(Listen to Can U Smile by Infinite : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXxzL7_MWH0)

“I told my grandparents I was going to visit them once I reach Seoul,” Woohyun said. We were sitting inside my favourite café the day before we were to leave for ‘home’. I was growing more and more distant and something was stirring beneath this lost phase of mine.

“Saya?”

Maybe I should meet Jae Hyo. I need to talk to him once, just one last time.

“Saya?”

The question he asked…it was digging through me.

“Come on, let’s go home.” I was startled by Woohyun’s sudden movement, him getting up from the chair and motioning for me to follow. I sat on my seat confused and looked around.

“Oh,” I mumbled and gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry…I was thinking of something…”

Woohyun furrowed his eyebrows and bent down to face me. “Saya…let’s go home. Okay? You’ll feel much better, let’s just do some last minute packing…”

“I spoke to Jae Hyo.”

Woohyun gave me the most dazed expression and shook his head. “Who?”

I sighed and left the café, standing next to our car. Woohyun followed and sat inside and on the way back home, I told him everything. By the time we reached, he was shaking from head to toe. Maybe coming clean had been the wrong thing to do. But right and wrong was hardly important. I wasn’t even aware of what was right or wrong anymore.

“I couldn’t answer the question Woohyun,” I said clearly. “And I need to know why. Do I need to change? Is it that important? You know me, right?”

I was taken aback when Woohyun raised his palm for me to stop. I shut my mouth and watched him slowly get out of the car, enter the house and call out for Hoya.

“Woohyun, Hoya has hardly anything to do with—”

Again, the palm. I folded my arms and swallowed my saliva. I waited as Hoya got out of the house with a smile on his face. “Woah..” he said and glanced at our faces. “Something is not good.”

“Follow me,” Woohyun said and I noticed the tone he used. I looked at Hoya to mirror some confusion but instead, it seemed like he had every idea of what was going on. The two walked around the gates and reached the backyard. Suddenly, to my utter disbelief, Woohyun threw a punch at Hoya.

“WOOHYUN!”

Hoya told me to stay back and I hesitantly obliged. He looked at the angry man in front of him and laughed. “You have to let her go Woohyun.”

My boyfriend, who I suddenly wasn’t sure of, clenched his fists and hissed. “You better be honest. Jae Hyo was set up by you, right?”

“Woohyun,” I interrupted. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Hoya wasn’t even in the same country as Jae Hyo when he started liking me!”

“WOULD YOU OPEN YOUR EYES??!” Woohyun’s shout pierced me. This was the first time he had shown me his temper. “Hoya has been preparing for this since the longest time!!”

“That is ludicrous,” I muttered and turned to Hoya. “Tell him he’s going crazy.”

Hoya sighed and looked at Woohyun. “Jae Hyo is a friend but that doesn’t mean—”

Woohyun pounced on Hoya, taking him down and throwing punches at him. After watching countless fights in school, I knew not to interrupt, especially when one of them was hardly responding. Hoya kept avoiding the hits and finally, threw Woohyun off his back.

“Woohyun, control yourself!” Hoya brushed off the grass off his sweater and panted. “There’s something you need to hear from Saya!”

“What Saya says,” Woohyun said, “Or doesn’t say. It’s none of your business. And I have nothing to hear from her, things were going perfect had it not been for your stupid set-up plan—”

“GODDAMIT WOOHYUN!”

I covered my ears and felt tears flow down my face. The two looked at me, waiting for me to say more. I cried a little, howled some and after taking a deep breath, turned to face him.

“As a matter of fact,” I said in a monotone. “I DO have something to say.”

Woohyun blinked at me and gave a small smile. “No, Saya you don’t. I know things are a little rocky for you right now but…”

“I’m FINE!” I walked forward and snatched his hand, placing it on my chest. “My heartbeat is normal.” I shifted his hand to my forehead. “I don’t have fever.” I dropped his palm and stood back. “And I’m fit to work. I’m FINE. But maybe, I’m not fine enough for you.”

“What?” Woohyun shook his head. “No, Saya that’s not what I meant.”

I nodded my head, the tears flowing crazily. From my peripheral glance, I saw Hoya standing with his head hung low. “That is exactly what you meant Woohyun. You’re perfect, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. Everytime I got into trouble, I loved the way you were there to protect me, I loved the attention you showered on me. I thought it was a simple reaction of a loved one. That anyone, whether they are weak by heart or a knight in shining armour, would do that for someone they love. I felt lucky.

“But lately I’ve been doubting everything you do. Is it for me or is it for yourself? Do you feel.. complete? Everytime you save me, do you feel accomplished? I used to think you were filling my heart but now I understand…Woohyun, you’re overflowing me.”

The fire stirred and as it burned my heart, I knew. Hoya sensed it too and walked away, leaving us both alone, the cloud above slowly turning grey, hinting at an unseasonal rain.

“Woohyun…” My voice was now a low murmur. “You’re not…happy. I’m not happy. We both are just…here. I love you a lot and getting over is going to be painful but it—”

“Why are,” he interrupted me. “Why are we talking about… getting over me? Saya, don’t tell me..”

“I love you,” I took his hand and he avoided my gaze. “And I know you do too. The happiness you gave me was surreal and I will never feel…secure, the way I do with you. But I have my own path to walk. This is me, Woohyun. And you just aren’t prepared for it.

“My friends always said that you’re like a knight, unafraid of what lies ahead and ready to do anything for me. A knight that makes sure I don’t fall. But what if, the only thing that scares you, is a wound I suffered from in the past? You’re scared of a fall I took long back . All this while, your urge to protect me…It had to run its course, I knew that. But never would I have thought it to affect our relationship.”

Woohyun broke his silence. “If you want me to wait, I’ll wait.”

I shook my head and tried to control the cry that was dying to release itself. “Woohyun…” I raised his chin, making him look into my eyes. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can hold onto you any longer.”

“Saya?”

My fingers trembled above the keyboard and Hoya placed his hand on my shoulder. I bit my lip and smiled, allowing one innocent tear to trail down freely.

“Saya,” Hoya repeated. “I think you need to stop here.” I took one last look at the page, re-read the words I had said years ago and clicked ‘submit’. My live blog had come to an end. The readers would hate me. They’d probably hate me even more once they dig through my current relationship status.

“Here,” Hoya handed his coffee to me. “It’ll pass.” I smiled and nodded. “It’s just memories,” I whispered. “Nothing else.”

The doorbell rang and I exchanged glances with Hoya. The latter stood up and opened the door.

“Is she there?”

I heard some shuffling, the sound of shoes being taken off and bags being placed on the floor.

“She’s done with the blog…um, she just wrote about the uh…”

“I understand.”

I looked up at the figure and took a deep breath in. “Hi,” I murmured and was enveloped into his warm arms.

“You need to rest,” Jae Hyo mumbled into my ear. He lifted a bag and smiled. “Sushi?”

I let out a laugh and nodded. “Thank you.” I let him lift me off the chair and place me on the bed. While Hoya and he tore open the contents, I shut off the computer and sat next to Jae Hyo. I entwined my fingers through his and he kissed my hand.

“They look good like this,” I whispered and he smiled in agreement, glancing down at the engagement rings glistening on each of our ring fingers.