It didn’t take long for me to regret talking Yongguk into taking the promotion. He had warned me that he would have long hours but I hadn’t expected to not see him for days at a time. I thought it would just be a few more hours a week. He had already been a supervisor. “He won’t be home again tonight.” I sighed, not bothering to take my eyes off of my drum as I spoke to Hyunki. He had dropped by again and I was more than thankful. “I hope he’s getting at least a little bit of sleep up there. Maybe I should take him a sandwich?”

“If he can’t come home he’s probably too busy for a visit, Channie.” He crouched down next to me and pulled my drumsticks from my hands. “You’ve been playing for hours. You’re going to tear your hands up.”

“Already did…” I shrugged and tried to grab the sticks. I needed to keep myself entertained until Yongguk could finally come home again. He grabbed onto my hands, flipping them over so he could look at them. He seemed displeased with what he saw because he took my wrist into his hand and dragged me to the bathroom. “Hyunki, stop?”

“Your hurt yourself Channie, just like you use to in school.” He looked disappointed in me. I saw that look a lot. He dug through our medicine cabinet until he found gauze. He forced me to sit on the toilet and then wrapped both of my hands with the gauze. “You work too hard.”

“I don’t have anything else…” I stared at his hands as they worked on one of mine. “I can’t do anything else.” He didn’t understand what it was like. He could come and go as he pleased. He went on trips and he could do whatever he loved. I was just wasting away in my apartment. He could never understand being trapped physically or mentally. “I need to do something until Yongguk can come home.”

“Maybe you should go stay with your parents?”

“Got disowned.” I shrugged again. It wasn’t a big deal. We hadn’t been on good terms when I moved in with Yongguk, and then had gotten even worse when we had started dating. Then it had been pushed to the edge when I had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. My parents had finally told me I was no longer their son after I had been forcibly committed the second time. “I’m a disappointment.”

“You’re not a disappointment Himchan…”

“I am in their eyes. I am in my eyes too.” I pulled my hand back the second I had the chance and wrapped my arms around my body. I was losing weight again. Chunghee came over every chance he got. I could never say no to him and it annoyed me. I didn’t want to work out. “I’m not anything like what I wanted to be when I was younger.”

“That doesn’t make you a disappointment Channie.”

“Yeah it does. I’m a failure Hyunki.” There was nothing to change my mind. Hyunki wasn’t around enough to tell me anything about my life. “I really need to see Yongguk, so I’m going to walk to the station. You can stay here if you want. Lock up if you leave.” I stood up and brushed past him. I suddenly needed to see Yongguk more than anything. I needed him to tell me that he would come home. The voice in my head liked to tell me that Yongguk had another lover somewhere and that was where he was going at night.

I had run out of money so I couldn’t catch a taxi, but the walk really wasn’t that long. Chunghee would be proud. It took over an hour, but I eventually made it to Yongguk’s office. He was sitting at his desk, filling out papers, when I walked in and sat down on my couch. He didn’t look up at me. “Gukkie?”

He jumped when I spoke. He must have been very deeply involved in his work. I had only been able to sneak up on him four or five times in our entire lives. “Himchan?” Worry was etched deep in his face. I hated that seeing me made him uneasy. It was very likely he thought something had gone horribly wrong. “Is everything okay, Baby?”

“No…” I pouted. Of course things weren’t okay. I hadn’t seen him in days.

He stood up to quickly his chair fell over and made a loud bang when it hit the floor. Everything in his hands fell to the desk and he was by my side in a second. He dropped to his knees and grabbed onto my hands. I flinched at the touch. “What happened to your hands Baby?”

“They got hurt…”

He tightened his grip on my right hand and started unwrapping it. He carefully unravelled the gauze, moving even slower when he started seeing blood on the white material. “How did you hurt them?” Once he had completely removed the wrappings he sighed. He held onto my hand and poked at the torn flesh. It was worse than I had thought it was.

He was getting my blood everywhere, and I was only making it worse by trying to fight him. “I must have been holding the drumsticks wrong… I didn’t feel them tearing…”

“Let me get some medicine for them, okay? Don’t move.” He put my hand down on the arm of the couch. I didn’t want to get blood on it so I tried to move it but he put it back. “Leave it there, Chan.”

He pressed a quick kiss to my forehead; I pretended that he didn’t smell bad and that his face didn’t scratch my skin. It was obvious he didn’t have time to take care of himself – this made me feel even worse, Yongguk didn’t have time for himself and here I was distracting him from his work. He was only gone for five minutes but by the time he returned I was in tears.

He bent down next to me again and reached up to wipe my tears. “Baby? Why are you crying?” I pushed his hand away from me and shook my head. “Please tell me?” I shook my head again, squeezing my eyes closed when I saw that there were tears in his eyes as well. I didn’t want him to cry. He didn’t need to be crying.

“I’m sorry Guk… I’m sorry…”

“What are you sorry for Baby?” He cleaned my hands and rewrapped them with whatever he had gone out to get. For some reason he wasn’t upset with me like he should have been. I was getting in the way of his work. I always got in the way of his work. He deserved so much better. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

_____

Update :D
I don't have anything to say even though I should because I woke up and hour late and I need to shower so I can get to school in 20 minutes. 
Leave me pretty comments and I'll update on thursday~