The question had been simple. Naïve even. A simple case of curiosity by a fan about her favourite idol. It’s just him who’s taking it too personally.

His mind flashes back to the April of his twenty-year-old. She was sixteen then. They were both still so young and clueless, fresh faces who had just made their debuts, exchanging awkward greetings and smiles backstage. His eyes never left her ever since.

She’s the tallest of her group, but she hid herself behind her members and let her long raven hair covered most of her face. He thought it was funny that she did that although she’s supposed to be the group’s visual. And he somehow managed to catch her eyes and receive her shy smile. It was a fleeting moment that lasted for barely a second but it felt like an eternity for him.

As a matter of fact, he did indeed try to make the moment last forever. He made efforts, lots of them to the point that it became tiring. Because it always seems like he’s the only one trying. From the very beginning he was the one who endured embarrassment and became the first to initiate a conversation, ask for her phone number (her manager’s at first, because she still wasn’t allowed to have one of her own at that time), and eventually ask her out. She had turned down most of them because they were still new and she was too scared to risk everything, but he never stopped trying until she ultimately said yes. He tried even when things were hard for him, and he tried when things were hard for her.

He tried and tried, and soon he became exhausted. He’s human, after all. He loved her, but it was tiring to do it alone. He was tired of always being the first to dial, always cracking jokes and telling himself what he sees on television is all scripted, always waiting for that one day when she will really open up to him. He was tired of holding on to her when she didn’t seem to be holding on him just as hard.

His calls grow less but hers don’t increase, so he tells himself again that she’s just busy. In the actual truth, he just doesn’t know anymore. He wants to keep trying because that is what he does best, yet he’s just too tired to do so. He loves her still, even now when it’s been a month since his last call and none from her, and he’s suddenly asked by a fan so naïve and clueless as the two of them were two years back.

“Oppa, did you give up on Son Naeun?”

He knows that she doesn’t mean it badly, probably just to about her virtual marriage. The girl is clueless after all, and yet he can’t help but to ponder over it. Perhaps he takes too much time thinking about his answer because her smile falters and creases are beginning to appear on her forehead. He shakes his head and cracks a smile for the girl so not to worry her unnecessarily.

Picking up his marker, he writes a simple ‘heung’ as a respond to her tease and waves her off after handing her album back. When the last fan in line has left and they are back in the cramped van, he quietly fishes his phone out while the others have fallen asleep and finds her number. He doesn’t call ― he hasn’t in a month and he probably will not for a while just because. But still he types a short “what are you doing?” and waits for her reply. He’s still trying. After all, that is what he does best.

This is a birthday gift for Abby! I wanted to write you more but term paper got in the way, and plus my muse seems to dislike you so it wouldn't cooperate, so yeah.
Happy birthday 바보 keke