Like a young child, first love is inexperienced. Because you can’t unconditionally give and take love.

First love is painful. First love is like a fever. Because after you are mindlessly sick, you become an adult.

Because a first love can never be, a first love is a lingering attachment.

Because you can’t have it since you loved too much.

 -Juniel-

KYUHYUN POV

I was leaving her. She was crying on her knees but i didn’t want to turn back. If I did I would definitely run again to her and beg her to change her mind and forget everything that I said. But enough is enough. I remember I said that I wouldn’t give up on us, but now I do. Not because I wanted, but what can I do when she was the one who wished for it. How much she wanted to break up with me, to even ignoring all the tears that running down from her eyes. Let’s just do it up to here. I don’t wanna cling onto you anymore. Saying I love you like an idiot. I don’t want to be more miserable than this. Maybe, we just don’t mean for each other. We messed up, i know it. I know it clearly that everything wasn’t going smoothly since the beginning. Everything just ed up. But that time i didn’t care about it or anything, beside us.

I loved you, Jessica. Heck, I love you so much. Together is all i want. I have never asked for anything else than that. Or maybe, i was mistaken if you were so burdened by it. Then again, I was always wrong in your eyes.

I drive faster and faster. Hoping to forget the aching in my heart. No matter how many times I think about what happened, I still can’t believe it’s over. We can even be forever, the thing i believe it can happen if it’s with you, but you decided to end it. I just.. don’t wanna believe it yet. I’m so mad at you that i want to kill you, but maybe i’d kill myself instead to save you.

I’ve never fallen in love like this before. I’ve never loved anyone so much. Many loves come and go, but i’ve never experienced too much happiness or too much brokenheart like this. Before I met you, I was alone. I didn’t really love someone, I was scared to. My life was bland. I didn’t feel hurt or love. At one point i felt like my life didn’t mean anything for anyone. Just like how anyone didn’t mean anything for me. That was what I thought when I met you, I didn’t know you would be such a big deal of my life. I thought you was just a girl that I’ll like for sometimes and then fade away like how it usually was. How could i know back then? If I knew, I wouldn’t do such a stupid things. I know, that was my fault. Now, that I think about it, maybe I mad at myself. For being stupid.

When that guy came, when I saw you with him, that was when I realized I couldn’t live my life well if you were not mine. I felt restless everytime you were with him, but i couldn’t do anything. On the other side, I couldn’t break up with Victoria because I was scared. If you left me for him, how could I live alone? But in the end, the worst dream was coming true. You really leave me for him.

Thanks God for making tonight worse by pouring the rain at me. Are you punishing me too? Should I just meet you then? Nah.. I’m not that desperate. I will meet you when the time comes.

I wonder, what is she doing now. Is she at home already? Or doing stupid thing in the rain like me? Knowing how is she, maybe she is soaked in the rain now. For the first time, maybe i made the right decision to leave my jacket with her. And the necklace, stupid necklace. I was even bother to buy it.

I wanna drink, go to club or somethings, but I’m underaged so i can’t. Ah.. I want to be an adult fast. So i don’t have to go to school and do whatever the ing things I want. School... I don’t wanna go tomorrow. But actually, noone will care anyway.

Sigh. I’m at the door. After hours in the rain, I’m freezing. I want to curle up in my bed and wrap myself with blanket. Opening the door, it’s dark. Like usual, noone at home. Walking directly to my bedroom, and lie down. Not even bother to change my damp clothes. My tears come out again. Stupid tears.

I’m alone. More than ever, i feel so alone. This feeling is just like that time. That time... when you left me, mom. When i run searching for you in the rain but i didn’t find you, so I went home crying and curling up in my bed. Now, it happened again. She also, leaving me mom. Like you.

It’s cold.. too cold.. Mom. I don’t think i can go to school tomorrow. No, it’s not because i don’t wanna see her. It’s just.. i think i’m sick. Yes, that’s it. I feel sick. When i’m okay, i’ll definitely go. So, don’t worry mom.

JESSICA POV

Now, I feel like the leading actress in a sad movie. Watching the movie, when a girl walks in the rain is sad. But in real life it’s weird. “is she crazy?” maybe that’s the question going through their mind. Back then, I thought it didn’t make any sense when a girl walks down the street crying and looks like a crazy person after being dumped by a guy. I thought, in real life, noone would do such things. She must be sane enough to be embarrased by weird stares from people pass by. But.. you really won’t know until you finally experienced it yourself.

So this is how it feels. When other things in this world doesn’t matter anymore than the tears that keep coming out like breathing.

I wonder what is he doing right now. Is he walking in the rain like me? That stupid Kyuhyun would probably do so. I want to angry at him for getting himself in the rain. But here, i do it myself. I also, want him to get mad at me. It’s okay even if he shouted at my face or calling me stupid. I’m okay with everything. So.. why did i do it again? Oh right.. i just remember.

I hear someone calls me. But i don’t want to turn back. I have no strength left beside for going home only. So i keep walking, ignoring the calls that get louder. Seems like that person is nearing. Somehow, the voice sounds familiar.

“Sica!”

That person is in front of me already. He looks at me, worried all over his face. That was bad move. He stands in my way, so I can’t walk. I didn’t tell him that i had no strength left if he stopped me from walking.

“what are you doing?? Why are you walking in the rain without an umbrella??”

He asked me. But before i could answer him, i collapse.

“Si-sica!”

He shouts and ignoring the umbrella he holds before. Caughts me, before i fall on the ground. Now, we are both soaked. It’s my fault. But still.. he doesn’t mad at me, instead he holds me in