47. Quia Amor Eius

 

Quia Amor Eius: "Because I Love Her"

 

 

 

"It wouldn't matter to me now even if I die..."

 

 

I'm letting her go quia amor eius.

 

 

"... as long as I know that I've saved her life."

 

 

 

= = = Soundtrack: DBSK - Why Did I End Up Falling For You? = = =

 

 

note: for a special effect, also try listening to the acapella version.

 

"TAEMIN-AH!"

 

Above my struggling breaths, I hear her voice loud and clear. I could see her panic-stricken face as I continued to clutch onto my stomach, vainly trying to stop more blood from flowing out. The pain is overwhelming, and even the breaths I take hand out to me a kind of pain that is unimaginable.

 

"Kai-yah, get my brothers, PLEASE!"

 

Shirin-ah screamed while glancing at my half-brother, and that was when I realized that she had her arms around me. In an instant, Jongin-ah was running out of the VIP room with the names of the ReapedSouls leaders escaping his lips. He was running much quicker than how I knew he would run, and I felt surprised that he would rush so much even though we've been on unfriendly terms for as long as I could remember.

 

My eyes then wandered around my surroundings. My vision was still okay, although I know that if help doesn't come soon, the edges will begin to blur. Aish. My body felt numb, and even if I force myself to move, there would be no progress.

 

That was when my eyes landed on the face of the woman I love with all my heart... now in tears.

 

"Tae...Taemin-ah... wh-wh... why?" were her broken words as she held me close to her figure. My blood was already staining her clothes, but she paid no heed to it as she continued to bring my body close to hers. She kept on sobbing, and even if my whole body felt numb, I know that something other than my blood is soaking up my clothing.

 

I don't know why, but in that moment, I felt like I was in heaven. 

 

I had waited for this moment every single day since I met Shirin-ah. I had wished for it countless times, for my body to be close to her, and for her hands to wrap themselves around my frame. Ever since Seo Jinhee died, the girl that first captured my interest and my heart, I had never expected anything so strong to grip me. But I was wrong. I had fallen for this Song Shirin much harder than I ever did with Jinhee-yah. It was only with her that I found myself yearning for a different kind of life... one far from guns and gangs.

 

If only I had met her because of my father's wishes, or if she was just some other heiress to some other company that I would be forced to meet, I would have never let her go.

 

My parents had always drilled in my head the thought of doing well to outshine others. Ever since childhood, they had been training me to be in a never-ending cycle of business management and daunting presences. Not just once did my father force me to learn the ways of Lee Media Association so that I would be able to succeed the family business, nor did my mom stop comparing me to the illegitimate child who had been exerting all effort to be worthy of the job. They had been constantly telling me to do well in my studies in Yousae University, one of the premiere business schools in Korea, even though I didn't give much thought to my education. 

 

True, I had been studying well, but it only came secondary in my life. My priority had been the brotherhood that made me feel that I wasn't somebody else... and the young woman that I cherish in that brotherhood who never fails to make me realize that I really am just a normal guy.

 

I had dreamed of her holding me tightly, but not like this.... not when I am already on the verge of dying, not when both our clothes are stained with my blood, and most certainly not when there's a hole in my stomach and my life is slipping away from my grasp. No matter how much I wanted her to hold me, this is the last situation I would want that to be in.

 

"I..."

 

Shirin-ah's head snapped up so that she could look at me the moment I opened my mouth to speak. I could only open my mouth in a limited way, but I had to get my feelings out in the open.

 

"I...I'm... sorry."

 

It burned me when I said those words, both physically and emotionally. I truly am sorry that one moment, because she must have begun to trod through hell and back the moment I decided to pursue her. She had been in a roller coaster of emotions countless of times because of my feelings for her. And even when she had made it clear that she chose my half-brother over me, I still couldn't find it in myself to accept it.

 

I'm such a bastard. Maybe it's just right that I experienced this pain right now.

 

But I will never ever regret that I shielded Shirin-ah from the bullet that Myungsoo-sshi was about to give her.

 

"Don't force yourself to speak anymore, Taemin-ah..." Shirin-ah said despite her shaky voice and tear-filled eyes. She was still crying, and even though it was brutally painful, I couldn't help but reach out and brush away the water from her eyes.

 

This was exactly how I looked when Seo Jinhee shielded the bullet that Jongin-ah was about to give me back then. The moment I had met Seo Jinhee, I thought that maybe she could like me. But then again, I didn't realize quickly that she was already Kim Jongin's girl. I had continued to pursue her, disregarding the fact that he liked her just as much as I did. The moment I succeeded in getting Jinhee-yah, Jongin-ah decided that he could not take it anymore and tried to kill me. He had told me that he had enough of me taking everything he wanted, as well as the last thing that could have been his and his alone, the love of Jinhee-yah. Just as he was about to shoot me, Jinhee took the bullet and died in my place.

 

I couldn't blame Jongin-ah, though. I was the one who insisted on taking what is already someone's love.

 

Now, I experience it again. Except that this time, I'm not the one who managed to get her heart.

 

Not long after, the rushed footsteps of Jongin-ah, Chanho Hyung and Seunghyun Hyung got louder as they barged in through the VIP room and carried me back to their car. Their hearts were bent on taking me to the ReapedSouls Medic Warehouse as quickly as possible. Both Shirin-ah and Jongin-ah scrambled off to follow me, and Shirin-ah even insisted that she me to the warehouse.

 

"Don't leave me just like that, Taemin-ah." She said to me over and over again as we sped off, and I could only nod my head and try to convince myself that I could get better.

 

"Thank... Thank you." I managed to croak out, and while her tears rolled down her cheek, I summoned all my remaining strength to let me sit up and press my lips to hers.

 

= = =

 

"So I guess you're awake now, Hyung-ah..." My eyes met with the dark orbs of Kim Jongin when light had already flooded my vision again. My body still felt numb, but I noticed that I was already dressed in a hospital robe and my surroundings were very familiar.

 

"They managed to save me, huh...?" I murmured, only to be answered by a nod from Jongin-ah.

 

"Obviously, since you're alive and you can see me, they must have done heck a lot of a good job." He said with a stoic expression, his voice monotonous. I wondered if he was mad at me or something, but I quickly disregarded it when I noticed a very familiar figure slumped on one side of my bed.

 

"She kept on telling me that she's going to stay awake to see you wake up too, but it seems like she wouldn't be able to do that." Jongin-ah stated, to which I nodded. I made an effort to sit up on the warehouse bed before running my fingers along Shirin-ah's hair.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Just those two words from my half-brother and I felt my world stop, my eyes wide. I quickly looked at Jongin-ah with shock, while he kept his eyes on the ground, his expression turning sad.

 

"I'm sorry for everything, Taemin Hyung. I have been too foolish and selfish. Until now I feel so guilty for causing you too much pain with Jinhee-yah. I didn't realize how unfairly I looked at the past, and I'm sorry for that." He continued, and not knowing quite why, I had motioned for my brother to come closer to me. He did.

 

"It's not only you who's at fault. Even I messed up." I began when he sat on the side of my bed opposite Shirin-ah's sleeping figure.

 

Not needing any more words, I opened my arms wide, only for this younger half-brother of mine to fall into them.

 

"Jongin-ah, I need to ask a huge favor of you." I said to him while he was still in my arms, and at this, he pulled back and looked at me with curiosity in his orbs.

 

I looked straight at him before glancing at Shirin-ah's still sleeping figure. She must have suffered a lot because of me... and I couldn't take it if she suffers even more on my account. If it meant that I had to let her go so that she wouldn't hurt over me anymore... then so be it, no matter how painful it is for me.

 

I looked back again at Jongin-ah's eyes and breathed a sigh.

 

I had already decided, and this is my choice.

 

"I need you to take care of Shirin-ah and love her more than I ever could. She loves you, so love her back just as much."