You never realize what you had until you lose it. It’s as simple as snapping your fingers.

The day before I left my hometown, I was really busy searching through the house to collect everything I wanted to bring with me. Then Sehun came in the middle of the afternoon, while I was busy searching my room, with the usual bright smile of his that made him look like an idiot.

“Hyung, do you want me to help you?”

“No, thanks. I don’t want to have my room messier than it already has.”

It was a mistake. His smile faded right in front of my eyes. I didn’t even mean to offend him or anything, but he must’ve had been taken it into his heart, yet he still forced a smile back to his face.

Since then, I never saw his genuine smile again. I realized that a few months too late, when I started to miss the curves of his lips, brightening with his eyes, full of happiness.

“Can’t we play for a bit outside, Hyung?”

“No, I can’t. Don’t you see I’m busy right now?”

Another mistake. I lost the chance to play with him forever by that moment. I used to love watching him playing games, because he would laugh at me when I lost. He had a really nice laugh. When he lost, he’d immediately treat me to some ice cream. There. I lost a lot of things in one single action. Once again, I realized it a half year too late, when I missed the games we played back home. When I bought an ice cream for myself, yet it felt too cold for me, hurting my teeth severely. I never had toothache from eating ice cream before.

“Hyung.” He stepped inside the room, and unexpectedly held my shoulder. I looked his way, and from his eyes reflected a sorrowful feeling, that almost broke my heart. But I promised to my father not to cry when leaving. I couldn’t let him break through my defenses.

“I’ll miss you a lot,” he whispered; I needed to lean close enough to hear him. “Promise you’ll come back?”

Something tugged the corner of my mouth. “Yes, of course. I’ll come back.”

It was one mistake, one that no one could ever notice, unless you’ve gone through a year and a half to realize it.

I regretted not telling him to wait for me, wait until I come back to take him with me.

I regretted not asking him to not look at someone else as he waits for me to come back to him.

I regretted not promising him my heart.

Because I only realize a year after leaving, that I might just be in love with him.

Yet, I lost his heart even before I realize my feelings.

I came back, yet it wasn’t to the reality I wanted.

I caught sight of Sehun, fingers curling against someone else’s. I didn’t see his face, but I knew, even from his back, that it was him.

When we met, it was really awkward. We couldn’t hold a conversation properly. We kept staring on our own cups. He broke the news about him seeing someone else, and I just nodded, sipping my coffee quietly.

Therefore, I didn’t have any other choice but to leave.

“I’ll see you around?” Sehun looked at me with unreadable gaze, his hands in his pockets to protect them from the cold. He was ready to head to different direction from me.

“Yeah, see you around.”

He turned his back first. I was left watching him leaving from me.

I knew from then, I would never see him around anymore.

Crying is mandatory when there is goodbye. It’s as simple as snapping your fingers.