"I'm leaving for Beijing tomorrow... won't be back for who knows how long. Take care and best wishes and luck to ELiTE. Hwaiting, Byeollie. And... mianhe."

Haebyeol stared flabberghasted, glowering down at her cellphone as she had it in a tightening grip in her hands. Knuckles turning white, she was starting to feel the numbing seep into her fist. She had just seen him a couple hours ago; and just a couple hours ago, he was a laughing, playful mess, teasing her and making fun of her for nothing in particular; then, he dropped her off at her dormitory and sulked off like a sad little kid; and now this? Haebyeol wanted to scoff, but she didn't have the power to. She wanted to cry, but she had no reason to. She wanted to be mad, but what for? They were friends. Friends bail on friends all the time. Friends go through this type of thing pretty often, she tried to persuade herself. 

Having grown frustrated with contradicting her own self, Haebyeol gave up and gave her phone a good toss, sending it to the wall; it shattered into pieces, wires and plastic sprawling out into a disarray by the opposite wall. She felt the stinging of tears on the brink of her eyelids; began to quiver; her nose grew runny; and soon, she found herself crying into her pillow. Crying out her hearts content -- cursing his obliviousness, cursing his lack of knowledge of her feelings. She couldn't stand it -- how he , how he smiled at her, how he hugged her, how he kissed her on the forehead sometimes, how he would always laugh no matter how tough things got. She hated him. She hated him for not knowing.

And now, for who knows how long, his obliviousness will continue, as her hatred for him and his lack of knowledge.

"Woah, did you see a ghost, unnie?"

Hannie observed Haebyeol quietly as the elder strolled into the kitchen, puffy-eyed with swollen cheeks. "Unnie, have you been crying?" The younger set down her bowl of cereal and casually stalked over to her elder, bending down to meet her averting optics. "Unnie," Hannie whispered, resting a gruff hand upon her shoulder. "What happened?"
Haebyeol rotated her jaw, shaking her head slightly. Regathering her composure, Haebyeol smiled, letting a breathless laugh escape her lips. "Nothing, so don't worry about unnie, okay?"
"Yeah, Byeollie-unnie --"
"I'm fine, Hannie-ah," Haebyeol demurred, interjecting hastily. "I told you not to worry, so listen to you elders." 

"Unnie..." Hannie blinked after Haebyeol, who had exited the kitchen shortly after retrieving herself a pack of Poptarts. Hannie pouted stubbornly, staring blandly at her bowl of cereal before shaking her head lightly, shrugging off her concerns. "Probably her period."

Weeks passed, and Lu Han found himself watching ELiTE's goodbye stage for 'Masquerade' online, smiling everytime his Haebyeol made her presence known. Her voice rang melodiously through his ears, and her movements so fluid to his eyes. Her choding persona seemed to have disappeared, Lu Han noted; he watched intently, focusing on the Haebyeol fancam like it was his job, scrolling through the comments whilst trying to listen for Haebyeol's part. Smiling, he shuffled through all the praise the Superiors left for Haebyeol especially; he sighed contently.

"You're such a fanboy," Kris scoffed.
Lu Han shook his head. "I'm not just a fanboy, I'm a Jester... Haebyeol's personal fanboy."
"Yeah," his elder snorted playfully, "you and a hundred thousand of other guys."

Lu Han smiled bitterly, clicking on yet another Haebyeol fancam.
"You know if you're just going to spend this much time sighing happily and gazing dreamily at her fancams, why don't you just call her up and video chat? Take advantage of the relationship you have with her," Lay remarked, resting himself beside Lu Han on the couch. Lay stuffed a handful of Lays chips into his mouth and munched along as he watched Haebyeol's particular performance. "So what happened between you exactly?"
"I took it out on her," Lu Han sighed, throwing his head back onto the cushion.
"Your ual frustration? ... Ah!" Lay clutched his chest, wincing from the numbing pain from Lu Han's harsh hit. "You didn't have to hit me!"
"You didn't have to mock me!" Lu Han chortled, scoffing in disbelief. "Can't believe you," Lu Han whispered, shutting his laptop.
Kris shrugged, sprawling himself out across the mats on the floor. "He's somehow right, though... it's obvious you like her. I'm surprised that choding girl didn't figure it out yet."
"She wouldn't be able to figure it out even if I spelled it out for her," Lu Han smirked softly. "She's like that, though."
"So you got frustrated with her?" Lay inquired, averting the conversation back into place.
"Not with her," Lu Han demurred gently, "but with her schedules."

Kris let out a loud sound, drawing Lu Han's immediate and curious attention. "So you're throwing a hissy fit because you got mad at her for doing what she's always wanted to do? You're acting like you're on some man period just because you don't get to see her often? What about all those times you cancelled on her and bailed because of your schedules? Listen to gege when he says this: you have no right to be mad at her. You shouldn't even have the right to have a friend like her. She's done nothing but be good to you, Lu Han."
"And not only that, but you only left her a text, saying you're leaving the day before our flight?" Lay chimed in, throwing another handful of chips into his mouth. He chewed obnoxiously shrugging. "Wow, Lu Han. You're a douche."

"It.. I..."

Lu Ha groaned. "Crap," he moaned tiredly.

Haebyeol slumped onto the floor, panting. 

"Unnie."

Hannie leaned against the doorway, crossing her arms. "What are you doing in the practice studio at this late hour?" Hannie stood upright, tossing Haebyeol a towel and a water bottle, watching intently as the elder chugged down the clear liquid. The maknae scoffed, wiping Haebyeol's drenched hair. "Pabbo."
"Excuse me?" Haebyeol rose a probing brow.
"All this because of a guy? Unnie, you're a pabbo."
"Yah! --"
"Isn't it true?" Hannie exclaimed. "Letting yourself get distracted over someone who clearly doesn't deserve you? Throwing a tantrum like that because you're following your dream? Is that what you call a good friend? All due respect to Lu Han-shii, but he's not worthy of you, unnie. We've already wrapped up 'Masquerade' promotions. Dr. Feel Good is next, so prepare yourself well, but don't tire yourself out like this just because you're frustrated. If you keep this up, you're going to lose your voice and you're going to injure yourself."
"Hannie-ah --"
Hannie shook her head, tossing the towel onto Haebyeol's lap. "Get yourself together, unnie," Hannie barked. "Or else I won't forgive you."

Haebyeol watched Hannie exit the practice studio, glancing curiously at the younger's back before it disappeared completely out the door. Her gaze then averted to her disheveled reflection in the mirror. Her hair was matted down with sweat; cheeks were flushing with exhaustion; eyes were tired and dull; legs were sore; arms were tired out -- and despite all that, she still loved the way she looked. It screamed hard work and determination. Desperately, she laughed to herself, pathetically thumping her head with her fist. "Aish, what are you doing, Haebyeol-ah? You're such a pabbo; even your maknae is wiser than you are..."

But despite it all, by the end of the night, after her shower and dinner, Lu Han was still her last thought before she knocked out on her pillow, drowning into her deep abyss of slumber and dreams. Ah, Xi Lu Han, what are you doing to me?

Haebyeol woke up to Ava nudging her furiously. "God damn it, woman. Get your up; your phone is ringing and it's driving me crazy!"

With a soft apology coming out in only a soft murmur, Haebyeol nudged Ava back into her respective bed, for her phone on her headboard. The soft ringing of EXO's debut song echoed across the room before coming to a short halt as Haebyeol picked up the phone. "Yo.. yobosaeyo?" Her voice was nothing but a slurred mumble, a sign of sleepiness and drowsiness threatening to reclaim her. "Yobosaeyo?"

"Hey."

Haebyeol sat upright, clutching the phone tightly to her ear, desperately trying to catch more of his voice; his breath quivered lightly as he laughed. She held the device to her ear, patiently waiting him to carry forth. Her breath quickened to match her racing heartbeat and mind. "Oppa?"
"Did I wake you?"
"Ah... de."
"Mianhe, Haebyeol-ah --"
"Aniya," Haebyeol whispered, searching her mind for words to speak. Her eyes shifted back and forth from one object to another, desperately scanning the area as if a sentence would magically appear. "Please," she whispered finally, "don't call me by that name."
"It's your name --"
"But it's not the name you gave me."

"Byeollie --"

Her heart wavered only slightly.

"-- I... mianhe."

Her eyebrows furrowed together, knitting with puzzlement. "Ne? For what?"
"Leaving." His voice was nothing but a whisper, a guilty, somber whisper that only the sinners can muster. She could practically hear the hitching of his breath; she could practically hear the lump in his throat as he gulped loudly from the other end. 
"It's okay --"
"Can you not say that anymore? It's not okay, I... I'm such a.."
"Oppa, really."
"Aniya," he demurred stubbornly. "I don't mean to grow so frustrated all the time, so really, I'm really sorry. Really, Byeollie-ah. I really don't mean to sulk so suddenly; I don't mean to get mad at you or throw really random fits, it's just... I'm really hurt, you know?" His laughed was throaty, but still breathless in a particular manner, and somewhere in between his laughter, she could hear the threats of a sob breaking through its mask. "I don't mean to be selfish, it's just... I can't.. I really don't mean to, Byeollie --"
"Then, why?" Haebyeol inquired suddenly. "If you don't mean to, that should mean you should have at least some self-control. Don't you know how to stop yourself?" All the past times he's hurt her suddenly came rushing back, filling her body with an unknown contempt that she's never felt before. Whether it was the sleepiness or the frustration with his vague claims, Haebyeol was angry, and she wasn't going to hold back -- not this time, and not anymore.  "Do you think you're the only one hurt? That it hurts only you when I have to cancel on you? --"
"I didn't mean to say it like that --"
"Then can't you find some other way to put it?!" Haebyeol whispered harshly, throwing off her blankets. She grabbed a small cardigan, throwing it on before she stepped outside into the hallway, in consideration of her band members. The hall was empty, much to her benefit. "Every time," she whispered menacingly, "you get mad every time and you act like it doesn't affect me. Then the next day you apologize like it's going to fix everything."
"Mianhe, Byeollie-ah --"
"If an apology was all it took to solve things, then why do we have laws?" she retorted bitterly.
"Byeollie!" His voice was strong now, bitter and insulted. She could hear it; she could taste the irritation and incorrigible tensity making its entrance into the atmosphere surrounding her.

"I'm sorry, okay? I-I.. I can't help but --"
"That's all you say!" Haebyeol shouted, biting down on her lip submissively.
"Well what do you want me to say then?!"

Shock.

It hit her hard; this was partially her fault -- more like entirely -- but never once had he ever rose his voice at her.

"Is it my fault that I blank out every time I see you? Is it my fault that I can't help but say and do stupid things whenever you're around? Is it bad that I feel hurt every time you reject my plans or cancel on me? Is it bad to be able to feel disappointment whenever you bail? Is it bad to care this much about you? Is it my fault, hm? Baek Haebyeol, before you go around accusing things and throwing words out as carelessly as you do, you should learn about the opposite perspective."
"Then what?" Haebyeol demanded, tears b her eyes.
"Then what? Then maybe you should open those oblivious eyes of yours and finally realize why I am the way I am. It's not my fault, Baek Haebyeol." His words stung her like knives. The bitterness in his tone would never stop replaying in her head; it was too contemptuous, too accusing, and Haebyeol didn't like it. "This is your fault. You make me this way; you make me feel this way. Happy. Sad. Disappointed. Bitter. Hurt. Loved. Joyful. It's all your fault; it's none of my doing. If I could control it, I would!"
"Yah, Xi Lu Han --"
"But despite all that, I still put up with it! And why? Why, of all the times I could've just walked out and left you to spare myself the torment, did I not?"
"Lu Han! --"

Haebyeol didn't know what to say; she didn't know what he was going to say. But a brewing in her stomach told her that it was going to screw her over; not her career, but her mental and emotional being. She could sense it; she could feel it. Never once had Lu Han ever been this hysterical with her before. Never through text, in person, over email, webcam, or the phone -- never once had she heard him raise his voice so many times with her or even at all, for that matter. She didn't want to hear it, but something kept her phone at her ear, kept her waiting for his finalization.

"Yah, Xi Lu Han," she whispered threateningly. "You dare call me at 2 in the morning to accuse me of --"
"To accuse you of what? What do you think I'm going to say? There you go again, jumping to conclusions as if you think you know everything! But you don't; you're just too clueless, too stupid, too blind!" Lu Han declared. "Of all people, it was always me who suffered most because of you. But I never walked out on you no matter what! Do you know why?!"
"Xi. Lu. Han --"

"Because Baek Haebyeol.. it's because I.." His tone disappeared -- all the anger had faded away suddenly as he came to an abrupt stop. Haebyeol could hear his hard breathing on the other end, his panting. Tears. All over her face, and probably all over his as well.. "Because I.. because I love you, Haebyeol-ah."