3. Her Negandum Timor

Her Negandum Timor: "her undeniable fear"



"It is the horror that shakes you to the core...


She is paralyzed because of her negandum timor.


...when you see a dangerous but familiar stranger."



= = = Soundtrack: DBSK - B.U.T. = = =

Chaos. Pure, raw, and uncensored.

The moment I managed to scrambled towards the window and look from it, I was greeted with men having guns raised in the air and knives poised to kill. Changjo-yah wasn't kidding when he told me that it would be a pandemonium down there with a gangwar happening. And I knew he was right when he said that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I immediately began to scan the faces of the men fighting. I was a distance from the whole mess, but I could still clearly see the countenances of the people who placed their lives on the line for the sake of what?

Gang pride or material prize?

They all contained a uniform sense of bloodlust and determination to either kill or be killed, and I wondered if my brothers have the same expressions sported on their features. Which reminds me...

I immediately skimmed through the men fighting, searching for the familiar faces of my two older brothers and Changjo-yah. I had a hard time finding where Seunghyun Oppa was, and it took me a short while to find Chanho Oppa, but Changjo-yah was easy to spot, since I already became used to the look of his outfit. I guess I wasn't paying a lot of attention to the clothes my brothers were wearing when I last saw them. I believe I should start to take note of remembering what they wore, at the very least, so that I could identify them when the need arises.

Especially since I don't think that this would be the last time I'll be spying on them.

I continued to look at the familiar men that I suppose were leading the gangs involved in one side of the war. None of them seem to be struggling, actually, which is admirable if you consider that all of them are fighting groups of guys and not just a single person. Seunghyun Oppa seemed to be taking on the leaders of the opposing team, which I guess is expected. Chanho Oppa is busy with about 10 people, yet he fights them as if he knows where they're going to hit next. He doesn't exert too much effort. Changjo-yah struggles occasionally, but that is when his 7 opponents attack him at exactly the same time, kind of like doing tag-team attacks on a person.

They really blew me away with how well they could handle themselves in this chaos, truthfully.

It was like watching a high definition movie in the cinema, where the action screams that it is the truth. That it is a murder when one drops dead. That it is a real and massive homicide. It gripped me to the bone that the men who fall dead here aren't just actors in a TV screen, they cannot get up after the war, and I feared for my brothers who would be risking themselves in battle.

If I lose either of them, I lose myself.

In the dark battleground I saw a lot of them who are like my brothers, not even struggling when in the fight, and I immediately felt worry creeping into my system. I don't know who would come out victorious if ever they find reason to face my oppas. My oppas sure are quick in moving and are great strategists, but I should never underestimate the strengths of these people, who could knock out multiple enemies with one blow. I hoped in myself that these good fighters are allies of my brothers, and not enemies. If not, I wouldn't know what to do anymore.

But even in the middle of the huge fiasco, a face caught my eye. A young man with bronze-toned skin, boyish looks, and swift but pointed attacks. He looked really familiar to me though, but I just couldn't place him in any particular scene in my life that I remember. I couldn't shake off the feeling that I've seen him somewhere before though, and I ransacked my brain for any possible encounter that might have occured between him and me in the past.

I bit my lip gently, trying to piece things together, staring straight at that familiar face.

But I didn't expect him to look into my eyes too.

I held his gaze for just a second before a look of recognition crossed his face. His features sported an expression of teasing appreciation, which pierced through me immediately, and I couldn't hold back a scream when he made his way out of the fight, and possibly...

...to me.

My senses kicked into hyperdrive as I tried to reach my phone, hoping to call Changjo-yah, since I know I couldn't call my brothers who are unaware that I am in this mess. I couldn't risk letting my brothers know that I'm spying on them, and that I am in grave danger right now. Fear was invading me already, and I scrambled to reach my phone. I huffed a sigh of relief when the smooth sufrace of the object came in contact with my fingers.

But then I instantaneously remembered that I don't have Changjo-yah's phone number.

I am scared out of my wits.

A shrill cry echoed from my frame when I heard a loud bang on the door, which I was sure was the familiar but dangerous man. I tried to calm myself, but in these moments of desperation, I knew of nothing else to hold back my sanity. I had no one to turn to but myself, and I have not anything that could hide me from the sight of the coming danger, I couldn't just squeeze myself in a corner here in this room, for there isn't any that I could fit into.

I suddenly remembered the small silver object I had in my pocket right now. The object that guaranteed me safety, but guaranteed others a lost life. I took it from its case back home knowing that somehow, somewhere, I'll have a use for it. Now, I know why my mind has been asking me to take that object. I would need it to defend myself.

I gripped the gun in my pocket and huffed a deep breath, waiting for the inevitable.

If I can't get out of his reach, I'll have to kill him.

= = =

My heartbeats were the only things I heard inside the VIP room, all else is engulfed by silence.

The first bang on the door was followed by two more, before it stopped completely. In the next moment, I tried not to breathe loudly as I tried to predict what would happen next. In the silence that treatened to engulf even me, I whispered a little prayer, asking for my safety or for a peaceful death if it was my time to go already.

My prayer was interrupted by a bang. But not of the door.

A gun.

The next events that came after that would be like a blur to others because of how fast it happened, but everything occured in perfect clarity to me.

The doorknob of the VIP room became dislocated from its socket, and the door opened. At the doorframe, there stood the same man I saw earlier. But as the door of the room parted from its frame completely, the gate of my memories opened too...

...and I found the piece that I was looking for.

The late walk I had about four months ago when I came home late from school.

The three minutes of fear as he followed my steps.

The shrill cry I gave before running at full speed towards the nearest part of the main road to ride a bus.

The one face that registered in my head as the one who is following me.

And most importantly, his uniform of an all-boys school across mine...

...with the nametag reading Kim Jongin.

I took out the gun and pointed it at the man who stood proudly, smirking at me. My hands were shaking as I tried to keep my eyes focused on him. Our gaze were holding each other's when he began to take slow but sure steps towards me. I knew that he was going to pounce on me sooner or later, and wondered how I could divert his attention so that I could escape.

When he was just about an arm's length away from me, I figured out what I should do.

I shakily turned the gun towards the window and pulled the trigger, sending shards of glass towards the ground below, and shouted.

"Changjo-yah! Help!"

I'm pretty sure that Changjo-yah heard it because above the noise, I heard his familiar voice echo in the distance. Continuous gunshots can be heard below, and I'm pretty sure that it is Changjo-yah making his way to me from the battlegrounds below.

"You bastard! Stay away from my girlfriend!" His voice echoed once more throughout the battleground amidst the noise of men struggling against each others' grasp.

I looked slyly at Jongin-sshi, before pointing my gun at his surprised expression. He was stunned and practically glued to his spot. I know I have caught him off guard, and I made him believe that I know what's going to happen, showing that I'm not afraid to call for help if I need it.

I might be acting really strong right now in front of this young man, but I can assure you...

... I'm gripped by unimaginable fear right now.