Sam does have a point. Who knows, right? So the only thing left is for me to tell my family about this. Sam and I made plans also to go to the mall before the deadline and both of us will have raffle tickets and bond together. It's been a while. I agreed with her. I still have money with me, and I believe that my problems will be solved. If it's not okay, it's still not yet the end.

I also asked my aunt for an advice. She was also surprised by the mechanics. She told me that since I don't have money, and that's a raffle, might as well forget about it. I don't want to, honestly. How can I forget this? What will happen to me when I don't try? For sure I would end up crying, knowing that I had the chance to see Donghae and Siwon, yet I didn't make an effort for it. She told me to try unless I have enough money or there are sure seats. I asked for a sign too. So help me God.

I grabbed my phone and texted my friends, "Can someone lend me money? Jebal? :((( Any amount will do." Can't you see what I'm doing right now? This is my first time doing this all for Super Junior. I am a fan of random things, but I never did this thing before, doing everything, for the sake of seeing them. Elle, Marcus, Genevieve, Jade, Yana, Emma, Ashley and Cherry got my message, but I didn't get any response.

To tell you the truth, I cried. I looked like an idiot because I did that because of Donghae. I never imagined that I would cry because of him. Is this a sign that I love him? What should I do? I remember missing the chance of going to the KyoChon CF with Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk and Siwon visiting Manila, and now this?

I cried as if my boyfriend broke up with me. But this is a different story. Donghae is not my boyfriend, but mentally he is and I can't stand knowing the fact that this is happening to me.