Winter came quickly, recovering Soul with bright white snow.

I was staring out through the window from the students room. Outside, some people were playing with snow balls or just walking to enjoy a walk.

Even though it was cold, the sun was shining nicely in the blue sky.

I kind of like winter when I was able to enjoy it from a warm and comfy room, so I was more than glad to just listen to music with a book in my hands in the middle of the students room.

Ryeowook and Sungmin hyung were also there, doind their homeworks.

It felt somehow boring to be there alone. Of course, I liked Ryeowook and Sungmin hyung's company but I had the impression like something was missing.

Someone is missing... A voice corrected in my mind.

I sighed heavily and turned my MP3 player off.

Sungming hyung raised his head and looked at me curiously.

"What is it, Kyuhyun?" He asked kindly.

I shrugged. "I don't know why but I'm bored."

"Oh." He commented wisely. "Well we're doing our homeworks so maybe that's why..."

"No, I don't care about that, it's just..." I tried to explain but as I couldn't find the words, I grew more and more frustrated.

"Where's Donghae hyung?" Ryeowook suddenly asked.

I looked around. "Wait, that's right. Where's that useless jerk?"

I looked around with a sudden feeling of hope.

Where is he?

Everything seemed to be more fun and interesting when he was around.

When we came back from my house, we grew even more closer if that's even possible. We still teased each other and I was still an with him but we had a kind of sweet complicity now. A sweet and almost loving complicity.

I was troubled by this connection but I really wanted it to not stop because it felt nice to be take care of.

"Maybe that's why you felt bored." Ryeowook said.

I blushed lightly and stubbornly shook my head no. Ryeowook laughed.

"Stop trying to deny!" He snickered then lowered his voice. "Sungmin hyung told me about what happened in Donghae hyung and Siwon hyung's room! And you said you were straight." He commented while rolling his eyes.

Sunming hyung giggled when I glared at him furiously.

"You told them?" I exclaimed completely outraged.

"Of course not!" He retorted offensed. "Heechul hyung did."

I was envisaging going to Heechul hyung and give him a short lecture about how he should not tell off my private affairs but knowing Heechul hyung, I decided to let it slide. For this time.

Then, Yesung hyung came in the room and when he spotted us, he happily walked to us.

"Hey guys! How are you? Doing fine? Oh really? That's great! Anyway, back to serious - but really interesting - topic ; we'll officialy start our activities as the singing club starting... Today!" He cheerfully declared.

"Really?" I said with excitation. "That's so great! Why didn't we start sooner?"

"There were some crap in the administration, you know how it is... Always a problem somewhere, somehow."

I nodded in agreement. "We'll start this afternoon in the club office?"

"Yep." He acquiesced. "See you later! Yah, Sungmin! Get your up, or we'll be late! Oh, hi Donghae! Doing fine?"

And he disappeared as the newly came Donghae stared at the empty spot where was Yesung hyung with a confused gaze. Then he turned toward me.

"What the hell?"

I shrugged.

"I heard the singing club activites are starting today? Will you go?" He asked as he took the place left by Sungmin hyung.

"Yes. By the way, Ryeowook, let's go together."

The latter nodded silently, struggling with his chemistry homeworks.

"If you go to that club, why don't you go to the dance club?"

"Because I already told you I won't go. But if there is any representaion or spectacles or shows, or anything, then I'll gladly come and see how my best 'close' friend is doing!" I said with a playful tone.

He smirked and pinched my cheek. "You better, silly."

I glared at him and my hurt cheek.

My phone suddenly rang in my bag shouting its silly ringtone out loud, gaining the others attention. Blushing red, I quickly apologized and answered.

Ryeowook sent me a glare and Donghae just laughed and waved off the one who had a scowl on their face.

He rested his head on my shoulder and traced lines on my free hand.

"Hello?"

"Yah, Kyuhyun-ah? It's Changmin!"

"What the ?! Why do you call in the middle of a class day?!" I whispered angrily.

"Don't you scream at me, bastard! You'd better thank me instead of yelling! Just to warn you that we're going to visit your university today, dude."

"What?!" I shouted out. "What do you mean, today? And who is 'we'?!"

"Well - uh... Is Donghae hyung next to you right now?"

I turned my head and met Donghae's gaze. He smiled and straightened up to kiss my nose. I blushed terribly.

"N - No..."

"Then it means yes, of course. Well, - uh... As in 'we', I meant me and... - uh - Seohyun?" He said quickly.

I opened my eyes wide with shock.

"Who?!"

"I'm so s-..."

"Kyuhyun oppa?!" A cheerful and familiar voice suddenly talked on the phone. "Is it you?"

I closed my eyes and groaned with frustration. Donghae raised an eyebrow and asked me silently what was it. I didn't reply and sighed heavily.

I really wasn't going to have a normal life any time soon, right?

Maybe tomorrow Hagrid will come to the university and I'll go to Poudlard and I'll befriend with Harry Potter? Well, Malfoy seems much more fun though...

"Kyuhyun oppa?"

"Yeah, Seo- umm... Yeah. Hey." I quickly corrected myself when I noticed the slight frown on Donghae's face.

"Kyuhyun oppa! How are you?! Oooh, I missed you so much, oppa! And I didn't meet you last week-end..."

"Yeah. What a pity." I cleared my throat.

Please be quick so I can tell you to go away!

Donghae grabbed my wrist and forced me to look at him. Ryeowook abandoned his homeworks and watched us with curiousity.

I shook my head no and tried to free my arm from his hand.

"Changmin and I are on our way to your university, oppa! Seoul University, right? Wait... YAH! Chaming-ah! Turn on the right, stupid! On the right!"

"Yah! Don't come Seohyu- Just don't come!" I quickly corrected myself when Donghae's face expression felt into a shocked and angry glare.

"It's that Seohyun girl?" He shouted out.

"Who's she?" Ryeowook immediately asked.

"A ." Donghae replied.

"She's not a !" I hissed after I covered my phone speaker. "Why are you like that?!"

"She likes you!"

"That doesn't make a , Donghae! She's my friend, and she-..."

"I don't care!" He took my phone out of my hands and cut the call.

I stared at him like he was crazy.

"Are you mad?!" I screamed.

"That girl will be nothing but trouble!" He yelled back.

"I don't care about that, she's still my friend! How dare you act like that with her?!"

I stood up with anger and threw all my things in my bag. I sent him a last glare and stormed out of the room while everybody stared at me. I walked furiously in the hall until I reached the singing club office and bursted the door open. It was empty so I threw my bag on the wall and layed down on of the table there.

I bit my lip with frustration. Of course I knew why Donghae didn't like Seohyun, but still she was a friend who I cared for. I sat up and narrowed my eyes at the whiteboard in front of me.

It's all your fault!

I scratched my head furiously.

He was so stupid, ruining all we had just like that!

My phone rang again. I picked it and looked at the ID. It was a text message from Donghae asking where I was.

I thought for a second to send him something like 'having fun with Seohyun, don't bother me' but something stopped me. I grumbled unhappily because I knew that if it wasn't him, I would already have sent the text message.

Damn you.

Instead, I replied thruthfully and waited arms crossed against my chest to confront him and engrave in his head what the word "politeness" meant.

The door opened slowly and he peaked his head in. I glared at him with all my force and looked down guiltily. He shuffled on his own feet a little and when he dared to look at me I gestured him to come closer.

"Look, Kyu, I..."

"Why did you do that?!"

"She's-..."

"She's my friend, Donghae!"

He sighed heavily. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't care, I don't like it when you're like that. Can't you be a little less selfish?"

It was his turn to suddenly glare at me. I was taken aback and felt scared for a second.

"Don't give me the about selfishness, Kyuhyun... I already apologized and I swear you don't want to mess with me right now."

"And why's that?!" I provoked him and it pushed him over the edge.

"Selfish? Selfish?!" He shouted out and it seemed like he was voicing out all his frustration. "Who is the real one being selfish here, huh, Kyuhyun?!"

"Don't-..."

"I'm not finished! You screamed at me and yeah, I understand what I did wrong an I'm really sorry, but ! can't you understand how I feel?! Everyday, I have to wake thinking about you and how we kiss and everything, but then I remember you don't want me as your boyfriend! It's already hard enough and you also want me to not be jealous over a girl you know since God-knows-when?! A girl who loves you?!"

I gulped nervously and looked down ashamed.

I never envisaged things from his point of view.

It was true it should be hard on him.

I wasn't even ready to admit I liked him yet but I already felt it hard to bear it when I saw him smiling with others than me.

"I - I... I don't think I can do this anymore, Kyuhyun." He said quietly all of a sudden. "I want you to make a choice. A real one. It's okay for me to stay as your friend, and you know I'll be more than happy to be something more but this situation - our situation - is really killing the both of us!"

I stared at him horrified, not believing my ears.

I felt tears coming up and I didn't know why.

I should have been kind of happy to hear what he just said but I felt nothing but this pressure on my chest.

Tears began to fall on my cheeks.

I don't want to stop! A voice screamed in my head.

I was used to ignore this voice everytime it appeared but this time, my own mind agreed to this statement.

This voice just told me what I really wanted.

"W - What?! But n - no! Donghae!" I stuttered.

I wanted to tell him to stay with me and that I was sorry but my pride stopped me.

This other voice - the one I listened to all the time, the one which told me how much what we were doing was wrong - stopped me.

"You once said it will be unhealthy and at first I thought it would be ok, Kyuhyun, because I like you - no, I love you so much, but this isn't right. Not anymore. When we slept together in your bed at your house I - I wanted so much more! I wanted you, not just your lips!" He continued.

I stopped breathing as soon as he said the sentence I love you. Everything seemed to go blank in my mind at that moment. I just gaped at him like he was crazy. And then blushed furiously, and it went even more horrible when he told me how much he wanted me.

Something got caught in my throat. The need to keep him with me, to stop this nonsense conversation and just go back to our normal lives.

I wasn't ready yet. Oh God, I really wasn't ready yet to tell what he wanted to hear.

I knew what he wanted and everyday I found a new reason to prove how much I did have that feeling for him inside me, but not yet.

"You can't do that..." I tried to resoned him. "Why can't we just stay like that, I - I mean..."

He shook his head. "I thought about that conversation awhile ago, Kyuhyun. Since the date, actually. I'll let you time to think about it, ok? Tell me your answer next week. Please."

"Wai - Wait!" I tried to stop him. "I swear I'll be nicer! And I won't be selfish anymore! I swear but please, you can't ask me to make a choice, Donghae! You - You know how I feel for you, isn't that enough?"

"I'm afraid it's not, Kyu... Not anymore. I care about you too much for that."

He smiled sadly and my cheek gently. He sighed a last time and left.

I was alone.

And crying.

This was all my fault.

Why did I engaged this stupid argument with him? Why didn't I tried to resone him and told Seohyun to not come near me?

Why did I shout at him?

Did he say all that because he was angry at me? Did I do something else wrong?

I was crying madly in the middle of the office. I wanted him to go back in the room and hugged me tight while he would comfort me and say everything is okay but he wasn't by my side anymore and it hurt so much.

Why wasn't I able to say it? To admit that I l-... Donghae?

I wasn't even able to say it in my mind.

I was so pathetic.

I was crying and crying and it seemed like I wouldn't stop but the door opened gently.

I hoped for a second that it was Donghae but then I saw Henry's concerned face.

He walked slowly toward me as I was crying even harder when I realized how much I already craved for Donghae's presence.

"Hyung...?"

"H - Henry..." I sobbed. "It hurts so much!"

Before you guys begin to curse me and try to kill me, I'M SOOO SORRY!

It also was a tough chapter for me poor writer who have to give hard times to our lovely men.

This is the first part and because I know it kind of , I'll post the second part tomorrow for sure.

I really do hope it wasn't too bad. I'm not good with arguments (really not good) but I had to do it if I wanted to progress in the story. I like fun and fluff and comedy.

Thank you for reading!