The two of you sat there in silence, apart from your occasional hiccup breaking the air. Your tears had long dried up and you soon found your brain admonishing your heart for crying over him. Far too many tears have been split, useless tears; tears he would never even know had fallen.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about it?” You asked quietly under your breath as the boy merely hummed in response. Bringing his hands to clasp behind his head, he gave you a small crooked smile, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as he did.

“If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen,” he simply replied lightly. Feeling yourself grow warm at his words, you smiled. It was unlike human nature for him to be this way; humans were naturally inquisitive creatures, creatures who always seek the hows, the whats and the whys. But for him to rise above it all and respect your personal space that was something you really appreciated.

“Thanks,” you smiled awkwardly, brushing the back of your neck with your palm as you found yourself unable to say anything. What could you say? Hey, your fellow group member is my first love? That would call for too many questions, some of which you couldn’t bring yourself to answer. It was childish, but you would simply like to protect those memories of yours, memories from when you were still happy and unbroken.

“Why are you here?” You questioned, your head tilting to the side as you studied his profile. His makeup was light but traces of the black eyeliner remained on his eyelid. His face looked fresh, as if he had put on the bare minimum required of an idol. Shrugging slightly, he raised a shoulder nonchalantly as he gave you a boyish smile, the sharp end of his tooth peeking out as he did so.

“Just wanted to visit my biggest fan,” he answered as you rolled your eyes in response. Seeing your expression, he broke out laughing with you giggling slightly to his infectious laughter. But you saw something flash in his eyes, a flash of pain that was simply too familiar for you to ignore.

“Even if I’m a fan, I’m always here to lend a listening ear if you need one,” you quietly muttered under your breath, too embarrassed to repeat it any louder. But it appeared that he heard you as he muttered a soft I know quietly. With a deep breath, you pulled open the drawer, handing him a small pouch.

“Here,” you prompted, pushing him to take the item as he did, with a questioning stare. Gesturing for him to open it, you watched as his expression changed into a puzzled one.

“It’s yours,” you simply said as he nodded, brushing the cold metal surface with a finger. You had given him back the ring and the bracelet, items that were all along his. You knew it was meant to be a gift, but it was for the best if he took them back.

The two items had connected your fates in more than one; allowing the two of you to meet once again, for you to make friends you never dreamt of making, for you to meet people you never thought you would meet again, but all things had to come to an end.

You were from different worlds after all.

“Why?” He asked as you simply shrugged, looking out of the window as you felt tears welling up in your eyes. It hurt, but you knew what you were about to do, was right.

“Thank you for everything, you went out of your way as an idol to treat a fan so simply, but I think its better… I think that you should stop coming,” you said finally, your voice cracking slightly at the end as you felt a single tear falling down your cheek only your palm.

“Why?” He repeated again as you blinked slightly before turning to face him.

“I’m just a fan, Baekhyun, and you are an idol. There are thousands, millions even, number of people in this world who love you as Byun Baekhyun, the goofy idol on stage who never fails to bring smiles to everyone’s faces. All this time, I was finally able to see who you were behind the persona you had on stage but I think it’s better for it to stay this way. You as someone I admire from afar, after all fans are supposed to stay as fans.”

Fans aren’t supposed to love their idols for who they are.

He sat there, stunned as he simply gave a curt nod. Standing up abruptly, his pushed his hands into his pockets as he gave you one last stare, a flash of longing appearing as fast as it disappeared. Walking over to the door, he pushed it open, a soft whisper leaving his perfect lips, words that hit you where it hurt the most.

“I thought we were more than just that.”

Closing the door firmly behind him, you sank down lower into your bed, hugging the bear close to you as you closed your eyes, too fully cried out to squeeze out any more tears. You simply felt numb. You didn’t want to push him away but with him getting closer, it simply risked too much.

His career. His future. Your heart.

Too much were at risk for you to continue being selfish, bathing in the love and care that all of them provided you. You were merely a fan, a fan that was lucky to meet them, to befriend them, but they belonged on stage, and you, here. It was like this all along, you were simply too selfish to see it.

Opening the drawer, you quickly popped the pill, its bitter aftertaste bringing a frown to your face as you gulped down a cup of water, I did the right thing, I did the right thing, I did the right thing. You chanted in your mind like a mantra as you tried to convince yourself. You did the right thing, you did, you had to.

Pushing yourself lower into the bed sheets, you laid your head on the pillow, your eyes trailing out of the window where green leaves were growing on the trees after a long winter. A new start; a new beginning.

The soft creaking of the door caught you by surprise as you closed your eyes, pretending to sleep. You simply weren’t in the mood to entertain anyone right now, the hurt expression he showed burnt into your mind as it ate you up fro