October 28

Life is getting harder and harder everyday. Our new apartment is too small for two people and there is no bed so Hyoyeon and I have to sleep on the floor. We usually sleep side by side, it makes us feel safer and it’s a lot warmer that way too. We don’t see each other much these days, as Hyoyeon has two jobs and Kyuhyun often keeps me in the office until late. Even those rare times that we meet at the house we just go straight to bed.

After Tiffany’s capture there are a lot of rumors going around about a revolution. I heard yesterday that Golden Dawn is preparing an attack to the city and the other day somebody told me that they are gathering weapons as we speak. I don’t know if I should believe these rumors. It is also said that there have been many assassination attempts against Kyuhyun but I know first-hand that they are lies. Kyuhyun is perfectly fine, like he has always been.

What is true is the fact that although on the surface everything seems the same, in reality the society is preparing for a big change. Hundreds of people disappear everyday never to be seen again and ever since Siwon got his wish of heavier taxes many have no other choice but to commit suicide.

Three days ago I was escorting Kyuhyun to the car waiting for him in front of the Parliament House when an old man started firing a gun in the middle of the Red Square. He wasn’t aiming at us but still Kyuhyun immediately covered me with his body while the Disciplinary Squad tried to catch the old man. He killed himself before they reached him.

Even though it was already safe, Kyuhyun didn’t release me. He held me close, pressing my face on his chest to protect me from the sight. I didn’t see anything but I was close enough to smell the salty blood escaping the body of the man. The Disciplinary Squad led us back inside the building while one of them left to notify Yuri and Yoona of the incident.

Other than that, Kyuhyun has never come face to face with the problems that torment the common people. Yesterday he came in the office unusually happy. He told me that I had to meet Maggie and dragged me along with him all the way to his mansion. I thought that Maggie was somebody important, like a president of a company or one of Seohyun’s rich friends but it turns out Maggie is just his new puppy.

He was so happy when he brought her outside that even I couldn’t help it but smile with him. Maggie is a perfect small Husky, so unimaginably adorable that everybody loves her. Not that I don’t like dogs but I couldn’t see how it was my job to meet Maggie.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s part of your job to follow me around when I tell you to and right now I want to take Maggie for a walk” Kyuhyun answered when I asked him. He proceeded to call his driver and tell him to take us to the Royal Gardens.

I looked at him bewildered when I heard him say that. “It’s only a ten minute walk from here!” I pointed out but he ignored me. Apparently his precious Maggie is too young to walk that distance and still have strength to play with him in the gardens.

The rest of the day was spent in the Royal Gardens. I was sitting underneath a tree watching Kyuhyun play fetch with Maggie and trying to train her. I never thought that I would see the great Prime Minister ran around the park chasing and being chased by a tiny puppy like a child. He seemed so genuinely happy and innocent that it made me question my feelings for him.

I mean, he has always been more than nice to me. How can somebody who loves animals so much, somebody who gets excited just looking at a puppy waving its tail, somebody who thought about my safety before his, somebody who always makes fair decision be as much of an evil bastard as I imagine him to be? Even when he was threatening Jessica, if everything they said about Golden Dawn is true and Jessica really was working with them, then wasn’t him just protecting the citizens?

He is a smart and dedicated person. No matter how much I try I can’t see the flaws I want to see. He is not insensitive and he is not completely closed in his small world to the point that he doesn’t see the citizens’ problems.

Maybe I was wrong about him? I want to ask Hyoyeon her opinion but I know she will never understand. She doesn’t know him the way I do. Lately she has her own problems to deal with. Nicole is still stalking us and especially Hyoyeon. I don’t know why she doesn’t target me so much anymore, maybe because she knows that I work for Kyuhyun and that is enough for her to put all the blame on Hyoyeon for Narsha.

The problem is what happened to Narsha is not Hyoeon’s fault or mine. I don’t know what she did, but she must have pissed off somebody with power. There is no way she was involved with the revolution, I can guarantee for that, so the only reason left is that she said or did something that she shouldn’t to a person that had enough power to silence her forever.

Even without Nicole breathing down my neck I still feel uneasy whenever I walk outside the house. I can feel somebody’s eyes piercing through me every time I’m outside. I have this crazy feeling that somebody is following me but whenever I turn to look behind me there is nobody there. It gets worse as time goes by. I have become a lot more careful, I do only what Kyuhyun wants me to do and then go straight back home.

The only exceptions to this rule are the times I visited Jessica.  She is still happy to see me and her office is the only place I feel truly safe. The House of Parliament is always filled with members of the Disciplinary Squad and the house is watched by Nicole. On the other hand, Jessica’s office is a familiar place where I know most of the employees.

I tried asking Jessica about the disappearances. She stiffened when I brought that subject up.

“Why do you ask?” was her first response.

“I knew a couple of people who disappeared” I answered truthfully.

“Were they important to you?” she asked avoiding my eyes.

I knew that she wasn’t going to answer if I didn’t give her a good enough reason. “A girl that I used to be roommates with in the orphanage. I don’t think you remember her, she came after you were adopted” I pause and prepare to hit Jessica in her only soft spot – her love for her sister “my younger sister disappeared too”

She looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. She was sad and upset, I could see that, but she was still hesitating. “I’m sorry for your sister Sunny. But I really can’t say much. I can tell you that though, whoever disappears never makes it to jail. Almost all of them die in the next few hours”  she told me.

I felt my heart break. All this time I knew it deep down inside me but as long as I wasn’t sure I could still keep hoping.

Hyomin, my baby sister, is dead; she was dead only a few hours after I saw her for the last time, a few hours after I hugged her. She died with the image of me showing my weak side still fresh in her memory. I wanted to believe that maybe she was taken to jail, that maybe I would see her one day and that I could finally be the older sister she deserved. But everything was shuttered and destroyed by a couple of Jessica’s words.

I cried a lot that day. Jessica stayed with me, like I had done for her a few weeks ago. It’s been only a few weeks but to me it feels like years. My life has changed so much.

I promised myself that that was the last time I cried. I have to become stronger. I will become stronger.

~ ~ ~ ~

I'm sorry I know this is late and it's a pretty crappy chapter in my opinion but my finals started. 

I'm super busy these days but I should be able to start updating more often after May. In June I have only easy subjects.

Just don't expect more than one chapter a week (maybe two if I have enough time) untill mid-June.

Yes you read that right people. My exams started this week and end 22 of June. I'll just go and die.