21. Invitis Scientia

 

Invitis Scientia: "Unwanted Knowledge"

 

 

 

"Now that I'm bruised, battered, and broken..."

 

 

The invitis scientia has her at wit's end.

 

 

"... will there be a place that I can belong to?"

 

 

 

= = = Soundtrack: SHINee - Better = = =

 

Tock. Tock. Tock.

 

The soft clicking of my heels against the pavement was the only sound I kept hearing as I made my way from Club Mirage towards the public road, hoping to catch a bus.

 

No matter how much distance I place between myself and Chanho Opp--sshi, I couldn't help but clutch at my chest due to the impairing pain in my heart. I've never expected anything like this in my entire life. I thought I already had a good future ahead of me, a proper name, a dependable family, and a reputation built.

 

But everything was just a lie.

 

Who am I really, then?

 

My steps increased in pace as I saw the bus stop in the distance, and a bus waiting for passengers at its bay. Fortunately, I had arrived there in time and had a chance to board the vehicle. I've searched the pockets of my pants for some money, and I smiled when I realized that it's just enough for two bus rides.

 

Once I've found a spot to sit on, which was beside a window, I looked at the moving scenery through the glass and sighed.

 

It's been quite a while since I last rode public transportation. Most of the time, Taemin-ah drives me to the place where I wanted to go to. That's why I'm trying to get used again to the feeling of once again riding things like this.

 

Taemin-ah...

 

How would he react when he discovers that I'm not the girl he thinks he is?

 

Would he still think of me the same way even if I'm not really the Song Sister he termed me as?

 

Another sigh escaped my lips as I continued to let my mind wander. But it was cut short by a comment from someone who had just taken a place beside me. An old lady.

 

"Young lady, you shouldn't sigh so often. Happiness goes farther from you everytime you breathe a sigh." She told me, and I looked at her with a smile.

 

"Happiness is already far from my grasp, Madam. Any distance that adds to it would only be trivial." I jokingly replied to her, keeping a smirk at bay, but when she held on to one of my hands with a grip that felt like a mother's [I can say this even if I never held my mother's hand's before... that is if I ACTUALLY have a mother.] hold on her child's, my smile disappeared.

 

"You know, child, when you're this age already, you learn that when the distance that separates you from happiness increases, no matter how small it does, it is no trivial thing. Happiness and contentment can determine your outlook on life and death for the rest of your life, remember that child." She said in a calming tone, before letting go of my hand. 

 

I never really understood what she said, though. I guess it's too deep to comprehend for me right now. Maybe when I grow a bit older, then I'd be able to get it.

 

I saw my stop in the short distance, so I bade her goodbye before exiting the vehicle.

 

Now I would just have to walk for a bit, then I'm pretty sure I could see my--- I mean, the Songs' house shortly.

 

= = =

 

"Here I am." I whispered to myself as I stood face-to-face with the house gate of the place I once called home. I saw from here that the lights weren't open, so I presumed that nobody is in the house premises.

 

Reaching out for my house keys seemed a hard task, I felt, for the first time in my life. When I finally got hold of it, I hesitantly inserted the gate-key into its hole.

 

Not long after that, I found myself viewing the sights of my room, where I entered with careful steps. Ever since that moment that Chanho-sshi revealed to me that I wasn't his real sister, I had immediately shifted my perspective, and I looked at the house as if I am an outsider. But I guess I AM going to be, after I leave this house for the final time.

 

Yes. I'm deciding to leave this house for good.

 

Going to my closet, I took my time in selecting my most favorite outfits, making sure that I chose at least one set of formal wear and one set of house clothes, which I'll bring with me. I also took a few undergarments, a pair of each kind just to be sure. When I had finally settled the garments, I laid them all on top of the sheets before getting my travel bag from under my bed.

 

I then began packing.

 

After the clothes, I went to my vanity table and picked my accesories and other things to bring, like a set of toiletries which I had stored in the third drawer when I last went shopping. I took it from its storage and continued with choosing and bringing the things that, I believe, will be useful to me. I chose the shoes next, and when I felt okay with the things that I've chosen, I breathed out another sigh.

 

I dared to look at my reflection from the mirror of the vanity table...

 

...and saw that my cheeks were stained with fresh tears.

 

Despite the nagging feeling inside me to just forget about what had happened tonight, I know I wouldn't be able to last inside here after everything. I had to leave, if I was to keep my sanity.

 

When I had finished packing, I took one last look at all the rooms in the house.

 

Chanho---sh----sshi's room still looked like how it is, a room for a young man. Seunghyun Oppa's, I mean Seunghyun-sshi's room, looked as regal as always. The house office... was as western styled as it was when I entered it to read the brotherhood's history book.

 

Everything is the same, and everything will still be the same when I leave... I'm sure of it.

 

It's going to be the same house, but only with one less person living in it.

 

I trudged down the steps of the stairs with my travel bag in hand, huffing breaths as I managed to bring all of my stuff down.

 

I was going to open the door to go out, when it opened...

 

...revealing Seunghyun Opp--sshi behind it.

 

"Shirin-ah... Where are you going... and why do you have your travel bag with you?" He asked me, confusion in his expression. I just looked at him straightly before breathing deeply.

 

"I already know the truth, Seunghyun-sshi... and I'm leaving."

 

= = =

 

"Are you okay, L.Joe Hyung?" Kai asked as he helped L.Joe into his car parked not far from the place where Shirin's revelation happened.

 

"Yeah. I'm okay. Or rather... I'll be okay. It's just the shock that I'm still trying to get over. You can go to the driver's side now. I'll let you drive." The subgroup leader said in response, and the second-in-command proceeded to enter the driver's car door and bringing the engine to life.

 

As they sped away, Kai found himself gripping the steering wheel and asking his bruised colleague a question.

 

"Who is Shiyeon-sshi, L.Joe Hyung?"

 

For a few moments, L.Joe's expression darkened and silence overtook the atmosphere of the car. Kai kept waiting for his hyung's answer. He thought that he wouldn't give anything away and decided to give up and let it slide.

 

But that was when L.Joe huffed a sigh and started talking.

 

"Song Shiyeon was my childhood friend. We were playmates back in the old days. She and I were classmates during kindergarten and for a while, I actually had a crush on her. She was a really sweet kid, truth be told. She would always give me a part of her snacks during recess, and she'd usually come to me whenever I felt down about my grades or test scores and stuff. She was way out of my league, even for a pre-schooler, but she still stuck with me."

 

"If she's that kind of a person, then why did you... kill her?" Kai hesitantly prodded him, and this time, the silence was much shorter before L.Joe continued his story.

 

"I guess it was envy. I got envious of all she had. She had a family, brothers, material possesions, nice clothes, and a circle of friends. I never had any of those. I was a poor kid, and I grew up with divorced parents with not one of them wanting for my custody. I didn't even have sharpened pencils or a box of complete crayons, and all the people who come close to me would just brand me as the unlucky child and the bad kid. I pushed her off the stairs one day after classes when I couldn't take it any longer... she died the instant she reached the foot of the darned thing."

 

Kai kept silent as he comprehended his colleague's tale.

 

If Song Seunghyun and Song Chanho were real brothers of a Song Shiyeon, then where did a Song Shirin come from? She's not a true Song Sibling, so what is she, then? A Lee? A Kim like him or a Jung perhaps? And in the first place... where could the Song brothers have taken her from?

 

"Kai-yah, let's go back to the group meet-house. I told Myungsoo Hyung that I'll be reporting to him about what I saw when I got to Club Mirage." L.Joe instructed, and Kai gripped the steering wheel even more as they began their trip to the SkullBeaters' meeting house.

 

= = =

 

"You can't just leave, Shirin-ah!" Seunghyun-sshi exclaimed, taking a hold of my hand which held the travel bag.

 

"How can I NOT just leave, Seunghyun Oppa?! I mean... Seunghyun-sshi! I am not a real Song anyways, so I don't have any reason nor right to stay in this house! Just let go of my bag, please..." I complained, brushing off Seunghyun-sshi's hand from my bag and pulling it down the walk towards the gate.

 

"Shirin-ah, we can just start over again..." He told me, but I shook my head. I'm not a fool to believe that all of this would be fixed by just starting over.

 

"No, we can't, Seunghyun-sshi. I don't know about how you would think of it if you're in my position, but I would want nothing related to an identity that isn't mine." I stated with finality before walking away from Song Seunghyun, the Songs' House, and to all I thought I actually am.

 

After a few minutes of walking, I found myself in the neighborhood park, practically devoid of people. I guess it's not so uncanny because it's already nighttime. Nobody would want to risk their lives in the hands of robbers or gang members looking for trouble.

 

Huh. Funny, I am a gang member, a substitute leader even.

 

But wait. That was the Song Sister, not me.

 

A bitter chuckle escaped from my lips as I continued to walk, letting my feet lead me anywhere.

 

But even before I could move, bright headlights almost blinded me, and through the bright illumination, I saw a man getting out of the car.

 

"Going somewhere, Shirin-ah?"

 

He was there with an understanding smile on his face, and with a little cocking of his head to the side, he silently offered me to come with him.

 

"Kaja. One of the places that the SkullBeaters own is actually not far from here. Stay there for the night."

 

= = = = = = 

Important Note:

 

Thank you for subscribing to my story Pandaboo! I hope you liked the story so far. =] <333

 

Also, here are the last two parts of my Kris 5-part shot: