Several days passed before I was allowed to leave that room. Apparently they had found out that I wasn’t taking my medication and I wasn’t allowed to be part of general population until I was medicated. It made the place feel even more like a prison. It was my fourth morning in the hospital that I woke up in a different room.

I nearly panicked when I looked up from my bed and saw a blue ceiling. The cell I had been in before had been all white. I knew I remembered that properly. I had spent hours staring up at it. The only thing that kept me from freaking out was the fact that my head was completely quiet. There were no voices, there was no screaming, there was nothing. I was completely alone in my head. I had never felt anything more amazing in my entire life.

I rolled onto my side, taking great pleasure in the fact that I could move, and let out a small shriek when I saw a boy lounging in the other bed. He looked over at me and smiled. I rolled off of his bed and then crawled over to me. He was a mess of long limbs and oversized clothing. “You’re awake!” He sat on the floor next to the bed and stared up at me.

I moved away from him and pulled the blankets up over my head. Surely he wasn’t real. The hospital had to know better than to leave me in a room with a stranger. They knew what was wrong with me. They knew I was broken. They were trained in things like this. They wouldn’t just let me wake up in a room with a strange boy in it.

He shook my arm and whined softly. “It’s rude to ignore people.” He shook me again.

“It’s rude to be a hallucination this early in the morning too.” I mumbled even though I knew I wasn’t supposed to talk to hallucinations. I just wanted him to go away so I could get my treatment. I wanted to go home. “You can be a figment of my imagination after I’ve had breakfast.”

My hallucination stayed silent for a little while but it kept shaking me. I knew it wasn’t real so I did my best to ignore it. I would get to go home again sooner if I learned how to ignore people that weren’t real. “I’m not a hallucination though. The nurses said you saw people in your head, I’ve never met anyone like you.” He pulled the blankets down and stared at me as though he could see my crazy. “This wing is mostly for suicidal people.” He moved up to my bed, successfully creeping me out. If he was real he obviously had no personal boundaries. “There’s lots of nice people I’ll introduce you to once you stop hiding.”

We sat like that for a while. He shook me from time to time and he stared at me like I was some sort of zoo animal. “It’s flattering that you want to stare at me this long, but I wouldn’t mind if you stopped ogling at me this way.” I put my arm over my eyes and tried to ignore the fact that he was on the bed with me. “I have a boyfriend.”

“So do I.” He pulled my arm down so I had to look at him again. He was young. I didn’t like to think people so young could end up in such a horrible place. “You’ll get to meet him if you ever stop being over-dramatic and get out of bed. There’s lots of nice people here.” He slid off of my bed and before I could respond to him he had pulled his shirt over his head.

I shut my eyes so my roommate wouldn’t think I was spying on him. He wasn’t my type anyway. I opened my eyes after a few minutes and was more than thankful to find that he was completely clothed. “Why are you here?” I immediately regretted asking. That was an incredibly personal question and I certainly didn’t know this boy well enough to ask why he was in a mental hospital.

He shrugged his shoulders and sat down on his bed. “I thought it would be a good idea to take a handful of Xanax. I didn’t plan well enough because my parents came home early that day. I ended up not dying and got myself stuck in this pit. I met a nice boy while I was here so I guess it was worth it.” He shrugged again. “He’s pretty but people say he’s not very smart. He tried to hang himself so he’s here too. Like I told you, this is the suicidal wing.”

I stared at him dumbly until our door was opened and someone ran in and tackled him. I wondered if I should call for help but before I could my roommate had called his attacker ‘Hyung’ and had kissed him. I assumed this was the pretty boy that had just been mentioned. “There’s a boy in your room, Junhonggie.” The boy pointed at me, and my roommate – apparently named Junhong – nodded.

“The pretty Noona nurse brought him in last night with the men nurses. He thinks I’m not real.”

The new male turned to look at me with wide eyes. Apparently my crazy was interesting for them. “Hi.” His look of shock turned into a bright smile as he curled up in his boyfriend’s lap. “I’m Jongup.” He nuzzled against Junhong’s chest and the taller male wrapped his arms around Jongup’s waist. “We should take him to meet the others, Junhonggie.”

Junhong nodded his head and patted Jongup’s behind. The shorter male slid off of the bed and pulled Junhong to his feet. They both stared at me expectantly until I stood up as well. I was in different clothing than I had come to the hospital in and I didn’t smell. I nearly panicked at the thought of the woman nurse bathing me. Before I could put legitimate thought into it though Jongup dragged me out of the room and into a big media room.

I was put into a chair at a table with three other people and I watched as Junhong sat down and let Jongup sit in his lap. “We want to introduce someone to you. This is my roommate Himchan. I think he’s a hyung.” Junhong smiled and I waved nervously at the other three people at the table. I noticed them staring at the bandages on my arms but I didn’t say anything. Junhong had said there were at the hospital for the same reason. They couldn’t judge me for it. “This is Daehyun,” He pointed to a boy with a bad bleach job, “and Youngjae,” he moved his finger over to a boy who was apparently bored with this conversation because he had gone back to reading a book, “and Hanhae. He’s getting out tomorrow so you won’t see him again.” He pointed to the remaining male who was smiling at me, his teeth reminded me of Yongguk’s a little bit and I suddenly wanted to cry again.

I smiled at them but before I could talk to them the red-haired nurse came over and bent down in front of me. I put my hand up to block her cleavage and she chuckled. Apparently my embarrassment was funny. “I wanted come see you before you woke up so I would be there when you saw Junhong-ssi but apparently you wake up early.” She smiled at me and held out a plastic cup. “The doctors prescribed you new medications, press the call button if you have any side effects, okay?”

I took the cup from her and the one Junhong had introduced as Hanhae passed me a bottle of water. I stared up at the nurse as I took each pill. I debated hiding them under my tongue but I was glad I decided against it because she asked to check everywhere in my mouth. It was humiliating. “What side effects would I have?”

“It’s different for everyone. Hopefully you won’t have any.” She smiled again and took the cup away from me. There had been more pills than I was use to taking so I was worried that maybe she had given me the wrong cup. “Your last doctor didn’t have you on very effective medications, these should be much better for you. I’m going to talk to your boyfriend about getting you a different doctor once you get out of here.”

I nodded my head and she patted my cheek. I wasn’t very fond of such an action. I didn’t know this woman at all. I only knew that she had strapped me down like an animal and that she gave me pills and wanted me to look at her s. “When can I see Yonggukkie?”

“That depends on how well you behave.” She took her attentions off of me and gave them to the other people at the table. “I hope you all take care of Himchan-ssi, here.” They all nodded their heads and she smiled again. She seemed far too happy to be working at a hospital like this. All of the other nurses I had met at the other hospitals had been mean. She patted Junhong on the head and then her heel to walk away, her red hair fanning out behind her as she walked to another table.

“That’s Pretty Noona” Jongup told me. “She’s the nicest nurse here. She wears really short skirts though, I don’t know who she’s trying to impress though. I think Hanhae hyung is the only person I’ve met that likes girls.”

_____

Himchan is in the hospital still~ but this is his first experiences out of isolation~
comments are appreciated lots and lots.