I groaned when Yongguk collapsed on top of me. I could tell it had been far too long since the last time we had because we had just finished and I was already feeling sore. I was never going to let him go a year without touching me again. He rolled off of me much to my dismay so I grabbed onto his waist and pulled our bodies together. This was the only good thing that could come out of our fight. He wanted to prove he loved me by touching me, it worked.

He kissed the top of my head, mumbling something into my hair that I couldn’t make out. I didn’t bother to ask him to repeat himself though, I only pressed my face into his chest and breathed in the scent that I hadn’t smelt in a year. It was amazing. “Yongguk?” I kissed his chest, taking every chance I got to taste or feel him in every way possible. I didn’t know how long he would go without touching me again. He hummed slightly to let me know he had heard me. “You’re amazing.”

“I try.” He mumbled, pulling me closer to him. “I want to be the best for you.” I wanted to tell him that he was more than the best. After all how many people would stay with their boyfriend when they found out he saw people who weren’t there and heard voices that weren’t real? I was the luckiest man alive that Yongguk would even still look at me. We never talked about my arrest – he had managed to keep me out of jail, that wasn’t the point though – but most people would have dumped their partner if they had been arrested for screaming at air and calling random shoppers North Korean insurgents.

Before I could allow myself to become overwhelmed with thoughts of my mistakes I nuzzled closer to him and inhaled deeply. He smelled so nice. I had always loved his scent after . “I wish I could be the best for you Guk. You deserve better. Someone sane.” He scolded me, like usual, for insulting myself but I ignored him. We both knew it was true. Yongguk had always been the person who could have whomever he desired. Everyone always said he was settling for me, and each day that became truer than the last.

He tightened his grip on my waist. He didn’t let me call myself crazy. He never did. “You are exactly what I want. You are perfect Kim Himchan.” His breath ghosted through my hair and I felt his fingers dig into my sides. “I have always thought that I I’m fairly certain that I always will.”

“You can’t promise that Yongguk. I’m a nuisance and one day you’re going to get sick of it.” I whispered, not looking him in the eyes. I didn’t want him to see how upset I was. I should have been happy. I had gotten what I wanted but for some reason I was still upset. He had to be sick of be being a needy, whiney brat.

He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I don’t think you’re a nuisance.” He made sure that I was pressed as close to his body as humanly possible. “I love you.”

Yongguk and I sat down on my doctor’s couch and I sneered at the man the first chance I got. He dug around in his bag as though he was looking for something in particular. After a while he pulled out his stupid yellow notepad, but not before I noticed that he had regular paper in his bag as well. “Why don’t you use white paper for me too?” I asked and he seemed taken aback. He knew I didn’t like the yellow paper. “I don’t like the yellow.” I mumbled when both Yongguk and my doctor looked at me like I was saying something weird. “If someone wants to kill you or steal your notes or whatever they’ll be more interested in yellow paper than white paper. It looks different.”

My doctor stared at me, silently judging my logical conclusion. “Why would someone kill me or steal my notes?” He was using the condescending voice again. I hated the condescending voice more than I hated the yellow paper. He always made me feel stupid when he spoke that way.

“Yongguk is the cop. Ask him.” I flopped over the side of the couch as Yongguk started explaining random crime to the doctor. I felt like this was something he should have already known. It made me feel like he was unworthy of Yongguk’s money since he didn’t know something I considered to be common knowledge. After Yongguk finished I turned my attentions back to them. “ So I hate yellow paper.”

“I use yellow paper for all of my patients.” He lied to me. I had just seen the notebooks of white paper in his back. “The other ones are not for patients.” He thought I was stupid but I didn’t want to put the effort into arguing with him.

Yongguk clearly noticed this wasn’t going well because he cut into the conversation. “Himchannie is going to the dentist this week.” I don’t know why he thought that was better than talking about the colour of paper my doctor used but apparently it was in his opinion. It wasn’t. He had decided it was time for me to go to the dentist and now that it was coming up he was regretting it. He probably wanted my doctor to tell him it was a good decision. “He’s going to get his teeth cleaned.”

My doctor apparently found this interesting because he leaned in and rested his chin on his hand. “How long has it been since the last time you had your teeth cleaned Himchan?”

I shot a glare at him and Yongguk told me to behave. I sighed. “I was twenty-one. Before I got diagnosed. Yongguk says I need to make sure I don’t have any cavities. I don’t know why it matters but he says it does. Chunghee says that Yongguk doesn’t really care if I have cavities but he wants to be sneaky about getting my dental records up to date. Apparently they use those if bodies are found that can’t be identified. Apparently Yongguk thinks I’m going to throw myself into the Han River or in front of a car or something.” I shrugged my shoulders and chose to ignore the way Yongguk sighed. I was probably telling the truth anyway. Chunghee rarely lied to me.

Yongguk sighed as he pulled me into his side. Apparently it was embarrassing for me to tell the truth. “Are you going to go along with his wishes?” My doctor asked and I rolled my eyes. Of course I was going to go on with my boyfriend’s stupid idea. It wasn’t like I had a choice anyway. “Do you think you’re prepared?” I glared at him and he wrote something down on his stupid yellow paper. 

_____

so here is this. it is an update. himchan finally got to bump nasties with bbang and went to the doctor again.
uhm i don't have anything to say i'm in a bad mood and woke up not feeling well but i have school to attend
so leave me nice comments to put me in a better mood?