I had been at the hospital for a month before it really hit me how badly I missed Yongguk. Each morning when I woke up my head was clearer than the day before, and each morning I thought I was as healthy as I could possibly get. Then I would wake up the next morning and feel even better. Then suddenly one morning I woke up feeling sad.

I went to my therapist to tell him that I wasn’t feeling well. He let me into his office and pulled out his notebook. He used the right colour of paper. “How long have you and your boyfriend been together?” He asked the second I had made myself comfortable in his chair. His furniture was way better than my old doctor’s things.

“We’ve been together since we were nineteen…” I mumbled, playing with my hospital issued pajamas. We had to wear horrible blue pajamas all the time because apparently people had tried to use their personal clothing to kill themselves with. That was dedication. “But… Yongguk was everything good in my childhood…”

“Tell me one of your memories?” I didn’t understand why doctors always wanted to know about my past. Nothing I had done had caused my sickness. “Something that makes you happy.”

Yongguk was my best friend, but he didn’t have any sort of language skills but he always seemed more than content to listen to me jabber on about my day. He knew most of what had happened but he never made me stop talking. He always had a little smile on his face when I would talk. I took that to mean that he liked it. Sometimes he would even fall asleep on my chest while I talked to him.

When I was older I realized that I liked being around someone as quiet as Yongguk because my home life was loud and a bit violent sometimes. He liked the games I liked, or at least he went along with them so there was always something for us to do.

We were four years old when we were building some sort of block city. I was giving him instructions, rambling on about how I thought it should work, when he leaned over and pressed his lips against mine. He pulled me into a tight hug and then when he released me he made a heart with his hands. He didn’t need language skills to tell me that he cared about me.

I smiled a bit at my doctor when I had finished my story. No matter how miserable I was talking about Yongguk always made it better. He was the best thing in my life. He always had been.

When I told him this he grinned. I actually liked his smile a lot more than I liked my previous doctor’s smile. This man was younger and his hair was real. I appreciated that. He seemed more trustworthy with real hair. He wasn’t trying to lie to people about the fact that he was going bald. “Your file mentioned that you two were life long friends.”

I grabbed at my file, finding myself incredibly curious of what had been written down in it and surprised that I hadn’t found out about it weeks earlier. I didn’t like people knowing things about me like that. I wanted to know what he knew. When the doctor didn’t try to get it back I opened it, read the words Yongguk had written inside, and then sat on it. He didn’t need the folder. I would tell him what he needed to know, that wasn’t up to Yongguk. “You can’t have it.” I shot him a quick glare and he didn’t fight back. “I want you to start a new folder.”

I expected him to tell me to give his folder back but instead he pulled a new one out of his briefcase. “Can I have your admission papers?” He smiled at me. I almost said no but he looked so nice that I grabbed the folders and pulled out the two papers he had asked for. He probably needed those anyway just in case there was an audit or something. He made me feel better so I liked him. That was probably one of the reasons I liked Yongguk when I was a kid. I told him this and he motioned for me to tell him more.

I got bullied a lot in middle and high school. They said I was too pretty and that I wasn’t masculine enough. They would push me around whenever Yongguk wasn’t there but I was use to it so I didn’t complain to him anymore. What I got as school wasn’t as bad as what I got at home anyway, and at least Yongguk was there to cheer me up at lunch or after school.

Usually people were smart enough to understand that I was off limits when Yongguk was around, but there was a couple of guys who didn’t really care. They would make rude gestures at me when we walked by and would ask me if I had bent over for Yongguk yet almost every time I saw them.  The answer was always no. Yongguk and I weren’t together and he was straight. When that didn’t get to me though they started searching for new ways to hurt me. 

I tried to ignore them, but one day I’d been having a bad week at home and I hadn’t done well on a test earlier in the day and they had set in on me like usual the second I walked past them. Yongguk’s arm was around my shoulder but they didn’t care. That only egged them on more it seemed. I hid my face in Yongguk’s shoulder as he tried to steer us away from them. They followed though as they cursed at me, told me I was too pretty to be a man, and by the time we made it to the front of the school they were even making fun of my teeth. Apparently they looked like rabbits teeth and that made me look even girlier.

Yongguk’s grip on my shoulder tightened and he practically dragged me out of the building. It wasn’t until we were halfway to his apartment did he stop us and pull me into a hug. He held my waist and put one hand on the back of my head. He pressed his lips against the side of my head. I was digging my fingers into his back and somewhere along the way I had started crying. “I like your teeth, Channie. I think they’re cute.”

“Stuff like that.” I bit my lip and nodded my head. Yongguk had always been good at making me feel good. I was more than grateful for that. “He takes care of me.”

It seemed like he was taking notes on my story but I didn’t stop him. I decided I would make him show me his notes at the end of the session like I always did. I knew there wouldn’t be a fight.

Another month passed before I was able to see Yongguk again. It was like he had promised too; I was like I had been before diagnosis. I was happy and I was able to do all of the things I had done in university. I couldn’t wait to show Yongguk and I was worried the nurses were getting tired of hearing me ask to see my boyfriend. Talking on the phone once a week wasn’t enough.

When it was finally time for him to come visit me the staff told me he would come ‘at some point’ during the day. That meant I had to keep myself from going even more insane. “Hyung? Are you excited Hyung?” Junhong shook me gently and pulled my pencil out of my hand.

I took the writing utensil back and smiled at him a bit. “I am very excited.” I was doing my best not to make strange noises and practically bounce off of the walls in our room. I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in two months, of course I was ecstatic. “Do you think he’ll be proud of me?” I bit my lip and looked up at the smiling boy.

He nodded his head enthusiastically. “You’re all better! Of course he will be!” He made a sweeping arm motion to indicate my change in health. “Remember how you were when you came? You’re nothing like that anymore! You’re better!” He clapped a bit and then pulled me into his arms.

“Talking about me?” I recognized Yongguk’s voice and it took everything in me not to throw Junhong off of me. I looked up and Yongguk was standing in the doorway, holding a box and smiling. “Hi Baby.” Once Junhong had released me Yongguk sat down on the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms.

He squeezed me tightly for nearly a minute before he released me. “Hey Gukkie.” I smiled, shutting my workbook before grabbing his hand. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He ran a hand through my hair and then suddenly put a box in my hands. “Christmas was a couple of weeks ago so I brought you a gift.” He explained when I gave him a look. I opened the box and smiled when I saw math textbooks. Yongguk wasn’t much of a gift giver, but this was a very nice gift. “The doctors said you were doing math again.” He explained and motioned towards the workbook between the two of us. “They said you learned how to ignore the hallucinations too.”

I nodded my head and smiled. They had put more effort in to teaching me how to control my condition than into making me feel like garbage, and it had been effective. He pulled me into a tight hug and refused to let me go for nearly thirty minutes. 

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Woo~ here's another update. The next one is the last one but I sort of still have to finish it because I've been holding off for months. T^T
I hope you enjoyed it~~~
pls leave me comments?