The flight to New Delhi was far from comfortable. I loved international flights, mostly because of the food and the movies and dramas I could watch without being disturbed. I had once watched an entire season of The Mentalist and this time, I decided to watch a few Korean movies that had been suggested by my students long time ago. But deep inside, I couldn’t help but feel nervous. It irritated me. This was Woohyun, not just any other man. Why on Earth was I so edgy?

“Are you fine?” asked Woohyun for the umpteenth time. I nodded, watching the of The Classic with a blank expression. Woohyun shifted his gaze from the screen to my face and whispered, “You’re watching this scene without any tears… you’re not fine.”

So this is what it was. Woohyun knew me too well. Or he thought he knew me too well. While in Seoul, both of us had been in sync, my past haunted me. In fact, there was a whole side of me that Woohyun had not yet met. Woohyun had brought out the best in me, he had seen me smile and encourage others. Whenever I was in discomfort, he would easily slip into his guardian mode and I would have nothing to fear. I had been emotionally stable for the last four years and I was scared that there was a part of me that I had completely forgotten. Because despite my being alone, I was never lonely. Woohyun had changed me, shown me how far I could go if I had enough confidence. But what about the negatives? The cons?

“What’s wrong?” Woohyun furrowed his eyebrows and I gulped. “Saya?”

Woohyun shifted in his seat and wrapped one arm around me. Since this was an important trip, the both of us had decided to pamper ourselves with the luxury of business class. But even resting my head on Woohyun’s shoulder, sipping on my cup of cappucino and listening to my favourite song playing into my ears couldn’t prevent the intuitive feeling that had arrested me. This discerning thought was put to rest once I closed my eyes, once the memories of the past two and a half years faded in and out, putting me to sleep. “Wake me up when we’re above the city,” I murmured. I heard a soft ‘okay’ and a hand caressing my hair.

For the first time, I grimaced at the gesture.

(Listen to Can You Smile (Remake) by Infinite : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wH0LEEuu9s)

“Saya…” The aisle was cramped and there were people jostling me to move ahead. I turned to my left, expecting to find Woohyun. I called out his name, pretty sure that I had heard someone call out mine. I continued calling out his name, but something felt wrong. Suddenly someone pushed me and I fell face forward. I found myself slipping inside a big black hole, what with all the noise and the confusion walking over me.

“Saya…” I looked up and a wave of relief flew over me. “Woohyun,” I smiled and took his hand. He lifted me up and I said, “Where were you? Why weren’t you by my side?”

Woohyun gave me a look that made me feel like I was questioning the obvious. “You were safe back there,” he said, the unchanging smile slowly distancing me from him. “You didn’t need my help.”

“Yes but…”

“Wake up.” Woohyun’s face hovered above mine, behind him a little blonde girl peeking at us. She gave me a shy wave and was taken away by her mother before I could return the gesture.

“Home sweet home,” he murmured and I shifted, looking down at the concrete buildings, the busy roads and one big white structure that I recognized as the Lotus Temple. Warmth rushed through my veins when I placed my palm on the sun-kissed window, unable to contain my excitement. Despite my cynical view of the people in New Delhi, their norms, their hypocrisy…. Home was still home. And nothing could beat that.

“Mom and Dad will be receiving us,” I whispered, my eyes still glued to the city. I heard an ‘I know’ from behind me and I slowly removed my pullover. Woohyun tugged at the bottom of my white t-shirt and rested his hand on my jeans.

“See?” he said, “One sleep and a glance at your hometown. Feeling much better, right?”

I nodded and Woohyun grinned. “Remind me to call Hoya,” I said and he blinked at me.”He wants to come over to India and um… there’s something I have for him.”

“Really? Like a surprise?” I looked at Woohyun and gave a curt nod. “A surprise,” I replied. “Someone I want him to meet.”

“Saya, I don’t think your parents could take a boyfriend AND a back-up plan.” Woohyun laughed when I shook my head. “Shut up,” I muttered and smiled. We stood up, removing our hand luggage and walked down the aisle. I gasped the moment I entered the airport, unable to recognize the building after its makeover. I smiled when I saw a coffee shop and felt a sudden urge to call up my best friend.

“You wait here, I’ll make a call.” Leaving Woohyun to collect our baggage, I ran to buy myself a SIM card.

“Yobasaeyo?” Hoya answered. I glanced at my reflection on the bathroom mirror. I laughed when I recognized Hoya in my smile and excitedly, spoke out my next few words.

“Hoya, you’ve heard of Kairi, right?”

“NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!”

I jumped away from my PC, throwing a glare at Hoya. It seemed like every single pore on his face had opened, his eyes wide open, his mouth hung open, even his ears looking like they could fall off.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISTRACT ME!!” I returned to the keyboard but yelped when Hoya pulled the chair away, my legs flying in the air. “What’s wrong with you??? I’ve already written so much!!”

Hoya gritted his teeth, vigorously shaking his head. “You are NOT writing about that.”

I sighed and slowly moved toward him. “Hoya… it wasn’t that bad. I swear, you looked really cool that night.”

Hoya furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at his coffee mug. “Its not that. It’s just…”

“Repulsive?” I snorted and gave a light chuckle. “Yeah, the awkwardness was a bit… But Kairi had a good time too. Even though it was different from what I had expected, but yeah, everyone had fun that night.”

Again, Hoya didn’t reply. “Whatever I’ve read uptil now,” he murmured. “It seems like your unconscious thoughts and feelings are spilling out.”

I nodded. “I know and that’s exactly what I want. There’s a huge vaccuum in my chest that is slowly getting a release out of this. Whatever I couldn’t comprehend then, it’s all slipping into my understanding now.”

Hoya took his last sip of the coffee and placed it on the table. There was a sad smile on his lips and I placed my hand on his shoulder.

“Let me write this, okay?” I sighed in relief when Hoya nodded, unhesitant. “It had to happen someday,” he said, almost as if he was speaking to himself. 

I pushed my questions away. There was something that was scaring him and I didn’t like that one bit. Hoya had never announced that he was fearless, but the fact that he treated fear as nothing but a state of mind had always made me admire him. He kept himself busy all the time, fighting off laziness, treating every moment of his life like his last. He would relax too but that was only when he slept. And once he slept, it was like a bear in hibernation.

Whatever it was that had been kept away from me, would it unravel now? There was something that Hoya knew and I didn’t. All these years, I had been reassuring myself that what happened was only for the good. But as I finished writing my entry about inviting Hoya to India, leaving the airport with Woohyun and being greeted by my enthusiastic parents, something tugged inside me.

Hoya was right. There was something I hadn’t seen, something big. And sooner or later, with both of us sitting in front of the bright light of the computer, our very own Pandora’s Box would unlock itself. I was praying, praying that it would leave behind the one thing I had been looking for in the last four years—hope.