I managed to hold myself together for over a week. I had a hard time sleeping and I missed Yongguk more than I ever imagined possible, but I stayed strong. I didn’t cry any and I behaved to the best of my ability. After the first couple of days I stopped feeling sick when I took my medications and I actually felt human. I couldn’t remember feeling like that for years. Yongguk was going to be so happy.

I had been in the hospital for twelve days when I woke up to the feeling of someone running their fingers through my hair. I assumed it was either Junhong or Yongguk so I moved into the touch. It was comforting. “Himchan?” That was a woman’s voice. There were no women that should have been touching me.

I opened my eyes and was completely horrified when I realized who was touching me. There was probably only a handful of people I wanted to touch me less that the woman who was twisting her fingers in my hair. “What do you want?” I spat and she smacked me. I couldn’t believe she smacked me like she had some right to be insulted by something I did. It had been her idea to disown me. I was a disappointment and I shamed the family name or something like that. I wasn’t sure if the problem was the fact that I was in love with a man or the fact that I was crazy.

“That’s no way to speak to your mother Kim Himchan.” She smacked my face again and it took every ounce of restrain I had not to shove her off of my bed. She had no right to speak to me that way. She was no one to me. She had made sure of that. “I brought you into this world.”

“And a banner job you did of that.” I spat at her. “Depressed and schizophrenic. Good job with the genetics there.” She raised her arm as if she was preparing to slap me but a soft whine from the other side of the room stopped her. Apparently she was okay with hitting me as long as no one saw her. “You’re not my mother anyway. You disowned me the last time I was in a place like this. You slapped me, insulted my ‘lifestyle,’ and then told me no son of yours was going to sit in a mental hospital.”

She stared at me, apparently completely shocked that I would be upset with her. Disowning me must have seemed reasonable in her head. I was glad she was out of my life. I didn’t want her to suddenly come back two years later when I was at my lowest. "I'm your mother, Kim Himchan. I bore you and raised you the majority of your life. You can't deny that." She brushed my hair off of my face, keeping her voice low as she spoke. “You don’t stop being my child just because you’re in rebellion.”

“You disowned me.” I smacked at her hand and disappointment flashed across her eyes when she saw the bandages on my arm. She wasn’t a dumb woman, she had to know what they were there for.

"I didn't disown you permanently, Himchan. I did it for your own good, you know. I knew you would get better and get away from that man, and then you could come back to me and we could be a happy family again. It wasn't easy to say I had no son, but I couldn't watch you go through this disgusting phase in your life. Now that you're getting better and away from Yangguk,” she mispronounced his name and I clinched my jaw, “we can be a family again."

I rolled away from her and she pulled me back. When I closed my eyes she slapped me. “I’m not having a phase mother. I came out ten years ago.”

She popped my jaw again the second I finished speaking. "Don't get sassy with me, Kim Himchan. Stop acting like a child. This 'phase' has gone on long enough." I didn’t understand how she could think this was a phase. I had been with a man for over seven years. The only reason I could come up with was that she was pathetic enough to make my life about her. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough love, or whatever it was that made you decide to bend over for a man.” 

“It’s none of your business what I do in my personal time.” I told her, biting my tongue so I wouldn’t say anything crude. I wasn’t that type of person. “I have been in the same relationship for more than seven years. I live with him, we share a bank account, a home, he takes care of me, and we both love each other more than anything else in this world. So yes, I sleep with him. This is not a phase, it is not going to stop, I will not grow up and out of it.” She held her hand back, like she use to when I was a child but I wasn’t afraid of her anymore. “I am an adult and I am happy with my decisions. I’m not going to grow up and come home so we can be The Cleavers. We were never a real family anyway.”

She hit me again and Junhong sat up when the sound of a slap aded the air. He stared at us, clearly horrified, and my mother stormed out of the room. He stared at me for a couple of seconds and once the door had slammed shut he rolled out of his bed “Hyung?”

He put his chin on my bed and stared up at me with his huge bright eyes. I would have preferred if he didn’t stare at me though. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t do it if he was staring at me. My mother hadn’t hit me in nearly nine years and it was even worse than I remembered. I was a grown man and my mother could still make me cry.

“Was that woman really your mother?” He asked, one of his hands reached out to touch me but I pulled away. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to pretend like it had never happened and I wanted to see my boyfriend.

I shook my head and forced my body into a seated position. “She gave birth to me, but she’s not my mother. I don’t have a mother.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and dropped my head down against them. “I’m better off without her. Tell me I’m better off without her?”

He nodded his head but stayed silent longer than I wanted him to. I had hoped that he would just agree with me straight away, but apparently the previous encounter hadn’t been enough for him to make an opinion on her. “D-did she always hit you?”

“She stopped when I was eighteen, when I moved out…” I didn’t see why this was relevant but I really wanted to hear him tell me she was horrible. “I wasn’t a very good son I guess.”

“She shouldn’t have hit you… It’s not okay to hit your children…” He stared down at the blankets, apparently he didn’t even want to look me in the eyes anymore. “Can I hug you Himchan hyung?” He looked up at me and crawled up onto my bed. Before I could respond he pulled me into his arms and squeezed me. I tried to control myself but before I could stop I was crying into Junhong’s shoulder. The shame only made me cry harder.

Much to my humiliation Yongguk was called to the hospital after my mother had come to visit. Junhong told the pretty nurse that I was incredibly upset and she had called my boyfriend. I didn’t want him to see me yet.

He came to the hospital straight from work and I was pulled into his arms the second he walked into the room. I clutched onto his shirt and he pressed our lips together before I had the chance to say anything. He forced his tongue into my mouth and pulled me into his lap quicker than he ever had before. I smirked against his lips, completely forgetting the degrading exchange that had happened several hours earlier, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

I ground our hips together and his hand slid up my shirt. Somehow one of my hands had ended up on the front of his shirt and I was working at the fourth button and my sweats had ended up halfway to my thighs when there was a cough on the other side of the room. I whined softly as Yongguk started kissing down my jawbone until he reached my neck. He on it gently, his hands kneading my backside. I would have decided that Junhong could just leave if he didn’t want a show but Yongguk seemed to come to his senses before that was possible.

He pulled my pants back up to their place on my hips. “Sorry.” He blushed slightly and put me down on my mattress. He sat next to me, holding onto me tightly. “They said your mother came.” He mumbled and ignored the way I tried to push him away. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to go back to touching. Touching was way nicer than talking about my mother. “Why did she come?”

“She wanted to see how I was doing.” I lied. I knew he knew I was lying though. He always knew when I lied to him. “She wanted me to come home and stop seeing you.”

“She hit him so hard… did she always hit him that hard?” Junhong asked and was worried my heart would stop. Yongguk didn’t know anything about that. I had kept it from him on purpose. I had to keep it from him.

Yongguk had nothing to say. He stared at Junhong for a few seconds and then slid off of my bed. I reached out for him but he walked out of the room before I could catch him. I started crying again and the next second I heard Yongguk start yelling at one of the nurses. “What the hell were you thinking! On the papers I signed when I paid you to help him it says not to let his parents in! Does anyone read the files!” I heard the sound of a fist hitting the wall and terrified apologies from the nurse. 

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I need to remember to update. but there's only two or three more chapters so I'll finish that up~
Comments are appreciated~~~~~ lots and lots