung hyung turned the TV off. Eunhyuk whined because he was interested in the dance moves but then directed all his attention on my bullied person.

 

"Tell me, Kyuhyun. We're your friends. More than that, we're even your hyungs. It's really killing me to see you like that..." Hankyung hyung said with a surprisingly fluent korean.

 

"Did something happen between you guys...?" Kibum hyung carefully asked.

 

I began to play with a pillow.

 

"Not really... I mean, something did happen but I don't think it's this important."

 

"I think it is." Eunhyuk objected. "Tell us and maybe we can help?"

 

I sighed and finally gave up.

 

I told them everything.

The kiss and all the mixed and frightening feelings that came with it. The night we slept together and how I felt so lost when I realized I wanted to stay like that as long as possible.

I didn't know where I found the words to explain what I truly wanted to say when I was struggling with myself for the past two weeks. I felt so relieved to talk to someone about all my problems with Donghae.

I wanted so much to curl up in a ball and cry until the world died but then they all tried to help me even though I teased them all the time.

 

They were the best hyungs ever.

 

A huge silence came after my long confession.

I continued to look at everywhere but them.

 

Maybe it's time I transform into KyuNinja and move to another country. Very very far country.

 

"So you say you kissed him and then slept with him." Eunhyuk summarized.

 

"I didn't kiss him, he did. And we really just slept. We were both really sick at this time."

 

He nodded thoughtfully like he tried to find the right words.

 

"Did you ever think that - maybe - you might have - um... - I don't know - feelings for Donghae?" He carefully suggested.

 

I raised a surprised eyebrow. "You mean am I gay? No I'm not. I swear, I mean I really did find the university's women's section's girls attractive. I still find s and everything utterly y. And I already dated a few girls before. It wasn't really serious though..."

 

"And maybe it's not that you're gay? Maybe you're bi?" Hankyung hyung proposed.

 

Kibum hyung nodded.

 

"I don't think so..." I replied. "I don't have any kind of attraction toward any of the unviersity's boys. Except friendship."

 

"Then maybe it's just Donghae?" Kibum hyung said.

 

"Why would I like just him? It's not really rational." I objected.

 

"Isn't there a proverb that says 'The heart has its reasons, that reason does not know'?" Hankyung hyung said.

 

How come he's suddenly so good in Korean?

 

"That's possible." He continued. "I mean, me and Heechul, we're not... Before him I had a girlfriend. But now I love him with all my being so you really might not know, Kyuhyun."

 

"What does your heart say?" Leeteuk hyung gently asked me.

 

"Okay, now it really looks like I'm meeting a shrink. My heart does not say anything, ok? Because it's a heart."

 

"You're trying to deny, Kyuhyun." Eunhyuk grimaced. "That's not a good thing. Think about it ; if you're not completely sure that you don't like him, then you like him at least a little. So are you sure?"

 

I wanted to say yes but something stopped me.

 

Was I really sure that I didn't like him?

 

Just by asking myself this question, I knew Eunhyuk was right.

 

I'm not sure.

 

Do I really not like Donghae...?

 

Kibum hyung patted my back. "Good luck."

 

 

 

I was laying down on the couch of the empty dorm.

 

Everything in my mind was so confused by what Eunhyuk told me.

 

Do I really like him?

 

I tried to organize my thoughts with a lucid mind.

Now that I thought about it, it was the first time since we met that I didn't talk to Donghae at least once a day. I strangely felt empty in the bottom of my heart.

I've lived here for practivally three months already and I felt weird without him by my side.

 

I sighed.

 

I have to be honest with myself.

 

I did miss him.

 

I missed how we always met in front of our first class.

I missed how he always tried to disturb me in class and how would always glare at him and he would just smile innocently.

I missed the way he was protective around me.

I missed the way he always teased me and then hugged me sorry if he went to far.

I missed his smile.

I missed his arms and his warm.

 

I missed his lips.

 

I blushed furiously and hid my face in a pillow.

 

"Oh my God. This university will be the end of me. This is so not how it should happen... I am so so so screwed..."

 

"KYUHYUN-AH!"

 

Startled, I fell off the couch with a loud thud.

 

"WHAT THE ?!" I shouted.

 

"I can't live like that anymore!"

 

Someone grabbed me by the back of my shirt and threw me on the couch before sitting on top of me so I won't escape.

 

"Donghae?! What the hell are you doing right now?!"

 

"What are you doing?! It's been already two freaking weeks that you're avoiding me! At first I thought you just needed time because hell yeah! it was embarassing - even though it was the best sleep of my whole life -, but two weeks?! That's way too much! You really don't know how to play at the pull-and-push game thing, right? I can't stay so far away from you for so long. I really can't."

 

I blushed furiously again.

He just couldn't say that to me when I'm trying to understand my feelings for him, either it was friendship or more than that. It should be illegal!

 

"You little piece of !" I screamed.

 

I struggled out of his grasp and then hit him with all my force with a pillow.

 

"Don't you dare talk to me like that! I alread have a hard time without you butting in, you !"

 

"Wh-wha- ... Wait! Stop, Kyu!"

 

"DON'T CALL ME KYU!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

 

Donghae, I'm so sorry. I had a tough day.

 

After five good minutes when I released all my frustration, I finally let him go and slumped down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Donghae stayed curled up at the very end of the couch while he continued to protect his head.

I took one, two, three deep breaths before I looked at him.

 

"You won't try to kill me anymore, right?" He asked.

 

I glared at him and he immediately shut up.

 

"No I won't. For now."

 

We stayed silent for awhile. He gradually moved toward me but I said nothing.

 

"Erm... Kyuhyun?"

 

"What?"

 

"Can I say something?"

 

"Feel free to do so. I'm not your father."

 

He smiled and found his bubbly mood back. "God, you really scared me there! But I guess I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have jump to you this way. I guess I'll preserve that for later (wink)."

 

I glared at him.

He looked at me surprised.

 

"What?"

 

"You're not hitting me? I made a obvious ual joke. Are you sick?"

 

He posed his hand on my forehead. I slapped him away.

 

"I'm prefectly fine, thank you very much."

 

He shrugged and put his arm around my shoulders.

 

"Anyway Darling. Next Sunday is my birthday."

 

It was my turn to look at him with a surprised look, all anger suddenly forgotten.

 

"Really? I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?"

 

"You never asked."

 

"I'll get you a present. What do you want?"

 

"Actually, I already thought about something."

 

"Oh, what is it?"

 

"You promise me you'll give it to me? It's not expensive or anything."

 

"Tell me first and I'll think about it."

 

"Promise first." He pouted.

 

"You're so childish. Fine. There. I promise. Happy? What do you w- ..."

 

"Go on a date with me." He quickly asked.

 

We stared at in other silently. I could see he was nervous by the way he was bitting his lips but he still looked at me straight in the eyes.

 

"Are you crazy? No way."

 

"But you promised!"

 

"It's not a book or a t-shirt that you want! It's a date, and you perfectly know that- ..."

 

"Don't you dare say you don't like me because you perfectly know yourself it's not true."

 

"But it is true! I really- ..."

 

And I wasn't entirely lying. I admit I felt something unusual for him but I didn't know what it was yet.

The way he was pushing me just made me want to forget everything and continue to act like he was nothing else than a good friend to me. I was already too scared of the whole situation and he was just making it harder for me to accept.

 

He abruptly got up and pushed me down on the couch while he sat on top of me.

 

Again.

 

"Will you stop doing that?!" I shouted. "Let me go!"

 

"We kissed."

 

"No!" I denied with force. "No, you did, I- ..."

 

"We kissed, Kyuhyun. I can remember the way you put your hands on me and you didn't reject me."

 

"I punched you and I believe that- ..."

 

"We kissed and we even slept together."

 

"We were sick and I just- ..."

 

"Stop trying to find excuses!" He bursted out. "Imagine if I kissed you right here, what would you feel?"

 

I would kiss you back. A voice resounded in my head.

I ignored it.

 

"I would feel nothing."

 

A hurt look crossed his cute features but it disappeared immediately. Even though, I wanted so much to comfort him.

 

"Then why are you so scared to go on a date if you don't feel anything?"

 

"I don't want you to get hurt. You're my friend."

 

I'm afraid I might like you more than I want to.

 

"Don't worry about me. It's my birthday. Pretty please?"

 

He began to make his puppy eyes. I glared at him with force.

 

"Get off of me and I'll think about it."

 

He immediately moved and looked at me intantly.

 

I sighed (which I noticed I did a lot lately).

 

I was going to say no.

 

It wasn't healthy for the both of us. We could get hurt throughout this whole thing. I wasn't even sure of what I wanted truly.

He seemed to like me honestly and I just couldn't make up my mind to go on a date with someone I could destroy with just some words.

 

I'm going to say no.

 

"Fine. Let's go on a date together."

---

... I have the strange feeling that this chapter is not that good. Right?

 

I had to make something up for what's coming next and well, the beginning looks okay but the end not so much.

 

Anyway, next chapter is... The date! (I really don't know how it will come out though.)

 

I hope you still like the story so far!

 

And thank you so much for subscribing and commenting. I wan't expecting so much from you guys. Really.

You guys are the best!