(Listen to 내꺼하자 by Infinite : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gANB_tgHJI)

When I pulled away from Woohyun, the first thing I felt was sadness. It was like fire, slowly creeping in and then burning me despite not aware of the origin.

“You should be sorry,” I whispered. The coldness I had seen in Woohyun’s eyes the past one week had suddenly disappeared and I found myself in front of the same person who had saved my life five years ago. my lips, I took in a shaky breath and Woohyun softly held my face in his hands.

“I only feel sorry about letting you go so easily,” he murmured and the fire burned even more, making me cry out in pain. Tears didn’t fall but Woohyun could see through me. There was something different about him though. Unlike before, when he would respond strongly to any hurt from my side, his look didn’t waver.

“It’s not about fault Saya,” he breathed. “We’re not wrong.”

The rebel inside me agreed but I shook my head and gave a small smile. “I’m going back.” Despite my simple steps towards the house, both of us knew there was a different meaning to it. Unlike the simplicity of my decisions a week back, I suddenly had two options waiting for me.

Going back to who?

For the first time in many years, I insisted on having my mother put me to sleep. She thought I was getting cold feet a little too early but once she saw Woohyun and I exchange glances, she put all questions and concerns aside, singing a soft lullaby she used to hum when I was a kid. I switched on the alarm at five-thirty morning, hoping that the long day would put me to sleep easily at night.

The moment the clock rang off, my eyes shot open, as if my body was waiting to get out and do something about my troubles. This wasn’t something whose consequences could be avoided. I used to always believe in working and not worrying about the end product. For the first time, every single step I took paved a new yellow brick road for me. Which one led to my Oz, I didn’t know.

Woohyun didn’t make things difficult for me, or at least he tried not to. Even with the most subtle words, he would cause silence to hit the room in seconds and create a completely new dimension of awkwardness. For instance two mornings later, during the rehearsals of the play, Kairi wanted me to overhear the rehearsals.

“You already know the dialogues,” Kairi said. “Just tell me whether we’re saying it correctly or not.”

The scene was of Rui and Aoi deciding not to get together as a couple since it would hurt everyone involved.

“I haven’t been good to my family,” Aoi cried. I was shocked. Kairi’s drama workshop lessons had not gone to waste. “This is the least I can do…”

“No.” The strength in Woohyun’s tone was surprising too and I wore a good poker face due to Jae Hyo sitting next to me. “If tomorrow you find yourself in your death bed, you’d regret this. Life is all about doing good for others, I know. But our love is a challenge that needs to be overcome. I don’t want to take the hard path, not because it’s a burden on me. It’s because I don’t want to see you hurting anymore. Let’s stay together, alright? I love you, alright? I’ll protect you till the end so don’t leave me.”

I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. Woohyun was the perfect embodiment of my Rui, I thought. I wondered about his acting skills until Kairi spoke.

“Those aren’t the lines Woohyun.”

I instantly stood up and walked out of the terrace. Throwing a glance at Jae Hyo I muttered, “Need to pee.” I ignored my fiance’s perplexed face and ran down the staircases, hyper-ventilating in paranoia until I bumped into someone.

“Wha-” It was Woohyun.

I removed my hand from my forehead, trying to erase every single inch of vulnerability from me. “Hi,” I muttered.

Woohyun cocked his head to the right and slowly brushed my bangs away with his hand, poking at the light bruise on my head. “You don’t have to act tough.”

I bent away and looked into his eyes. “I’m alright. I don’t need anyone to look over me.”

“I know you don’t,” he replied, staring right back at me. “But I never said you needed someone. I just said not to act tough. It’s human to hurt at times.”

Taken aback by the truth in his words, I fumbled until he grinned and left, leaving me in even more confusion. I turned around to say something, only to find him waiting for me. My gaze flew over his face and looked at the wall behind him.

“Sorry for… assuming.” I pursed my lips and looked at him carefully. Woohyun sighed and shook his head. “I’m bad at this,” he replied. “How to start, what to do… Ah. Wait. I know exactly what to do.”

Without another word, Woohyun rushed upstairs. To the terrace. Where Jae Hyo was sipping his evening tea.

I stood frozen. I didn’t do a thing. Deep inside, no matter how small a part it might have been, I wanted Woohyun to do something. Almost as if I was waiting for him to take over.

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“Nice delivery of lines.”

I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to say something rash and stupid. Inside my head, a small voice whispered, “If what you’re not saying is rash and stupid then what about what you are going to say?”

“I’m a sincere man,” I replied, throwing the smile back at his face. Jae Hyo nodded and stood up. “What do you want,” he said. He tucked his hands inside his pockets.

He’s nervous, I observed and walked towards him. Jae Hyo was almost a head taller than me, but no rocket scientist was needed to sense the fear in his eyes. He wasn’t scared for himself. He was scared for Saya.

“You know exactly why I’ve returned.”

Jae Hyo looked at me and sighed. “You were an important part of Say—”

“Stop that crap already,” I interrupted, heaving out in frustration. “I’m sick of your pretenses.”

Jae Hyo furrowed his eyebrows. “What pretense? Your ex-girlfriend is going to marry me and I’m very happy that you are here to see her move on.”

“Oh! So you finally said it. You just want me to know that she’s happy. You think seeing her with you would leave me in peace? That I’d imagine her living a good life and leave without a word?”

“You still love her don’t you?”

“I love her, until the end. And the end is not three weeks away Jae Hyo. I’m going to make her mine and you’ll be the one handing her to me, understand?”

Jae Hyo throw me a skeptical smile. “Just because I’m patient doesn’t mean I’m easy. You think I’m just going to stand back and watch you play your childish games? Not only you, your friend, Yoseob. Hoya and Kairi are happy with each other you--”

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“That’s none of my concern.”

A sudden harshness took over Woohyun’s voice. My heartbeat was racing, my palms sweating… I threw away all judgements and focused on the conversation.

“That was the biggest mistake I had made,” Woohyun continued. “Right now, where I’m standing… it’s because I thought I was balancing everything well. I didn’t know how much I love Saya until she thoughtlessly said those words to me.”

“Then why didn’t you do anything?” Jae Hyo’s tone was reserved, yet the hint of a challenge was lurking around. “If you love her so much, why didn’t you do anything?”

“Because love isn’t enough. There was something else missing and though it’s late, it’s better than never.” Woohyun paused. “You’re missing something too. You probably know what it is, but I won’t wait. You’ve played your hand, now it’s one last blow from me.”

I heard footsteps and hid underneath the vanity table in the corridor. The footsteps stopped, then turned back around.

“By the way,” I heard Woohyun say. This time, he sounded mocking, more playful. “I want to reiterate something… When you asked me if I still love her… that’s not completely true. My answer.”

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I waited for Woohyun to speak, watching the twinkle in his eyes make my heart worry even more.

“Not only do I love her,” he smiled at me, “I live for her. She’s all I have and until the two of us are alive and breathing, I won’t give up. I’ll exhaust you Jae Hyo so save yourself the energy and just accept it. That teenage love, that small spark you’re trying hard to keep alive? It’s going to burn your house down.”

Woohyun left the terrace and I sat back on my chair, lifting my head up to the sky. Closing my eyes, I could hear Saya enter, seating herself. I glanced at her, her out-of-focus gaze throwing reassurances at me.

But even the reassurances of the girl I loved couldn’t stop my heart from believing the words he had said. What I feel for Saya… are these feelings the remnants of unrequited love?

I looked at Saya again. “I love you,” I murmured. Saya smiled and nodded, “I love you too.”

But it’s not strong enough to keep you away from him, I thought and tighly linked my fingers with hers, as if it was the last time I was holding her.