The driver and the van that dropped us off at the woods yesterday afternoon comes back for us around ten a.m. The forty-five minute drive is spent in either silence or soft, murmured conversations. I'm sitting in the third and last row of the van with JR. He hasn't let me out of his sight since I broke the news to everyone. When packing my things, I glanced in the mirror and saw why. I looked horribly fragile. One word and I'd probably start sobbing, that's what I looked like.

I am quiet and cold. So cold that I'm shivering. JR puts his arms around me and pulls me close enough that I'm half-way on his lap. I cower into his chest and fist his shirt in my hands. He's the ends of my hair and is whispering soothing things to me in Korean. The foreign sounds spoken in the voice that I love gives me something to concentrate on, to hold onto. He must have known that I liked it when I had almost instantly relaxed against him because he continued mumbling things in my ear.

Juliet.

I don't know whether to think her name with concern or disgust and resentment.

How can she be so stupid?

What the hell was she thinking? Where the hell did she go? I never thought I'd care so much about my little sister. Or hate her so much. I clench my teeth and try stop breathing like an angry bull. JR says something with a questioning lilt, but I don’t know what it is. My throat's beginning to close and my eyes sting. Oh, no, I think I'm going to –

I press my eyes against the side of JR's neck, wishing the intense heat of his skin would evaporate the water before it streaks down.

"Starr-ssi?" JR says softly. His voice brings the rain down and I cry silently, not even shaking. The arms around my waist tighten and a hand cradles my head to his neck. I hear the creak of leather as my friends turn around in their seats. Rosie whimpers and reaches her hand back to rest on my knee. I immediately grasp it in one of my hands. "Starry?" Great. Now little Rosie sounds like she's on the verge of tears, too. Juliet isn't satisfied with taking me and my parents down; no, she has to go after our close friends, as well.

I hear a seatbelt unbuckle and someone falling into the seat beside me. Aron puts his hand over mine and Rosie's and rests his head on my shoulder. The tears double in their speed coming down my cheeks.

"I hate her."

"Starry, we'll find her," Amber says.

"Stardom, Jules is going to get it from all of us, alright?" Courtney tries.

Rosie whispers, "Don't say stuff you don't mean, Unni." Don't cry, my little rose. Please don't cry over my selfish sister like I unfathomably am.

"I hate her," I repeat, not moving. Aron squeezes my hand and I feel JR's lips near my hairline. "That . I should've put up a bigger fight. I should've made sure she never saw those filthy punks again. And now? Now she's probably drunk, or high, or unconscious, or , or bleeding to death with cigarette burns all over her."

"Starr, stop it," Amber snaps.

I scoff, ignoring her. "Or, better yet, already dead in some abandoned building. Maybe they cut off all of her hair first, or stripped her clothes. Or maybe they already did my job and bleached that precious hair of hers instead. Maybe they pierced her body –"

"Starr," Courtney growls.

"- or -" I let out a hysterical chuckle – "or maybe they drugged her and made her dance in front of a camera and are posting it online right –"

"ENOUGH!"

I fall silent. Rosie's hand is shaking in mine and she's breathing heavily, both at my words and because of her deafening outburst. I finally notice the increase of physical pressure JR and Aron have placed on me during my monotone string of sickening ideas. Aron's body is pressed along mine and JR has his lips firmly against my temple.

I hear MinHyun say weakly, "Sh-she's really creative with . . . her . . . words." I cry harder. For creeping out MinHyunnie. For making JR desperate to get me to stop. For making Rosie yell at me.

For not protecting Juliet.

* * *

There are two police cruisers in the driveway when we pull up to my house. JR, Aron, and I wait sullenly for the seat in front of us to clear so that we can fold it down and get out. The humid air hits my face like a slap; I miss the lake breeze already. I'm unknowingly clutching JR's hand, but when I notice, I just step closer to him. He pulls his hand away to slide his arm around my waist, literally attaching us at the hip.

David opens the front door and runs over to the group. He plummets into me and squeezes. Just as quickly he pulls back, grabbing my shoulders, and stares at me with wild, tired eyes. He notices my red face, the dried, salty tracks on my face, my hand desperately grasping JR's, and my blank expression. My blank, I've-given-up expression.

"Where is she, David?" My lips feel swollen like a thousand bees took to attacking me and my tongue as dry as the sand on the lake beach. I know my eyes are a little puffy and will be horrendous when I wake up tomorrow morning even if I sleep with a cold pack on my face all night.

David's gaze shifts from one of my pink eyes to the other. I'm the one taking this the hardest. It's so obvious; you don't have to be my brother to see that. "Don't blame yourself, dammit. This isn't you fault!" David growls in a low voice. I whimper softly in the back of my throat. His face instantly looses it harshness and he hugs me. The limpness in his body is that of defeat. "It's my fault," he whispers miserably. "As her older brother, I should've known what was going on. I'm supposed to protect you two. God gave me one simple job; how could I have failed so early?"

I grit my teeth and push him off of my roughly. He doesn't look surprised. My face is maniacal, I can feel it.

"No, Dave. This is all on me. I knew who she was hanging around with. It's that gang. That girl gang."

Dave's eyes widen. "The one from the high school? That girl gang, Skin?" I shrug and nod once, grimly. "I don't know their name. And I don't pay much attention to the gang reputations around here, but I guess they were recruiting middle schoolers," I say quietly. He stares at me with disbelief. "Why didn’t you tell me, Starr?!" he exclaims. "Skin is worse than all the boy gangs in the city COMBINED, dammit!"

"Hey," JR barks sharply. He grabs my hand. "Don't yell at her. This isn't her fault."

David snarls at him. "I know it's not her fault, boater. But she could have told me." He glances at my hand in JR's and his face becomes murderous. He jerks me away from him and sneers, "And you stay away from my sister, you damn punk. I don't need another sister missing on account of some gang. I don't need one missing at all! I don't like you or your Asian friends. You look like rapists in those ridiculous clothes you all wear. Who goes around wearing costumes?? If I see your face around our house again, I swear, I'm going to f-"

"DAVID, STOP IT!" I scream. I rip my arm out of his death grip and my girlfriends come rushing up, berating David and trying to calm me down. The boys have gathered behind JR with the stony faces of their album picture. Totally blank. And terrifying.

And unlike the last time JR pulled that face when we were with Adam, I don't feel any urge to tuck myself under his wing for protection. This time I want to run away. I want to run from it all. I want to run until I hit the water. I want to run until there are no people for millions of miles around. When will I find this peace? At the bottom of the ocean? At the bottom of the Earth with the penguins? And then what? Then I'd have to find calm for my soul and mind. Could I do that so far from the world? Or will I have to go farther?

I don't want to ever move again – and I want to run until there are no more molecules to even support me. Does that mean I'll only be safe out by Pluto? That's what it feels like. That's what all this hate feels like.